Interracial Relationships What do you think of them?

[ViperGTS]

The first thing I said is that I am not racist in any way, shape or form. But I would not date or otherwise involve myself in a romantic relationship with a black, hispanic, or other non-white or non-asian woman.

 

[Angel_2]

Man, don't be so crude, guys!

Angel, if you feel it, I guess you feel it. From personal experience, it really sux to hear your bf say that early into the relationship, and then it not work out because that really wasn't his feelings for me. There was an article I read asking if it was "Love" or "Infatuation"? If I can find it, I'll PM you with it.
It's like IT said, if you really aren't sure how you feel, then DON'T say it. Just enjoy each other's company and continue to get to know one another. Trust me, it'll come.

--T

Thats what I mean I don't want to hurt her in any way. I don't want to say something that I don't mean. I think I love her but I am scared that if I say it and things don't work out she may hate me for it. The last thing I want to do is to hurt anyone let alone my gf. I think I am going to keep it to myself for now and wait and see how things go. If things keep going the way they are then I might say it soon, I don't know what will happen but what dose happen I will make sure its for the best. I think the thing I need to find out is how she really feels about me. I mean I know she likes me and we have fun but I am talking about love. I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to hurt my gf. I guess we will take it one day at a time.

BTW Tamia I am so sorry for what happend to you. Sorry he did not feel the same way about you as you did about him. I know it hurts, I went through that same thing back in HS before I met my current gf. I liked this girl in my HS so much, and when I finally told her my feelings for her she just did not express the same feelings back I had for her. I was crushed and to this day still am hurt about it. It sucks when you lay your heart on the line and the person you like dose not respond the way you want them to. I know, I have been hurt so I know what it feels like. The best advice I can give you is when things don't work out with someone the way you wanted them to I think it just means that there is someone even better out there for you. And besides any guy that dose not like you Tamia is crazy and out of his mind. I am sure you have so much to offer and one day I know you will find that guy that will love you the way you want to and deserve to be loved. Hell If I was not already taken and I was a bit older I would surely go out with you 😀. Anyway just hang in there it will be ok I just know it.

All the best
Angel

 

[Italian_Touch]

From personal experience, it really sux to hear your bf say that early into the relationship, and then it not work out because that really wasn't his feelings for me.

--T

Tamia, it's not always that linear and simple.
I passed through the very infortunate case to end a relationship with a girl that I really loved, even when I rationally understood that we were not the right match and that I was getting wasted (mentally). The worst thing was that she was still in love and did not realize how much things were getting downhill.
I had to pronounce the words "No, I don't love you anymore". Believe me: years have passed and I still feel like crying when I think about that moment, even if I know I made the right thing. And I still feel sorry for her: I know I made her suffer badly but I still think about and cannot find any other solution than what I have done.
Angel, I take it as a step in personal growth (btw, scars are part of growing up, right?)
Love is emotional: it is something deep but not granted as if written in the stone. It will never revert completely (I mean, you can still feel affection or even care about somebody who will remain a significant presence in your life) but it can happen that after some time you do not love somebody anymore even if you sincerely said so in the past.
Personally, if I REALLY feel something (the keyword is "REALLY") I wouldn't retain it too long (keyword: "TOO"), if at all. I also know the regret of "not saying something to someone". And if I have to choose between the pain of an intense infortunate interpersonal experience, weighting the pluses and the minuses, with the regret of something that never happened, I am determined to go for the first one (since, at the end, it is all part of life). (General keyword: honesty, honesty, honesty)

 

[Luv2Tickle69]

The only thing that rules out me dating outside of my 'race' (Jesus...that sounds so friggin' dated) is the fact that I'm married....LOL. But...if I were available, and I met a wonderful woman who was a different race/culture...wouldn't bother me one damn bit.

....it's about compatibility and chemistry (in small part)....these are things that can be very elusive within your OWN race/culture....never mind others...

 

[chickles_:)]

Hiya!

I think the wisdom i'm hearing in this thread is - check the person.. if it's the kind of guy (or girl) you like and are attracted to take the step. Don't get hung up on the race card - either trying to convince yourself it shouldn't matter or that it should.

