Living alone.....for the first time, Ill admit Im a little down about it

[RobAce]

Well as many of you know I have had the pleasure of having my 2 girls live with me for the past 2 years. Well tomorrow morning...I will be taking them to live with their mom for the summer, and perhaps a little longer. She has fixed herself up and deserves another chance with her daughters. I know I am doing the right thing by giving her a chance, but all the same I will be alone for the first time ever. I went from living with my parents, to the USAF (roommates there) to living with Jason (my TMF radio co-host), then living with my brother and his wife. From there it was 1 roommate, then a big house with 3 others. From there I got married, then again with my brother...then with my children.
When I get home tomorrow afternoon...I will be alone.
I will miss the sounds of my little ones playing, singing and yes even fighting as sisters do. Nothing will be able to replace my 5 and 7 year old telling me after a long day that they love me, and hugging me. I have grown up a lot in the past two years, being a single father with no support from anyone. Even family around me that had told me they would help, seemed not interested when the time came...and other situations (at least with my parents) came up where they could not help me due to medical reasons.
But here I am. On my own. 35 years old, divorced, and soon.....alone.
Not that I am panning for sympathy mind you. There are going to be a lot of things I can do now that I could not with my girls living with me. But to me my children are my life...and they are the only thing I would give up everything for.
Why am I writing this then if I'm not looking for sympathy you ask, simple.
To let my friends know that if my posting seems a little disinterested, if I stay away for a few days, or if I do something unlike me in a thread...take it with a grain of salt. This is gonna take a little while to get used to. But I know Ill bounce back. Heck I will see my kids for 2 weeks after every 2 months, and I will get Christmas with them as well. So perhaps it is not all doom and gloom for lil ol me. After all, one chapter ends and another begins. And sooner than I know it, my little ones will be living with me again...driving me insane and giving my listening audience a chuckle while they ask me for a snack when I am doing my show.
Now I know many people here are like shhhhhiiiiiiittttt, I been on my own for years and I don't complain. Thats cool, I hope that will be my attitude after a month or two. But when you get used to something for so long, you get a little strange when you no longer have it.
So in closing...thank you to all my friends who have supported me and have been there for me. I may need to lean on a few of you a bit more in the coming months, so if I begin to annoy you....just remind me that I am. I wont mind...Ill just make fun of you later for it.

Well thats about it.

You may return to your regular viewing at this time.

Rob


PS: Any women want to visit this part of the US? Need a place to stay for a day or two? Shoot me a PM, I have an extra room....no strings attached. Only some fuzzy handcuffs and perhaps a velcro strap or two.
(Not even I can be totally serious in a serious thread...so perhaps I'm gonna be OK after all)

 

[some1somewhere]

I know I am doing the right thing by giving her a chance, but all the same I will be alone for the first time ever.

Wow, it is tough. Do you have family close by? Are there those close to support and bring you comfort? I have lived alone for over 10 years now. It is tough, and having those around you can make the difference between a Friday night alone, and a Friday night with those who love you... which make a big difference. One of the reasons I moved back to the town I grew up in.

Nothing will be able to replace my 5 and 7 year old telling me after a long day that they love me, and hugging me. I have grown up a lot in the past two years, being a single father with no support from anyone.

There are a part of you, in both a physical and spiritual sense. It is going to be tough, and for a long time. You will need strength to deal with such.

But to me my children are my life...and they are the only thing I would give up everything for.

As well they should be!

Why am I writing this then if I'm not looking for sympathy you ask, simple.
To let my friends know that if my posting seems a little disinterested, if I stay away for a few days, or if I do something unlike me in a thread...take it with a grain of salt. This is gonna take a little while to get used to. But I know Ill bounce back. Heck I will see my kids for 2 weeks after every 2 months, and I will get Christmas with them as well. So perhaps it is not all doom and gloom for lil ol me. After all, one chapter ends and another begins. And sooner than I know it, my little ones will be living with me again...driving me insane and giving my listening audience a chuckle while they ask me for a snack when I am doing my show.

If you need anything, or someone to talk to let me know. Maybe this is providence in action? Do not be afraid to ask for something... there are many people here waiting to help.

 

[Saeria]

I somewhat know what you mean about being alone. The new still hasn't completely worn off of my separation and pending divorce. Sometimes it's still strange to sit in my house in the middle of the night and hear only silence where i used to hear sounds of a tv in the background and raucous snoring. It's too quiet. I can only imagine what it would be like without my daughter around too. I guess i could say that is truly my greatest fear, to lose the daily presence of my very best friend. If i had to go through what you're going through I seriously doubt i would fare very well for a while. I'm sure many others too would completely understand why you may seem aloof at times. I hope this is at least a swift transition, though i'm sure it may not be easy at first, and getting to still see those beautiful girls will lift your spirits.

