I am aware that male lees are a rarity but I often find myself conflicted on how I should feel being one. On occasion I feel embarrassed at the thought of wanting to be tickled. I am often stoic when in front of people and avoid laughing to maintain a professional facade but I always have the constant thought in the back of my mind that Iād break down laughing or breathe intensely at the first touch.
Even worse, I do MMA (mixed martial arts) and occasionally whenever I am touched in a āsweet spotā I get infuriated and tell myself to get it together in my own head. Like FFS donāt let anybody see me please! Lol
Itās honestly so embarrassing and I just UGH, at the thought. What do you guys think i should do or how I should feel. Just looking to start a conversation I guess XD
While I'd say male lees are less common than female lees, I'd hesitate to use the word rare. What I've observed is that there are many more out there, but often feel less comfortable talking about it in the wider community. I'm sure part of that is because of the same feeling of being a rarity (read: weird/unusual).
This is not perfectly related, but it reminds me of the perception of the distribution of introverts and extraverts. A lot of introverts feel that there are so many more extraverts and feel out of place, but it's largely a bias of the personality. Extraverts are more likely to make themselves known and be out and about. Intraverts are more often going to be avoiding others more and are more likely to be home reading a book or whatever. So there are many more introverts than sometimes assumed.
I enjoy being a lee and ler about equally. For me, I feel shy and embarrassed about both sides, as I believe many in our community do. On the whole, tickling as a fixation seems to be pretty rare itself, so I suspect part of your embarrassment is attributable to that. Also for me, some of the masculine elements to my personality feel in contest with my enjoyment of being tickled, which can leave me feeling uncertain, shy, or vulnerable in a way that is hard to reconcile. It's not wrong, and I don't feel shameāI just have to be in the right environment and head space to allow that part of my personality to come out. Maybe some of that resonates with you.
One more thought I have for you is that I feel we should respect the experience we call embarrassment. I think that for all the negative perceptions of it, it comes to our rescue more times than we give it credit. But also, it can be just a really good indicator of those things we feel intimately attached to and value the deepest. For some, that sense of embarrassment gives tickling some of its spark and power, highlighting vulnerability, sensitivity, and desire. Embarrassment often calibrates itself over time with more experience and exposure. If, on the other hand, what you are experiencing is shame, that probably needs to be addressed and with more intention.
