Is 32 really THAT old???

[Dussicar]

Last year, our little neck of the woods experienced a teeny-weeny two foot snow dump. Like always, I went outside to shovel it out because I just knew my car would get stuck otherwise.

After about three hours, the job was completed, but I began to feel a weird "pulling" sensation in my hind quarters. I thought nothing of it and continued with my evening.

Unfortunately, that little nothing became a big something at about two in the morning when I was jarred awake by an excrutiating pain emanating from my poor little asshole...I mean that literally, too.

After twenty advil, I decided that it might be sensible to actually see a doctor about it. It was sensitive, swollen, and my "anal purgifier" was sealed as tight as a drum.

After a brief examination, my doctor surmised that I burst a vessel whilst shovelling snow (a form of a hemmorhoid, if you will), causing it to swell up to epic and painful proportions.

I was very confused and apalled. "All I did was shovel snow for three hours" I said.

"Well, you're not a young man, anymore." was his reply.

This screwed my face up into confusion, but I decided to let it slide. "Bah" I thought. "What does he know? Why, I jog five to seven kilometers a day with eight pound weights! It's rediculous to assume that shovelling mere snow- in all it's fluffy and pathetic glory- would lay the mighty and ultra-fit Dussicar low!!!!!!"

The funny thing is that every single person I have told this story to who is over the age of fourty says EXACTLY the same thing!

JESUS!!!

Now, I don't really dote on those responses after a while, but after seeing slap n' ticklee's "old farts" thread in the tickling section, it got me wondering.

Now, I know that My youth has passed. I know that the body will start to wither...But...Seriously...Fuck.

Should I seriously begin plotting my funeral arrangements?

PS: Most people I meet usually assume that I am in my mid twenties...Though I don't really know if that is based on my looks or my immature attitude.

 

[Tamia78]

32 better NOT be old!

No, I don't think it's old (I'm 30), but I do know that I can't do the things I did when I was 20. I guess we just change that way.

BTW......I really didn't need to read about your,.....um.........Anal problems, did I?

And for the record, I thought you were in your twenties because you were immature, lol.

--T

 

[Cosmo_ac]

well, that depends on whose deffinition you use for "old". For example, in anime and video game terms, you'd probably be the seasoned, battle scared veteran who all the 14-22 year old charactors went to for sage like advice do to his so many years of experience.

IRL, well, to an 18 year old and younger, you'd probably be pretty old. But then, for them, anything out of highschool is old.

IMO, age is little more then a number. Generally speaking, your only as old as you feel and let others make you feel.

 

[Dussicar]

BTW......I really didn't need to read about your,.....um.........Anal problems, did I?

Unfortunately, it had to be done to represent the full-scope of my internal, and philisophical, struggle.

And for the record, I thought you were in your twenties because you were immature, lol.

As the saying goes: You are only as young as you feel.

If I feel like fooling people into thinking that I am a little twenty-something punk, then I figure that I am doing something right.

Denial...the greatest weapon humanity has against the inevitable.

I rock with denial!

 

[Sandrock74]

Your problem is that you jog in kilometers! Who does that? LOL

 

[Dussicar]

Your problem is that you jog in kilometers! Who does that? LOL

Sadly...Only Canadians and people who to believe that Holland is as plentiful with reefer as John Travolta allows them to believe.

 

[The Last Laugh]

Your problem is that you jog in kilometers! Who does that? LOL

Almost everyone in the world except Americans?...

 

[Tamia78]

Almost everyone in the world except Americans?...

It's not our fault we're too lazy to do conversions, lol!

 

[Adam]

As a 30 year old, suddenly I'm beginning to feel very depressed. 😛

 

[The Last Laugh]

It's not our fault we're too lazy to do conversions, lol!

Heheheh! Yeah, well, this "laziness" does have consequences, sometimes. Like this huge blunder at NASA several years ago (back in 1999, I think):

"NASA lost a $125 million Mars orbiter because a Lockheed Martin engineering team used English units of measurement while the agency's team used the more conventional metric system for a key spacecraft operation."

As much as I hate to see a cool scientific mission fail, not to mention the wasted money, I have to admit that this had me rolling on the floor laughing at the time.

Anyway, sorry about being off-topic. I recently turned 36, and, well, while I certainly don't feel old inside, I sure feel like it on the outside. Not just physically, but how I feel the people see me. I'm afraid of seeming like an old fart to people who are as young as I feel inside.

Somehow, it doesn't help that I'm still in school. Or rather back in school. Again. At my age, I wish I at least had many years of work experience, like I've had an actual career. It makes me feel like I'm incredibly late compared to most people, almost like I've wasted my youth. I know it's not entirely true, but you know what I mean. I also think I wouldn't mind my age as much if I were in a relationship. You know, someone to grow old with. The idea of growing old alone scares the hell out of me.

In any case, no, I certainly don't think that 32 is old by most definitions. It is a few years beyond one's physical prime, that's true, but it's not a big deal.

 

[Mister Scruff]

32 isn't old, but bursting a blood vessel in your arse from shovelling snow is fail of epic proportions. How the fuck did you manage that you nutter? xD

 

[Sandrock74]

Almost everyone in the world except Americans?...

We're america, the world superpower...we don't need to go with what everyone else does!

Seriously thou, at any other point in history, as the world superpower, we would have forced our religion, money and government on everyone else. If they refused, we'd have used military force, killed off anyone who opposed and whipped the citizenry into line. Most of the known world would be under the banner of the American Empire.

