Is tickling cheating?

[Myriads]

In my experience I've found that people seem to feel that an exchange of intimacy universally falls into the realm of cheating.

It covers the people that flip out when a partner spends time talking to someone, are threatened by an opposite sex friend of the partner, and so forth.

Most folks tend to toss sexuality into intimate behavior. So they tend to have issues when said intimacies are spent on others then themselves.

This is an easy parse.

You get your jollies from activity X. You perform activity X with non-partner A, Ones partner feels jacked that you didn't choose to get your jollies with them but did so with other person A. They feel cheated upon.

What is and is not considered intimate is always up in the air. I've know couples that will happily have the female half fuck me if I ask, but cuddle with me? No that is cheating to them, the sex act is just that to them, a form of pleasure. But cuddling and emotionally sharing after sex IS intimate to them, and a no share zone.

C.A.B. basically answered this question way back on the first page or so. If you know that your partner would be hurt by your actions, then it's probably cheating.

Couples that have a clue like ticklemepls' discuss all this stuff so there are no ugly surprises in the relationship. Though it seems most stagger around in a start of non communication until someone steps on a land mine and emotional carnage ensues. (Garsh, I never thought you'd mind if I took nudes of your best friend! Why are you so mad? Gee honey, for the same reason you were when I gave your boss a hummer at the office party when I was hammered!)

Myriads

 

[-Hari-]

In my experience I've found that people seem to feel that an exchange of intimacy universally falls into the realm of cheating.

It covers the people that flip out when a partner spends time talking to someone, are threatened by an opposite sex friend of the partner, and so forth.

Most folks tend to toss sexuality into intimate behavior. So they tend to have issues when said intimacies are spent on others then themselves.

This is an easy parse.

You get your jollies from activity X. You perform activity X with non-partner A, Ones partner feels jacked that you didn't choose to get your jollies with them but did so with other person A. They feel cheated upon.

What is and is not considered intimate is always up in the air. I've know couples that will happily have the female half fuck me if I ask, but cuddle with me? No that is cheating to them, the sex act is just that to them, a form of pleasure. But cuddling and emotionally sharing after sex IS intimate to them, and a no share zone.

C.A.B. basically answered this question way back on the first page or so. If you know that your partner would be hurt by your actions, then it's probably cheating.

Couples that have a clue like ticklemepls' discuss all this stuff so there are no ugly surprises in the relationship. Though it seems most stagger around in a start of non communication until someone steps on a land mine and emotional carnage ensues. (Garsh, I never thought you'd mind if I took nudes of your best friend! Why are you so mad? Gee honey, for the same reason you were when I gave your boss a hummer at the office party when I was hammered!)

Myriads

Tidy and clear as usual boss man 🙂

 

[RealisticSwitch]

Judge Myriads, once again, shows us how its done. Can we move on now?

 

[ticklemepls]

In my experience I've found that people seem to feel that an exchange of intimacy universally falls into the realm of cheating.

It covers the people that flip out when a partner spends time talking to someone, are threatened by an opposite sex friend of the partner, and so forth.

Most folks tend to toss sexuality into intimate behavior. So they tend to have issues when said intimacies are spent on others then themselves.

This is an easy parse.

You get your jollies from activity X. You perform activity X with non-partner A, Ones partner feels jacked that you didn't choose to get your jollies with them but did so with other person A. They feel cheated upon.

What is and is not considered intimate is always up in the air. I've know couples that will happily have the female half fuck me if I ask, but cuddle with me? No that is cheating to them, the sex act is just that to them, a form of pleasure. But cuddling and emotionally sharing after sex IS intimate to them, and a no share zone.

C.A.B. basically answered this question way back on the first page or so. If you know that your partner would be hurt by your actions, then it's probably cheating.

Couples that have a clue like ticklemepls' discuss all this stuff so there are no ugly surprises in the relationship. Though it seems most stagger around in a start of non communication until someone steps on a land mine and emotional carnage ensues. (Garsh, I never thought you'd mind if I took nudes of your best friend! Why are you so mad? Gee honey, for the same reason you were when I gave your boss a hummer at the office party when I was hammered!)

