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"My tickle fetish ruined my entire life :("

It's clearly a joke post. I mean really, who rides a bike with a pie?

I could see that most of it was jocular, but my perception was that some of it might have been based on true events. Obviously, not the pie part.

My bad.
 
Cavum and yaqi, thank you for sharing. Interesting to listen to your stories, and I'm sorry about the backlashes.
 
When I was like 15 or 16 I got my own computer in my room (horrible idea btw - although pretty much every kid can look up porn just on their cell phones nowadays). My little sister was a bit of a snoop and insisted on using my computer while I was away from it - even though I went to great lengths like taking the whole thing apart and hiding pieces to dissuade her from using it. Well, it was fine, but apparently she stumbled upon my collection and one day during a particularly heated argument she dropped the bombshell and outed me to my whole family (Mom, Dad, other sisters.) I was pretty mortified and could only really manage a "Go fuck yourself!" (in front of my Christian mother) and stormed out (I was pissed). After the initial heat died down things actually turned around for the better. My mom was even in a weird way relieved that I had that instead of gobs of porn (which was intentional - I like porn as much as the next guy but I was terrified of my parents finding that and somehow in my adolescent brain that this was better).

Other than that I am pretty sure my tickling fetish screwed up my first long term relationship. Although, it's difficult to be sure because we weren't really compatible anyway. All I know is I probably pushed it pretty far being a young, horny high school kid and she was "off the charts" ticklish everywhere. Even though she seemed cool with it some boundaries should have been set. The situation was I hadn't been laid before and she quite literally begged to do everything with her. As an adolescent dude I was like a kid in a candy shop and probably lost my head. And then after we broke up I'm pretty sure she told people about my fetish. I don't know that for sure, but I really haven't wasted my time worrying about it. Like everything else it was a learning experience and I know that since then I have been more considerate in relationships and will continue to be in the future.
 
My tickling fetish has utterly ruined my life as a human being on Earth.

My entire community found out about it, and it has been a living hell ever since.

My family threw me out the house, calling me a sick, demented, wacko perverted pervert. No one in town will speak to me or look at me, except to scream obscenities when I come within 100 feet of anyone. Even fucking DOGS run away from me, yelping, as if in agony.

The homeless people even shun me, and they're filthy bastards who live off the good will of others! Since I receive no goodwill, that poses a problem for them. When people are throwing food at me, the homeless would rather it be handed to them in a brown paper bag wih a smile....and preferably with another brown paper bag containing a fifth of Tequila.

Remember the story of the good Samaratin?

That shit sure didn't happen to me!
I was beat to a nasty mess one day by an enraged homeless guy who thought the paper bag I hid my face under held another fifth of Jack Daniels.
When he realized it was my tickle loving face, he spitted and screamed at the same time "Muthufucku, you ain't called Jack and you ain't got Jack!!" And he kicked my ass, me with nothing to defend myself with except a stiff white tickling feather. That didn't do crap agianst his crap infested dried, crusty beard.

As I lay bleeding on the street, people would simply walk to the other side. Some mistakenly got near me and screamed "It's the tickler! Fuck, run, Fuck shit! Fuck I say, FUCK!" A priest came by, realized it was my worthless, filthy self, and threw a piece of ice at me.

"Here my son, you'll need this. BECAUSE WHEN YOU DIE, YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO FUCKING HELL, AND THAT'LL KEEP YOU COMFORTABLE FOR A FEW SECONDS YOU DAMN TICKLING HEATHEN!!"

And then a mother walked by with her stunning 20 year old daughter, well known as the most ticklish girl in town by all the jocks, ....who was wearing a nice skirt, suntan sheer barely-there pantyhose and strappy heeled sandals...a style that stopped men's hearts, so the damn feminists made sure it went out of style DAMN fast..."oh sweet Jesus a minor blessing in his horrific existence since I was outed as a tickle fetishist!!"

But at the same time as their joint blood curdling scream emanated from their sweet lips, a guy on a bike delivering pies swerved in horror at the sight of this worthless tickler beaten and bruised on the street, and the pie he was carrying in his hand smacked me right in the face.

Horror!! I could no longer see those stunningly perfect pantyhosed clad legs, and perfect ticklish toes, pie all smeared in my face....then realizing it was tapioca pie. Fuck!!!
Why couldn't it have been a fucking blueberry pie, like the kind Hostess made but discontinued because they tasted so good?!!!
Damn liberals!!

Why God Waaaahhhhyyyyy?!!!

