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id like people's opinion on this......

D

dtrell

3rd Level Green Feather
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does anyone agree with me that it is rude to block someone from the Instant Messenger without first asking them not to bother you anymore. this recently happened to me where i PMed a member of this board who lives near me. this person PMed me back and asked me to tell her about me. i saw her on AIM and said hi and chatted for a few minutes. then i told her i replied to her PM. in it, i told her my age, 40. she is 24. obviously she didnt like this because she immmediately popped back onto the IM, said "i gotta go" and clicked off. i knew she blocked me because logged onto compuserve, put her name in and it showed her still online. all she had to do was to say "youre too old for me please dont IM me anymore", and i would have respected her wishes. cant people give others at least ONE SHOT at being decent before being rude and thoughtless? all i would like is an apology. thats all. is that asking too much???

maybe you think im WAY off base here. please feel free to use your freedom of speech and let me know. thanks.
 
The sad truth is that with the internet, no one is looking you in the face, so manners go out the door.

The Sean Man
 
youre right sean, but i still say the internet is no excuse to throw common courtesy out the door.
 
Oh, don't get me wrong...I believe in manners. Too bad others don't see it that way. I'm polite with complete strangers who IM me out of the blue. If I don't want to continue a conversation with them, I say so, but in a nice way. Life is too short to be an asshole to people. If it makes you feel better, I've been blown off by people on IM simply because i was...ewwww, OLDER! lolololololololol.

The Sean Man
 
from the opposite sex....

Hi Guys! :wavingguy

As the first fem to the thread, may I add my two cents?
I think you're both right. Now, I've never been into TMF chat ever but I've been in others and it's a nightmare...you're bombed 20 people at once, it just gets waaaaay too crazy--easier to stay out than get in and realize you're in over your head...🙄

You're both just a little bit older than me, but this discussion between my guy friends comes up a lot. (They're drawn to the young chicks because they're hot but half of 'em don't know whether to wind their butt or scratch their watch--neither could I at that age!) Although my 20s was about a hundred years ago, I still remember like it was yesterday...so many men, so little self confidence.

These days, I have no problem in that dept when I feel someone has crossed line with me, but then, it just seemed easier to run like a scared rabbit. You don't know how to deal with the situation and you certainly don't have the social skills to say "kindly back off" delicately.

I think you guys are both adorable and hope this sheds a little light...she probably didn't purposely intend to hurt either of you, she just maybe got a little freaked...

XOXO
 
thats true steph, but there is ALWAYS time for an apology afterward. and remember...the phrase better late than NEVER applies to apologies.
 
point well taken!

Hugs and kisses to you both...:twohugs: :Kiss2:

I'm off to practice belly dance now--let's see who else jumps in on this, shall we guys? 😉

XOXO
 
I dont think they need to inform others if they doint want them speaking with them any longer i think people have every right to put whoever they choose on ignore for whatever reason they chose and no one is owed an explanation i understand why people think it is rude, but in all reality some of the things said in response to "Please do not talk to me again" are quite rude as well all I can say is dont take it personally usually people who do that had a bad experience already and doesnt want to deal with it again, i might be wrong though! Bottom line it is the internet people can be as rude immature and nasty as they want and there is nothing to stop them just like a kid in the candy store with no one watching the baby or the store
 
Many women that I speak to on the web relate to me tales like this:

They get an IM, and talk to a person a touch and decide they don't wish to anymore. They say so, Clearly say so. And then continue to get messages from the person. They ask again for it to stop, and it continues. At last they hit ignore.

After this happens a few times, the lesson is simple. "I'm wasting my time telling them I'm not interested, Cutting to the chase and pushing the ignore button saves me time and annoyance. It's what I'll do always from here out." In my eyes it's a valid way to deal with online interactions.

The rudeness/non-rudeness of the act is a totaly different topic that each person will have a different take upon.

Myriads
 
I'm not overly familiar with blocking people on these Instant Messenger programs, because I've never really had to do it, luckily. I figure, as long as someone blocking you doesn't reflect badly upon your Instant Messenger account, then I've got no problem with it, and I wouldn't think anyone should take it personally. There's no laws about being nice, after all (especially if you don't wanna talk to someone, and they can't get a clue!).

If being blocked CAN get you in trouble (I don't understand the whole "Warn %" thing, on AIM, and I don't know much about Yahoo.), I'd be pretty pissed to be blocked by a person who initiated a conversation with ME that I was completely courteous to, her actions initiated merely by the discovery of my age. This is why I usually try to log on "Invisible", and I rarely talk to complete strangers, or initiate conversations with people I don't know. It's better to meet elsewhere before IMing.
 
i agree with you completely myriads. however, my point is i never got the FIRST CLEAR "i dont wish to anymore". i got "click". rude....by any definition of the word.....RUDE.
 
