My girlfriends letting me tie her up!

[DontAskJusTckle]

That's odd. Unless I've gone blind I don't recall her using the term "rules" to describe her advice in addressing the worries of going overboard that OP stated as having in his original post.

She doesn't need to use the term to convey her trademark air of moral authority. And yes, you'd have to be blind not to have noticed that before.

All I read was constructive advice and suggestions that pertain to the primary concern of any couple that partake in bondage and fetish play which is safety.

Advice and suggestions that were as usual not asked for but given anyway, in order to bolster her sense of expertise. Something that happens far too often around here. People that have had a few good sessions suddenly feel they have the responsibility to dictate safety. And always seemingly from the same people.

When a woman gives control over to a guy, guess who's still in charge? She is. SHE gives permission FIRST. SHE gives control over to him FIRST. SHE has trusted him to render her helpless and do with her as he pleases FIRST.

Just FYI, the phrase "in charge" is synonymous with "in control." So if a woman gives control to a guy, guess who's NOT still in charge. That's right. SHE's not in charge. SHE gave UP that charge at the same time SHE gave HIM control! HE'S in charge now.

I cannot fucking BELIEVE I even wasted time even posting this and went to the extent of bolding certain lines.

Well, we're in agreement there. First you say that you didn't have time to respond to "hilarious" posts. Then you come out with this wall of text, much of it not even your own words. Posting somebody else's opinion from another web site does absolutely nothing to support your argument. I read it anyway, and it sounds like the usual type of fetish website goop that's easily translated to, "Ladies, notice me! I'm one of the few guys who GET it!" And it's sooo transparent.

Look, if all of that "I'm In Charge But You're REALLY In Charge" stuff works for you, then fine. Go for it. But you don't get to dictate your philosophies, methodologies and your morals to the rest of us. There is no "right way" to do it. You're not an expert or any kind of authority. You can laugh all you want but I suspect you'll stop laughing when you find people ignoring the bondage precepts you insist are universal.

 

[Myriads]

One size does not fit all.

Each play partnership lies in a greater context of relationship, and both partners experience, known and unknown.

Coldneck holds an absolutists point of view that his play partners chose to submit in total if they chose to play with him. Hopefully he makes this clear at some point before play so they may make an informed choice to play with no limits trusting 100% on his judgement. He will not limit his taking of pleasure, as its assumed that he knows what hos partner can accept and deal with or in his terms 'wants' (this of course implies that his partners are all very self knowledgeable in what they are asking for)

The OP is in a relationship that seems to have good communication, and is entering an exploratory phase, and some new things are being tried. The OP seems to be aware that he might be more into some of the specific play aspects then his partner, and is taking steps to keep this in mind and make sure his partner has a satisfying experience, perhaps at the expense of fully enjoying his own.

Two approaches to play. Each limits some things, and each has some risks. Each are valid in some contexts.

The OP seems to have found the advice he wanted. And glad to see it. I hope that he and his girl enjoy.

Myriads

 

[thenewguy12]

Guys guys guys calm down! Jeeeeez lol I was just sharing my good fortune not trying to start an uproar about a safeword.

 

[tic30]

get her in the mood....my hubby ties me and kisses me on all my tickly spots...focus on neck and areas with your mouth...get her hot and wet....go down on her, then make her beg to be tickled or else you wont let her get off!! if this is her first time being tickled...make it fun. dont torture her. you dont need a safeword for this....read her body language!! anyway it works for me lol....if you do this right, she will keep coming back for more!!! alternate from erotic to tickling, if she is extremely ticklish in certain areas...just tickle for say...under 30 seconds. then hit her with with with cunniling (pussy licking) a blindfold will help, she wont know what will happen next!!! yall have fun!!!!!

 

[Phineas]

I come here to have fun and gain perspective, not to be dictated to by someone who thinks they know better.

I wasn't talking to you, junior. Now hush, the grownups are having a discussion.

EDIT: Meh. More constructively, I'd just like to point out that you'll notice I'm not actually disagreeing with the notion of "if she lets me tie her up, I'M in charge, dammit!", no matter how petulant and control-freakish I personally find it. As Myriads points out, everyone has their own style of play and some people, both top and bottom, enjoy play without the enforcement of safewords. Some people like to eat poop, too. More power too 'em, just remember to floss and don't offer to share your lunch with me.

My position on safewords is that they should be in use, and I suggested that here for several reasons. One, because the OP and his girlfriend is new to all of this and if they're inexperienced enough that they need to come here and ask us, of all people, for advice (lol) - then they should probably start with training wheels. Especially if his girlfriend is vanilla, or they haven't been together for a long time. I've had sex with people I didn't know terribly well, and part of the experience of getting to know someone and deepen that level of trust and intimacy is exploring things together and finding out how people react to them. As Rhiannon points out, once both people find their comfort zones, the training wheels can come off and they can get as nasty and dirty as they like, and no one has the authority to tell them they can't, or shouldn't. Two, because I've seen situations where they were needed, and like seat belts, I'd rather be wearing one and not have to use it than be flung from my car because something I didn't forsee, happened. Three, some people like the notion of safety; and honestly, I hate to say it, but I've met some women who swore up and down that they were okay with something, decided halfway through it that they weren't, went along with it because they felt they had to, and then never played with/dated/spoke to the person in question again. Safewords offer that out; and while it's definitely okay to not use them, I personally feel that it's better to be offered the option and opt out than never know said option exists. The OP is free to make up his own mind, given the multiple points of view he has to consider.

In closing, though, I want to comment that I find it funny that some of the most outspoken people with regards to the perceived "lecturing" from others, who insist that their own (hawt, rebellious) views be heard have a real problem with letting the views of those who disagree with them be heard as well. But, that's just me.

 

[Libertine]

While not casting aspersions on any of the contributors here, but rather as a general observation, in my 33-odd years experience going to fetish clubs etc., I've found that many an overbearing theorist about being 'domlier than thou' has never actually engaged in the practices in which he styles himself an expert to any degree, or knows any women IRL who would even give him the time of day, much less playtime.