Well....
Four years ago I boarded a bus bound for Athens. My little girls crying for me not to leave, but I had to. My now ex-wife had no place for me in her life. She did not want to deal with my neurological condition. She did not want to take care of me, and could not deal with me constantly in pain.
She had told too many lies to so many people about how I was faking being in pain and I was lazy, that no one would offer me even a room for the night to figure out how we could move on as a family. Her family, which was there of course took her and my children in, but as for me I had no where to stay.
My brother and sister-in-law took in me. A great friend sent me some cash for a bus ticket and money for food, which I gave the money for food to my children so they could buy something to cheer themselves up. I told them daddy would be home soon and I was just leaving to see a doctor to feel better. And even though at that time she (my ex) told me this was just temporary until we got our tax return and got another place together, somewhere I knew she wouldn't take me back.
So I remember sitting on a bus, in pain, crying like I never had before, and only worse one time after. I remember looking out the window and every song that played on my CD walkman reminded me of her, my kids and how my life was over. One of those moments that felt like the pain would last forever and nothing ever would smell, touch, taste or feel the same ever again. Everything was tainted, I was a failure. Why was I in so much pain? Why couldn't I work? Why did everything go wrong? Maybe she was right. Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe I was just messed up and she was right for leaving me. Maybe I was no good to anyone.
I had it all. Two beautiful children, a wife, a home, my health and everything I ever wanted out of life. And in the span of 6 months..from April to September it was all gone. I was alone, in pain, without my loved ones and any hope. Everything I owned was now placed into 1 box and 2 duffle bags. That was all I could take with me. Everything else I had, built over a decade I had to leave. I came to Athens with my computer, 7 changes of clothes, pictures and some music. I seriously thought I would never be happy again. I couldn't be happy again. I was a failure and doomed to a life as such.
I did the best I could. I managed for a few days after by eating a little food and wallowing in a lot of self pity. But after finally talking to my children, hearing how much they missed me, how much they needed me I realized I had to pull myself up no matter the pain, physical and mental. I began treatments to start to help my condition. Though the pain would always be there, I was given medications and treatments to help me at least not be in a wheelchair and to regain some stamina. I knew that if I was going to love my children and be strong for them, I had to move on and begin all over again. For the 4th time in my life....I was starting over.
So I wanted to get in touch again with my whole self, and low and behold I remembered that when I was with my wife, she never minded the forum but never allowed me to post. She did not want me being friends with the community, but was okay with the material...because it kept me ready for her. Well, I turned on the computer...logged back into the forum and just lurked. Then I noticed how receptive people were. I noticed a lot of people with great ideas, helping each other. I saw friendships. I saw things that made me think....why couldn't I have that.
After a little while I began to post. A little here and there, mostly in the P&R. Then I branched out. I just tried to fit in. Not being too fiesty. Not being too "Poor Me". Not being anything but myself. After a while I had made a couple of connections. Made some friends, and then I told people what was going on with me. I was honest, upfront and did not ask for anything. Just was giving an update and looking for a little cheer me up by letting it all out. I had not spoken of a lot of things, and needed a way to let out my pain. I did.
Immediately I was swarmed with PM's, messages of well wishes. Messages of hope, and a support group filled with people who also were divorcing, already were divorced and people that dealt with other things in their lives that could relate to my situation. We talked for months via the forum. Then finally exchanged numbers with many. And all of them...all of you helped me through. I was at the lowest part of my life, and THIS FORUM, yes this little fetish forum picked me up, accepted me and helped me through.
Not because I was a cute young female. Not because I was a built, washboard ab having, dark haired, young handsome guy. Not because I made videos or had something to offer the community other than myself.
It was because I was myself. It was because I treated people with respect. It was because I was sincere.
So today, on the basic 4 year anniversary I just wanted to say THANK YOU! Thank you to everyone for making this place the way it is. Even with the fighting, the drama, all those little little under currents...this place is still a great place to be and I would not have it any other way.
I know many people do not come here for not much more than to fill their fetish urge and thats cool. Some do not need or want the human element. However I tell you from experience. From 4 years of lurking, to 4 years of being active...I am a much happier person now, than I ever was before. I have made a whole life for myself. Where my fetish and my life can be as one, and I have THIS FORUM to thank for it. So where people can call this "just another fetish forum", I could never. This to me IS a community. This is a place I can go to be with friends, make new ones and share a lot of myself. These people here already know the most personal thing about me and thus it makes it easier to talk about the other things in my life.
Thank you again, to everyone here and the MODS, for making this place what it is. I will not single anyone out..because there are far too many people here that have helped me in one way or another, as well as many people here that helped me that may never know they did. So thank you to everyone from the bottom of my heart. Truly I am better person, father and friend for having all of you in my life. I have never in my life had such a wealth of friends that care. Many of you may look at this and laugh or think, are these people really his friends? I will tell you this, they are. And the fact that I am still here, happier than I have ever been is what proves that. And it was not for any other reason, than I was myself and people accepted that.
I had never gone to a gathering until last year (Aug 08) and only have been to 2 total gatherings. So it is not the amount of time you spend with someone but how you spend that time you are given, even if you are a thousand miles away...and can manage nothing but a phone call once in a while.
Everyone can do this. Just be yourself, be real and be respectful.
Again....THANK YOU to everyone, no matter if you have been here since the beginning, for 4 years or for 2 months.
I am humbled and honored by each and every one of your friendships...I treasure all of you.
