HELP!! (advice needed)

[scorpionldr]

So let me begin with I NEED OUT OF THIS GODDAMN BOX OR I'LL GO INSANE!!!!
now that i've had my short outburst, I need A LOT of help in forming a relationship on my college campus, step-by-step. to start off with, here's a little bit of my history....I've been single all my life, and i've prettymuch always felt alone. I'm a 21 year-old transfer Junior (i went to community college) majoring in music education. i play sax (bari, alto, soprano), Bass guitar, and a bit of piano. I'm reasonably outgoing, and I have a lot of confidence when I talk to girls, but nothing seems to budge as far as meeting "the one" or whatever. When I was younger (10 or 11) I had been developing a tickling fetish (however i just thought i was wierd) and by 17 I confirmed I had a tickling fetish when i experienced watching my first clip. my luck in relationships has always been below average (i don't even think i can say i dated) and I never really thought I could fit into a group and still don't think i could. for the past month since school started I've been habitually drinking myself to sleep/getting drunk for the hell of it (never really did drink much before/I find myself to be happier altogether when i am intoxicated), to the extent that some of my own dorm neighbors think I am an alcoholic.
I am ABSOLUTELY SICK of being alone. outside of my family i have had little to no physical contact with any girls ever. I dont really know what else to say other than I have lowered expectations for myself and if I see someone that I that makes any eye contact with me I will quickly greet them with a "Hi, what's up? what's your name? I'm jim" and hope for the best. hope you guys can help......i'm almost always online so just ask whatever questions you need. I might show a pic on myspace later on. you could probably expect one more post of mine telling a scenario that I have later tonight

 

[Mephistopheles]

If you're not sure whether you can get a girl or not people notice that and that surely doesn't make you attractive.

 

[Myriads]

It sounds as if you have no approach pronblems, and can more then hold up your side of the conversation. You have a backghround in music, so there is a wealth of topics you can play off of. But do you ask folks out on dates?

Make eye contact >>> you get a positive response so:
Introduce yourself >>> She smiles and provides her name so:
Talk for a while >>> You both seem to enjoy the talk so:

Ask her out.

After that then you can work your way through the maze to possible physical stuff happening. But that really can't be the focus of you interactive desire right now. You need to focus on building relationships, and work on from there. In time the rest comes.

Myriads

 

[steph]

That can be a kind of rough age. You're not a kid and barely an adult. You have a lot of great interests and Myr is right, the rest will come, beleive it or not. What's great about college is there is so much to do~keep busy! Go to parties, attend events, check out some of groups on campus. Why do I say stay busy? A) It gets you out of your own head and B) When you look like you're having fun, that's always attractive. And remember, a lot of girls around this age still have some huge issues. Be patient. They get better with age, like wine! In a few years you'll look back and laugh at your uncertainty~we all were there once. I promise, it gets better~you'll find your way...😉
XOXO

 

[scorpionldr]

well as i said, i'd have to say something later tonight. so lately my charm hasn't been working....I met a few girls when i first came because they seemed friendly and caring...just the opposite was what i learned. then this past wednesday i thought about my neighbor (Melissa) and fell for her because she seemed pretty caring and always seemed a little thrilled to see me. so i asked what was goin on friday to which i heard party. so myself and a friend (we both had a bit before we) came in to the same party with her (it was on the floor below me) and as soon as we get in the door, ALL OF A SUDDEN it seems as if we've never met (not even talking). I'm not sure tho cuz it was the night before her b-day so maybe i was expecting too much. i mean i was surprized ot see that someone who i thought i was buddy buddy with and was always friendly, just got into a door and immediately didn't really pay much (if any) attention to me. naturally, i'm buzzed already, and for some reason the crowd i'm around doesn't seem to friendly, i don't know why. 2 or 3 cups of sangria later, i'm drunk. not falling asleep drunk, just completely DRUNK STUPID ASSHOLE DRUNK. i literally took a good ten minutes while i was there to admire the fact that i could now slap myself in teh face and feel no pain. needless to say, i had to leave early.
the next morning, i stumble out of bed (still feeling the alcohol) to breakfast and come back. oddly enough i'm seeing the same people and i naturally apologized for being a drunk ass, and everyone seemed to shrug it off (including Melissa).

now i question, have i lost anything here? is it regainable? what can i do and how can i do it? should i wait to talk again with her?

