My Boyfriend doesn't like to be tickled... Suggestions?

[inspired]

I've been dating this guy for 7 months, we are sexually active and pretty vanilla. He let me tie him up once because he knows I liked it, but outside of that, he doesn't have any fetishes. He doesn't know about my fetish because well, frankly, he doesn't seem to like tickling. I have tendency to look for any reason to tickle him, I'll poke him in the ribs if he makes a joke at me, or try to get away with running my nails up and down his sides while we're laying together, but whenever it goes on for more than a few seconds he asks me to stop and gets visibly annoyed.

Just the other day he brought it to my attention when I got a little carried away and held his ankle down for a few seconds while I tickled his foot after he made a joke at me. His response was immediate and heavy, but he stopped me quick and got annoyed. It's becoming sort of an issue for me, and I wonder sometimes if it's a problem because I do it mostly when we're joking around and we're making jokes at each other, so it's almost like it's in "retaliation," so it gives it a negative feeling on some level.

I know there have been threads about girlfriends who don't like being ticklish, but does anybody know what to do with a boyfriend who doesn't like getting tickled? Any ideas how to get him to warm up to it? Any ideas on how to do it in a less negative way?

 

[derkitzelnkonig]

Sorry to say, but if he really acts like that after a few seconds and obviously genuinely dislikes it even a little bit, chances are that its never going to change in the future.

Maybe tell him it really turns you on to tickle him and tell him that you want to do it. If hes not cool with it I guess your outta luck...

This is why its good to let boyfriends / girlfriends what your into etc early on, and not tip toe around the issue or try to keep it secret cause all that does is end up with a long relationship full of lusting for stuff your not getting (and could be getting from someone else) and then a difficult breakup after youve built a strong emotional attachment...

of course tickling is not everything in relationship, but obviously its an important part to us here. I like it just for the fact of the contact - I'm quite a touchy feely person, and want all aspects of it in my relationships; playful, sensual, torturous...

For me though the idea of knowing you cant because the person just hates it would ruin it for me, thats worse than if they just werent ticklish IMO.

 

[rhiannon]

know there have been threads about girlfriends who don't like being ticklish, but does anybody know what to do with a boyfriend who doesn't like getting tickled? Any ideas how to get him to warm up to it?

You do the same thing than with a girlfriend: don't tickle him! Especially since he doesn't only seem to dislike it a little, he gets annoyed. That is a sign that he REALLY doesn't like it.

Imagine him bringing out a whip wanting to whip your butt. How would you warm up to that?

 

[ChicagoDavid]

It’s time to tell him that it turns you on. Knowing that, if he cares for you, he may modify his view of it. For example, I don’t want to be spanked, but if I knew that it turned on a woman I cared about, I’d view it more positively, though I’d probably never be able to handle as much as someone who is more naturally into it. I think the same may hold true for your boyfriend. You have little to lose by trying, as the noncandid approach clearly is not working!

 

[Em Es]

The tickle buddy argument

inspired, your ticklish situation reminds me of my tickle buddy philosophy. To find someone with whom you're compatible for the vanilla side of life is hard enough; add in getting him or her to have your kink in common or at least understanding/tolerant of it, and a lot of luck you will need.

Unless tickling is just too sexual for you - in other words, the tickle play has to lead to sex - I think all ticklers, ticklees, and switches should cultivate platonic tickle friends on the side. That way, we can keep sex for lovers and tickling for our fellow tickling enthusiasts.

 

[StevePerry4Ever]

but does anybody know what to do with a boyfriend who doesn't like getting tickled? Any ideas how to get him to warm up to it? Any ideas on how to do it in a less negative way?

I found a solution. Would you like to go out some time?

 

[barefeetarebest]

I am sorry to hear that you are having to endure that. It obviously is one of your pleasures and sadly, not one of his. It is a painful situation to be in, I know.

 

[Lttg]

The best possible advice has already been given I think. You basically come clean about your love of tickling with him, and judge your next move based on the outcome. As far as I can see it can go three realistic ways.

1) He cares enough about you that he puts up with it for you.
2) He cares enough about you that he wants to put up with it, but just can't handle it because he hates it.
3) He flat out says no.

Looking at that s a 1 in 3 chance of it working is a not what you wanted to hear I'm sure, but that's just how it works. I went through the same thing with a girl a while back, in that she didn't like to be tickled. And I wish I'd had the advice from this thread back then, because then I would have come clean with her much sooner, and if it didn't work out then it wouldn't be that bad.

