Is this controlling or respectful?

[venray]

Perhaps, but condemning people for their beliefs on what is the right thing for them to do is wrong...and no, you dont have that right any more than you would want to be put down for what you believe is right......

 

[isabeau]

Perhaps, but condemning people for their beliefs on what is the right thing for them to do is wrong...and no, you dont have that right any more than you would want to be put down for what you believe is right......

ahhh i love you venray.....

isabeau

 

[venray]

Ray, Tulip, pardon me for expressing my opinion on something I viewed as abnormal. I did not make an accusation nor did I give an order, I simply expressed my view on a matter that seems odd to me.

That's pretty funny Bro....you view it as abnormal, but have never been in the same situation.....you judge without experience or first hand knowledge of the situation.....and then you get pissed when people tell you you have no right to do so....


Smacks a bit hypocrital dude....just trying to show you how it sounds to some of the rest of us.....

 

[tulipangel]

Ray & Izzy!

With out you I might go nuts lol! I agree that if you never walked in someones shoes (like mine) you shouldnt judge! I guess that kind of knowledge comes with age.... Maybe!

 

[isabeau]

Ray & Izzy!

With out you I might go nuts lol! I agree that if you never walked in someones shoes (like mine) you shouldnt judge! I guess that kind of knowledge comes with age.... Maybe!

no one knows who hasnt walked in our shoes......... actually to me? it's not worth 27 years of marriage.......

isabeau

 

[tulipangel]

no one knows who hasnt walked in our shoes......... actually to me? it's not worth 27 years of marriage.......

isabeau

I agree! as much as i want it, i wont risk the great man I have! what we have is more then tickling can ever give me... do i love tickling? YES but not as much as i love him so... i might be in a tough place! No one understands that place like someone who is or was in it 🙂

 

[steph]

O God~this old dinosaur again. What the hell is wrong with some of you~just because you have it easy (a life with a non-vanilla), you take it for granted that everyone else does too. You have NO right to judge. You have your life and I have mine (Goddess's favorite Steph-ism: this is my f'ing adventure, not yours and if you don't get it, that's your problem, not mine.) Get off your moral high horse~when you're God, you can judge others. Until then, grow up and get over yourselves.

Ray and Tero said it best.

Tulip, please stick around.

This Goddess has spoken!

XOXO

 

[tulipangel]

Steph, you are a Goddess! MUAH

 

[ViperGTS]

I condemned no one. I said that I percieved it as out of the norm, and that it annoyed me to see what LOOKED LIKE someone being controlled. In fact...

Now, perhaps my concerns are not justified, since I know very little about the couples or families that seem to run through this scenario.

I don't claim to know everything, I never have. I simply asked if this is "controlling or respectful," as one would know if they read the title of this thread. It's a shame that so many people decided to turn it into personal attacks and get it derailed and way off topic.

I can see where the misinterperetation is, though.

 

[isabeau]

sorry its still none of your business...

isabeau

unless you actually come to my home and talk to hubby in person, you have no right to judge..

 

[steph]

As are you babe!

Goddess Bellystrokes teaches that while not all women will be goddesses, all have the potential. You are already a valuable member of the club.

XOXO

Steph, you are a Goddess! MUAH

 

[tulipangel]

Viper, if you want to know if its respect or control... here it is!
Its Respect! As a couple i respect him enough to not do somethin i know will hurt us! there its answered OK

 

[venray]

I condemned no one. I said that I percieved it as out of the norm, and that it annoyed me to see what LOOKED LIKE someone being controlled.



.

Dude...you called it "abnormal"....not a term taken kindly to around here....it is judgemental.....and yes, it sounded like you were condemning when you said

" Shit to that"..... Harsh words bro...

 

[ViperGTS]

You're right, I used the word abnormal.

my opinion on something I viewed as abnormal.

But did I state, in factual form, that it WAS or IS abnormal? Negative. I said that I viewed it as abnormal. Big difference.

And yes, I said:

Shit to that, I say.

Again, personal view. No one has to agree with me, but it's very childish to attack me over it.

Tulip:

Viper, if you want to know if its respect or control... here it is!
Its Respect! As a couple i respect him enough to not do somethin i know will hurt us! there its answered OK

If that's your take on the matter, fine, but why not just say that in the beginning instead of incite derailment of the thread by trying to assign blame? I don't understand.

Now can we please stop feuling the flame war that this has become? I have my opinion, no one seems to agree with it, so fine, let's quit with the beating of the dead horse. Agreed?

 

[tulipangel]

I think this is the most annoying thread on the site! Thats my final thought!

 

[venray]

Done...and I WILL be going ...we'll grab a brew together...

