It's hard to be myself when dating

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Okay I just want to share some of my thoughts on dating. Someone suggested in another thread that I started about reading dating books. I have read a few but no book like that will completely help me because I have Asperger Syndome. So, ideally I need to find a book for dating for people on the Autism Spectrum. Also, it's hard for me to be myself when I talk on the phone or in person because I have this social disability. I mean I try to put my best foot forward and all but most of the time it doesn't work out. I mean what has to happen is I need to find a guy who will appreciate my uniqueness and my unusual differences. I think the chances of that are very very slim . I am very frustrated that people are just for the most part, not getting me . I am not just talking about the thread I started called "I met one of those annoying people", it's just dating in general. I am still trying to put myself out there but sometimes I wonder why I even bother.

I mean I don't want to grow old and I know a lot of people don't but for me since I don't have siblings, I will probably outlive the rest of my family and then I'll be all alone. The thought of that just scares me . Thanks for taking the time to read how I feel.

 

[SnowBunny]

Dating for the most part is not an easy task and couples always will endure problems no matter what, there is no perfect relationship. I feel that dating books will help as well as realizing that you are who are and if that special person really likes and wants to get to know you, they will accept who you are as a person. I know that is not always easy, but try not to be so hard on yourself and just give it a little more time and that right person will come along.

 

[alf]

I've read of your syndrom. Must not be easy, but try to forget it and if by chance you find an open minded & comprehensive person ( that still exists ! ) who'll get above your illness and sees your personality as a whole turn on = win.

 

[Deadsea7777]

Do not be so anxious if you can Tjen.
Your picture for the tmf would score a 7 out of ten on the physical scale. Make up would do up to a splendid 10 if you can use it(sorry I have to do a very long work on use of make up).
What I mean is your physical aspect should not be a problem.
Is very difficult not to get incredible anxious about be alone without somebody to love, but is not necessary irreveresible.
My mother has live all her life with a person with a very strong bipolar disorder that finally got him (my father) retired at 55 on health grounds.
Do not lose hope, and if you can do not became bitter because of difficulties.
Easy to say...yes, you are right, but is not impossible.
Advice is like sunhine in winter, illuminates but is cold and does not warm your soul. I am sorry not to be able to give anything else other than keep trying.

Give yourself a chance, be good to yourself and never blame yourself for the troubles your condition might bring you.
Wish you do not turn your hope off, pray to whatever you can to enjoy life.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I've read of your syndrom. Must not be easy, but try to forget it and if by chance you find an open minded & comprehensive person ( that still exists ! ) who'll get above your illness and sees your personality as a whole turn on = win.

I just want to say that I have yet to meet someone who appreciates my different ways and that's why I probably should just give up on love eventually. However, I am dating someone who also has Asperger Syndrome and even with him there's no guarantee it'll work out. There's no guarantee with anyone. Also, Asperger Syndrome is NOT an illness, it's a social disability. That's what makes dating DOUBLY more difficult for me that sometimes it just seems hopeless but we'll see I guess.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I just want to also say to you alf that it's hard to forget that I have this social disability. I mean it doesn't define me but it's a major part of who I am and what ever guy I am dating either has to accept it or not.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Do not be so anxious if you can Tjen.
Your picture for the tmf would score a 7 out of ten on the physical scale. Make up would do up to a splendid 10 if you can use it(sorry I have to do a very long work on use of make up).
What I mean is your physical aspect should not be a problem.
Is very difficult not to get incredible anxious about be alone without somebody to love, but is not necessary irreveresible.
My mother has live all her life with a person with a very strong bipolar disorder that finally got him (my father) retired at 55 on health grounds.
Do not lose hope, and if you can do not became bitter because of difficulties.
Easy to say...yes, you are right, but is not impossible.
Advice is like sunhine in winter, illuminates but is cold and does not warm your soul. I am sorry not to be able to give anything else other than keep trying.

Give yourself a chance, be good to yourself and never blame yourself for the troubles your condition might bring you.
Wish you do not turn your hope off, pray to whatever you can to enjoy life.

