I need some advice please...about obsession

[Krokus]

Well, I might as well just say it, rather then make a long winded post. I have become obsessed. And when I say obsessed, I mean rreeeeeaaaallly obsessed. With what you ask? Well...I don't know how to say this without sounding stupid...Basically, I am obsessed with 2 people on this earth...so much in fact, I love them so much, I want them with such a passion, that it's literally destroying me. I am feeling depressed constantly, because I know that it is impossible to be with them. It is slowly but surely destroying my relationship with my boyfriend, and I can't seem to stop. Pictures, Magazines, Posters ect.. I want to be with them....be LIKE them in every way, and I have been molding my personal style to fit one of theirs nearly perfectly. These two heavenly people that I am talking about are:

Ville Valo

and David Beckham

....now, I know you are probably thinking this is the most idiotic thread you have ever read, and to some extent your probably right....but I think my obsession is starting to become unhealthy...take for instance, after much grooming (extreme grooming, every single day; makeup ect) and months of letting my hair grow out, I look pretty damn close to how Ville Valo looks in the picture of him in my signature. I also did speed for about a month, and lost around 30 pounds to fully achieve the look. I think I may be suffering from slight malnutrition, as I have been feeling weak alot lately, and am a little skinnier then I intended to become. I usually just drink some energy drinks, and take some stackers, and my energy level is right back up there. My friends have been noticing this, and they don't like it...it has been the topic of many arguments as of late. I feel as though if I can't match their standard of appearance (Valo and Beckham), then I'll never be able to have want I want, in terms of relationships. I want to be with them more then anything, I want to be LIKE them, in every way...some nights as im looking at them, I wish I could BE one of them. My desires are controlling me...controlling my life entirely. Basically, how do you go about getting over an obsession that fills a void, puts you in a dream-like state, but ultimately depresses the hell out of you, because it's simply unrealistic. Any ideas? I want to feel good about my chances and myself without them, but I can't tear myself away, I feel like they are a part of me. Sometimes the only way to make it all feel better, is to get wasted. I don't know what to do.

 

[kis123]

Krokus:

First of all, everyone (I mean everyone) obsesses about something. It could be about looks, money, lovers, food (boy do I know about the food). Obsessions are a part of life.

Having said that, I'm going to have to say that your post worries me. It's one thing to imitate a look, it's another thing to use drugs to lose weight, and have your friends in a frenzy over the stark changes in your appeareance.

I'm not a professional, but I know when someone may be spinning out of control. I've enjoyed your posting on the forum and sometimes controversial sig pics aside, I feel you are a very valuable member here and I personally don't want to lose you to this obsession. Give your situation a lot of thought and seek help if you feel you should. I think you already know what you need to do or you wouldn't have posted this in the first place.

I hope this helps and my wishes for your very best.

 

[TMF Jeff]

My two cents is that I think the only thing you can do is find a qualified professional that you can respect and trust and let them help you with this. Obviously you know that this obsession is completely irrational, so I doubt if it's something you can think your way around. And if it's affecting your health and threatening your relationships then it really seems like you have no choice but to address it.

The right professional (psychiatrist, psychologist, witch doctor, whatever fits your own agenda) will know what exactly is going on with you and will have at their disposal specific tools and strategies for helping you deal with it.

 

[witchtickler]

I must agree with MTP Jeff 100% on this one. When an obsession is at the point where you are destroying life around you and your own inner feeling, and it is affecting your daily living, a professional who is skilled in this type of problem is the best thing.

Trust me there is help available and it really isn't as difficult as you might think. Sure it makes ya want to hide for embarrassing reasons, but IT'S NOT, this is just like anything else in this world that people experience, like a cold, the flu, broken ankle, etc. See a professional and follow the treatment!!

witchtickler

 

[the_Baron]

on the bright side....U got over that obsession with the Baron rather quickly!

 

[steph]

Oh my. Well babe, coming out and admitting you have a problem speaks volumes about your state of mind. You're obviously very self aware and centered in this respect and that's a good thing~it means you have a chance at conquering this.

Now I'm going to get up on my soapbox for a minute so those who hate me when I'm in this mode are free to stop reading....
I was born and raised in southern California until I was 15, I grew up in an upscale beach town (Santa Barbara) and I can personally vouch for this with my own experience: by HUGE majority, most celebs are a-holes. Truly. I LOATHE the celebrity threads people start on here because, with very rare exception, these stars are NOTHING like they seem. They are awful, horrible human beings. They won the genetic lottery and were smart enough to cash in on it. Their looks come from plastic surgeons, hair and makeup artists who spend literally HOURS preparing them for a movie, photo shoot, night out on the town. Did you know that Paris Hilton actually has BROWN eyes (she wears contacts) that her hair is extensions?