Good thing we're a democracy, huh?

 

[Excess]

Yes, 32 is that old. Enjoy your walking stick and feeding tubes, grandpa.

 

[Iggy pop]

a

Last year, our little neck of the woods experienced a teeny-weeny two foot snow dump. Like always, I went outside to shovel it out because I just knew my car would get stuck otherwise.

After about three hours, the job was completed, but I began to feel a weird "pulling" sensation in my hind quarters. I thought nothing of it and continued with my evening.

Unfortunately, that little nothing became a big something at about two in the morning when I was jarred awake by an excrutiating pain emanating from my poor little asshole...I mean that literally, too.

After twenty advil, I decided that it might be sensible to actually see a doctor about it. It was sensitive, swollen, and my "anal purgifier" was sealed as tight as a drum.

After a brief examination, my doctor surmised that I burst a vessel whilst shovelling snow (a form of a hemmorhoid, if you will), causing it to swell up to epic and painful proportions.

I was very confused and apalled. "All I did was shovel snow for three hours" I said.

"Well, you're not a young man, anymore." was his reply.

This screwed my face up into confusion, but I decided to let it slide. "Bah" I thought. "What does he know? Why, I jog five to seven kilometers a day with eight pound weights! It's rediculous to assume that shovelling mere snow- in all it's fluffy and pathetic glory- would lay the mighty and ultra-fit Dussicar low!!!!!!"

The funny thing is that every single person I have told this story to who is over the age of fourty says EXACTLY the same thing!

JESUS!!!

Now, I don't really dote on those responses after a while, but after seeing slap n' ticklee's "old farts" thread in the tickling section, it got me wondering.

Now, I know that My youth has passed. I know that the body will start to wither...But...Seriously...Fuck.

Should I seriously begin plotting my funeral arrangements?

PS: Most people I meet usually assume that I am in my mid twenties...Though I don't really know if that is based on my looks or my immature attitude.

You jog in kilos? Your snow is in feet? You have 8 pound weights?

Maybe you are not in the shape you think you are in

 

[unclebill]

hmmm.......I suspect you`ll be mall walking rather soon.

 

[Carsomyr]

You're only as old as you allow yourself to be!

 

[ikaiyoo]

Well it depends on who you ask. I went into a whuge rant mode with everyone I talked to about this about a week ago. I am 33 and in the last 6 weeks i have had 6 people tell me I am too old and the age would be a issue. Well I do not look 33 people say I look like I am in my late 20's mainly because of how I dress, I do not carry myself like a 33yo whatever that is and I sure as hell do not act 33. So I guess it is personal preference. But no I do not think so.

 

[MrMacphisto]

32 ain't old, damn it! Hell, I'm almost 30 myself. It ain't old, I swear! 🙁

 

[Dussicar]

32 isn't old, but bursting a blood vessel in your arse from shovelling snow is fail of epic proportions. How the fuck did you manage that you nutter? xD

Stupidity compels me to find a way!!!

Actually, all goofing aside, when I talked to my doctor, he told me that this is quite common for those who tend to "clench" themselves during intense and prolonged activity.

To simplify: When a person attempts to move or lift a heavy object, they usually flex and tighten their muscles, particularly in the lower portion of their body. In some cases, this is followed by a good, hearty "huuughngh!!!"

Believe it or not, the grunting mixed with the tightening increases your risk of a burst vessel.

In my case, I didn't exactly exert myself so much as I amalgamated the two together in unhealthy doses in all its spazz-tastic glory. The best thing to do when in this situation is to breathe. No matter how unatural it feels. Breathing is the key to avoid such a problem...And loosen the sphincter, too.

When I shovel snow now I like to chant a friendly reminder mantra: "Loosen the anus. Loosen the anus. That's right. Your anus is in control. Take a breath...Take a breath. You are the ass king."

I am in control of my anus....I AM GOD!

a

You jog in kilos? Your snow is in feet? You have 8 pound weights?

Maybe you are not in the shape you think you are in

Canada is a little wonky that way.

Officially, we measure our snow and rain falls in Centimeters.

Off the record, most people measure it in feet.

The weights are straight from the States, so there is no official metric weight stamped on them, nor do I really feel compelled to do a conversion.

Kilometers are ALWAYS measured in metric, up here in Canada. Nobody really cares to try to convert them in miles...Don't be too surprised at that twisted way of thinking. You are dealing with a country that voted the ass-backwards and brutally corrupt likes of Stephen Harper and his fellow Neo-Con lackeys into power on their own free will, yet, openly celebrate the fact that Obama is now your President citing "that this is a new dawn of freedom and prosperity for the average American, finally casting out the corrupt and twisted Bush regime" in the U.S.A.

Well it depends on who you ask. I went into a whuge rant mode with everyone I talked to about this about a week ago. I am 33 and in the last 6 weeks i have had 6 people tell me I am too old and the age would be a issue. Well I do not look 33 people say I look like I am in my late 20's mainly because of how I dress, I do not carry myself like a 33yo whatever that is and I sure as hell do not act 33. So I guess it is personal preference. But no I do not think so.

I think it's best to stick with this.

The only problem is, will others?

I do the same thing. It dosen't stop them from regarding me as past my prime...Even though I can best pretty much most of them, physically.

Christ. I'm a drowning man reaching for straws. I think I should just accept the inevitable...I am closer to death now than I was ten years ago.

I am an aging fruit.