 

[steph]

Well almost everything is "regainable." Chances are, they had probably been drinking too and didn't even notice your condition. Now, drinking too much in that situation is totally understandable, (you're a little nervous) but probably not the best idea. Have one or two to loosen up and then sit back and watch everyone else make fools out of themselves...Like I said, girls that age tend to have issues. Be civil to her, but cool, if she's worth your friendship, she'll come round soon enough...
XOXO

 

[scorpionldr]

ok. i was thinking maybe i'd want to give her a break and just not really talk much for a week. seems smart

 

[steph]

I think so too.
XOXO

 

[jim66e]

My best advice would be to stop trying. Not in the negative apathetic way, but don't make building a romantic relationship your focus. In my experience (I'm also a junior in college) Working with the goal of a realationship doesn't turn out well. Personally I've never gotten a girlfriend when I was working on getting one, that just happened after I stopped. Instead I would focus on building friendships and going to lots of activites as has been sugested. Then you are having fun and relationships can form naturally instead of being forced.

 

[scorpionldr]

My best advice would be to stop trying. Not in the negative apathetic way, but don't make building a romantic relationship your focus. In my experience (I'm also a junior in college) Working with the goal of a realationship doesn't turn out well. Personally I've never gotten a girlfriend when I was working on getting one, that just happened after I stopped. Instead I would focus on building friendships and going to lots of activites as has been sugested. Then you are having fun and relationships can form naturally instead of being forced.

i also hear avoiding eye contact and staring at the floor helps with picking girls up lol.
I'm just not good with keeping things outta my head to be able to start those relationships. too desperate.

 

[jim66e]

i also hear avoiding eye contact and staring at the floor helps with picking girls up lol.
I'm just not good with keeping things outta my head to be able to start those relationships. too desperate.

Sadly desperate doesn't seem to work well. Besides, friendships are better than realtionships. They last longer, allow for more fun and less issues. And while you are out making friendships, that extra specal friendship that develops into a relationship might happen.

 

[Sunday_10pm]

ok firstly, forget about your fetish for the moment. Secondly, you ARE an alcoholic, even if you're not far gone. Stop NOW.

And now the imortant part. YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF. But it's hard. I know people who have gone from being in a situation like yours to having everything they wanted. And don't say "yea but that was them, and this is me" I'm telling you they were completely and utterly socially inept and very shy/anxious and have changed themselves. You end up with anxiety problems etc. from bad experiences from your youth onwards. You didn't have them as a child, noone does. They are things that get engrained, and there are ways to un-engrain them.

Now, alot of people will tell you to "be yourself" and so on, but how exactly is "being yourself" going to work if you are at a point of utter desperation and what you really want to do most is cling onto a girl as soon as you meet her and not let go? You need help and well done for realising it and asking for it.

Get yahoo messanger and add me < [email protected] > and i'll give you all the info you need to turn it around.

 

[scorpionldr]

ok firstly, forget about your fetish for the moment. Secondly, you ARE an alcoholic, even if you're not far gone. Stop NOW.

And now the imortant part. YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF. But it's hard. I know people who have gone from being in a situation like yours to having everything they wanted. And don't say "yea but that was them, and this is me" I'm telling you they were completely and utterly socially inept and very shy/anxious and have changed themselves. You end up with anxiety problems etc. from bad experiences from your youth onwards. You didn't have them as a child, noone does. They are things that get engrained, and there are ways to un-engrain them.

Now, alot of people will tell you to "be yourself" and so on, but how exactly is "being yourself" going to work if you are at a point of utter desperation and what you really want to do most is cling onto a girl as soon as you meet her and not let go? You need help and well done for realising it and asking for it.