Frankly I think you were asking for it 😡
 
nope. i can pretty much indulge or ignore the fetish as i see fit. im not one of these obsessive guys who just wana tickle girls without even getting to know them.

my ex of 3 and a half years hated being tickled and i didnt think she would understand my love for tickling so i never told her. simple. didnt bother me that we didnt tickle during sex as theres plenty of other things to go with a girl!

the girl im with now is more open to things. maybe because shes 5 years older than my ex and alot more experienced. so iv told her and shes fine with it and quite accomodating which is lovely!

end of the day if your careful about who you tell these things to and cover you tracks a bit theres no reason the fetish needs to have a negative effect on your life.
 
At one point in high school I came very close to being outed but luckily all of the people I hung out with were pretty naive when it came to fetishes (i.e. Rex Ryan thing was like a huge deal when I was home for fall break). Basically I got really drunk and really high one night and was talking to a couple girls when I popped the question. When I went to school people were coming up and they would be like "Hey are you ticklish? haha!" Luckily, it faded away and everything was cool.
 
...Naw, tickling has never been instrumental in ruining my relationships. I've had to tread lightly as the women I've been involved with seem to have been traumatized by it earlier in life. Oh well.
 
The only tickling horror experience I can think of was when an ex bf of mine attempted to tickle me (of course he didn't fully understand the delicate nature of this fetish to me). Out of playful rough housing he proceeded to tickling me, and in my opinion it was like being tickled by a brute.....last time I checked being tickled shouldn't cause you pain unless laughing too hard or something. Well his tickles were abrasive, and rough and had no type of coherent direction. So to make a long story short that ordeal SUCKED and I'm so glad I wasn't scarred for life lol.
 
My experiences are quite similar to WayTooD's.
My folks are also quite religious, and busted me with a load of pic's of female feet I'd printed off. Bang goes the internet for a fair few months, until it.s return was necessary for school work.
My current girlfriend is the only one I've ever flat out told about it, and oddly she's the only one who's ever really accepted it; she's well up for being tickled, and really takes care of her feet for me.
My first girlfriend hated her feet being touched but softened up after a while; alas she turned out to be a bitch and the girl I got together with after was a friend of hers and knew everything about my fetish (and I learnt that girls like to talk).
Even though she got together with me knowing my *ahem* persuasion, she was never really that cool with it and I'm convinced that's why we broke up a few years after.
I'm pretty sure that they've collectively told quite a few people, but if nobody's got the nuts to out their knowledge to me face-to-face then I couldn't give a shit.
 
No one knows about my tickling fetish, and no one ever will. I used to fear that people in my life would find out about it (and still do, to a certain extent, for many of the reasons listed by others in this thread) but I believe I've protected myself by:

1. Never keeping anything on my computer, ever, that suggests that I have this fetish. Delete cookies, delete history. EVERY time (Firefox is good about this). No special folders. No hidden files. You don't need to save anything anymore like you used to years ago, almost everything great from years past can now be found with a good search on the internet (thanks, Pornhub!) and there's of course new great stuff being created every day.

2. Certainly never printing anything out or having any sort of hard evidence (magazines, VHS tapes, etc.) of it. Again, in this day and age, there's absolutely no need.

3. Never telling a soul about it. Ever. Even my wife of many years (who is very ticklish but definitely does not share our fetish). And don't get me wrong, I indulge as much as I can, but there's something romantic and almost MORE erotic about us both pretending that I don't have it...I mean, she definitely knows it turns me on (both 'lee and 'ler), but the fact that it's never been expressed, in the open, makes it even MORE hot when we have sex. Seriously. (This is a whole other discussion, of course. You've got to do things that turn her on too, and make it not all about you every time. It's a balance, yadda yadda yadda, but seriously, all that stuff is true in any serious and successful relationship).

Bottom line, there is something almost reassuring and peaceful, actually, knowing that this entire thing only exists between my ears. As far as I'm concerned the secret shall never be exposed, because no one knows about it. (Years ago in college, my circle of friends and I occasionally mentioned foot fetishes, and I was accused of having one a couple of times, and even that I denied, but honestly, foot fetishes are WAY more common than this, so the very small handful of people years ago who aren't really even in my life anymore, who might know that nice female feet turn me on, really I couldn't care less about).

So my advice is this:

1. If you're open about it and "out" about it (like Yaqi...his very sad story about his sister notwithstanding), good for you and more power to you. If it works for you, it works for you. Moreover if you can find a partner who also has one, obviously that's ideal sexually, but keep in mind there's a lot more to good relationships than sexual compatibility, trust me.