I am not blaming my Asperger condition on ALL my problems but it does account for a lot of them. I am honestly REALLY TIRED of hearing things like enjoy your life and stuff like that. I mean I am trying to do that but it isn't easy. I mean it's like that Diana Ross song where she sings "Mama said you can't hurry love you just have to wait no matter how long it takes but it ain't easy". Other than maybe this guy I am seeing, if that doesn't work out, I don't think love will ever come for me. It'll be like waiting for a bus that will never arrive. I have been alive for 35 years and I don't think I can go another 35 years alone or even the rest of my life but maybe I'll have to get used to it.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I think I should maybe change my screenname on here to rejectgirl, it makes sense the way I see it.

 

[chicago]

You're putting all this pressure on yourself to find a life-partner it seems like. Pressure that's generated from your mother.

The way you're approaching the dating scene isn't the best. You're shooting yourself in the foot by believing your AS is going to hinder you from ever finding anyone. It's hopeless because you have a kind of defeatist attitude.

No book is going to have the specific answers you need. No person on this forum is going to have the right guidelines for you. I don't even know if anyone does.

The only thing I can suggest at this point is reevaluate what you want and why and perhaps see a counselor.

I guarantee a psychologist of some sort would have the proper qualifications to give you sound advice on this problem.

 

[Luvs2tckl]

Being Yourself

Jen:

Everyone tries to put their best foot forward when they start out dating someone, and everyone eventually starts just being themselves. Every relationship is work. We all bring many things to the table-- from your posts on the board, it is obvious that you bring many good traits to the table. Asperger's isn't a bad trait. It is something that makes you the person you are.

It doesn't seem to me that you are ashamed of Asperger's. So, just let people know that sometimes you don't immediately get their social queues. If they are anyone worth being with, they will work with you and give you as many "do-overs" as you need. I don't have Asperger's and I ask for "do-overs" every day. I constantly say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, and piss my fiance off. I think I just have "I'm a Man Syndrome"

I don't profess to know much of anything about Asperger's, but I did watch some of the America's Next Top Model. They had a girl on there with Asperger's. Disclaimer: I'm keeping my man card. I watched it with my fiance, and I am confident in my masculinity. lol Plus, I was really scouting things waiting for them to show America's Next Top Tickle Fight...The girl on there seemed way more normal to me than most of the others.

Sorry to ramble, but you really need to not beat yourself up. I'm rootin' for ya!

Take care,
Luvs

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

You're putting all this pressure on yourself to find a life-partner it seems like. Pressure that's generated from your mother.

The way you're approaching the dating scene isn't the best. You're shooting yourself in the foot by believing your AS is going to hinder you from ever finding anyone. It's hopeless because you have a kind of defeatist attitude.

No book is going to have the specific answers you need. No person on this forum is going to have the right guidelines for you. I don't even know if anyone does.

The only thing I can suggest at this point is reevaluate what you want and why and perhaps see a counselor.

I guarantee a psychologist of some sort would have the proper qualifications to give you sound advice on this problem.

I have seen counselors and psychologists off and on my whole life ticklishgiggle and I am still single. I don't know what you want from me, my life for the most part have been very difficult. Have been teased, bullied and have had a lot of problems socially throughout my whole life. I am just frustrated, that's all. From my life experiences I have plenty of reason to not be the most confident of people and trust neurotypicals (people who don't have Autism at all) I mean I have Asperger Syndrome and most of society is not kind to people on the Autism Spectrum. We are very often misunderstood, teased and bullied. I mean it's true I have read articles about it so I am not making it up. I mean I actually did feel better when I was diagnosed, I just want people to understand and get me already .

I wish you can understand what I am saying ticklishgiggle. I think before you respond (if you choose to) you should probably do some research on Asperger Syndrome and learn more about it so you don't sound judgmental again.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Thanks so much for your support and advice Luvs . You are very sweet. I am just tired of being rejected by guys that's all. I mean I have a lot to give in a relationship and I do love myself and I guess that's the most important thing. I just don't want to be still single in four years and still be having this discussion.

 

[tcklft]

If you spent less time pitying yourself and more time dating, perhaps you would find that special someone. But then that wouldn't be as much fun, would it?