Sincerely,
Robert
Four years ago I boarded a bus bound for Athens. My little girls crying for me not to leave, but I had to. My now ex-wife had no place for me in her life. She did not want to deal with my neurological condition. She did not want to take care of me, and could not deal with me constantly in pain.
She had told too many lies to so many people about how I was faking being in pain and I was lazy, that no one would offer me even a room for the night to figure out how we could move on as a family. Her family, which was there of course took her and my children in, but as for me I had no where to stay.
My brother and sister-in-law took in me. A great friend sent me some cash for a bus ticket and money for food, which I gave the money for food to my children so they could buy something to cheer themselves up. I told them daddy would be home soon and I was just leaving to see a doctor to feel better. And even though at that time she (my ex) told me this was just temporary until we got our tax return and got another place together, somewhere I knew she wouldn't take me back.
So I remember sitting on a bus, in pain, crying like I never had before, and only worse one time after. I remember looking out the window and every song that played on my CD walkman reminded me of her, my kids and how my life was over. One of those moments that felt like the pain would last forever and nothing ever would smell, touch, taste or feel the same ever again. Everything was tainted, I was a failure. Why was I in so much pain? Why couldn't I work? Why did everything go wrong? Maybe she was right. Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe I was just messed up and she was right for leaving me. Maybe I was no good to anyone.
I had it all. Two beautiful children, a wife, a home, my health and everything I ever wanted out of life. And in the span of 6 months..from April to September it was all gone. I was alone, in pain, without my loved ones and any hope. Everything I owned was now placed into 1 box and 2 duffle bags. That was all I could take with me. Everything else I had, built over a decade I had to leave. I came to Athens with my computer, 7 changes of clothes, pictures and some music. I seriously thought I would never be happy again. I couldn't be happy again. I was a failure and doomed to a life as such.
I did the best I could. I managed for a few days after by eating a little food and wallowing in a lot of self pity. But after finally talking to my children, hearing how much they missed me, how much they needed me I realized I had to pull myself up no matter the pain, physical and mental. I began treatments to start to help my condition. Though the pain would always be there, I was given medications and treatments to help me at least not be in a wheelchair and to regain some stamina. I knew that if I was going to love my children and be strong for them, I had to move on and begin all over again. For the 4th time in my life....I was starting over.
So I wanted to get in touch again with my whole self, and low and behold I remembered that when I was with my wife, she never minded the forum but never allowed me to post. She did not want me being friends with the community, but was okay with the material...because it kept me ready for her. Well, I turned on the computer...logged back into the forum and just lurked. Then I noticed how receptive people were. I noticed a lot of people with great ideas, helping each other. I saw friendships. I saw things that made me think....why couldn't I have that.
After a little while I began to post. A little here and there, mostly in the P&R. Then I branched out. I just tried to fit in. Not being too fiesty. Not being too "Poor Me". Not being anything but myself. After a while I had made a couple of connections. Made some friends, and then I told people what was going on with me. I was honest, upfront and did not ask for anything. Just was giving an update and looking for a little cheer me up by letting it all out. I had not spoken of a lot of things, and needed a way to let out my pain. I did.
Immediately I was swarmed with PM's, messages of well wishes. Messages of hope, and a support group filled with people who also were divorcing, already were divorced and people that dealt with other things in their lives that could relate to my situation. We talked for months via the forum. Then finally exchanged numbers with many. And all of them...all of you helped me through. I was at the lowest part of my life, and THIS FORUM, yes this little fetish forum picked me up, accepted me and helped me through.
Not because I was a cute young female. Not because I was a built, washboard ab having, dark haired, young handsome guy. Not because I made videos or had something to offer the community other than myself.
It was because I was myself. It was because I treated people with respect. It was because I was sincere.
So today, on the basic 4 year anniversary I just wanted to say THANK YOU! Thank you to everyone for making this place the way it is. Even with the fighting, the drama, all those little little under currents...this place is still a great place to be and I would not have it any other way.
I know many people do not come here for not much more than to fill their fetish urge and thats cool. Some do not need or want the human element. However I tell you from experience. From 4 years of lurking, to 4 years of being active...I am a much happier person now, than I ever was before. I have made a whole life for myself. Where my fetish and my life can be as one, and I have THIS FORUM to thank for it. So where people can call this "just another fetish forum", I could never. This to me IS a community. This is a place I can go to be with friends, make new ones and share a lot of myself. These people here already know the most personal thing about me and thus it makes it easier to talk about the other things in my life.
Thank you again, to everyone here and the MODS, for making this place what it is. I will not single anyone out..because there are far too many people here that have helped me in one way or another, as well as many people here that helped me that may never know they did. So thank you to everyone from the bottom of my heart. Truly I am better person, father and friend for having all of you in my life. I have never in my life had such a wealth of friends that care. Many of you may look at this and laugh or think, are these people really his friends? I will tell you this, they are. And the fact that I am still here, happier than I have ever been is what proves that. And it was not for any other reason, than I was myself and people accepted that.
I had never gone to a gathering until last year (Aug 08) and only have been to 2 total gatherings. So it is not the amount of time you spend with someone but how you spend that time you are given, even if you are a thousand miles away...and can manage nothing but a phone call once in a while.
Everyone can do this. Just be yourself, be real and be respectful.
Again....THANK YOU to everyone, no matter if you have been here since the beginning, for 4 years or for 2 months.
I am humbled and honored by each and every one of your friendships...I treasure all of you.
Sincerely,
Robert
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for you. Happy Anniversary of survival.
Its an honor to have you as a friend. 