2. If a couple of people in your life know about it, and that makes you uncomfortable, then stem the bleeding now and try not to ever let anyone else ever know. Whoever knows probably has their own secrets that they hope the world never finds out about, and they likely don't spend a second of their day thinking about yours. [Close family members and Exes might be a different story, sorry...again, Yaqi's story is pretty much the absolute worst case scenario. Sorry Yaqi 🙁]

3. If up to this point you've managed to remain 100% in the closet (like me) and are happy with that, I say keep it that way. Trust me, as someone who is secularly blessed (NOT cursed) with this fetish, in my opinion it's way better to keep it to yourself entirely. I am living a very fulfilling life and have zero regrets regarding my actions and this fetish. I have a multitude of mind-blowing experiences in my "spank bank" (pardon the phrase) and you can too, and outside of my wife almost all of them were achieved in 100% non-sexual situations. [Here's an example: If anyone in my life knew that watching that Skin Wars Season 2 finale with the foot painting on it completely blew my mind :popcorn: and was the hottest thing I've ever seen on mainstream TV, I'd find that very embarrassing. But actually participating in a scenario like that IN real life would be even better, right? Being 100% in the closet inoculates you from being exposed (because all it takes is that one person knowing, somehow seeing you in that situation, and saying "hey, Zeezil is getting off on that!" :facepalm: ) while at the same time allows you to maybe actually participate in something mind-blowingly awesome like that someday, worry free. And yes, I've been lucky enough to experience things like that in real life numerous times (though not that specifically, but hope springs eternal! :boogie: )]

This is all predicated on the following belief, which not everyone may agree with: Provided you are not violating or harming another human being in any way (that's extremely important), if something gets you off, that's your business, no ones else's. I firmly believe that what goes on inside your brain is 100% YOUR OWN BUSINESS. And if it's only in your brain, and has never been let out, there's nothing to worry about. Embrace this, follow the golden rule, don't do stupid things (like violating or harming another human being in any way in pursuit of your kicks) and enjoy your life!
 
I've never flat out told a woman about my love of tickling and I don't think I ever will. Some things are best left unsaid.
 
I dont mean to pry, but why is it best left unsaid?
 
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I dont mean to pry, but why is it best left unsaid?

If someone knows youre getting off on it, it kind of ruins the spontaneity and innocence of it. The only people i would tell if i really had that urge are those who im convinced share the same thoughts. For me id rather not say anything, i have no urge to. I know who likes it, they know i like it because if i didnt i would make more effort to get away, does anything really need to be said? I dont say "i really like making out with you" after making out with someone, you know? Its just tickling, its as natural as hugging or kissing etc. Personally i dont even think it should be classified as a fetish, its like saying you have a fetish for boobs. Who doesnt find a girl giggling and squirming adorable? You would have to be some sort of abnormal human not to like that. Its not like enjoying drinking piss or clown porn or something, i dont know just enjoy it and have fun, dont overthink it and go with the flow. Theres no point telling people (unless you really want to), if you make it seem like you have an abnormal affection to it the other person might start thinking that of you too

Now when it comes to other fetishes that will be something i disclose before doing it, something like tickling, and nowadays even bondage have been engaged in by most people, and its not really seen as weird for either of those to turn people on. So dont wreck it, keep your mystery about you, revealing all your secrets is no fun is it? Its a secret most have anyways, and i swear a lot of people just havent figured out they like it. Ive had at least 5 people tell me after tickling me they realized they find it a major turn on, seems to be it just lays dormant in a lot of people until they experience a good time with it (i pride myself on converting these people and all i had to do was laugh). Its just too natural and fun to not enjoy it unless youve been abused by it in the past. But thats a completely different topic.

Personally ive always known i liked it, i guess a friend did it to me at a young age and i figured it out or something, ive always been a sexual person, always known what i liked. And i sure as hell knew i didnt want my family doing it, how awkward, i know im not the only one who feels that way either. I made that clear at a very young age and never had to deal with it from them, so i was free of that, free of any older siblings torturing me etc. So i can really only speak for those who have had no bad experiences. Its such a strange feeling being so powerless your own body isnt under your control anymore, but knowing the person in control has the best intentions for you. And for those who have that trust violated i feel just awful for them, it must be traumatizing and dont blame them for not wanting to be tickled. But i blame the person who did it and not the tickling itself.