 

[RobAce]

Yeah...its 430am and I'm still awake...this sucks.

Wow, it is tough. Do you have family close by? Are there those close to support and bring you comfort? I have lived alone for over 10 years now. It is tough, and having those around you can make the difference between a Friday night alone, and a Friday night with those who love you... which make a big difference. One of the reasons I moved back to the town I grew up in.

My brother and sister-in-law live in the same area, about 20 minutes away. My mom and dad live in Atlanta, about an hour away. It will take some of the sting away...I can see my niece and nephew, but it is no substitute for my own little ones. But it will help some, I plan on seeing my mom a lot.

There are a part of you, in both a physical and spiritual sense. It is going to be tough, and for a long time. You will need strength to deal with such.

Will I ever. I am not ashamed to admit Ive spent almost the last hour crying while packing the last little things they need. But I have learned better to do it than hold it in and make myself feel worse. I could ignore it, but it isn't healthy and Ive had some problems stem from holding in too much.

If you need anything, or someone to talk to let me know. Maybe this is providence in action? Do not be afraid to ask for something... there are many people here waiting to help.

I am usually not afraid too, but I also have never been one to air to much of my personal business, at least when it comes to my little ones. But I know I have a HUGE group of great friends that will help me through. Kind of nice to see you back around, and at a time I need ya some1.

I somewhat know what you mean about being alone. The new still hasn't completely worn off of my separation and pending divorce. Sometimes it's still strange to sit in my house in the middle of the night and hear only silence where i used to hear sounds of a tv in the background and raucous snoring. It's too quiet. I can only imagine what it would be like without my daughter around too. I guess i could say that is truly my greatest fear, to lose the daily presence of my very best friend. If i had to go through what you're going through I seriously doubt i would fare very well for a while. I'm sure many others too would completely understand why you may seem aloof at times. I hope this is at least a swift transition, though i'm sure it may not be easy at first, and getting to still see those beautiful girls will lift your spirits.

Yeah..its gonna be strange. I may find myself talking to my fish just to keep me amused. I thought about getting a cat or dog, but my landlord does not allow it....so I may have to find something else...or perhaps devote more time to coaching youth sports and just keep myself active.
And yes, the blessing is every 2 months I get them for 2 weeks of fun. Just me and them. So I do have something to look forward too.

Thanks to both of you for your responses.

Rob

 

[cloudgazer2k]

i'm somewhat in the same boat as you. i've never lived alone. bouncing from place to place, where there have always been others to be around. even when the money starts looking better, i won't be alone. funny thing is, there are days i'd love the silence and isolation, and others...i dunno how well i'd handle it.

maybe you ought to look into doing group stuff? maybe host a game night or something. could take the edge off.

 

[unclebill]

Having been through a divorce myself and raising two daughters I speak with experience, Rob. What bothers me about your situation is the girls leaving you for the entire summer, and as you said "perhaps a little longer". Thats too long a period to be without seeing them. Your daughters need to spend time with BOTH parents. To take them away for such a long period of time in my opinion is not a good idea. I`m getting ready to depart and will be gone for the entire day, but if you want to talk Sunday or Monday feel free to pm me. For a Democrat, I`m not such a bad guy and have had the benefit of dating many single moms since my divorce which has given me even more knowledge in dealing with child custody issues such as your own.

 

[tkrexx]

That's a big step, Rob, the sudden empty nest. It's gonna screw up everything for a while, even your internal clock. You're gonna wind up with LOTS of free time, might even experience that "Boredom" thing I hear people complain about. You're up to it, Pal. You done a great job with those kids, they'll be okay, but they WILL be happy to get back home to ya. Don't be afraid to call them whenever. They'll appreciate it, even if their Ma doesn't. Meanwhile, enjoy the summer! Think about yourself for a change.

 

[Pokey]

Rob, you always know best for your girls and I am sure this is no exception. As always, you put what you beleive to be the best for all you are around, let alone your girls. One good thing to come from this, the old man here finally gets to meet you later in the year and that makes me again feel blessed, getting to physically meet someone that I am already friends with. Very, very cool. If you were looking for it, I would give you major iinsights as to how to handle the ups and downs of this hard time for you, but that would require much more brain matter than I have so i'll just say to you that you are loved by many, this friend included.