Some of us are not easily attracted to people who are bald, or who have asymetrical faces or are outside a certain weight range. Or put positively some of us are attracted to people who have certain characteristics - it's just the way we are.

Where it's a problem is when we ARE attracted to someone of a different race - BECAUSE of the kind of person he is and then we second-guess ourselves saying "i should walk away because they are not within the 'approved' physical spectrum." (race or otherwise)

I hope that helps.

Many blessings,
Chickles

 

[Angel_2]

Did I do the right thing?

Ok so this past weekend I took my gf out to the movies. we saw over the Heage(sp). Its a great movie if you want to see a funny movie. lots of laughs, Anyway as we are walking out of the movie I see just some guys in a group. now I don't know them and they don't know us. As we walked past them I heard one of the guys say and I quote"Man look at that I can't believe one of our own is with a guy like that". At first I just let it go, but when I got home I started to think should I have said something to that group. I mean who the hell do they think they are saying Shit like that. I was pissed off and now I regreate not saying anything but the reason I did not say a word was b/c I did not want to get my gf or myself hurt. But what do you guys think? Did I do the right thing? what would you have done had it been you?

 

[BLUE_THUNDER]

first off, i have no problem with interracial relationships at all. people are people and that is that. secondly, yes you did the right thing. going into a potential conflict when you are outmanned/outgunned is just not a good idea. all over the world there are idiots that will act like this, you just have to learn to ignore them. just my 2 cents. peace.........BLUE_THUNDER

 

[isabeau]

Ok so this past weekend I took my gf out to the movies. we saw over the Heage(sp). Its a great movie if you want to see a funny movie. lots of laughs, Anyway as we are walking out of the movie I see just some guys in a group. now I don't know them and they don't know us. As we walked past them I heard one of the guys say and I quote"Man look at that I can't believe one of our own is with a guy like that". At first I just let it go, but when I got home I started to think should I have said something to that group. I mean who the hell do they think they are saying Shit like that. I was pissed off and now I regreate not saying anything but the reason I did not say a word was b/c I did not want to get my gf or myself hurt. But what do you guys think? Did I do the right thing? what would you have done had it been you?

as much as i know you wanted to say something to them, and also the fact they deserved it also, i believe you did the right thing by just walking away and ignoring them. it is obvious they were trying to start a fight.. wow in this day and age.. when will color not mean anything anymore? i simply do not get it..

hang in there love, i'm proud of you..

 

[kis123]

Ok so this past weekend I took my gf out to the movies. we saw over the Heage(sp). Its a great movie if you want to see a funny movie. lots of laughs, Anyway as we are walking out of the movie I see just some guys in a group. now I don't know them and they don't know us. As we walked past them I heard one of the guys say and I quote"Man look at that I can't believe one of our own is with a guy like that". At first I just let it go, but when I got home I started to think should I have said something to that group. I mean who the hell do they think they are saying Shit like that. I was pissed off and now I regreate not saying anything but the reason I did not say a word was b/c I did not want to get my gf or myself hurt. But what do you guys think? Did I do the right thing? what would you have done had it been you?

You did exactly what you should have done, been the bigger man! These same black guys complaining about one of their own with a white man are the same idiots who fantasize about white women under the guise that they're "better" than their own! I've put up with that crap many times before so don't sweat it.

I don't want you to think that I'm beating up on you, but at some point, you're going to have to decide what's most important-the relationship with your beautiful lady, or the looks, sneers, and jeers from the haters? Screw them and pay more attention to her. When I used to catch people staring at me and my date, I'd give him a big kiss just to piss them off! They suddenly found something else to stare at. 🙄

 

[Lost_My_Mind]

The very fact that i felt compelled to post is a rarity in and upon itself. Look how long i've been registered, and then look at my post count. I post like 10 messages a year.

However, I felt that this is a subject thats very close to me. Me being a white male, who happens to be dating a black female, on paper i'm in the same boat as you. I've been dating her for 4 years, so i know all about stares, cat calls, ect.