Even the people i know that hate tickling still enjoy being the tickler or seeing others enjoy it though. A good friend of mine had her ticklishness pretty much tickled out of her by her brother torturing her with it, doesnt like people doing it to her, but loves to get me sometimes. Shes even had positive reactions when i jokingly get her back a little bit, i think shes warming back up to what is only natural, sometimes it just takes the right touch with the right intentions 🙂. That being said dont just go and do it to someone who says they hate it expecting them to like it, my situation ive known this girl since high school and knew she wouldnt be mad with me, she knows i wouldnt go overboard on anything ever and we've had a little girl on girl fun before 😛 so being touchy feely isnt a big deal. Ive even managed to find a couple spots her brother didnt ruin (guess he didnt know about those as a kid lol), like her knees, inner thighs etc and i always gets a cute reaction, anyone else tries to (even her boyfriend) she'll flip out at them. Who knows maybe she subconsciously hates when men exercise control over her due to it happening in the past, maybe thats why i can get away with it? Or maybe its just because of me on a personal level and she would dislike other girls doing it as well? Im not sure which it is but i know its one of those. Its all about trust, and if someone has had their trust abused they obviously will be a bit scarred. Whether its disliking what someone does while youre tied up, having a torturous tickling experience, doesnt mean you would have hated bondage or tickling, it means you hate what one particular person did (a breach of trust) and a potentially pleasurable thing is now ruined.
Anyways last time i checked a fetish is something uncommon to find sexually arousing, and i dont think tickling or bondage fit that definition nowadays. Is there anyone alive who wouldnt like an attractive person being tickled whos enjoying it? Thats like hating cute puppies or something. Its just inhuman.

If you've gotten this far and would like to hear my X rated story about that night, well here you go lol, this was going to be a short post but i kept thinking about that night as i was writing and i guess i dont mind sharing, im stoned and had a few shots so im in a talkative mood right now 🙂. This is a very X rated story (compared to most things i read on here), so if you dont want that then stop reading, i somehow doubt most are going to do that with a girl on girl story though haha. Theres not too much tickling in it but theres some and i think you will still enjoy reading

Some backstory: We've known eachother since grade 6, we're the same age, but then i went to a different school so we didnt start hanging out until we reunited in highschool in grade 8 (dont worry this is just backstory we didnt do anything sexual with eachother until last year when we were 24). So growing up she had one evil brother and one nice brother, and it was obviously the evil one who ruined tickling for her as im sure you guessed. Shes about 5'2, longish blonde hair, cant be more than 115 pounds, unbelievably adorable yet a firecracker at the same time. Im about 5'6 last i checked (i know im way taller than her anyways, to the point where you get that big person feeling of just wanting to lift her up because shes that much smaller than me haha), i have longish brunette hair that goes down to my boobs (is that long or medium i dont know?). Im 120-125pounds, 130+ on a good day as im pretty much sheer muscle and ive been trying to gain weight to match my strength, i dont even work out by the way, for some reason i pretty much have abs and i just smoke weed and play video games, i swear its from being tickled so much throughout my life. Im 32 C by the way, hers are pretty small so thats why i didnt bother putting that in her description lmao, i dont mind though, tits are tits to me as long as im not going to be suffocated.

If people saw us they would describe us as punk probably, im in all black usually with a leather jacket, and ive had quite the badass lifestyle if i do say so myself, same goes for her. She always looks gorgeous, we've both modeled, ive been in a couple small music vids etc, so we arent ugly or anything i swear haha (i actually have a tickling story about a time i was dressed as a zombie on a music video set, but ill save that for another time). I dont know why but i love reading about hot goth or punk chicks getting it on (probably cause its my scene lol), so i thought i would include those details for those who are like me, and i especially love when tough women are tickled until theyre playfully begging and laughing like little girls, but thats not what this story is about lol and that girl usually ends up being me since im too much of a pussy to tickle people so most of my encounters are as me as the victim (basically i just assume i suck at it because i never got much practice, i was an only child, and any time i would do it to others they would always do it back to me immediately, and when i laugh my arms turn to spaghetti for some reason and i literally cant even do anything except weakly try to lift their wrists and squirm away, which is hard if theyre sitting on you), i really need some tips for doing it to others because i doubt im very good and other peoples arms dont seem to go weak when theyre being tickled.