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

If you spent less time pitying yourself and more time dating, perhaps you would find that special someone. But then that wouldn't be as much fun, would it?

I think that I am not pitying myself just being realistic. I mean I have read articles that a lot of people in this country still don't understand people on the Autism Spectrum. A lot of us are teased and bullied. It's a very hard thing to go through life with a social disability. I mean how would you feel if you had trouble reading body language and such? I don't think you'd like it either. I think that what you said is mean and ignorant . I think you should do some research on Asperger Syndrome before you say something mean again. You don't have to obnoxious and a jerk about it. I mean I was diagnosed at 34 so that's about 33 and a half years not knowing what I had in that it was a legitimate disability and that it had a name.

 

[chicago]

I have seen counselors and psychologists off and on my whole life ticklishgiggle and I am still single. I don't know what you want from me, my life for the most part have been very difficult. Have been teased, bullied and have had a lot of problems socially throughout my whole life. I am just frustrated, that's all. From my life experiences I have plenty of reason to not be the most confident of people and trust neurotypicals (people who don't have Autism at all) I mean I have Asperger Syndrome and most of society is not kind to people on the Autism Spectrum. We are very often misunderstood, teased and bullied. I mean it's true I have read articles about it so I am not making it up. I mean I actually did feel better when I was diagnosed, I just want people to understand and get me already .

I wish you can understand what I am saying ticklishgiggle. I think before you respond (if you choose to) you should probably do some research on Asperger Syndrome and learn more about it so you don't sound judgmental again.

All I'm saying is that you seem to have a chip on your shoulder and it seems like unless Mr. Right falls into your lap from the sky, you'll always be that way.

But you're right. I don't know what it's like to have AS and maybe it's better to try making friends and dating with other people who have AS.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I also think tcklft that you should do some research on Asperger Syndrome and try to learn more about the disability before you say mean things . I have been dating off and on in my life and it's been rough. You should have more empathy for me or at least try to if it's even in your nature. In my opinion, if I were blind, deaf, in a wheelchair or some other disability I can tell you that I wouldn't feel sorry for myself and deal with it as best I can. I also think that for the most part that people who have other disabilities get more respect that people on the Autism Spectrum.

 

[Leo tickles]

Okay, I said to myself the next time I see one of these pity threads, I'd respond.


You have a disorder. You aren't the only one. Other's here have disorders. They don't post about it in every thread.


You don't get respect from me for having a disorder and living with it. You get respect for handling it and learning to use it to your advantage, or in the very least living with it and not blaming every single mistake on it.

Stop bitching. In the other thread where I offered a phone conversation, that is taken back. Stop using your disorder as a pity card. I don't feel sorry for you. The people that do are blind as to what you are doing.

Get a grip on life. Nobody is born perfect. Your pity trips effect few and upset even less. Before you start REALLY getting laughed at, stop crying to blues about it and learn to deal. Many people have, and are at this very second that you read this ARE dealing with worse.

 

[tcklft]

I think that what you said is mean and ignorant . I think you should do some research on Asperger Syndrome before you say something mean again. You don't have to obnoxious and a jerk about it.

Well yes, I do have to be obnoxious and a jerk about it, thank you very much. You're happy to rip into folks who try to be helpful; why should I make the same mistake they did? You enjoy whining about your life and feeling sorry for yourself, I enjoy calling you out on it. Fun, ain't it?

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Okay, I said to myself the next time I see one of these pity threads, I'd respond.


You have a disorder. You aren't the only one. Other's here have disorders. They don't post about it in every thread.


You don't get respect from me for having a disorder and living with it. You get respect for handling it and learning to use it to your advantage, or in the very least living with it and not blaming every single mistake on it.

Stop bitching. In the other thread where I offered a phone conversation, that is taken back. Stop using your disorder as a pity card. I don't feel sorry for you. The people that do are blind as to what you are doing.

Get a grip on life. Nobody is born perfect. Your pity trips effect few and upset even less. Before you start REALLY getting laughed at, stop crying to blues about it and learn to deal. Many people have, and are at this very second that you read this ARE dealing with worse.

