Negativity on the Forum

[kcantankerous]

Needs more embeds.

But nah, TMF being filled with idiots having very vicious fights over mundane, meaningless topics has been as big (or maybe even a bigger) part of this forum as tickle fetish discussion and content. As is my understanding, it's been this way ever since they were doing the old BBS days, just constant arguing at the drop of a hat. If I'm correct it's actually the entire reason Tickle Theater was started, wanting a tickling forum that didn't just always devolve into dumbass flame wars.

I don't understand it, but I've long since stopped expecting any different. And that's not to say I myself don't love a good forum spergout, but I'd like to think most of you acknowledge this shit happens a loooot for what's essentially a whack-off repository and probably shouldn't, right?

Hello,

Comfort, I just about lost my lunch when I looked up spergout lol. In my youthful days on the forum I was a high asshole. I was mad at myself, insecure, and mad at the world. That came through in my communications. However, I evolved - somewhat - to a more evenhanded state as I aged.

I am ashamed of my behavior years ago. I wasn't a troll, but I was harsh and a bully. That ties into my screen name as a scarlet letter - in this case, word. I want more members to feel safe to share. However, as echoed, we have a part to play in making the community happen.

Thanks,

K

 

[The Internet]

No offense, but I am who I am. I've done some regretable things to people and have apologized. I've gotten into it with folks really badly. But that is years and years ago, and apologies rarely meant anything.

What mattered was actions and maturity.

I carried regret and shame and worried what people thought of me. But not anymore. Because it makes no sense to.

The TMF isn't a safe space for people with the fetish. It never has been. The TMF has never been the land of Kumbaya. There's some behaviors that I do not feel are acceptable. There's times where people wish to broadcast their lives and their decisions, and the things they're doing are extremely self destructive. I don't like that.

At the same time...no offense, but there is this sense that people must bend or change themselves to fit in. Like...milagros is wishing death on you...and that's an issue with you? Sorry...no. Not at all. That is absolutely ludicrous.

Obviously, trolling happens and that. Some of it is leaking from P&R...which makes sense, since there is some truly ignorant garbage in there. But rather than giving a tacit apology, the idea should be to put it into practice. Don't broadcast it to the community...deal with those individuals individually.

Meangry, buddy: I didn't have an "issue" with it, I was laughing at Milagros wishing me death.... and completely understanding! That's why I wrote: "something is amiss....and it's not Milagros!" (this speaks to what someone said about tone, and how you never can know how people read text.) You have to read it in context, buddy, the whole paragraph is meant to be funny... Issue? I laughed my ass off when it first happened!

As I said in the second paragraph: there's always going to be arguments. Of course. BUT arguments are just ONE element. This is also about, for instance, members dissing and making fun of other members on threads they're not even on. That's uncouth. It's high school. It's lame. Especially when its done - like it was recently - to a new member, this person had no idea what the problem was, completely blindsided. It was ugly, awkward and embarrassing. We can surely do better that, right? Right.

Then we have just good ole fashion snottiness! Someone asks a question or making an innocuous comment or thread......and they get snark and attitude in return. If we can say something in a nice way....or say it in a way that somehow inhibits or discourages or insults....we'll choose the way that somehow inhibits, discourages or insults. We can check ourselves a little more on that kind of thing. It's one thing for us to bicker among ourselves, you and me and some of the other sharp tongues....it's another to just start sniping and sneering and growling at people who mean well and aren't doing anything particularly egregious to warrant a bad vibe thrown their way.

Meangry, I hardly know you, virtually never see your posts, I wasn't directing this thread personally at you..... no one's asking you to stop being meangry, Meangry, lol. (i've always thought you've had the best name, by the way.🙂 )

Rectangle, too, dude what happened to your comment? It was so perfect and funny before you added to it! (Originally his commented ended at the word "eh", it was funny, it cracked me up). I'm not going to weigh in on who's "evil" and "good", I don't know what that's all about, I haven't actually seen many of your posts or your arguments....... but like I said......this isn't about making the TMF rainbows and bunny rabbits and no one ever has an unkind word on the TMF! There will be arguments from time to time, of course.