So one night she invited me over to her place, her boyfriend was out for the night (dont get mad shes allowed to mess around with girls he doesnt care). I brought over some new flavor of alcohol we wanted to try so we were listening to tunes, talking, drinking and hanging with her roommate, I always kind of thought she might have a thing for me because she would sit on me, feel up my stomach talking about my abs etc. But i wasnt sure what this meant because girls are just touchy feely creatures from what i gathered through my life and i was never like that, and its not uncommon for people to ask to feel my stomach, i didnt have siblings and i never liked my family hugging me or anything, the only people i was ever comfortable with initiating contact with are those im sexually interested in. I was aware that most other people werent like that, especially girls who just hold hands and hug all the time without it meaning anything. I would sometimes assess other peoples actions and wonder why they would do things and why i didnt do the same.
The long and the short of this is that I'm really bad at knowing when people are hitting on me, i just think they're being nice or or grew up in a touchy feely environment or something, unless they're men because they make it pretty obvious they want to get laid, which can be good or annoying depending on if i think theyre hot lol.

So ya anyways i never thought much of this contact, i just assumed it was in her nature to cuddle up with people and did this with everyone, we were getting pretty hammered, i rolled up a dube and we started smoking, she put her feet in my lap and we were talking with her roommate (i dont have a foot fetish and i usually find feet gross but this didnt bother me). I never really thought of her sexually before, sure i had noticed she was good looking but thats about it. With all the booze and the closeness i started noticing how god damn hot she looked in her striped knee high socks and mini skirt (looking back i realized she probably fully intended to seduce me that night and it totally worked lol), i gave her a quick foot tickle knowing she wouldnt be bothered and she grabbed my sides as payback, i wiggled my fingers at her and said "its not fair you arent ticklish anymore, theres gotta be somewhere i can get you!", with that i grabbed her knee, she wasnt expecting it and let out a laugh that surprised even her. Satisfied and not wanting to push my luck i poured myself i celebratory shot. She cuddled up to me as i downed it, not sure what happened next but we just started making out, no idea how it happened it was just so natural. I totally forgot there was a guy in the room we were just having a conversation with lol, who when i opened my eyes was slackjawed with a smile.

It was getting a bit chilly so she went and changed into some tight pants or something. Him and i went out for a cigarette and i guess the cig made me feel the alcohol more because after that is pretty much a blur. Im smoking and then next thing i can remember my friend is leading me to her room as we both drunkenly make our way up the stairs. We get in bed and she hugged me and grabbed my sides at the same time, and I let out a girlish "Oh!" that i was a little embarrassed about. "Oops", she said with an evil grin. At some point I remember saying "can i take these off?" as im already mid way pulling her pants down, before she could moan "Mmm ya" they were already around her ankles. (Im not a rapist i swear lol). I pulled them off completely and went to town devouring her little pussy. The screams and moans from that night are forever burned into my memory and i get so wet just remembering the sounds coming out of this girl. She tasted amazing and must have just waxed or shaved everywhere because she was completely hairless, which is another reason i think she planned to seduce me that night, but i dont know for sure if that was her intention it could have been a coincidence.

She was already pretty horny from what i could tell and i could feel her wetness on my lips as soon as i put her to my mouth. A couple minutes later i remember her clit pulsating as i gently sucked on it while whirling my tongue, then i felt her warm cum cover my lips as i licked it up. I kissed her pussy and then came up to kiss her other lips 😛. After a few minutes of kissing i made my way down to her tits and played with those for a bit, at this point i was starting to feel less drunk and more animalistic. I put her legs over my shoulders and put her up to my face like i was about to slurp down a bowl of soup, I went to work and was rewarded with screams of pleasure. As im holding her up to my mouth i used my thumbs to spread her open and started tonguefucking her getting as deep as i could. She was going insane as i moved around inside her and i was pretty sure she was going to wake the whole house up, good thing neither of us gave a shit though.
I lowered her hips and removed my tongue and replaced it with two fingers so i could really move around in her and find her gspot. I started sucking on her clit as her little pussy quivered beneath my lips, then decided to go for the shocker because hey im wasted and i was pretty sure she'd be down. For those who dont know what that is, its when youre fingering a girl with your 2 main fingers, and also fingering her ass with your ring finger at the same time. She was nice and slick when i entered from all the cum that had dripped down to her asshole. As i was working on her clit and each hole i used my free hand to play with one of her nipples (women are good at multi tasking, what can i say 😛)