As it was, I spent 10 months trying to make it work, either ignoring my urge to tickle her, or going through a massive bargaining session "How about if I..." "What about if I only..."
By the time I realised It just wasnt going to work because I couldn't be in a relationship without tickling, I was so heavily invested in the relationship that the break up was a major pain. Far better to be honest and open about everything in the first few months.

 

[Morning Lorie]

You make him understand that tickling is part of the beautiful package that is you. One way to do that is to bargain with him. He wants sex? Okay, it's his choice to have it before or after you tie him and tickle him.

 

[rhiannon]

He wants sex? Okay, it's his choice to have it before or after you tie him and tickle him.

Bad idea! If I guy told me "You want sex? Okay, before or after I spilled hot wax on you?", I'd show him where the door is!

I always just hear "If he/she cares about you, then he/she will do it for you"....I never read "If you care about him/her, you will not want him/her to go through something that they don't like".

What happened to that?

 

[derkitzelnkonig]

I agree,

People always says "compromise" but in my opinion and experience, if you have to compromise on really important things that leads to trouble. Comprimise on things like "Ill go pick stupid apples with you if you go to the baseball game with me" is a lil different than compromising on something like sexual desires and needs.

Better to just be with someone who will let you tickle them and not get all pissy about it.

Even if an ultimatum is given and they halfheartedly agree that doesnt change the fact that they dont like it. Eventually there will come a point where they just cut you off from it (hopefully not when its reached a point when your married)

That is why it is good to tell each other about all your kinks and fantasies etc within the first few dates. WHY DATE SOMEONE IF YOU DO NOT KNOW THEY CAN OR WILL SATISFY YOU???

 

[Comfort Eagle]

Dump him and date me.

 

[Lttg]

You make him understand that tickling is part of the beautiful package that is you. One way to do that is to bargain with him. He wants sex? Okay, it's his choice to have it before or after you tie him and tickle him.

Using sex as a bargaining/blackmail tool is one of the most offputting things a person can do in my opinion. I would strongly recommend not doing this, because at best you'll be tickling someone who seriously resents you for it, and at worst you'll end the relationship on the spot

I always just hear "If he/she cares about you, then he/she will do it for you"....I never read "If you care about him/her, you will not want him/her to go through something that they don't like".

What happened to that?

The point is, you shouldn't have to hide who you are or what you want from the person who, theoretically, loves you and wants to make you happy. I'm not suggesting that people should never change themselves to fit their partner, but its the difference between remembering to pick your socks up off the floor and put them in the linen basket, and attempting to remove a deep rooted part of your psyche.

One is an annoying habit that requires effort from you to change but otherwise causes no harm. The other can be seriously damaging and lead to a lifetime of repression and regret. On something as fundamental as sexual preference, if you cant change, and he cant change, then it essentially means that you aren't sexually compatible. And as painful as it may be to realise, that;s a pretty strong indicator that you shouldn't be together.

 

[john_q]

Dump him!

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

You make him understand that tickling is part of the beautiful package that is you. One way to do that is to bargain with him. He wants sex? Okay, it's his choice to have it before or after you tie him and tickle him.

Best idea yet. And if he "shows you the door" he'll get to watch you walk out of his life and into the waiting arms of someone three times the guy he is, who will gladly (if a little fearfully) submit to your tickling fingertips. Either way, you win.

 

[MrTicklefeet]

Been there. Find another boyfriend.

 

[rhiannon]

The point is, you shouldn't have to hide who you are or what you want from the person who, theoretically, loves you and wants to make you happy. I'm not suggesting that people should never change themselves to fit their partner, but its the difference between remembering to pick your socks up off the floor and put them in the linen basket, and attempting to remove a deep rooted part of your psyche.

One is an annoying habit that requires effort from you to change but otherwise causes no harm. The other can be seriously damaging and lead to a lifetime of repression and regret. On something as fundamental as sexual preference, if you cant change, and he cant change, then it essentially means that you aren't sexually compatible. And as painful as it may be to realise, that;s a pretty strong indicator that you shouldn't be together.

The question is, how important is the person to her, and how important the tickling. Is tickling the only thing that turns her on? Can she have a fullfilling sexlife without it? Is the relationship fine otherwise?

