I just want to tell you....

[featherfingers]

Hi, Kis!
You spelled 'narcissistic' correctly. After being told one too many times that I was like that, I looked up the word each time and now I've got the spelling memorized.

Don't feel bad about being a late bloomer. I'm not exactly a teeny bopper and I've really got no concrete plans about my future if my business doesn't work out. After listening to my "Byrds" CD's last night, I was inspired to pick up my bass and join a band... or form my own.

I hope you help as many troubled youth as is humanly possible. Who knows, with your assistance you may be unknowingly shaping the life of the future President of the USA, or that of a great musician, etc. The rewards of helping turn someone's life around are far greater than any amount of money you earn while doing that.

I'll see you later, Kis. Keep up the good work and think positive!

 

[kis123]

Hi, Kis!
You spelled 'narcissistic' correctly. After being told one too many times that I was like that, I looked up the word each time and now I've got the spelling memorized.

How on earth can someone describe you as narcissistic? You are the most selfless individual I have ever encountered. You give astromically more than you receive. You have been a staple for me long before you realized how important you have been in my life. Any woman who doesn't respect you as a gentleman of the utmost now has kis to deal with!!!!! FF, you're a good man who needs a good woman who can see beyond the superficial and get to the heart of the matter.

I now have a chocolate bread in the oven (Atkins) and I'm looking forward to the results. I hope it's good, but if it isn't, it'll go in the trash!!!!!I wish you a fond farewell for the night and look forward to tomorrow.........

 

[steph]

Darling girl~
Nothing narcissistic about trying to change yourself and your life for the better~ "f" anyone who tells you anything different! With all you've been thru, you DESERVE this!!!!

XOXO

 

[kis123]

Hi, Kis!
You spelled 'narcissistic' correctly. After being told one too many times that I was like that, I looked up the word each time and now I've got the spelling memorized.

How on earth can someone describe you as narcissistic? You are the most selfless individual I have ever encountered. You give astromically more than you receive. You have been a staple for me long before you realized how important you have been in my life. Any woman who doesn't respect you as a gentleman of the utmost now has kis to deal with!!!!! FF, you're a good man who needs a good woman who can see beyond the superficial and get to the heart of the matter.

I now have a chocolate bread in the oven (Atkins) and I'm looking forward to the results. I hope it's good, but if it isn't, it'll go in the trash!!!!!I wish you a fond farewell for the night and look forward to tomorrow.........

 

[giantfan121262]

Darling girl~
Nothing narcissistic about trying to change yourself and your life for the better~ "f" anyone who tells you anything different! With all you've been thru, you DESERVE this!!!!

XOXO

You most certainly do and what you've been thru, it's almost like this is the way it should be.

Anybody who describes FF as narcissistic obviously dosen't know the first thing about what the word means.

 

[featherfingers]

How on earth can someone describe you as narcissistic? You are the most selfless individual I have ever encountered. You give astromically more than you receive. You have been a staple for me long before you realized how important you have been in my life. Any woman who doesn't respect you as a gentleman of the utmost now has kis to deal with!!!!! FF, you're a good man who needs a good woman who can see beyond the superficial and get to the heart of the matter!

Thanks, Kis & Giantfan!
I have a certain friend who is quick to point out my 'faults', apparently unaware that she possesses those same qualities to a higher degree. It's like a game of psychological ping pong. But it's not as bad as it used to be.

 

[kis123]

Thanks, Kis & Giantfan!
I have a certain friend who is quick to point out my 'faults', apparently unaware that she possesses those same qualities to a higher degree. It's like a game of psychological ping pong. But it's not as bad as it used to be.

With "friends" like that, who needs enemies? FF there are some people in this world who feel the need to befriend people they think are "lesser" than them so they can make themselves look good. This could be the case with your friend. Watch out for the signs and you'll begin to see what I mean.

Well, gotta run-I'm off to see the wizard until about 8pm! Gee, I can hardly wait for the fun to begin!!!!🙄

EVERYONE HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!😎 😎

 

[featherfingers]

Thanks for the advice, Kis! You have a great day, too! See you in the afternoon... that's when I'll be back, anyway.

 

[giantfan121262]

I just thought it was time to recycle this thread. I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

I spent my time with immediate family for the most part. On Thanksgiving day, we had it at my house. My in laws came over and had a nice time. I took my son to see Polar Express and we BOTH enjoyed the movie very much. This was a ploy to get me out of the house so Judy can cook her usual sumptious spread. The next two days I took the kids to my moms so she can get some face time as well

 

[kis123]

Thanksgiving was pretty much the same as always. My sister decides to play antisocial diva and not show up. She also decided that she doesn't have enough money to celebrate Christmas this year and she'll probably not show up to that either. I know she suffers from depression, but she really makes me sick when she does this. I have five sisters and three of them really get on my nerves with their drama.