Even the pics of these people are manipulated. I watched a hilarious episode of Oprah with Jenny McCartney (one of the few celebs I respect) She pulled out a life size poster of herself in a bikini and took one of those electronic pointers out, she literally disected herself. "I have a mole here, they airbrushed that out, oh and over here that day I had a zit, that's gone too. They made my boobs larger and took 3 inches off my waist..."

Anyway, I guess I'm trying to give you reality check. I've always enjoyed your posts and you seem cool. Like Kis says, everyone is obsessed about something, but you try not to let it run your life. Talk to a professional if necessary. Will you let us know how you are please? Hope it's helped, a little.

XOXO

 

[ticklkitten]

I see some solid advice all around here. You understand how irrational you are being... good job. Now take your concerns to someone who is trained and has experience dealing with this. I think you'll be just fine.

 

[Krokus]

I'd like to thank everyone for the responses. Great advice, I really, REALLY hate going to any type of doctor...usually only do so if it is absolutely critical...but this isn't something I think I can end on my own....so I probably will pursue professional help.

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

Sorry I did not see this thread sooner, Krokus. I don't often get to spend much time on this board, and I have been away from it for a week.

There is no shame in getting help. Obsessions and other ailments are often biologically based, and having them is no more a sign of weakness than having any other physical illness is. It is not something you created or wanted; it is just part of your biology, like having hair one color instead of the other. If it is not biological, then it is a reaction to other factors: Stress, anger, and other influences often make us look for creative ways, including obsessions, for relief.

Talk therapy can really work wonders if you are open to it. I've been there, so I can speak from experience. Given what people with our orientation are put through by the world at large, of course we reach a point we need a little support.

If it is really bad, there is always medication for the short term. Talk that over with your doctor, of course, but treat it as a last resort or emergency resort. Even with meds, though, there is no shame. People take meds for high blood pressure, cholesterol, migraines, and a variety of other ailments. Taking meds for obsessional thinking is no different--except that you can learn techniques for coping while on medication and then go off it. In that sense, it is better than the meds one takes for life.

 

[steph]

A lot of people feel this way I think, it's very normal, especially depending on the people who raised you. People are either pro-therapy (usually because they've had a good experience) or because they've never been (and think "headshrinkers" are all quacks.)
For me, a great therapist can (and has) literally saved the life.

Especially when you're messing with deadly drugs like speed, starving yourself, being depressed. This self-destructive behavior is hurting you, and your boyfriend who obviously cares to have hung in there so long. A competent therapist will be able to help you restore your self-esteem, even though it may take awhile. Be patient with the process and don't give up. If your first meeting doesn't go well, go see someone else. We care and want you to stick around a long time, ok? As Goddess always says, "all problems are solveable"...
XOXO

I'd like to thank everyone for the responses. Great advice, I really, REALLY hate going to any type of doctor...usually only do so if it is absolutely critical...but this isn't something I think I can end on my own....so I probably will pursue professional help.

 

[witchtickler]

A lot of people feel this way I think, it's very normal, especially depending on the people who raised you. People are either pro-therapy (usually because they've had a good experience) or because they've never been (and think "headshrinkers" are all quacks.)
For me, a great therapist can (and has) literally saved the life.

Especially when you're messing with deadly drugs like speed, starving yourself, being depressed. This self-destructive behavior is hurting you, and your boyfriend who obviously cares to have hung in there so long. A competent therapist will be able to help you restore your self-esteem, even though it may take awhile. Be patient with the process and don't give up. If your first meeting doesn't go well, go see someone else. We care and want you to stick around a long time, ok? As Goddess always says, "all problems are solveable"...
XOXO[/QUOTE

Steph I got to hand it to ya girl, the advice you give is very meaningful and true. I love reading your responses. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you look anything like your signature pic "HEAVEN HELP ME" All these Miss America's and Miss Universe, etc. They need to come to this forum and look for YOU!!!

witchtickler

 

[steph]

LOL~Oh well you're very sweet hon. Thank you. Mimi did a great job capturing my essence with the sig but I'm far from Miss America. Very average girl next door w/a nice smile, that's all.