I think you're mean and obnoxious too . I am not blaming my Asperger Syndrome on everything but it does account for a lot of my problems. Just because I choose to talk about my problems on the forum doesn't mean I want a pity party and I am working on dealing with it in the best way I can. I am taking social skills classes and I AM DOING VERY WELL THANK YOU. I think you're a jerk and an asshole . I wouldn't want to talk to you anyway because you don't know me and I think you're a sorry excuse for a human being.

I am trying to deal with my disability okay. I would just wish that others would see me as the wonderful, caring and sensitive person that I am. Those are only a few of my good qualities. I know perfectly well that other people have disorders as well but Asperger Syndrome has only been known in this country since 1994 which hasn't been as long as some other disorders or disabilities have been known. How would you feel going over about half your life knowing that you were different but didn't know what it was called and that it had a name? I think you would have a problem too.

The bottom line is that if you can't be helpful and caring please don't respond to this thread anymore.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Well yes, I do have to be obnoxious and a jerk about it, thank you very much. You're happy to rip into folks who try to be helpful; why should I make the same mistake they did? You enjoy whining about your life and feeling sorry for yourself, I enjoy calling you out on it. Fun, ain't it?

Since you obviously don't want to take what I said to heart just shut up! I am not whining about my life and feeling sorry for myself you asshole, it's just that I prefer to express the struggles that I have with my disability. If you can't say anything useful, then please don't respond to this thread any further. I am trying to help myself by going to social skills classes, support groups, etc... so it't not like I am not trying to help myself. I should get credit for that at least. I am just expressing my frustration, that's all.

 

[Luvs2tckl]

Can't we all just get along...

One thing I have always liked about this forum is that for the most part everyone seems to be very nice.

We are a community because we share a common interest. I for one feel a close friendship with a few folks here. I do not know Jen very well yet, but she always seems to have good intentions when she posts. Some of you may feel she is whining in posts about her relationship issues, but what I see is a person truly in pain and reaching out.

I believe in tough love for those close to me. If you are not a close friend of Jen's, what type of reaction would you expect? As acquaintances of Jen's, we should be doing nothing but trying to build her up. If you feel she is on a self pity trip, then just ignore the thread. Words can cut like a knife...every mature adult knows that.

I choose to celebrate this Christmas season with love and compassion.

For those that disagree with my post, that's cool. I cannot be baited into an exchange of put-downs.

Happy Holidays to all!

Take care,
Luvs

 

[Leo tickles]

I think you're mean and obnoxious too . I am not blaming my Asperger Syndrome on everything but it does account for a lot of my problems. Just because I choose to talk about my problems on the forum doesn't mean I want a pity party and I am working on dealing with it in the best way I can. I am taking social skills classes and I AM DOING VERY WELL THANK YOU. I think you're a jerk and an asshole . I wouldn't want to talk to you anyway because you don't know me and I think you're a sorry excuse for a human being.

I am trying to deal with my disability okay. I would just wish that others would see me as the wonderful, caring and sensitive person that I am. Those are only a few of my good qualities. I know perfectly well that other people have disorders as well but Asperger Syndrome has only been known in this country since 1994 which hasn't been as long as some other disorders or disabilities have been known. How would you feel going over about half your life knowing that you were different but didn't know what it was called and that it had a name? I think you would have a problem too.

The bottom line is that if you can't be helpful and caring please don't respond to this thread anymore.

Okay, so we want to play a "it hasn't been around long" card and that I'm an asshole?

Kay, here's a story. I had sudden bouts of rage and became known as manipulative in my family. No problem right? An asshole with ADD or whatever. Well, after a bunch of docs examined me, I was diagnosed as perfectly normal. So, mommy took me to a few churches, and recently, one of them suggested to have a court order signed to perform an exorcism. Personally, I call bullshit on all of it, but there ya go, they diagnosed me. (There's obviously more to the story, this is for this..... female....to understand that people are dealing with shit far greater than her own).


Anyways, you don't see me walking around telling people to fear the second coming or blaming everything that goes wrong in my life on a demon. No. You see me posting in the religion forum, and when you don't see me posting, I'm trying to add 2 and 2 together to figure out what to do from here. (Not what's wrong with me, because if you ask me, there's something wrong with those who decided that I need an exorcism.)


