Maybe it's because I've had the opposite experience but I disagree with this. I'm currently doing the opposite.. I just got out of a year long relationship with a wonderful person who wasn't into tickling as a kink. She would endulge me, sure, but it was never enough, and at a certain point I realized I liked being with this person but resented the lack of sexual fulfillment that tickling brings me. Oh, and she was strictly monogamous so as long as I was with her there was absolutely no chance of getting what I wanted. And it wasn't just her.. I had been doing this for years, with the same results - being with people who find it fun but nowhere near on the level that I do, feeling sexually unsatisfied, blah blah blah... it just all sucks.
So when this previous relationship ended, I said "fuck it.. I'm gonna find someone who likes what I like, dammit!" because I can only take so much of this being sexually unfulfilled in a relationship thing.
I mean.. if you can end a relationship the minute you realize that this person isn't going to be able to fulfill your desires, then I guess do that.. but I was never so great about it. I'd end up with an otherwise totally wonderful person and then feel selfish trying to end it over that, and then I'd stay with them anyway. So.. that's on me I guess. But I can't do it anymore..
Anyway.. also want to address OP directly here. I've been there. I've accepted that whole "universe I'm not allowed to be a part of" thing. And I still struggle with it, I still feel especially invisible in the community sometimes.. but I'm gonna tell you something: it's not true. But also, you can't expect that universe to suck you into it, you have to force your way into it. Whatever advice you took, take it 10x more seriously. Whatever communities you're in, be (more?) active in them! my problem was always that I expected the community to embrace me, but it's the other way around.. you have to embrace the community, and then you might get something out of it (because honestly, nothing is ever guaranteed, except that if you do nothing you'll get nothing).
And I mean.. you live in NYC. I'm kinda sitting here scratching my head on that one, to be honest. You have a million more options than someone like me living in a rural, conservative fuckscape does.. so, find them and utilize them!
You just have to put yourself out there, hope for the best but expect the worst, and keep trying until something happens!