I looked up for a brief moment and saw one hand gripping the sheets like she was hanging on for dear life, her other hand i could feel running fingers through my hair. After about a minute she came again as i felt her little asshole clamp down. Every time i would feel it loosen its grip on my finger with every wave of orgasm i would slowly slide out a tiny bit so i wouldnt shock her tight hole by removing it all in one go post climax, just feels better that way for me anyways so i figured it would be the same for her. I flipped her onto her stomach while she was still recovering from cumming, spread her perfect ass, then rammed my tongue right in. Ive never done that before but she was so waxed, clean and tasty everywhere else i couldnt resist. I lightly tickled her hips while still keeping her ass spread with my thumbs. She wiggled around on my tongue while screaming "oh my god!" repeatedly at the top of her lungs. Ive been to gigs less loud than this night. She came again and at this point we were both pretty spent, it was probably around 6am and the sun was starting to come up. She cuddled up to me and we fell asleep right away. The next morning, or afternoon i should say i was so hungover. I made my way to the bathroom and one of her roommates saw me in the hall and said "have a good sleep last night?" I said "it was alright" then looked up and saw the smirk on his face and realized we had totally kept him awake all night, i said "oh screw you" and we both laughed. I stumbled home still half drunk and half hungover, she called me the next day and asked if i remembered last night, i laughed and said yes of course, she said she would have to return the favor sometime and that I was "fucking amazing", so that fed my ego pretty well lol.

So theres my story, thats the most ive thought about that night since it happened. Again dont think you can just make someone who says they despise tickling come around to liking it, the only reason i did it was because i read her reactions over a long time and didnt come on too strong, sometimes doing nothing more than just wiggling my fingers back at her after she had tickled me and seeing her reaction, not being a guy helps too i guess. In this case someone not liking tickling turned out well for me and it seems like she doesnt mind if its me doing it. Unfortunately her and her boyfriend had to move out of the city because its so damn expensive here, i should be seeing her again soon though and who knows what will happen 😛. Sorry it didnt have as much tickling as most things on here, maybe our next encounter will be different, despite being very alpha ive always been on the receiving end of tickling for the most part, not sure why but maybe ill have the confidence to change that one day, i think im nervous at trying it and then not getting a reaction and looking stupid.
 
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My tickling fetish has utterly ruined my life as a human being on Earth.

My entire community found out about it, and it has been a living hell ever since.

My family threw me out the house, calling me a sick, demented, wacko perverted pervert. No one in town will speak to me or look at me, except to scream obscenities when I come within 100 feet of anyone. Even fucking DOGS run away from me, yelping, as if in agony.

The homeless people even shun me, and they're filthy bastards who live off the good will of others! Since I receive no goodwill, that poses a problem for them. When people are throwing food at me, the homeless would rather it be handed to them in a brown paper bag wih a smile....and preferably with another brown paper bag containing a fifth of Tequila.

Remember the story of the good Samaratin?

That shit sure didn't happen to me!
I was beat to a nasty mess one day by an enraged homeless guy who thought the paper bag I hid my face under held another fifth of Jack Daniels.
When he realized it was my tickle loving face, he spitted and screamed at the same time "Muthufucku, you ain't called Jack and you ain't got Jack!!" And he kicked my ass, me with nothing to defend myself with except a stiff white tickling feather. That didn't do crap agianst his crap infested dried, crusty beard.

As I lay bleeding on the street, people would simply walk to the other side. Some mistakenly got near me and screamed "It's the tickler! Fuck, run, Fuck shit! Fuck I say, FUCK!" A priest came by, realized it was my worthless, filthy self, and threw a piece of ice at me.

"Here my son, you'll need this. BECAUSE WHEN YOU DIE, YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO FUCKING HELL, AND THAT'LL KEEP YOU COMFORTABLE FOR A FEW SECONDS YOU DAMN TICKLING HEATHEN!!"

And then a mother walked by with her stunning 20 year old daughter, well known as the most ticklish girl in town by all the jocks, ....who was wearing a nice skirt, suntan sheer barely-there pantyhose and strappy heeled sandals...a style that stopped men's hearts, so the damn feminists made sure it went out of style DAMN fast..."oh sweet Jesus a minor blessing in his horrific existence since I was outed as a tickle fetishist!!"

But at the same time as their joint blood curdling scream emanated from their sweet lips, a guy on a bike delivering pies swerved in horror at the sight of this worthless tickler beaten and bruised on the street, and the pie he was carrying in his hand smacked me right in the face.

Horror!! I could no longer see those stunningly perfect pantyhosed clad legs, and perfect ticklish toes, pie all smeared in my face....then realizing it was tapioca pie. Fuck!!!
Why couldn't it have been a fucking blueberry pie, like the kind Hostess made but discontinued because they tasted so good?!!!
Damn liberals!!

Why God Waaaahhhhyyyyy?!!!

I died laughing at this. Like I literally have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.
 
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