.....but maybe not every thread, every day....... that's all I was getting at.

*****************************
So many great comments..... (Vanillaphant, I wasn't meaning you and your hilarious "Sneaky Brag" blogpost!!!). It took a pretty long time before this thread turned negative.....we're already improving, lol!

*PS: How about that Dylan quote?!! That's the best part of the whole OP! lol. And don't miss that Beatles track, aside for it being completely pertinent to this thread, that's the only known version of them playing that song, it's from BBC radio, and John Lennon sings his freaking ass off on it. 🙂

 

[The Internet]

Well maybe I'm speaking out of turn here, but I pretty much keep quiet in the chat forum. I was really turned off when people said no photo, you are a fake.

You're not speaking out of turn! This is your Forum, too, you speak whenever you want!

I've only been in the chat room once for about 3 minutes because someone asked me to go in and chat with them, so that is a part of the Forum that I have virtually no experience with. And now it sounds like I'm not missing anything! lol.

Women have this extra onus put on them to prove themselves (no one has ever suggested, for instance, I wasn't really a guy). I think it's great when a fake is busted via using other people's pics, but if someone doesn't want to post photos of themselves on the internet, on a fetish board, (and I can think of about 10,000 reasons why), they should be left in peace. Especially when you don't have to be a member to see the photo galleries.

 

[Wolf]

Look, everyone knows there are trolls, creeps, fakes, losers, liars, and creepy basement dwellers on the forum. On any forum.
The Internet's basic message is still a good one; Don't be an asshole.
I can't argue with that, and I love to argue.

 

[The Internet]

Look, everyone knows there are trolls, creeps, fakes, losers, liars, and creepy basement dwellers on the forum. On any forum.
The Internet's basic message is still a good one; Don't be an asshole.
I can't argue with that, and I love to argue.

Aha, hee admits it! He admits it! lol! (just kidding!)

Thank you Wolf, you are the loudspeaker for my mind, lol. And if you're not too expensive, I'd love to sign up for brevity lessons!!! 🙂

 

[ISUmark]

Haha I just want to know why everyone was so angry when they first got here. I joined in 2001 but frequented the forums before that. I was 18(of course 😛) but man.....I had JUST discovered the TMF and the internet, as a kid with a fetish. All my teenage mind could focus on was the MATERIALLLLLZZZZDSKLJFHSDKLJHF. Clips section/pics/stories/artwork, it was all so new to me!!! I couldn't be bothered with angry discussions!!!

 

[Rectangle]

Really?

That I'm not sorry?
Absolutely not.
We've got people posting in this very thread that have come out in the past in defense of wacking off in the corners of nail salons while watching teenagers get pedicures.
Who have said in the past that people who get mad at underage or non-consensual tickling are just white knights trying to stomp on people's fun.
Who have posted pictures of people's feet that they took under tables at the mall and when asked about the age of the person, they responded "Who cares?".
Who lie to women to get them on film and then profit off of the deception.
Who have come out in support of some of the most despicable non-consensual rape shit you can imagine over the years.


You say I'm bringing the vibe down in a thread about getting rid of negativity.
When those people suck the decency out of a room just by standing in it.
And they're here.
In this thread.

Are are those people going to just disappear after this thread is closed?
Stop posting their skeevy bullshit?
Are the non-con rapists going to slink into the shadows never to be heard of again?
Is the TMF going to become a bastion of respect for women, respect for consent, and generally become a cleaner, nicer place?


Because if so, if all of that's going to happen when this thread reaches it's end, then sure. I'll admit I'm out of place.
But if not?
Then I'm not sorry at all. I'm going to keep doing exactly what I've been doing.

I can hop in here and sing kumbaya and hold hands and all the rest.
But the next time someone comes out saying consent "Isn't a big deal"..
..I'm going to go off like a motherfucker.
Always will.
And they're always going to post their bullshit, too.