And as for the advice I give, well, I'm a survivor of a pretty rotten childhood who now works at a hospital helping disabled patients. We have no psych ward so those with mental problems are housed among the general population. I've been to hell and back and learned to channel my own lousy experiences in order to reach out and help others.

It's actually kind of funny, the hospital administrators frequently single me out to assist with "problem" cases. They think I walk on water, I think "crazy calls to crazy" which of course I would never say in front of any of them. 😉

Anyhoo, thanks for being so kind but let's remember Krokus who needs our help, ok, sweetpea?
XOXO

[/QUOTE

Steph I got to hand it to ya girl, the advice you give is very meaningful and true. I love reading your responses. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you look anything like your signature pic "HEAVEN HELP ME" All these Miss America's and Miss Universe, etc. They need to come to this forum and look for YOU!!!

witchtickler

 

[Mitchell]

Krokus, thanks for being so open. I want to echo the advice of those who have already posted here, and what you already said. An obsession like the one you talked of that is affecting your daily life, and significant relationships, sounds like something that is best solved with professional help. Iam glad you have decided to persue this route, and I wish you luck. Going for professional help isnt anything to be ashamed of. I was in therapy for years, I admit it, and dont care what people think about it. It was a great source of aiding me in coming to terms with issues in my life. Sometimes an impartial professional can aid one in seeking out, and coming to terms with, feelings and events in life, which may be too painful, or difficult, to solve on one's own. Good Luck to you. I hope you are able to solve your issues with this situation, and to get your relationship with your boyfriend on track.

Mitch

 

[Krokus]

A lot of people feel this way I think, it's very normal, especially depending on the people who raised you. People are either pro-therapy (usually because they've had a good experience) or because they've never been (and think "headshrinkers" are all quacks.)
For me, a great therapist can (and has) literally saved the life.

Especially when you're messing with deadly drugs like speed, starving yourself, being depressed. This self-destructive behavior is hurting you, and your boyfriend who obviously cares to have hung in there so long. A competent therapist will be able to help you restore your self-esteem, even though it may take awhile. Be patient with the process and don't give up. If your first meeting doesn't go well, go see someone else. We care and want you to stick around a long time, ok? As Goddess always says, "all problems are solveable"...
XOXO

Steph, one thing I have always noticed about you, and I love you for it...you always know how to make people feel better. Thanks for your concern, you truly have made me feel alot better, just by reading that. I am going to see a therapist, I really don't want to do any permanent damage to myself, and I am clearly on that path.. It's going to be hard though...I tend to panic when confronted with " criticism" if you will, of my ways...even though I know im in trouble. This obsession has led me to do things I never thought I would, but im hoping a doctor of some sort can help. I know all this sounds silly, some probably can't comprehend how I could be this way about it, but those two men have really put a strangle hold on me. Drugs, and no real diet has given me the body, but at quite the cost it seems. I will try though, even though I know it's not going to be easy. Thanks alot guys

 

[kurchatovium]

You are good person Krokus. We all need help in finding our way sometimes. There is no shame in this. I probably could have used professional help earlier in my life too fortuantely through the grace of God I was able to find my own way. I am sure you will find your way as well. Good luck.

 

[SydNey]

Krokus...You've already been given a multitudinal amount of advice on what you should do and you agree and I agree seeking help is a good move, cool.

Now I would like to offer a bit of food for thought from a different perspective.
You used the word obsession to express your attraction to and interest in the two hotties...I don't know you so for all I know you could be obsessed as you say...or you could have used that word simply to try and express some semblance of the monumental amount of passion behind your feelings...in any event, because you mention quite a bit about wanting to be like them (not just with them) I recognize envy in there as well....Now, I think envy can be a good thing.

Envy helps us to identify those attributes in others we want to possess for ourselves in order to help us express who we truly are.

Envying or wanting to be like others is the stuff fashion trends and popularity is made of. It's how what's in style comes to be in style. It is what is sought after. We see something someone possesses and we want it because it fits us. That is not inherently a bad thing.

Now, I am not atall trying to talk you out of seeking professional help but the thing is this...there are days (sometimes in a row) when tickling and feet preoccupy my mind so excessively that it is a painful struggle to think of anything else...there are also particular people in relation to feet and tickling that I cannot seem to get out of my over active imagination at times...but then I somehow reach some semblance of normal again.

