first let me say that primetime i respect you as probably the best descriptive writer that i have ever read.
let me deal with one specific aspect of our conversation.
Very interesting thread. Falcon, I feel for you. I hope somehow, someway, you and your wife can come to a "compromise".
Here's what I don't understand. Why should Falcon give up his love for tickling? Because his wife doesn't like it? From recent posts, it seems like Falcon already goes above and beyond treating his wife well and sacrificing things for her "happiness". I have always wondered why the husband has to abandon things he enjoys just to satisfy his wife? I believe in sacrifice, but I also believe in fairness. His wife has to understand that tickling is who he is. The simple fact that he hasn't gone outside his marriage to tickle someone shows just how much he is dedicated to her.
For years, I have had friends who have to "give up" their love of certain things they enjoy JUST BECAUSE their wife doesn't like it. Things like going to sporting events once a week during the fall. Things like seeing your close friends every blue moon because it has been over several years that you actually hung out with them. JJ, why can't we look at Falcon's wife as just plain selfish? I do not get your viewpoint. If everything else in their lives is cool, why must he give up his love for something that was there well before he met her?
Falcon, I do wonder why your wife is so much against tickling. I think you know, you're just not telling us. We are only reading one side of the story, so do you even know why she has this "dislike" for tickling?
everything else in their life is not cool. you have to understand that sexuality is not a compartment of someones life. it is part of an interconnected being and in this case two beings. you can't seperate fommunication conflict resolution and sex, you just can't. from the few posts that he has made i can already tell that there are communication issues at play hear, i don't think that he understands her emotions on the subject well enoguh, and after 15 years if you don't know the reasons behind your wifes perceptions of sexuality then that lets me know that we have a listening issue.
this problem is a symptom of a bigger problem.
very few if any that have posted in this thread have even cared in the least about what this woman must be feeling. everyone seems worried about identifying wiht the person who is most like thema nd are not really being objective. everyoine wants tpo paint her as being uptight or selfish and that is just not the case prime.
what do we know? we know that there are women into bdsm who enjoy having electrodes taped to their genitals who have tickling in any form as a hard limit. outside the walls of this community their are people who fear being tickled and think that it is the worst form of torture. expecting someone who doesn't share our passion to change overnight is unrealistic, and to expect them to conform to the level of enthusiasts in a clip is just plain kidding yourself.
the idea that anyoen should continue watching tickle porn while married is rediculous. it only futher programs your sexuality away from your spouse. as men in relaitonships it is our job to accept nurture and affirm our wives sexual identity because theirs devlops after ours and best with our guidance. leaving them in the lurch and growing ours independent of theirs circumvents the funamentals of marriage. when you get married you have to carve out a sexual relationship with your partner that is mutualy satisfying, goign outside that relationship to get your rocks off in another capacity builds a wall not bridges. the partner not involved will inherently build resentment to said activity as evidenced in the plight of this poor young man.
i said it once and i will say it again, this is all a part of lack of communication to determine marrigiablity. everyone is quick to rush this guy off to couples couseling so his wife will figure out she is being selfish but the first thing tehy are going to be told is how hard it is in general to deal with an inherent incompatability like this (and that's what it is, its not being selfish). its going to take time, sacrafice, and patience. getting your rocks off watching clips only retards the process and drives the couple further and further apart.
this is a shout to all the young people out there who are aware of their fetish. you have to tell your partner or future partner, especailly if this is a must have for you. it is best to marry people who have mutual interests, but at least someone who understands ENTHUSIASTICLY. i don't exactly have a fetish for riding crops on people but if i had a wife who liked that then i could enthusiasticly compromise. our fetish is very unique, especially from a ler prospective because you could be dealing with osmeone who literally has a psychological fear of tickling. this has to be a part of the courtship process, and preferably early before too lasting an emotional bond occurs that will cloud judgement.
there are certain parts of a relationship that have to be present for it to maturly manage the sexual aspect of male female interaction. that is why sex should really be reserved for married couples who have done the ground work. what happens otherwise when people skip it there is not enough of a connection emotionally to facilitate proper communication, selflessness, or comfort in experimentation. this is especially key with women who need a level of emotional appreciation just to enjoy sex. they have guarded their sexuality their entire lives (even though they may have been sexually active). there are women married for ten years who suddenly become orgasmic where they were not before because they finally build the trust to let go with their husbands, this is heady stff that can't be pushed, rushed, or brushed under the rug while we take care of ourselves.
and healtyh fetishes should be the A-1 not the steak. when they become so addictive that you cannot function in a normal sexual capacity then you need to look at yourself, not your wife who doesn't perform like the girl onthe computer. no one puts a gun to your head and forces you to marry anyone. you have to take the time to marry someone of like kind, or suck it up.
in building the foundations of a good relationship it has to be about more than us. it has to be about the collective couple and it will pay off down the road. when you hold bak and hold onto things that only serve you and not your partner that will be reaped back unto you. if you don't ive ffreely and do that which you may not like at the time (like letting go of pornography) then how can you expect a spouse to realisticly stretch their comfort zone?
no one asked the question of what relationship falcon has with his parents. which oe of his parents does his wife most resemble? what is his relationship like with that parent. what desires does he have to change THAT relationship and how is that playing out in the relationship to his wife.
what parent does he most resemble for his wife. what is that relationship like. how did they communicate.
how does falcons wife fundamentally percieve sex as a whole, not just tickling. then compare that with how falcon views sex. i will almost guarentee that they are almost from two different planets. these are compatability issues that have to be worked out, not selfishness issues.