Heres how you know if the relationship will work out. If you wake up and think that this point in your life will be better then the previous point in your life (before you knew your gf) just because your going out with her, then it should work out on your part.

If she wakes up in the mourning and thinks her life will be better then it was before she met you, then it should work out on her part.

But you need both parts. If you start disrespecting her, or if she starts disrespecting you, it wont work.

Both of you need to be happy with the relationship.

As far as not having sex yet goes, you wont believe me now, but thats the sexiest thing she can do for now. It will make the relationship last soooo much longer if the relationship doesnt revolve around sex. For now though, just use your hand for.....that.

You might want to see what she thinks about the stares. As someone else said, you could make a game out of it. Laugh at it. It really doesnt matter what they think anyways.

After re-reading the message i wrote, i realised not much of it has to do with inter-racial dating, but rather dating in general. This is because race is a non-issue.

BTW: Fun fact! My circle of friends defines a white male who likes black females "A Douglass". Named after our friend doug who loves black chicks.

Try giving the next Douglass you see a slight head-nod. Its a little sign that most douglass's will give other douglass's to silently tell each other that they love who their going out with. I'm not sure if this will work in your area, but it works in mine. Its fun seeing a douglass and giving them "the nod".

 

[Tamia78]

Ok so this past weekend I took my gf out to the movies. we saw over the Heage(sp). Its a great movie if you want to see a funny movie. lots of laughs, Anyway as we are walking out of the movie I see just some guys in a group. now I don't know them and they don't know us. As we walked past them I heard one of the guys say and I quote"Man look at that I can't believe one of our own is with a guy like that". At first I just let it go, but when I got home I started to think should I have said something to that group. I mean who the hell do they think they are saying Shit like that. I was pissed off and now I regreate not saying anything but the reason I did not say a word was b/c I did not want to get my gf or myself hurt. But what do you guys think? Did I do the right thing? what would you have done had it been you?

Awww..babe, I'm sorry that happened. But you did do the right thing by ignoring them. You know they only said something becuase they are jealous of you. You have a beautiful woman, and they don't, simple as that. They also might have been trying to get you to do something stupid, and glad you didn't take that bait, either. I know it's hard to ignore the stares and comments sometimes, and actually you don't have to ignore them if you don't want to. If I encounter any stares, then I usually just stare them down as I'm walking past them. I DARE anyone to say something. Remember, they can't take away your happiness if you don't let them.

--T

 

[Babbles]

The first page alone has so many good quotes, wow...

This pretty much sums it up for me

& yes, it takes a much "bigger man," as kis123 commented, to walk away from a stupid display of sour testosterone.

Only the most insecure morons need to display themselves like adolescent moose during mating season.

As far as I'm concerned, REAL men have the guts to wear pink, eat quiche, walk away from fights & go shopping....

 

[TICKLESRWAY2FUN]

not to be insulting but this is kind of a stupid question because you know what everybodies opinion is going to be.

do you really expect somebody here to write something like
i hate them , i think blacks and whites should never date,c'mon.

 

[kis123]

not to be insulting but this is kind of a stupid question because you know what everybodies opinion is going to be.

do you really expect somebody here to write something like
i hate them , i think blacks and whites should never date,c'mon.

Around here and in cyberspace in general, very little surprises me anymore. 😱

 

[Angel_2]

Thanks!

Thanks for the advice everyone. I know I should not let what people say get to me but some things that people do say will. I just don't understand why in todays world why people still have problems with Interracial Relationships. Next time I will just stare right back at them like Tamia said.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Ok so this past weekend I took my gf out to the movies. we saw over the Heage(sp). Its a great movie if you want to see a funny movie. lots of laughs, Anyway as we are walking out of the movie I see just some guys in a group. now I don't know them and they don't know us. As we walked past them I heard one of the guys say and I quote"Man look at that I can't believe one of our own is with a guy like that". At first I just let it go, but when I got home I started to think should I have said something to that group. I mean who the hell do they think they are saying Shit like that. I was pissed off and now I regreate not saying anything but the reason I did not say a word was b/c I did not want to get my gf or myself hurt. But what do you guys think? Did I do the right thing? what would you have done had it been you?