I'm still looking for work and had better find some soon. I'm scratching and scraping to pay the rent. There's things like utilities, food, and gas money. Let's not mention Christmas this month which may not come until January or February.

I decided to put my scale away for awhile. I'm still exercising, but I haven't been eating right, and the scale shows it. Right now it's been 38lbs and really wanted to lose more. Did I mention that I really did something to hurt the back of my knee? It's hard as hell to walk, but when I exercise, the pain goes away for awhile, but comes right back as soon as I'm finished. The doctor continues to say it's arthritis, but I don't think so. Doctors make me sick-whenever they see a fat person come in, it's always the weight issue. If I was a size 2, they'd run tests and give me a proper diagnosis! This is just one more thing I'm stuck having to live with! I'm kinda frustrated about the whole thing. I don't want to follow some strict diet that will cause me to regain the weight back as soon as I come off of it. But Thanksgiving has thrown me off my course and I've lost an inch or two, but I'm not going to bother to look at my scale until year's end. I'll try some other eating plan in January-oh, did I mention that my birthday is in January?😡 😡 So much food, so little time!!!!

I graduate on December 15, but it seems bittersweet. I don't feel accomplished because I don't have a job. I'm too old to be unemployed and my friends and peers have done so much better. I gave up aspirations for my degree to raise my children, and I believe they are better off because I stayed with them and worked part-time. I spoke with the ex yesterday and told him why I refused to work full time. He was working 12-16 hrs/day. Who was going to stay home with the kids? My mother worked night shift so she could be home with us. I wanted the same for my kids, not a daycare center raising them. So instead of going for the big house and the BMW, I raised my kids until they got older. My son didn't tolerate adolescence at all and I couldn't work at all for almost two years before he went to the group home. I feel like I've lived in a fishbowl for the last twenty years and have missed out on a lot of life that I can never regain.

Well, I've got to get ready for another interview. Maybe this will be the one..........

Everyone have a good day!

 

[featherfingers]

Hi, Kis!
I hope you realize that I respect you a lot for being able to take care of your kids while at the same time studying and trying to find a good job. Don't compare yourself to your friends and peers...if they had to deal with the things you're dealing with, I'm sure they'd be struggling, too.

Good luck with today's interview and remember, we're hoping and praying that things go well for you.

Frankie

 

[giantfan121262]

Kis, I hope your job interview goes well also. We are, amd always have, been pulling for you. you've managed to come a long way. That is how you should gauge yourself, not where one of your peers are at. I bet they didn't have the obstacles you did. there is something to be said for that

 

[kis123]

Well, here's the story of my eventful day........

Because of my knee injury and the fact I can't work on Sundays (time conflicts with my son's group home activities) this job won't work out for me. I'm back to the drawing board-this time without chalk. I'm out of ideas and feel I'm going to be stuck unemployed for Christmas. What's worse, I need to get some money soon or things are going to get turned off. BTW, this isn't a pity party so I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. I'm sure I could've avoided these problems if I would've done things differently. But when you're in the eye of the storm, you only see the storm even when dry land is 10 feet away.

I didn't go to the gym today, but popped in my Leslie Sansone's "walk away the pounds" tape and did the 30min, 2mile walk to get out some serious aggression and depression. I still think that woman's a smiling sadist! But, it's a pretty good tape overall. I haven't been in much of a mood to go to the gym lately. I'm not sure why I've been in such a mood, but I use the workout tapes so I rarely miss exercise. I'm afraid if I stop the weight would just come flying back on. I've worked way too hard to allow that to happen again. There's a lot to be said about exercise even though I basically still hate it. I have no love for sweat, pain, and physical exertion.

BTW, I pulled the scale out so I can gauge for the next several weeks. I know the holidays are coming, plus my birthday is not long afterwards (cassata cake). But, I needed a reality check so I don't let the weight creep back up. Guess what? I'm now down 43lbs! How the heck about that? Do you know how I've been eating since Thanksgiving? My goodness, it's shameful I tell you!! I wonder how much further along I'd be if I would've been more faithful to a diet instead of eating like a grazing heifer?

Well, that's all for now (if this post isn't enough). I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I hope things are better for all of you-I wouldn't wish this on a dog! Hope to hear from you guys soon-you've been really helpful through these trying times and are probably the only reason I haven't jumped from my second floor porch.