I see dtrell's point. Even though I'm a guy, and things are different for guys than girls, anyone who I ignore or dont talk to on TMF is someone I've had problems with or warned first. Usually I just wont hit the iggy button for no reason. I can see a bit where Myriads is coming from,too. As I said, it is different for women than for men, and perhaps this girl had net problems in the past that she didnt want to continue. It apparently wasnt directed at you, dtrell, more so just a pattern or way she has of keeping people she doesnt want to talk to on the net away.

Mitch
 
Unfortunately dtrell;

The Internet gives people the luxury of being rude and obnoxious in total anominity. Makes it easier to do things when you don't have to face the person you're doing them to. It doesn't make it right, but it is what many people have allowed themselves to bow down to. You can be just as polite and have some class cloaked in the Internet or with the individual standing right in front of you.

On the other hand;
I don't use any IM programs because of a bad experience with a cyberstalker who wouldn't stop IM'ing me. He got very personal and made me feel very uncomfortable. What was worse, he lived close enough to me to make me worry. So I've chosen not to use it at all.
 
you all are missing one half of the point. the fact is, she was all willing and wanting to chat and find out about me, UNTIL she found out my age. at that point is when i was rudely blocked. in fact, she seemed excited to find out that someone on here lived close to her. what im saying is, it appears the ONLY reason she blocked me is because of my age. in fact, here is her exact reply to my original PM (i think its pretty self explanatory):

hey....i actually go to school in akron (u of akron) and originally from the youngstown area. how old are you?
Click to expand...

so when i IM'ed her, i told her i replied to that PM, and she went and looked....then almost immediately "i gotta go" and right after that "click"

all she had to say is, "im sorry, i only want to chat with people my age". plain, easy, simple....and id have stopped contacting her.

did she think that only hot looking 23 year old college guys were going to PM her on here? sweet lord.
 
I wouldnt feel jilted or anything, just assume she'd a bad experience in the past with someone to make her think that the ignore button is the answer to everything.


For Flatfoot, the Warn % is stupid, in my opinion, since, my experience with it has been bad. Basically if someone is being less than desirable instead of blocking them you warn them, supposedly warning them is suppost to give the message that they should watch their behavior. Im not sure what each level does, but the more and more you are warned, you lose some abilities on AIM. I think at like 40 or something you lose the ability to share files or something. When my "friend" warned me, at 100, you get booted off of AIM. And you have to wait a few hours for it to go down. In my case I had to wait 4 days because everytime I got the ability to go on and try to block her she'd say Hi and Id respond so I could block her she would warn me again. She has since sat on my block list and hasnt tried to contact me yet.



 
thank you lime, but i think the progression should be this:

ask nicley first,

then warn,

then block

dont just LIE and BLOCK right off the bat. extremely rude and childish.
 
Nobody IM's me, anyway! :cry1:

(That's not exactly true. Just playin' the sympathy card) 😉

If there was someone I didn't want IMing me, I would ask then to stop first, THEN, if they didn't, I'd shut the door on them! :devil:

In all honesty, I prefer e-mail!
 
thanks DT, but i prefer instant feedback. i hate lengthy email convos, they take too long and im the impatient type. lol
 
Two cents from someone who gets im'ed quite often by older men...treat people the way you would like to be treated....even when others are rude to you, still treat them well...it is my experience that if you treat rudeness with rudeness the offending communicator never really gets to see their own behavior for what it is because they now have a "reason" to be defensive or angry at you🙂 Anyway, being shoved aside because of age happens to 20 something year olds too...take me seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lol...sorry, was high time for an outburst🙂 🙂
 
Hey dtrell..

If it's the person I'm thinking of, that she is really a he dude!

Tron
 
hey tron, PM me and let me know who you think it is. ill tell you....
 
I'm a firm believer in manners no matter where you are at, whether you are emailing someong, on the phone, or IM ing someone. Unfortyunetely, the screen name protects (or is supposed to protect) the identity of the user. With that thought in mind, they think nothing of blowing off somebody else because of the minimum risk of retribution.

I don't believe in that. I think those people lack a sense of common curtosey. If I am in an IM conversation, and I no longer want to talk to them, I politely excuse myself. I make up some excuse to, at least, try to be nice.
 
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