Myriads

See, leave it to Myriads to explain it in ways others cant 🙂

 

[CaptainValiant]

I'm so tired of people trying to find loopholes for betrayal. You people are dumber than a frog's asshole.

POPULATION: ZERO (I started saying that any time I put people in their place. What do you think?)

 

[Morning Lorie]

If your partner decides to sleep around, you best not have a problem with it or he will come to you and set you straight! He, too, won't like 'control freaks' after all.

Excuse me but who the hell are you? Do you know my boyfriend well enough to speak for him? To know what he'll tolerate and what he won't? No? Then take your holier than thou attitude and stick it up your ass. My boyfriend would never be immature enough compare tickling with sleeping around. That is like the most retarded thing I've ever heard.

 

[RealisticSwitch]

You people are dumber than a frog's asshole.

When scientists discover a second brain inside the rectum of a frog that actually makes them smarter than dolphins, boy, are you going to feel silly!

 

[Wolf]

This all seems to come down to a couple of differences:

The difference between those that can apparently separate tickling from their sexuality, and those of us that cannot;

and between those of us that give a shit about their partners, and those that are willing to go to great lengths to avoid admitting that they do not.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

This all seems to come down to a couple of differences:

The difference between those that can apparently separate tickling from their sexuality, and those of us that cannot;

Totally agree with you.

and between those of us that give a shit about their partners, and those that are willing to go to great lengths to avoid admitting that they do not.

I don't know about all that. This whole "If you really loved me you'd let me dictate" philosophy seems pretty unreasonable to me. I think it's more accurate to say that it comes down to those who refuse to be controlled and those who embrace it.

I wouldn't want a partner who would dictate to me how I'm to behave. And neither would I want a partner that expected to be dictated to. I've never been unfaithful in any of my relationships, and believe me there's been opportunity and temptation. But having sex or a romantic fling with another woman would hurt my SO, and that's just something I personally couldn't live with. It's not something she dictated to me. This is strictly my own principles at work, and she knows it. And I see the same principles of personal character at work in her. I know she would never have an affair with another man.

That is the true basis of trust. Not "Okay honey, here's a list of all the things I'm not comfortable with you doing, so if you can just sign at the bottom there, I'll grant you my trust in return." It's allowing your partner to be the person that (s)he is rather than trying to squeeze them into a nice cutesy little Barbie/Ken doll to play house with.

 

[rhiannon]

But having sex or a romantic fling with another woman would hurt my SO, and that's just something I personally couldn't live with. It's not something she dictated to me. This is strictly my own principles at work, and she knows it. And I see the same principles of personal character at work in her. I know she would never have an affair with another man.

That is the true basis of trust. Not "Okay honey, here's a list of all the things I'm not comfortable with you doing, so if you can just sign at the bottom there, I'll grant you my trust in return." It's allowing your partner to be the person that (s)he is rather than trying to squeeze them into a nice cutesy little Barbie/Ken doll to play house with.

I think we agree more than I thought.

 

[FLBowler]

Depends on the relationship and what the tickling means to you. If its sexual than yes. If its just fun and playful then no.

 

[dj_hisp]

if it's done right, then hell yes it's cheating! lol

steve

LOL LOL!

 

[porcelaindoll2]

I am sure what I am about to write has already been said, but to me it is only cheating if it goes agianst whatever you and your significant rules are when it comes to cheating. Although generally if the relationship is closed then any form of sexual contact or anything that gets it hard for a male or extremely wet for a woman is normally considered cheating. Thank god I am in an open relationship and don't have to worry about this shit. I personally feel there would be a lot less break ups and divorces if people stopped caring about cheating.

 

[TheCredibleHulk]

I have thoroughly perused every post in this thread. I have absolutely no stake in this issue and freely offer my own gamma-ray influenced estimations for your benefit and edification.

The nature of this discussion intrigues me. I'm rather surprised that in a discussion of this length and magnitude over what essentially boils down to the meaning of a particular word (cheating) and whether that meaning includes a particular activity (tickling) that so few attempts have been made at definition.