Get yahoo messanger and add me < [email protected] > and i'll give you all the info you need to turn it around.

okay first off, when did i mention tickling anywhere in this thread? the definition of an alcoholic is a person that cannot go on without a drink. I am a DRUNK. Sure I'll drink in the morning, but that's because I've ran out of water in the fridge. I might just add you to talk, but please try and read a little better.....
things are better now....i'm still plotting a little bit, but i just know now that everyone's happy

 

[scorpionldr]

AND FINALLY it all came back to bite me in the ass....

okay first off, when did i mention tickling anywhere in this thread? the definition of an alcoholic is a person that cannot go on without a drink. I am a DRUNK. Sure I'll drink in the morning, but that's because I've ran out of water in the fridge. I might just add you to talk, but please try and read a little better.....
things are better now....i'm still plotting a little bit, but i just know now that everyone's happy

well this week I gave up, went to a party (which she later attended ) got drunk untintentionally (let's just say that Like the last time, I got a little in me before I came, and then was dared to do three shots of "beefeater" gin in under 5 mins), and passed out. supposedly the same girl i gave up on had come to visit me only to find me passed out. what should i say??

 

[Wildtime]

You need help, and no one here can help you. In the six posts of this thread, you've mentioned your problem with alcohol in four of them. If you believe this is the root of your problem, THEN SEEK HELP!!! Although I'm not a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I do know the first step in recovering is to acknowlege that you have a problem. You're beginning to realize your drinking problem, but you aren't able to connect the fact that your drinking is affecting your social life. Melissa cared enough to check up on you and you blew it. Alcohol is only compounding your problem with how people perceive you.

Sunday_10pm has offered help and I suggest you take it. If your social life is in shambles, I can't even imagine your academic standing right now. Help yourself, and maybe we can help you.

 

[scorpionldr]

You need help, and no one here can help you. In the six posts of this thread, you've mentioned your problem with alcohol in four of them. If you believe this is the root of your problem, THEN SEEK HELP!!! Although I'm not a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I do know the first step in recovering is to acknowlege that you have a problem. You're beginning to realize your drinking problem, but you aren't able to connect the fact that your drinking is affecting your social life. Melissa cared enough to check up on you and you blew it. Alcohol is only compounding your problem with how people perceive you.

Sunday_10pm has offered help and I suggest you take it. If your social life is in shambles, I can't even imagine your academic standing right now. Help yourself, and maybe we can help you.

Yea, I'm beginning to realize that I'm more susceptable to drinking (since I never really drank alot in the home to avoid difficult conversations with my parents) and cuz I'm depressed with my social life I decide to drink as a refuge to drowning out worries and pain...in a social setting I just lose all common sense.....my academic standing is currently "on two feet", but hell, i have a half a semester for improvement left. Recently I decided to talk to Melissa again about hanging out (she's a pretty busy girl but said the next time she has available she'll hang out) and apoligized for my lack of sobriety in the events she's seen me at, and more or less promised I'd keep myself in check. I realize I have blown a chance that she took on me. Right now all I can hope for is to salvage some of what I lost, and since she's pretty cool with what I did (after all I heard all this stuff about her checking on me by my roommate, and he could just be Bulls****ing with me) just try and keep alcohol as far from something i depend on as possible. Not that I'm going to stop completely, but i'm going to excercise my life according to the quote of a wize man: everything in moderation.

 

[Wildtime]

Here's an idea...lay off the booze for a month and let Melissa see you for who you really are. Get to know her, and let her know the real you. She may be keeping herself intentionally busy because she is unsure of the way things are going between you and her, and may want an 'escape route' should things not work out.

Give it a whirl, and if things don't work out then just treat it as a learning experience. Practice makes perfect, and the more experience you gain from asking out women, the more confident you'll become. However, I'm hoping that you and Melissa hit it off, so I wish you the best of luck.

 

[scorpionldr]

Here's an idea...lay off the booze for a month and let Melissa see you for who you really are. Get to know her, and let her know the real you. She may be keeping herself intentionally busy because she is unsure of the way things are going between you and her, and may want an 'escape route' should things not work out.

Give it a whirl, and if things don't work out then just treat it as a learning experience. Practice makes perfect, and the more experience you gain from asking out women, the more confident you'll become. However, I'm hoping that you and Melissa hit it off, so I wish you the best of luck.

thanx. i'm pretty sure she was sincere about being busy (she's applying for a sorority, dealign with midterms and auditioning for the music department in addition to being sick), and i'm keeping things in moderation. drinking plenty of water (after all the alcohol i'd imagine my system is dry) . as for her, i'm keeping my distance and talking to her a bit, but essentially giving a lot of space.