 

[isabeau]

I think this is the most annoying thread on the site! Thats my final thought!

i so fucking agree......... sorry that what you told in private was made public.

isabeau

 

[ViperGTS]

Done...and I WILL be going ...we'll grab a brew together...

You're going to have to buy...that whole "can't sell alchohol to minors" thing will get in the way.

This is the last year for that shit, though!!

 

[venray]

What we do in the privacy of our rooms....is OUR business...

 

[CaptainQuantum]

Maybe off-subject but...

I wanted to comment not on anyone's specific situation, but just on controlling SO's in general. Or SO's who could be called "controlling". Sometimes it may be with the best of intentions, just being protective. If you love someone, its natural instinct to want to protect them. And when that's the case its admirable, as long as both partners feel free to express their wishes and are able to make compromises.

But there is a different kind of controlling SO (and hopefully the less common) who says "you have to do ABC, and you can't do XYZ, just because that's the way I want it." This is a sensitive subject with me right now because I have reason to believe that a lady I know and admire very deeply is in a marriage with a guy who is this type of controlling. "I'm the boss, you do as I say" type of controlling. This lady is very special to me, and has all of her life been very strong-willed and independent....its one of the things I love most about her. Maybe she feels like now she has someone to take care of her, when she's had no one to rely on but herself her entire life. But I think someday she is going to realize that there are guys who will take care of her and protect her, but still treat her as an equal, as a partner.

Sorry I know this was off-topic, but I just had to rant for a minute. Carry on. 😀

 

[isabeau]

look. i cannot help my husband being controlling... he has been that way most of my married life, and up until i had some major horrible events happening, i liked that aspect of his... but how can i change it now? ya know? he is of the school of thought that the person he loves must be protected and cannot understand or accept the changes that i have had in this last year.. but he is stilll a wonderful human, who just doesn't trust anyone on the internet.... and nothing i can say will change his mind...so if anyone has some positive suggestions, i will continue to live the way i am living.......

isabeau

 

[kis123]

Some thoughts.......

Ray, Tulip, pardon me for expressing my opinion on something I viewed as abnormal. I did not make an accusation nor did I give an order, I simply expressed my view on a matter that seems odd to me.

Consider yourself blessed that at your age, you found someone who is into your fetish. Many of us, especially those of us who are older, didn't even know this world existed. Many of us thought our thoughts, dreams, passions, and desires were inappropriate and considered ourselves freaks.

With the internet in place today, people are finding themselves much younger. So you probably would think it unnatural that spouses and SO's disapprove. Many people don't realize that we didn't always have internet access or information access the way we do now. Many of us are finding ourselves much older than you are.

Having come out of an abusive marriage, I will NEVER allow another man to control me in any manner. If I want to go somewhere, I'm going! If I want to do somethiing, I'm doing it! I spent too many years under a man's thumb and I will NEVER let it happen again! I'd rather be single and in peace than married and controlled and dictated to.

 

[tulipangel]

Consider yourself blessed that at your age, you found someone who is into your fetish. Many of us, especially those of us who are older, didn't even know this world existed. Many of us thought our thoughts, dreams, passions, and desires were inappropriate and considered ourselves freaks.

With the internet in place today, people are finding themselves much younger. So you probably would think it unnatural that spouses and SO's disapprove. Many people don't realize that we didn't always have internet access or information access the way we do now. Many of us are finding ourselves much older than you are.

Having come out of an abusive marriage, I will NEVER allow another man to control me in any manner. If I want to go somewhere, I'm going! If I want to do somethiing, I'm doing it! I spent too many years under a man's thumb and I will NEVER let it happen again! I'd rather be single and in peace than married and controlled and dictated to.

You put that GREAT! Yes, if your 18-21 you probably grew up on these darn computers..... so for people those ages who live on computers its easy to find a SO who is open to what you want! Although I been a lurker for 5 yrs before i came out, i came out after i met my bf and nothing will change his mind! he loves me and doesnt want to share me and he thinks the fetish is odd so what do i do? Im an adult and have to think things through. I dont live at home with mommy and daddy! I dont have a dorm room! I have a real life and have to be smarter! I cant just up and leave! It isnt that easy! Im not trying to COMPLAIN, im just stating a fact! this lifestyle is easy if you find it while single or young enough to just make rash decisions... but even though im still young (24) im not going to change my whole life for this... My love is too good to just throw away! phewwww! that felt good to get out! And im not "flaming" or whatever you call it... im answering your questions! and im so annoyed at this im not even typing in PINK! ARGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[AfterTheRain]

As For Me

O/Topic.....................

 

[tulipangel]

O/Topic.....