Now, if I could not reach that level of functioning in order to productively live my life once again, I would most likely seek help to learn better coping skills to manage it. I would never however, seek help to extingusih my love of feet and tickling.
My point is that if you seek help , and it sounds as though you know u prob should....do one thing for me by doing two things for yourself:

1. Don't discount the valuable information you can learn about yourself as you examine what attributes in these men you truly desire. Realize that to be like them you do not want to become them because then you cease to be you!

2. Be an informed and intelligent consumer when you shop for a therapist...know exactly what it is you want help with..I spent alot of time in what was promised to be meaningful therapy only to learn 6 years and alot of co payments later that I wasted alot of time trying to get someone else to teach me things about me that only I could know. Good luck to you.
~SydNey

 

[steph]

I'm so happy to hear it sweetheart, I so hoped my post didn't come across as "I see you as a mental patient," because I don't, at all. I just learned very early to feel and understand real pain, and it came across in your initial post, loud and clear.

And just for the record, no good doctor will ever confront you critically, if they do, please run. I think lots of folks have this movie in their head, Hollywoood's fault. You come in, lay down on a couch and the doc tells you what's wrong with you. So not true. The great therapists I went to asked questions, proposed solutions, gave me little assignments designed to help me understand why I felt like I felt, acted like I did. You know you've found an amazing therapist because when you leave the office, you feel high, but it's natural...And no pain is ever silly, love, please release yourself of this? You've enough on your plate to deal with, the hell with what anyone else thinks!
XOXO

Steph, one thing I have always noticed about you, and I love you for it...you always know how to make people feel better. Thanks for your concern, you truly have made me feel alot better, just by reading that. I am going to see a therapist, I really don't want to do any permanent damage to myself, and I am clearly on that path.. It's going to be hard though...I tend to panic when confronted with " criticism" if you will, of my ways...even though I know im in trouble. This obsession has led me to do things I never thought I would, but im hoping a doctor of some sort can help. I know all this sounds silly, some probably can't comprehend how I could be this way about it, but those two men have really put a strangle hold on me. Drugs, and no real diet has given me the body, but at quite the cost it seems. I will try though, even though I know it's not going to be easy. Thanks alot guys

 

[Krokus]

Krokus...You've already been given a multitudinal amount of advice on what you should do and you agree and I agree seeking help is a good move, cool.

Now I would like to offer a bit of food for thought from a different perspective.
You used the word obsession to express your attraction to and interest in the two hotties...I don't know you so for all I know you could be obsessed as you say...or you could have used that word simply to try and express some semblance of the monumental amount of passion behind your feelings...in any event, because you mention quite a bit about wanting to be like them (not just with them) I recognize envy in there as well....Now, I think envy can be a good thing.

Envy helps us to identify those attributes in others we want to possess for ourselves in order to help us express who we truly are.

Envying or wanting to be like others is the stuff fashion trends and popularity is made of. It's how what's in style comes to be in style. It is what is sought after. We see something someone possesses and we want it because it fits us. That is not inherently a bad thing.

Now, I am not atall trying to talk you out of seeking professional help but the thing is this...there are days (sometimes in a row) when tickling and feet preoccupy my mind so excessively that it is a painful struggle to think of anything else...there are also particular people in relation to feet and tickling that I cannot seem to get out of my over active imagination at times...but then I somehow reach some semblance of normal again.

Now, if I could not reach that level of functioning in order to productively live my life once again, I would most likely seek help to learn better coping skills to manage it. I would never however, seek help to extingusih my love of feet and tickling.
My point is that if you seek help , and it sounds as though you know u prob should....do one thing for me by doing two things for yourself:

1. Don't discount the valuable information you can learn about yourself as you examine what attributes in these men you truly desire. Realize that to be like them you do not want to become them because then you cease to be you!

2. Be an informed and intelligent consumer when you shop for a therapist...know exactly what it is you want help with..I spent alot of time in what was promised to be meaningful therapy only to learn 6 years and alot of co payments later that I wasted alot of time trying to get someone else to teach me things about me that only I could know. Good luck to you.
~SydNey