Point is, I take responsibility and accept that some people won't like me and all I come with. You try to get this illness of yours to take that responsibility. I tried that, didn't happen. Devil may cry is a good video game title, but when shit hits the fan, it's not up to my B- horror movie glowing eyes to settle it, or up to your communication issues to run from it, it's up to the human being to put up and deal. You have failed to do that, and I'm sure I'm not the only person in your life who told you that.




disclaimer: I didn't make my story up. If you don't believe me, sucks. I'm not here to prove anything to anybody. I'm here to tell it like it is about me, and tell it like I see it where asked about other's. Girl keeps asking for opinions, I'm just merely giving her mine.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Okay, so we want to play a "it hasn't been around long" card and that I'm an asshole?

Kay, here's a story. I had sudden bouts of rage and became known as manipulative in my family. No problem right? An asshole with ADD or whatever. Well, after a bunch of docs examined me, I was diagnosed as perfectly normal. So, mommy took me to a few churches, and recently, one of them suggested to have a court order signed to perform an exorcism. Personally, I call bullshit on all of it, but there ya go, they diagnosed me. (There's obviously more to the story, this is for this..... female....to understand that people are dealing with shit far greater than her own).


Anyways, you don't see me walking around telling people to fear the second coming or blaming everything that goes wrong in my life on a demon. No. You see me posting in the re Iligion forum, and when you don't see me posting, I'm trying to add 2 and 2 together to figure out what to do from here. (Not what's wrong with me, because if you ask me, there's something wrong with those who decided that I need an exorcism.)


Point is, I take responsibility and accept that some people won't like me and all I come with. You try to get this illness of yours to take that responsibility. I tried that, didn't happen. Devil may cry is a good video game title, but when shit hits the fan, it's not up to my B- horror movie glowing eyes to settle it, or up to your communication issues to run from it, it's up to the human being to put up and deal. You have failed to do that, and I'm sure I'm not the only person in your life who told you that.




disclaimer: I didn't make my story up. If you don't believe me, sucks. I'm not here to prove anything to anybody. I'm here to tell it like it is about me, and tell it like I see it where asked about other's. Girl keeps asking for opinions, I'm just merely giving her mine.

Actually you are the first person to tell me that I have failed to deal. If you have been paying attention to this thread you would have realized that I am trying to help myself. I checked your profile and you are very young so I'll consider the source. I WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR! I DON'T WANT YOUR OPINONS ANYMORE! You don't know me or what's happened to me in my life and I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I DON'T HAVE AN ILLNESS, IT'S A DISABILITY! If you keep on being ignorant and mean, I will just ignore you or anyone else that is being a jerk. You'll just make an ass out of yourself without me responding to you!

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

One thing I have always liked about this forum is that for the most part everyone seems to be very nice.

We are a community because we share a common interest. I for one feel a close friendship with a few folks here. I do not know Jen very well yet, but she always seems to have good intentions when she posts. Some of you may feel she is whining in posts about her relationship issues, but what I see is a person truly in pain and reaching out.

I believe in tough love for those close to me. If you are not a close friend of Jen's, what type of reaction would you expect? As acquaintances of Jen's, we should be doing nothing but trying to build her up. If you feel she is on a self pity trip, then just ignore the thread. Words can cut like a knife...every mature adult knows that.

I choose to celebrate this Christmas season with love and compassion.

For those that disagree with my post, that's cool. I cannot be baited into an exchange of put-downs.

Happy Holidays to all!

Take care,
Luvs

Thanks for your support Luvs and yes I am just reaching out for help, that's all. Need more people that are sensible on this thread unlike some others. I am a work in progress just like everyone else.

 

[alf]

Okay now i have to tell & another person said it as well ( ticklishgiggle ) that making of your syndrom a whole mess before any date, as if the guy only focused on this is plain wrong. Of course it's not easy, but try at least to think positive dammnit ! Many people have more important disabilities and are able to get over them, so why cant' you ? You're not worst than anyone else.

Now another point apart this : you thank people who read your threads, and then are angry cause they try to help you and give you some advices you don't like to hear .... i'm sorry but that's life.