 

[featherfingers]

Hi, Kis! I just wanted you to know that I read your last post and I don't quite know what to add to what's already been said. Just remember that all of us care about you and wish you the very best. Please continue posting updates and keep the faith.

 

[kis123]

Hi, Kis! I just wanted you to know that I read your last post and I don't quite know what to add to what's already been said. Just remember that all of us care about you and wish you the very best. Please continue posting updates and keep the faith.

I know everything's going to work out, I just wish I knew when! I'm doing what I'm supposed to do by aggressively looking for job opportunities where and whenever I can. I know that there are people going through a lot worse than I am, and my heart just goes out to them. I wish I could take every person that is struggling through hardship, give them a big hug, and fix whatever is broken in their lives. That would make me feel better even if it meant that my circumstances didn't change. Although I'm a little bummed out about my situation, I know I have plenty to be thankful and grateful for.

This time last year I was so depressed that I left school for 8 weeks to recover. I gained over 40 lbs, and I couldn't get off my couch. I was in tremendous pain and I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. But, look at me now-I've lost 43lbs, I still walk with a limp, but I'm walking and getting around to interviews and am a better mom to my kids by being emotionally available. If I was told I could be rich but had to live the same way I was this time last year, I'd turn it down flat!!!!

Well, it's another trip through the want ads, and I'll go to the temp agency tomorrow looking for work. I'm sure there's something out there that I can do to make some money soon.

Just keep those cards and letters (emails) coming! Maybe this week is the week I find some work.

 

[kis123]

Here is my latest tale of woe.....

My college graduation is Weds, Dec 15. I told my daughter over a month ago I expected her to attend. She never told her coach that she needed that time off. She's afraid that if she takes time to see her mother graduate from college, someone else will take her spot. Her father condones her not going to my graduation and told me that her "career" matters more than my graduation. I told both of them to f**k themselves!!!

One of the main reasons I am getting my degree more than twenty years post high school was I wanted to be available to raise my children. While my peers were obtaining their degrees and working 40-50 hrs/week, I stayed home and worked part-time for my kids. What is the thanks I get? My daughter is more concerned about if she'll lose her position if she spends two hours with me instead of playing a game. Her father doesn't give a rat's rear end about me, but tells me all the time he loves me. One helluva way to show it, right? They make me sick with the self-centered, self-absorbed narcicism (spell) and the sociopathic behavior. I've never seen anyone else so disrespectful in my life. I don't even want them there anymore because I don't want them thinking they owe me something or are doing me a favor. I have never kissed anyones' backside and I'm not about to start. My son and my sisters will be there and that'll have to do. Funny thing, my so-called daughter's birthday is the 16th, the day after my graduation!

I'm so upset with them, I almost don't know what to do! I exercised so much over the last couple of days, I can hardly move. I'm still waiting on the endorphins to kick in so I can feel better emotionally. It really hurts to get betrayed like this by my own flesh and blood. I will never forgive them for this as long as I live. I don't ask for much from people, but when I need you, I need you and expect you to come through. If you don't, then I basically just keep going until I don't see you anymore. I've done it with others, but never with my own family.

I just wanted you to know where I'm at so far. I haven't weighed myself in a couple of weeks. I can only imagine where I'm at right now since I haven't eaten much, but it's not something to celebrate. I'm about ready to quit because I'm simply tired and it really doesn't make any difference anyway. I have no job, and I've basically lost my daughter. I never should've let her live with her father. I was stupid and I'll regret that decision for the rest of my life. I HATE THIS TIME OF YEAR!!! Nothing good ever comes at this time for me..............🙁 🙁

 

[featherfingers]

Kis, my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry about your ex and your daughter's responses to your upcoming graduation. Don't hate them, though. Hate will only turn into a disease if you give in to it long enough.

Hindsight is 20/20. One day they'll look back on their behavior and regret it...and if by chance they don't, then maybe they are narcissistic, selfish people. The time may come when they want you for something and you won't be there for them...just don't stoop to their level. You're a better person than that.

One of my clients has a son-in-law who is pretty much a millionaire... he said that if he lost it all tomorrow, he would bag groceries or do whatever was necessary to put food on his table. For your own peace of mind, go to an employment agency and ask them to help you find a part-time job... it's free and at least you'll have some income to help you put food on the table.

Don't lose hope, Kis, okay? I'll keep you in my thoughts.

 

[giantfan121262]

Kis, I am so sorry to hear of the behavior of your daughter and even more disturbed to hear that your ex is condoning all this. Seeing how hard you worked to accomplish all that and not to get the support from your own kids is heartwrenching.