If he truly doesn't like tickling, nothing can change that. I had a friend who would do something her husband liked sexually although she didn't like it to make him happy. They divorce now, and she is at a point where she is afraid to have sex because she always links something unpleasant to it.

If you truly can't live without something your partner doesn't like doing, then that partner isn't the right one for you.

 

[Sandisk444]

If you can live without tickling him and you see a future with him, stay with him and ignore that part.

If you can't live without it then you can't, and it's not fair for him or you to be in a relationship that you're not happy in. Think about it hard though, don't just make a rash decision about it

 

[TickleMeP1nK]

You can't make him agree to be tied up and then get tickled lol. I don't he would change and all of the sudden begin to like it...sucks though.

 

[Snail Shell]

I've been dating this guy for 7 months, we are sexually active and pretty vanilla. He let me tie him up once because he knows I liked it, but outside of that, he doesn't have any fetishes. He doesn't know about my fetish because well, frankly, he doesn't seem to like tickling. I have tendency to look for any reason to tickle him, I'll poke him in the ribs if he makes a joke at me, or try to get away with running my nails up and down his sides while we're laying together, but whenever it goes on for more than a few seconds he asks me to stop and gets visibly annoyed.

Just the other day he brought it to my attention when I got a little carried away and held his ankle down for a few seconds while I tickled his foot after he made a joke at me. His response was immediate and heavy, but he stopped me quick and got annoyed. It's becoming sort of an issue for me, and I wonder sometimes if it's a problem because I do it mostly when we're joking around and we're making jokes at each other, so it's almost like it's in "retaliation," so it gives it a negative feeling on some level.

I know there have been threads about girlfriends who don't like being ticklish, but does anybody know what to do with a boyfriend who doesn't like getting tickled? Any ideas how to get him to warm up to it? Any ideas on how to do it in a less negative way?

Tell him the truth about your fetish.

If he decides he likes it, or at least can live with it, no problems.

If he doesn't and you can't live with someone who doesn't like to be tickled, it may well be time to move on.

SS

 

[LadyNerd]

I hate to say it but it might be a losing battle. I had a buddy who hated being tickled and his gf I was relatively certain had a thing for it. She also had a lot of other kinks, particularly involving handcuffs. But I remember this one massive ass argument they had that went on for weeks cause one day when she had cuffed she laid into him and tickled the bejeebus out of him for quit a while. He wasn't expecting it and was pretty pissed off. It took him a good long while to forgive her for that one.

I can't say I blame the guy in that instance. Being handcuffed and made unable to move is something that involves a lot of trust, more so if one isn't into it or is wary of it.
Regardless, if the boyfriend isn't into it, but it's something you can't go without, the two of you may not be compatible. There's no reason to force something on him that might end in a rather bad break up when he gets pissed off that you won't stop even after he has shown he doesn't like it.

 

[solescratcher99]

A theory I've gained from personal experience is that people who genuinely lament being tickled have psychological control issues; male and female.

On the other hand, if they really don't like it, then there's not much you can do... unless you have your own control issues and are trying to find ways to psychologically manipulate him. You might pull a fast one over him and get him to agree to it, but its ultimately going to wind up with him feeling resentful and hating you for it.

Personally, I don't get it though. If my girlfriend wanted to tickle me, I'd say, "have at it tiger!" Of course, I'm talking about tickling as a form of foreplay or flirting and not as an end in itself. I don't really know how its physiologically possible for someone to ejaculate while tickling/being tickled. You can become aroused, sure, but not ejaculate.

 

[rhiannon]

A theory I've gained from personal experience is that people who genuinely lament being tickled have psychological control issues; male and female.

Same thing with being tied. Some people just have personalities which won't allow something like that without causing them extreme discomfort. That should just be respected then.

I don't really know how its physiologically possible for someone to ejaculate while tickling/being tickled. You can become aroused, sure, but not ejaculate

I think most people use it as foreplay. I sure can't orgasm from being tickled, but it makes me pretty damn horny.

 

[MrTicklee]

There has been a lot of good advise sprinkled throught these responses. I agree that compromise is not the answer. If you choose to settle for something, you will not be happy. As Mark Twain said, "live a lie and you'll live to regret it." So, depending on how important tickling is in your life, you need to decide if this relationship is right for you. The best advise I read is to be truthful. I suspect that if you are, he answer that question for you. Best of luck.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Time too kick him to the curb.