We're destined to do this shit forever.
I don't see the point, then, in a thread of apologies.

 

[chicago]

If you don't see a point, not responding would probably have been better than shitting on what should have been a positive thread, but maybe it's just not possible on this forum - positivity. Especially when attempts at such are shot down by posts like that. Difficult to change for the better when that kind of thing happens.

Thing is, there's always going to be negativity to some extent. Harboring anger for something you cant control versus focusing on what you can change - your own approach, your own words, your own way of expressing things - just makes you seem like the negative one. I have struggled with that myself, but my fear of pushing good people and potential friends away is stronger than "being right," these days. Good luck to you.

 

[The Internet]

That I'm not sorry?
Absolutely not.
We've got people posting in this very thread that have come out in the past in defense of wacking off in the corners of nail salons while watching teenagers get pedicures.
Who have said in the past that people who get mad at underage or non-consensual tickling are just white knights trying to stomp on people's fun.
Who have posted pictures of people's feet that they took under tables at the mall and when asked about the age of the person, they responded "Who cares?".
Who lie to women to get them on film and then profit off of the deception.
Who have come out in support of some of the most despicable non-consensual rape shit you can imagine over the years.


You say I'm bringing the vibe down in a thread about getting rid of negativity.
When those people suck the decency out of a room just by standing in it.
And they're here.
In this thread.

Are are those people going to just disappear after this thread is closed?
Stop posting their skeevy bullshit?
Are the non-con rapists going to slink into the shadows never to be heard of again?
Is the TMF going to become a bastion of respect for women, respect for consent, and generally become a cleaner, nicer place?


Because if so, if all of that's going to happen when this thread reaches it's end, then sure. I'll admit I'm out of place.
But if not?
Then I'm not sorry at all. I'm going to keep doing exactly what I've been doing.

I can hop in here and sing kumbaya and hold hands and all the rest.
But the next time someone comes out saying consent "Isn't a big deal"..
..I'm going to go off like a motherfucker.
Always will.
And they're always going to post their bullshit, too.


We're destined to do this shit forever.
I don't see the point, then, in a thread of apologies.

Rectangle, no one was asking for your apology...or ANYONE'S apology! I apologized and others followed suit! Quite frankly, I didn't think most people who apologized HAD anything to apologize about!

If someone needs to be called to be out on something, then we call them out on it! This isn't about abolishing argument. This is about picking and choosing battles better. Like, maybe a thread about phones, or movies isn't the place to go off on.

So dude, relax. Some of us - and no one is saying YOU - need to maybe be a little more cordial when some person who doesn't post that much pokes their head out from the mousehole and is trying to find their place and their groove. Again: this is all started when someone the other night told me they felt shy about posting because they didn't want to get their head bitten off.

(Also, how about we retire the hackneyed Cumbuyah analogy, people, lol That's twice in one thread.! Can we change it Imagine or We Are The World? lol....)

 

[Wolf]

Is the TMF going to become a bastion of respect for women, respect for consent, and generally become a cleaner, nicer place?

It generally is a nice place.
But how does yelling at people who agree with you help matters?

You know that old saying, when all you've got is a hammer, everything looks like a nail?

 

[chicago]

Rectangle, no one was asking for your apology...or ANYONE'S apology! I apologized and others followed suit! Quite frankly, I didn't think most people who apologized HAD anything to apologize about!

If someone needs to be called to be out on something, then we call them out on it! This isn't about abolishing argument. This is about picking and choosing battles better. Like, maybe a thread about phones, or movies isn't the place to go off on.

So dude, relax. Some of us - and no one is saying YOU - need to maybe be a little more cordial when some person who doesn't post that much pokes their head out from the mousehole and is trying to find their place and their groove. Again: this is all started when someone the other night told me they felt shy about posting because they didn't want to get their head bitten off.

(Also, how about we retire the hackneyed Cumbuyah analogy, people, lol That's twice in one thread.! Can we change it Imagine or We Are The World? lol....)