My dear and most esteemed colleagues in cosquillar, in a discussion such as this one, definition is critical, crucial, and credible! Hence, my commentary will place an emphasis on definition.

I see a few references to definition, which is definitely a beginning:

Whether it's cheating or not, I suppose is up for some debate because different people have different views on what cheating is.

Everybody has a different feeling of what is cheating and what isn't.

Bravo, Cosmo and Rhiannon! You've both identified the heart of the issue. Until one can define cheating, we're left to the ever-varying whims and notions of our good friends here!

Which brings us to the actual attempts to define cheating:

Cheating is a word for violating an agreement.

Excellent!

I think of cheating is something of a sexual nature.

Vague, but promising!

Cheating is a breaking of the rules.

Very good! Sadly, it's the last attempt at definition since page 5.

I'm convinced that if we can clarify the definition, the rest of it will fall into place. The first place I go for definitions is that jolly good fellow Miriam Webster!

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cheat

transitive verb

1 : to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud

2 : to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice

3 : to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting <cheat death>

intransitive verb

1-a : to practice fraud or trickery

1-b : to violate rules dishonestly <cheat at cards> <cheating on a test>

2 : to be sexually unfaithful —usually used with on <was cheating on his wife>

3 : to position oneself defensively near a particular area in anticipation of a play in that area <the shortstop was cheating toward second base>

As you can see, of the seven or so definitions only one speaks to cheating as it applies to relationships.

"Sexually unfaithful."

For myself, this clears the matter very neatly. Sexual activity apart from your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend seems to be the deciding factor.

But then, there seems to be disagreement on whether or not tickling is a sexual activity. I suppose this is a matter of opinion, and may differ from person to person.

My conclusion is that tickling is not cheating per se, but for some few, it may be deemed inappropriate behavior outside of their relationship.

 

[shaolindog]

I have thoroughly perused every post in this thread. I have absolutely no stake in this issue and freely offer my own gamma-ray influenced estimations for your benefit and edification.

The nature of this discussion intrigues me. I'm rather surprised that in a discussion of this length and magnitude over what essentially boils down to the meaning of a particular word (cheating) and whether that meaning includes a particular activity (tickling) that so few attempts have been made at definition.

My dear and most esteemed colleagues in cosquillar, in a discussion such as this one, definition is critical, crucial, and credible! Hence, my commentary will place an emphasis on definition.

I see a few references to definition, which is definitely a beginning:





Bravo, Cosmo and Rhiannon! You've both identified the heart of the issue. Until one can define cheating, we're left to the ever-varying whims and notions of our good friends here!

Which brings us to the actual attempts to define cheating:

Excellent!

Vague, but promising!

Very good! Sadly, it's the last attempt at definition since page 5.

I'm convinced that if we can clarify the definition, the rest of it will fall into place. The first place I go for definitions is that jolly good fellow Miriam Webster!

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cheat

transitive verb

1 : to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud

2 : to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice

3 : to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting <cheat death>

intransitive verb

1-a : to practice fraud or trickery

1-b : to violate rules dishonestly <cheat at cards> <cheating on a test>

2 : to be sexually unfaithful —usually used with on <was cheating on his wife>

3 : to position oneself defensively near a particular area in anticipation of a play in that area <the shortstop was cheating toward second base>

As you can see, of the seven or so definitions only one speaks to cheating as it applies to relationships.

"Sexually unfaithful."

For myself, this clears the matter very neatly. Sexual activity apart from your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend seems to be the deciding factor.

But then, there seems to be disagreement on whether or not tickling is a sexual activity. I suppose this is a matter of opinion, and may differ from person to person.

My conclusion is that tickling is not cheating per se, but for some few, it may be deemed inappropriate behavior outside of their relationship.

Please let this be the end of this idiotic thread.

 

[TheCredibleHulk]

Please let this be the end of this idiotic thread.

My good man, I'm afraid I have no control over such things.

Cheers!

 

[Franky]

This is the thread that never ends.
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some people started posting in it not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue posting in it forever just because . . .