I think you did the right thing as well. I know you are talking more on a man-to-man thing rather than the interacial comment. Im sure you would of felt the same way if they would of said.."Damn, what is a hot girl lke that doing with a geek like him."

It was just disrespectful. Most of the time guys say things like that to another when they are in groups...holding eachother's dicks for support. I am with you though, my first thought would of been the safety of my g/f and I'm sure she wouldn't wanted to spend the rest of the day patching up your wounds (because im sure all these assholes would of ganged up on you..they are all connected by their dicks after all.)

Plus, I'm sure you two had a great time at the movies..no sense ruining a good evening/day because of stupidity. I try to stay clear of stupid people because I don't want to catch what they got. Stupid usually hang around stupid. I can just feel my intelligence level going down just thinking about being too close.

I am happy for your relationship. I myself have never cared what a person's color is only that they are someone to respect. A bitch and/or asshole is the same to me no matter what color. I never dated a black women before until recently. But I got together with her because of her personality and she is beautiful to me inside and out...TG4U & Tamia78.

I could give two shits what anyone thinks about it.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

not to be insulting but this is kind of a stupid question because you know what everybodies opinion is going to be.

do you really expect somebody here to write something like
i hate them , i think blacks and whites should never date,c'mon.

You obviously never been around prejudice people before ..their stupidity is abound and shared to everyone and they have no scrupples..so yes, I do believe they would say it on here.

 

[tickleboynyc]

Ok so this past weekend I took my gf out to the movies. we saw over the Heage(sp). Its a great movie if you want to see a funny movie. lots of laughs, Anyway as we are walking out of the movie I see just some guys in a group. now I don't know them and they don't know us. As we walked past them I heard one of the guys say and I quote"Man look at that I can't believe one of our own is with a guy like that". At first I just let it go, but when I got home I started to think should I have said something to that group. I mean who the hell do they think they are saying Shit like that. I was pissed off and now I regreate not saying anything but the reason I did not say a word was b/c I did not want to get my gf or myself hurt. But what do you guys think? Did I do the right thing? what would you have done had it been you?

i think you did the right thing. i don't know where in NYC you guys live, but i do know that unfortunately some parts of the city can still be very racist. and race motivated beatings and worse have happened in parts of brooklyn and queens.
safety first...it sucks that you have to put up with it because obviously your first reaction was anger and that anger was very justified. but this is still the type of world we live in, sad to say.
but it's heartening to read all the great responses on here!
hopefully the day will come where nobody has to ever put up with any racist crap.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Yeah, I say, don't risk injury by arguing with idiots. Ignore them. I live in NYC too, and if I tried to engage with every hooligan or horse's ass who wanted to engage with me I probably wouldn't be writing this now. As for what to say to your girlfriend when, you should just take it one day at a time until you're more sure of your feelings, and let things take their course.

Also, going back to the initial title of this thread: The question really isn't one of being for or against "interracial relationships." Even putting it like that lets racists have too much power over you. No matter how many idiots call out how many idiotic remarks to you, all of the questions and dilemmas that you really need to think about, with regard to this relationship, are in the relationship itself. The day that those idiots start consulting you about how they should live their lives is the day you should start worrying about what they think of you. The word "interracial" really ought to die out anyway. If you regard her as your own kind, then she is. The idiots certainly aren't either your own kind or hers.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Also, going back to the initial title of this thread: The question really isn't one of being for or against "interracial relationships." Even putting it like that lets racists have too much power over you. No matter how many idiots call out how many idiotic remarks to you, all of the questions and dilemmas that you really need to think about, with regard to this relationship, are in the relationship itself. The day that those idiots start consulting you about how they should live their lives is the day you should start worrying about what they think of you. The word "interracial" really ought to die out anyway. If you regard her as your own kind, then she is. The idiots certainly aren't either your own kind or hers.