So much this. It can take some guts to post here for the first time. It can be terrifying. I know the first thread I made, I was pretty nervous. In fact, there's a sense of vulnerability with every new thread. You're getting feedback, criticism, etc, which is maybe why some of us are so guarded and quick to anger. It can really sting when someone doesn't put care into their words when responding or when what someone says feels like a personal judgment. And I need to really keep that in mind myself. If someone I cared about expressed a thought I disagreed with, I surely would not respond the way I do here. Perhaps, keeping that gentler tone in mind will help keep my interactions here more cordial 🙂

 

[Rectangle]

Thing is, there's always going to be negativity to some extent.

I'm not worried about negativity.
Negativity serves it purpose sometimes.
I'm worried about some really weird, twisted people on here, some who in their heart of hearts want to hurt people.
I would love for this place to be a hostile, toxic environment for people like that.
Negativity with a purpose.

You say my reaction to people like that makes me seem like the negative one.

I'm remarkably fine with that.

If I saw a woman on the street being touched by some guy against her will, my reaction would be violently negative.
If I see someone in here advocating touching a woman against her will, my reaction will be violently negative

I'm a survivor of abuse, soldier, and a father of a daughter.
I remember what it's like.
I know how to fight.
And I have a reason to fight.

I'm not going to back down on these people or be apologetic for being a dick to them.

 

[chicago]

I'm not worried about negativity.
Negativity serves it purpose sometimes.
I'm worried about some really weird, twisted people on here, some who in their heart of hearts want to hurt people.
I would love for this place to be a hostile, toxic environment for people like that.
Negativity with a purpose.

You say my reaction to people like that makes me seem like the negative one.

I'm remarkably fine with that.

If I saw a woman on the street being touched by some guy against her will, my reaction would be violently negative.
If I see someone in here advocating touching a woman against her will, my reaction will be violently negative

I'm a survivor of abuse, soldier, and a father of a daughter.
I remember what it's like.
I know how to fight.
And I have a reason to fight.

I'm not going to back down on these people or be apologetic for being a dick to them.

Do you think those sentiments align with the point of this thread though? Why did you feel the need to express it that way here when we are all really just trying to improve things?

To me, you do seem like an angry individual with some need for fighting evil like a superhero. I think it comes from a good place, but while I was excited to make a new friend at Bella Bash, I am now feeling nervous to be around you for fear of expressing myself freely and getting an angry, judgmental response. That's what I mean about appearing negative to potential friends. I realize I was doing that very thing here myself. There may be someone really cool that's getting the wrong idea of me and I could be missing out on a lot of happiness and friendship because of the negative ways I choose to express myself. Again, all the best.

 

[CapturedDoll]

I think Rectangle just deceided to take the long route to say that he has a ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY against anyone who condones illegal activities or would do things that aren't above board. Sleazy behavior. And I have to agree with him. But... rather than lose my cool I report the person in question to Admin. Myriads, Jeff etc. And I already have twice. Rectangle, I truly commend you for having such a hardcore stance. Rage is a better word. I do as well. And please know other people here have it too.

One thing I do want to point out to you is this: When you group people together like you have here... no one knows whom is doing what if they don't keep up with every single thread. So... if you want to call someone out... alright... but administration is the most direct route to seeing action take place. And I do NOT want to be lumped in with people who may or may not be up to no good. You just colored MY vision of every single person here in this thread. And THAT is unfair to those who are doing NOTHING wrong. And if MY vision is darkened... what do you think the rest of the board is doing? Go to Admin if you REALLY want justice served. THAT is ACTION. THAT is taking a stand in the right direction. Because if people really are up to nefarious shit.., they are not going to be here for very long. And if they come back... they'll just get thrown out again and again. Administration has quite a job to fulfill every day. Don't make it harder for them to come into threads and have to delete posts and admonish people who are taking up more space with useless bullshit. Direct action is in route to Myriads and Jeff.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

Wasn't he the same guy who just arbitrarily concluded that deep web might have hardcore tickle videos was soliciting for kid porn and reacted as such?