I know a thread that gets on everybody's nerves,
everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves.
I know a thread that gets on everybody's nerves,
and this is how it goes.

 

[CaptainValiant]

Is having a threesome with your partner cheating? What if there's tickling involved? If no for the latter, would it be if tickling were involved? These are important questions the mods need to ask themselves.

 

[Talamantes]

The thing is: it doesn't matter what your opinion is here. If your wife thinks you are cheating on her if you do all these things and kicks you butt out for it, you can think all you want that it is not cheating - it's her opinion that counts!



It might be unacceptable to you, but it's still the way it is. The partner is the only person who can decide what they consider cheating and what they will tolerate and what they won't.

Rhiannon, agree to disagree. In my opinion, cheating isn't a subjective standard defined by the spouse. She's free to act on her subjective opinion, but that still doesn't make it cheating. Abraham Lincoln once asked a man "if you call a dog's tail, a leg, how many legs does a dog have?" And the man replied "5". And Lincoln responded "No, calling a dog's tail a leg doesn't make it a leg". Nor does a partner's subjective opinion make it cheating. The rules of the relationship require mutual consent, not a one person veto. I would never tolerate that. A partner has the right, of course, to act on her subjective opinion. But I think that the general societal consensus is that cheating has to either be sexual or have a sexual component and to be a violation, there has to be an agreement. Again, agree to disagree.

 

[Talamantes]

Thanks, I didn't want to say anything, but I thought that comment was veryconscending

Well said, brother. And whatever you do, don't let anybody tell you that your opinion doesn't matter.

Appreciate the support.

 

[rhiannon]

Rhiannon, agree to disagree. In my opinion, cheating isn't a subjective standard defined by the spouse. She's free to act on her subjective opinion, but that still doesn't make it cheating.

To her, it does. Because she will feel cheated. And if you feel the necessity to keep it secret from her, I would think the person doing it knows what the reaction will be and therefore is cheating as well.

 

[rhiannon]

Rhiannon, agree to disagree. In my opinion, cheating isn't a subjective standard defined by the spouse. She's free to act on her subjective opinion, but that still doesn't make it cheating.

And then again - does it matter how you call it? In the end all that matters is if you hurt your SO with what you do and if your SO will forgive you, or do we disagree there too?

 

[porcelaindoll2]

Man the more post I see on this thread the more I go open relationships for the win! Seriously these threads wouldn't keep popping up if people stopped caring about cheating. My boyfirend and I both felt it would be unfair not to have fun with others(Both privately and together). There are so many people on this earth and the thought of only being able to do sexually stuff with one makes me feel cheated. Oh and I want to point out that boyfriend loves me to death, has stated he couldn't imagine life with out me, and I feel the same way about him.

 

[ticklemepls]

Man the more post I see on this thread the more I go open relationships for the win! Seriously these threads wouldn't keep popping up if people stopped caring about cheating. My boyfirend and I both felt it would be unfair not to have fun with others(Both privately and together). There are so many people on this earth and the thought of only being able to do sexually stuff with one makes me feel cheated. Oh and I want to point out that boyfriend loves me to death, has stated he couldn't imagine life with out me, and I feel the same way about him.

That's great for people who can and do think that way. But a lot of us just dont believe in open relationships- it's just how it is... To each their own, I just think couples need to be open and honest about what they want/need (and yes that includes play with others). If you're not open and honest then each are left to assume things in the relationship (and this includes lines that they consider being crossed as cheating).

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

My opinion (based on my own experience and that of many people I've known over the last few decades) is that sex and romance are the default limits to cheating activity. If you've got anything else on your list of no-nos, well it seems only fair it should be up to YOU to present that list to get a buyoff from your SO. It seems horrendously unfair to expect the SO to approach you for permission. "Honey, is it okay if I do this?....Are you sure?....Wouldn't want you to be 'uncomfortable' or anything...."

This would include nonsexual activities that one would engage with a member of the opposite sex like going to lunch, watching a sports event on TV, and fully clothed, unrestrained tickling.