I agree with you. The issue of color shouldn't even be put into the light. A man and woman get together and that is all that should be said. However, denying it doesn't exist is also dangerous. Being of different parts of society merit different experiences growing up. For instance, when was the last time you were followed in a store just to get a loaf of bread? Or the last time your money was checked for counterfeit? Or maybe getting blamed all the time for the downfall of society or a particular race that happened centuries ago.

These occurances may be the norm for someone of a different color. So to deny it is like saying it isn't even a issue or reality. I know this because I am part Native American. There are some that see us as novelties. Ask yourself when was the last time you dressed up as a particular race at Halloween or heard a flute playing everytime we spoke? Don't get me wrong...I see it on the opposite end as well. I see to many native tribes blame the "white man" for everything wrong. In my opinion, that's just keep the segregration alive as well. So until society changes I think it's important to realize the truth and not deny it exists , but not be a part of it.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Oh yeah, I'm with you, Ticklerguy4u, and I didn't mean to give the impression that I thought racism could be ignored. When it comes to one set of people treating another as exotic novelties, I'm with you and I agree that it's abominably prevalent. Main thing I'm saying is, in a personal relationship, the two people have the right to say no when the rest of the world wants to make their relationship into a political issue, and I do think the best way to deal with anonymous hecklers on the streets of New York is to ignore them and avoid altercations with them. I would also say, in a personal relationship, if differences of background or cultural orientation or anything else do become a factor and a source of tension, the important thing is to be able to talk it all out openly and with trust. Tough issues can and should be dealt with as they arise. It's only when dialogue isn't flowing smoothly and lovingly that the relationship is in trouble.

 

[DannyMc]

Love Has No Color

Some people it seems find difference very strange , out of the norm of things and some its just you should stay with your own kind . These ways of thinking you may not find everywhere in the world but here the issue of color has always seemed to creep it's way into society . There's a woman I go places with at work who is black and we've noticed the same thing , we just figure all well we don't care let them look . It's there problem really not our's . In war and emergency and sorrow , a one of different color can make all the difference in the world . Don't mind the people and don't let their way's get in the way of your love for one another .

 

[knight]

My family is made up of interracial relationships. My cousin married an African American, and he's the nicest guy I know. Another cousin married a Hispanic-American. Consequently, I have cousins who are part Hispanic and African American. My sister-in-law's husband is part Philipino, and so is my nephew. My older sister is Korean. My parents adopted her when she was six. My wife and I are adopting a baby boy from Korea, so my son will be Korean. And my cousin with the African-American husband are going to be my son's godparents. I have absolutley no problem with interracial relationships. It's the very fabric of my family.

 

[WorkInProgress]

It took me a while to bring into focus what I was trying to express earlier. What I was trying to say was--and I'm not trying to beat up on you, Angel_2--there's a subtle flaw in the opening of the whole thread starting with the title. What I mean is, it sounds like you're letting the hecklers make you feel that you're doing something controversial, and you're wondering what people here think of the controversial thing you're doing, as if to make sure you're not actually doing something wrong. It's in that spirit that I'd be a lot more comfortable being asked what I think of your hecklers, what I think of people who go around giving others dirty looks and calling out insults to people on the street over their choices of intimate partner or over anything else. What I'm suggesting is, it's important to be at peace with the fact that you're not doing something controversial, because your hecklers are not commentators on a social problem but rather are a social problem in themselves. Point is, for as much as they are a serious social problem, you have the right not to let them be your personal problem, bearing in mind that relationships will have enough challenges from their own internal dynamics without letting outsiders contribute problems as well, especially strangers. Good luck.

 

[red indian]

I had a bad experience......

....being in an interracial relationship, one swallow does not make a summer of course but I can only tell you about my own experience.

I got totally pissed off with every debate,discussion, dissagreement or argument about any given topic, nearly always ending with her pulling the "race card" on me, like it absolved or excused her from any further sensible debate.

It became a lazy, banal, cop out, enabling her (in her mind) to trump me in any discussion. The fact that we were in an interracial relationship was, to me, evidence that the use of arguments based on accusations of negative racial bias were ridiculous, but, thats just the kind a thing a white bloke would say apparently.