 

[CapturedDoll]

Well... look. I was about to continue on about "the blurry line". People creeping around salons... the deep web... just doing anything sleazy in general. And everyone's opinion is different. Yes he railed against going to the deep web. Do I understand his point of view. Yes. I agree with most everything he said. But I also know that to judge someone off the cuff is futile and lands people into jail cells left and right. Laws are meant to exist. Evidence is evidence.

But at the end of the day I also want Retangle to understand not all of us are blind sheep. Most of us are intelligent enough to see where people are way to close to those blurry lines. And avoid them... report them... and go about our day. Because if we keep drowning in the misery that comes along with everything in life... only focusing on those things day in and day out... even if it's for the greater good... we will never be happy. There's so much bad things happening in life we would all be crushed by the weight of it all. Rectangle you can't do it all by yourself and think you will be happy. So many of us have your back on issues like this. Trust in that as much as you can. You are far from alone in your thoughts about such matters.

Wasn't he the same guy who just arbitrarily concluded that deep web might have hardcore tickle videos was soliciting for kid porn and reacted as such?

 

[chicago]

Well... look. I was about to continue on about "the blurry line". People creeping around salons... the deep web... just doing anything sleazy in general. And everyone's opinion is different. Yes he railed against going to the deep web. Do I understand his point of view. Yes. I agree with most everything he said. But I also know that to judge someone off the cuff is futile and lands people into jail cells left and right. Laws are meant to exist. Evidence is evidence.

But at the end of the day I also want Retangle to understand not all of us are blind sheep. Most of us are intelligent enough to see where people are way to close to those blurry lines. And avoid them... report them... and go about our day. Because if we keep drowning in the misery that comes along with everything in life... only focusing on those things day in and day out... even if it's for the greater good... we will never be happy. There's so much bad things happening in life we would all be crushed by the weight of it all. Rectangle you can't do it all by yourself and think you will be happy. So many of us have your back on issues like this. Trust in that as much as you can. You are far from alone in your thoughts about such matters.

Yaaassss CD! Well said.

 

[Wolf]

I know how to fight. And I have a reason to fight.

I remember when I felt like that. Almost cost me everything, too.
I'm gonna share something with you that I learned a long time ago.
The whole "fighting against those who would do evil" is fine, but it's self-congratulatory, and only addresses part of the problem.
I had the same attitude when I was in the military, and when I wore a badge.
(The following only uses "you" in a general sense. Not you personally.)
When you put down an enemy, slap the cuffs on a bad guy, or throw an abuser into a cell, you've stopped them. Maybe only briefly. And you feel good. But the person or people they abused (or the family members their victim left behind) are still hurting. And that's much harder to face. So rather than feel powerless in the face of someone's pain, you put on your cape and do battle with evil. There are plenty of superheroes to go around. Far fewer people are trying to patch up the wounded. Because it's a lot harder to deal with emotionally.

 

[CapturedDoll]

And to second what Wolf said...

My Bf has a friend who has been a Police Officer for over 20 years. He now is part of the Internet force that catches child molestors.

We have talked to him a few times about out his job. Hell... I've always wanted to be part of the Police Force in some capacity. But.. we asked him how he deals with it all.

He over the years has found a way to make jokes about the criminals. Most police do. It's s coping mechanism. They have to see and hear such dark things... they have to go to the light side with it all. Because if they didn't... they would die from the stress and the sadness.

Before he did this he was a street cop who later became a Sheriff I believe. And he talked about how when he would be there to investigate domestic violence situations... or child endangerment etc. Anything that would get ones blood boiling... he said basically "If I let my anger get the best of me.. THEY win. I HAVE to control my emotions because if I don't... then they have a lawsuit against me...against the department, against the entire state. So I NEED to be by the book down to the letter to make sure justice is done."