I keep saying that you have come such a long way and you should be an inspiration to them. Your kind words you have said to me have kept me focused to continue to do the tings that I have been doing. I have to admit that this time of year have been tough with all the goodies and all. I am keeping it all in prespective.

Keep the faith and enjoy your big day. You deserve it. I'm sure your daughter will regret this decision. Unfortunetely, I don't have much more to add that Frankie already said.

You will remiain in my thoughts.

 

[kis123]

FF, thank you for your thoughts.

I don't ask people for much. When I need you, I expect you to be there. If not, then I simply don't need to be bothered by your presence. I'm sick of always having to buck up and suck up to people period. I'm only asking for a couple of lousy hours in one lousy day. I don't care about her basketball "career" at all! I care about the two years I busted my behind to get through school. I care about sharing that experience with my family. Simply put, it's my day and I expect and demand that my family participate. At this point, I'm so frustrated and disgusted that I would have to beg and cajole (spell) people to share that with me. I have spent the last month trying to get excited about graduation, and now this from my own flesh and blood?????

I'm tired of being the butt end of everyones joke. I asked in advance and expect cooperation and nothing less. If they don't show up, I will NEVER forgive them ever, period. I don't ask for much..but when I need you, I expect you to be there, no questions asked, and no excuses, period!!!! There is no room for anything else. The book will be closed and I won't look back!! I have my reasons for the way I feel and I won't make any exceptions for anyone, especially my so called family who expects everything from me, and gives nothing in return. I have nothing inbetween. She'll have to choose and there are no compromises. That's it and that's that and it's all or nothing. I will not compromise this time. I'm not asking for much. If she and her father don't comply, they can remain together forever and forget they ever met me. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

I know this is far from what you're used to dealing with me over time. This is far away from my typical personality. I have been hurt beyond anything I could ever imagine and I won't put myself in this position ever again for ANYONE!!

As far as my own employment situation is concerned, I'm still unemployed. I've done all I know how to do. I'm out of ideas. I have no Christmas to give to my family and now I'm not sure if that makes any difference anyway...

I just want to be able to make the rent and the bills until I can do better. I may enter grad school in Jan or Feb, 2005. I'll see if that benefits me or not. If not, I'll try something else. In the interim, I really do hope for better times ahead. If not...........

 

[featherfingers]

Kis, if memory serves me well, and it should because I just reviewed the last few posts here, your college graduation happened four days ago. I'd like to hear how everything went and how things have been going for you since we last heard from you. Please keep in touch.

 

[kis123]

Your memory serves you right. I graduated Dec 15, and it can be best described as surreal. I knew in October that I had completed requirements. Then, they sent me paperwork. Shortly after that, they sent me my cap and gown, and I threw it in the closet. I picked up that cap and gown and drove back to the school. I saw the people I now consider friends for the first time in several weeks. We were all dressed relatively nicely and began to put on the cap and gown. I like wearing hairpieces and needed help with the cap. That was the point where everything hit me. A lady began giving us processional instructions. I watched her mouth move, but I didn't hear a thing. I went through the motions throughout most of the graduation. My son was there to cheer me on. He was my greatest cheerleader. He told my sister that he was proud of me-how the hell about that???

My daughter did not show up. I tried not to let it get to me, but one of the major reasons I pursued my degree, was to be an example to her. My son may get to college someday, but not right now. Part of this was for her so she could move onto adulthood without excuses. I love her, but I absolutely hate what she did. by not supporting her mother and not showing up, she forefits any chance of seriously patching things up. Some things do not get a second chance. Somethimes you only get one opportunity to do the right thing and make the right decision. If you mess up, you simply mess up and there's no fix up behind it. This is that type of situation. My daughter can't make this up to me, nor can she fix it. It's dead, over and done with. If she weren't my daughter, I'd say she was dead as well. I'm still hurt and am having severe problems forgiving the transgression. But, she's my child and I have to support her regardless of her narcicism. It doesn't make it feel any better to me. I feel like I've been spat on by my own flesh and blood. I'm still working on these issues so I'm sorry that I don't have better news. Stuff like this takes time.

I've been interviewing for work and two possible prospects stand out. One of them is with a physican recruiting firm-that's the one I want most. The other one is with a mortgage company-I can do those blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back. I'm not overly worried about qualifying for that job. I'm just sick of the mortgage business-it's dirty and ugly and I want a change from the grind. I hope I get the first one but every circumstance seems to get in front of my intentions. I hope it works out for me because I'm running out of interviews to go on.