Wow...just, wow. That really puts things in perspective. I can honestly say that I am sexually attracted to these two men, more than any other men alive. I hate saying that, it makes me feel dirty (since im seeing someone) but I just can't help it. I can't lie about it. It's pure feeling. Of course I don't truly know them...but I know as much about them as they have told the public...I have done so much research, watched films, Ville makes the most beautiful music, I feel I connect with him through his music, as it speaks to me...I've followed david beckham since he played for manchester united....I know as much if not more than any other fan alive... (I guess you can never truly know someone that way though...as much as I like to think I do) ...You are correct, I do envy them in many ways...I feel like through their obviously stunning looks, mysterious auras, lovable personalities, ect... they can be who they are with supreme confidence...this is something I have always...ALWAYS wanted. I am a very shy person, I always hold in my true feelings, and have always had confidence issues...this has made me the "voice of reason" in my real life (since I never truly say how I feel to family, as I like to avoid confrontation usually, and don't want to say something I'll regret for the rest of my life), to family and friends....but being that way has also made me someone who is never taken seriously. I am a totally different person online...because there are no judgements, bodies, or past...I am able to be who I really am inside, without fear, and lack of confidence. Many of the times I have gotten in trouble here at the forums, whether it be for images in my sig, or being an asshole, it's simply been out of frusteration, and a lack of expression....bottled up emotion that I can't express in my real life..because frankly, I have no idea how. ... These two men have EVERYTHING I have ever wanted...and they have every reason to, look at them! I fall in love every single time I look at them...it's enough to make me wanna die sometimes, in the hopes that I will be reincarnated as someone who has the qualities, both physical, and mental, that they have. I think thats why the beer and the speed have been an almost every night thing, I think somehow by doing it it's going to make me just like them, and I will have all of the qualities that they have. My passion and love for these two is unrivaled, and frankly I don't think that will ever change...but, at the same time, I kinda feel like I HATE them as much as I love them, because I envy them so. It's just something that I wasn't prepared to get into here, but after reading your post, it stirred these emotions up, and I have to get them out.


So there it is...that pretty much sums up everything... hope I didn't go on for too long...

 

[SydNey]

Krokus...You seem to have such a sweet heart...there is no shame in being attracted to another person, I am seeng someone as well and find myself attracted to other people too...it is human behavior to be attracted to other people, as long as you don't act on it (and cheat on someone) there is nothing wrong with it. (If we find ourselves thinking of others alot more than the one we are with we probably should question why we are with that person but that is another thread,*smile*

What you said about wanting to be a person who is confident...I think being bold enough to voice your inner most fears and desires here may be a start. It's true that it is easier to reveal parts of ourselves on the internet than in person because we run little risk of being rejected for who we are but rather for what we say and how we say it...when a person in our real life rejects us it kills a part of us so deep it is very difficult to recover...but I am a firm believer that revealing inner parts of us online to people we trust and know care about us can strengthen our confidence and increase our ability to be more confident in person...I have experienced that.

I can definitely relate to what you say about being the one who speaks their mind to family and not being taken seriously for it...I do it as well and run the same risks...I just accept that they are only people with their own ideas, I just love them and forgive their inability to understand me fully...I can do that with confidence and inner peace because I know that there is one (Jesus Christ) who does understand me and will always love me for who I am now rather than promise to love me when I become the best me I can be...I need that because I may not live on this earth long enough to ever become the me I really wish to be...so I live to please an audience of one...

I think you're sweet and have an honest heart...at the risk of sounding like a wanna be therapist, I think you have made a few break throughs just in the few posts you have written here.
Keep searching inside yourself,you have an honest heart and God loves that, it's what he loved most about King David...Peace n Love 🙂
~SydNey

 

[Krokus]

Keep searching inside yourself, you have an honest heart and God loves that, it's what he loved most about King David...Peace n Love 🙂
~SydNey

I'll keep searching, and I won't give up. Thank you all for your advice, I can't explain how much it means to me. I think I can beat this, I just have to do everything in moderation, and change the way I am living. Once again, thank you all for your superb advice...and rest assured, I have taken it all to heart, and am considering many of the options that you guys have suggested.

Thank you, friends.

 

[jugner]

Everthing's been said mostly, but something I suggest, go to a counselor, not a phycologist. I have a friend who's getting a master's in counselling, he says the difference is a phycologist listens and tells you what he believes is wrong. A counsellor listens and offers questions to ask yourself. Instead of giving his opinion, he helps you find your own answers.

 

[Tic-Tac-Toes]

Like many things in life, you either have to get over it, or continue on this path of self defeat...

I hate to break it to you...

but both are straight, both are taken, and even more so... both are famous.

This thread sums itself up in one sentence.

Its Not gonna happen.

 

[Krokus]

lol...that single post you just made tells me who you are.

You know chris, if you want to make posts, just do it under your original tmf username.

There are other ways of getting my attention.

Look, I don't appreciate old posts being bumped back up. Please don't do that.


Now please let this thread die.