Police also have a very high suicide rate. They can't let go sometimes of what they see. They feel helpless ... and explode with their anger. And that should be a critical message here. We all do what we do to make sure this place is as safe as it can be. But... you have to make enough space to ensure ones own happiness. From what I understand Mother Theresa was beyond burned out by the time she died. So...

 

[Comfort Eagle]

...

this is a tickling fetish website.

Guys c'mon...

 

[Rectangle]

I remember when I felt like that. Almost cost me everything, too.
I'm gonna share something with you that I learned a long time ago.
The whole "fighting against those who would do evil" is fine, but it's self-congratulatory, and only addresses part of the problem.
I had the same attitude when I was in the military, and when I wore a badge.
(The following only uses "you" in a general sense. Not you personally.)
When you put down an enemy, slap the cuffs on a bad guy, or throw an abuser into a cell, you've stopped them. Maybe only briefly. And you feel good. But the person or people they abused (or the family members their victim left behind) are still hurting. And that's much harder to face. So rather than feel powerless in the face of someone's pain, you put on your cape and do battle with evil. There are plenty of superheroes to go around. Far fewer people are trying to patch up the wounded. Because it's a lot harder to deal with emotionally.

Keep forgetting you're a vet.

There's not many opportunities to patch people up here.
There are, however, tons of interactions with people who seem to desire to hurt other people.

People, or a person, like that drove me into the darkest, most suicidal, downright hopeless hole I could imagine ever falling into in my life.
I went into the Army, found meaning, unfucked my life and now I'm out with a family and people that care about me.

When I see people advocating some of the same shit (different kink flavor) that threw me into that hole in the first place..
..I react with the voice that I didn't have back then.


You know a better way?
By all means, fill me in.

 

[ISUmark]

...

this is a tickling fetish website.

Guys c'mon...

Right!! Somethin somethin Harambe

 

[chicago]

I really hope you pardon the criticism. Again, no offense meant. I just think that constant fight is making you appear to be someone you're not. Under the anger is probably a really cool dude that deserves happiness like anyone else. Maybe softening that approach, not reacting on those urges when you read something that triggers you, would help. I'm no expert by any means, I'm just passing along information I've learned and believe in. It's difficult af not to act on something that pisses you off, I struggle every single day with it haha. Positive vibes.

 

[Rectangle]

I really hope you pardon the criticism. Again, no offense meant. I just think that constant fight is making you appear to be someone you're not. Under the anger is probably a really cool dude that deserves happiness like anyone else. Maybe softening that approach, not reacting on those urges when you read something that triggers you, would help. I'm no expert by any means, I'm just passing along information I've learned and believe in. It's difficult af not to act on something that pisses you off, I struggle every single day with it haha. Positive vibes.

You know people that have met me.
Go ask them.
I've got a southern accent, make stupid jokes, say "Yes Mam" to waitresses and tend to get tears in my eyes when people tell me sad stories.
I'm not some grizzled and scarred vigilante with a knife in my teeth and alcohol on my breath doing tai-chi alone under a fan in my room Apocalypse Now style.


Something about this forum, and the shit I bump into in here, rages me the fuck out.
Wife wonders why I still bother on here and haven't just thrown myself into FetLife like all the other TMF refugees.

 

[Wolf]

You know a better way?By all means, fill me in.

A better way? Dunno if it's better, but since we're getting real, here...

It's easier to hunt demons on the outside than it is to face your own, you know?

It's easier to face a monster that's 3 stories tall and breathing fire than it is to acknowledge pain and fear and helplessness, and the knowledge that no matter what you do, you can't make an evil act unhappen.
The former is more fun, but the latter takes a lot more bravery.
You can't undo what was done to you. But you can be supportive of other people who've been victimized, and yeah, if you think people are promoting dangerous views, you can say that. But some people don't know their views (taken to the extreme) can be dangerous. And a lot of the ones who are promoting them purposefully are doing it to get a reaction out of people. That's how they get their thrills. Sick, sure...but if you let it affect you, you're letting them victimize people (particularly you).