So since you wanted me to keep in touch, here is the situation. I hate that things have come to this point. It's not like I'm some kid who has made mistakes and has time on their side to fix what I've broken. This is a mess for real and I don't know what the outcome will be. Those of you who pray, send one up on my behalf because I'm leaving out some gory details on purpose. I really need to be working right now.........

 

[steph]

for a change...

No words of advice, just
I hope you know how amazing we all think you are m'dear...


XOXO

 

[giantfan121262]

Kis, First of all congratulations on your graduation. You earned it, there is no doubt about it. All the hard work paid off. AFA your daughter goes, I'm sorry for you that it had to come to this, it's really her loss for her not to share in your special day. I would just appreciate the people that were there to see you, like your son. If you can't be an example to your daughter, maybe your son can learn from how hard you worked. You came over incredible odds (for lack of a better word). This is a major accomplishement. I hope the interview process has become easier for you. I know the first was one to forget. You really have alot to offer from what I hear of your academic accomplishments, not to mention the extraneous variables you had to deal with.

Just remember that we are all thinking of you and we are all very proud of you. This should be a day to enjoy, so go out and celebrate. Have an extra drink or have that dessert and, for Gods sake, don't worry about the weight repercussions. You've lost 43 pounds. you are entitled to a cheat day or two. Plus, it's Christmas.

This may be a little premature, but I want to wish you a very merry Christmas, and enjoy the people that you care about and care about you.

Congratulations again 🙂 😎

 

[kis123]

I appreciate the accolades but I wouldn't have made it if not for you guys. You gave me a safe place to express any feelings without reprecussions. You never judged me or told me to suppress my feelings and were always concerned about my progress. You guys are genuine. If I ever become rich, I'd make an international tour to meet all of you personally. It would be worth every penny.

My daughter and I are speaking, but as I previously said, our relationship has changed. I don't think I will ever get over what she did, but I do want to get through it and move on through life. One day at a time, I guess......

I put the scale away for the holidays-I simply refuse to stress out over it right now. I want to enjoy the festivities! I'm still working out 5-7 days/wk, so I don't think I'll gain over the holidays. I just want to make sure previous progress doesn't get flushed over the holidays.

I'm getting together with my classmates in January for our post graduation party. Hopefully it'll be close to my birthday and I can kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. I haven't celebrated my birthday with adults in a very long time-this will be fun!

I'm still looking for work and hope to find it soon. My landlord is not very happy with me, but is trying to work with me as best as he can. I've lived here 3.5yrs and have never given him this kind of rent problem before and I feel really bad. The job market sucks all over, but I happen to live in the poorest major metropolitan city in the country. What a designation!!!

I'm still going to send out resumes, but I really hope that this job with the physician recruiting firm works out. I interviewed with six people-four on the first day, and two on the second. Did I mention that one of them is the daughter in law of my favorite college instructors? My world gets smaller every day! The HR person is on vacation this week, and her assistant is out ill until next week. I haven't heard anything from them and am not sure if I should follow up or wait for them to contact me. They've been having a hard time checking references because most of my former employers charge fees now. I think that's so tacky to charge a fee just to verify that I worked for the company. How are people supposed to obtain employment under those circumstances?

Well, I gotta run! There's going to be a major snowstorm today and it's already starting to snow. I'm going to run some errands this morning and go to the gym. Hopefully, I'll beat the nasty weather and get home before it really starts coming down. I'm really considering leaving this crappy city after my daughter graduates from high school to warmer pastures. If I don't find work soon, I may leave sooner. I can always buy a plane ticket if she wants to visit. I would have to take my son with me-he'd never speak to me again if I left him here. I'm off to the races and I hope I don't get caught in too much of the white stuff. Hope all of you have a good day!

 

[featherfingers]

Hi, Kis! I would have replied earlier but I've been housesitting.

I'm happy that your son attended your graduation. As for your daughter... yes, it was very selfish of her not to attend. I would like to mention that hindsight is 20/20... someday when she is older, she may realize what a slap in the face it was for her not to be there for you.

A friend of mine died a few years ago and I didn't attend his funeral... I'm still haunted by my selfishness from so long ago. I could have attended, if even for just a few minutes. I knew his family yet I wasn't there for them. Whether your daughter will do some soul searching and realize that she hurt you is hard to predict. I hope that one day you and she will have a beautiful relationship again, but I can understand the way you feel.

Anything else I add will only be repeating what Steph and Giantfan have already told you. You are an inspiration, Kis, I hope you realize that. I hope that with Christmas you will be given a miracle or two... you're more than welcome to have one of mine.

Peace & Love,

Frankie