Hope your time with the other kids Monday goes well, as usual. Later......Jim

 

[TonyInMyThroat]

PS: Any women want to visit this part of the US? Need a place to stay for a day or two? Shoot me a PM, I have an extra room....no strings attached. Only some fuzzy handcuffs and perhaps a velcro strap or two.

Using the sympathy card is a hell of a way to pick up chicks Rob …

Any single pals in your area? Make sure they know of your newly found free time, and become a familiar face at Friday night happy hour. I have a feeling you’ll soon end up much busier than you were with the kids around.

 

[terorizer]

Wow. I can't say I know how you feel exactly, yet I feel for you just the same. Nothing can take the place of the little ones being there. I can only say this is a good time to focus on the parental duty that usually always falls to last: the parental duty to self. You girls still need you and they need you to be your best, whether they are physically in your presence or not. I know a lot of times parents get into a habit of not taking care of their own needs, so maybe this is an opportunity for you to take some internal inventory and be a little more self-serving then you have been. Well roundedness and all that stuff. A better you makes you a better daddy even! Still, feel for ya!

 

[kurchatovium]

Hang in there my good friend. If you ever need to talk for any reason just give me a call anytime. Peace and wuv.

kurch

 

[Gothika]

well i dont know how it feels to live alone because i have alwasy lived with others i dont even think i could live alone it would totaly suck.anyway you always have your tmf family with you anytime u need them.

 

[KrazieDog]

You're a good man and good father Rob. You'll handle this just fine. The missing the girls of course won't go away, but you learn to handle the "empty nest" syndrome better. You'll also grow to appreciate the quiet time sometimes, and for the other times, as suggested, maybe think of organizing a poker night or game night every once and a while. You're a trooper sir, and you'll be alright. For all the times in between, the family is all here waiting.

 

[tickleshotel]

Rob, It will be tough for you as your girls have lived with you for the past 2 years and I know you will be sad,feel like something is missing when you return home tomorrow.
But find comfort Rob in knowing that certainly your girls will be missing you ,remembering and cherishing the time and the activities you have shared together the 3 of you .Not to mention Having a difficult time going through their daily routine and they will be feeling,missing their Daddy whether it's sitting down for breakfast,getting ready for bed or watching a movie with a bowl of popcorn,soda.

Take one day at a time , don't be too hard on yourself and try to do what you enjoy which might take your mind off things for a short time . I am here as a friend if you need someone to talk to about anything at all and everyone needs a Rock in their life to lift them up.You have been one of the friends who have been there for me when I was going through difficult times ,and Now I am here for you MY PM box is open to you and I check it couple times a day,late at night so no time is not good.HUgs

 

[RobAce]

Well I am back home now....the drop off made and now I'm settling in.

I am not doing too bad right now...kind of enjoying the silence and doing what I want. But it will set in at sometime and I am happy to know I have a lot of good friends to count on.

What bothers me about your situation is the girls leaving you for the entire summer, and as you said "perhaps a little longer".

What I meant by that is that they may live with their mother longer, like for the next school year, but I will be getting them for 2 weeks every 2 months. So it will not be like I will not see them. But going from everyday to 2 weeks every couple of months will be a change for me. But there are other situations that I was made aware of today...and perhaps, they may be coming back soon to live with their dear ol dad. At least I am hoping so.

But thank you everyone for your PM's and well wishes in this thread.
It is appreciated more than you know.

Rob

 

[falcon]

Hey Rob,
I can't really speak intelligently regarding your situation because I am not a prarent, but I know that last week I went to Utah for a day (a mere 3 hour drive from vegas) and it felt strange because I was alone, my wife left at home. So I can kind of relate a little and feel your pain.....just a little. I hope that you can adjust well and I know that you have a lot of support from your family here, including me. Take care, bro.

 

[Bohemianne]

Whenever I feel so down or lonely, I always tell myself repeatedly: "It will be over, it will be over..."

It's been tough, Rob, but this may be the time to enjoy the silence a bit. Being with my loved ones all the time makes me feel the other way around: what if one day I tried to be alone?...maybe I'll feel the same or maybe I do crazy things again...like ironing the clothes or cooking while naked...not kiddin'...lol...just to cheer you up!

Goodluck!

 

[wanderingpixie2112]

Yeah..its gonna be strange. I may find myself talking to my fish just to keep me amused. I thought about getting a cat or dog, but my landlord does not allow it....so I may have to find something else...or perhaps devote more time to coaching youth sports and just keep myself active.

Sorry to hear about what you're going through, Robace.

Just a random thought here: whilst fish are fun, they're not the most interactive of pets, no? I don't know what your situation is, but would it be worth approaching your landlord and offering to pay some form of 'pet bond' so you can get a kitten or puppy?

Take care.