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One of those days we can do without in life.

JoBelle

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I know sometimes it can be cheesy to go on a website and vent personal things, but sometimes it's a good cathartic thing to do.

I have an aunt, my mom's sister. Her name is Sylvia. Sylvia is about as giving as a human can be. She lives in a small Louisiana town where the strangers still wave and smile as they wait at the 4-way stop signs. She has opened her home to countless (at least 50 at last count) children who needed a home for a day or a year or more. She continued to coach little league when her only child was a grown man. She's driven the county school bus, volunteered for the local doctor, the local vet, the nursing home, the local drug store, and several local churches. She's taken in ailing relatives and nurse them in their last days.

She holds a special place in my heart because she's that one special relative that made me feel "right." Right about myself, about my choices, about my insecurities, about my hopes. Almost everyone has that one relative that seems to not only accept the things about them that challenge others ...but they also love you almost exclusively because of those very things. In my case, Aunt Suzi, as I call her, has always loved my opinionated attitude, my boisterous nature, my off the cuff "artsy moments" , as she calls my catastrophic nervous breakdowns. She is the aunt who gifts me jewelry that only she and I would like. She and I share many of the same challenges healthwise, with only children and miscarriages, hysterectomies at a young age. Etc. She is the one person who helped me reidentify who I was after my life changed through those challenges.

Aunt Suzi is everyone's aunt. Everyone in town knows her. Everyone loves her. I was lucky enough to be the niece that she claimed as the daughter she never had. I am closer to her than I am to my own mother. I feel a bond with her that will never be matched with another.

And she's dying.

She has cancer. Lungs, brain, blood, back.

It's everywhere.

And after a year long battle, her doctor told us today that it's terminal. She has only a few weeks left with us. And as I sit here, dumbfounded, I don't know what on earth I will do when she goes.

So now she's medicated to ease her pain, and she's spending her days in a bed at the cancer center in TX. She's not aware. She's resting, and remembering things at sporadic moments. My hope is that when she does go, it will be as painlessly as possible, and that love will embrace her somehow when she arrives at her destination.

It hurts. I'm angry. I'm sad. And I want her damaged body to get better though I know that's not going to happen.

I just wanted to take a minute to share her with someone new before she leaves this world. She's a wonderful woman. If you have a moment, would you just send a good thought her way? We'd appreciate it very much.

Jo
 
We'll say prayers for both your aunt and you and your family, Joby.

It's such a tough situation cause you feel so helpless in how to help her. Your love is the best medicine you can give her. She really does sound like a wonderful women.

And love WILL embrace her when she arrives at her destination.

Our best thoughts for your aunt and you.

Drew
 
I certainly WILL send her my most loving thoughts, although I don't know her personally. She seems to be one of the rare people who make life worthwhile.

Death is always unfair, and it sometimes happens to the people we would want to live forever because they're so decent. Actually, she WILL live forever, in the hearts of all the people she made happy.

Please give her my greetings from across the sea. Thanks!
 
Jobelle, I too have an aunt who is dying from cancer. I wish I could say I knw how you feel, and that everything is going to turn out alright, but that crap has never made anyone feel better. All we can do is be happy that your Aunt has led a wonderful life, and that she has done her part in this world to help so many others in need. If she is as wonderful to her relatives, friends, neighbors, and total strangers as you say she is, then you should be proud that you were fortunate enough to know her. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to be upset, it's even ok to be angry; no one is going to tell you not to mourn. However to let those emotions take over is something that Aunt Sylvia would never want for you. She wants you to be happy, and she wants you to remember her in happiness. Pay her that one last favor. Give her a big hug, tell her that she has made a difference in your life (as she seems to have done) and let her know that she will never be forgotten. You will make her last days happy ones, knowing that her life's mission has been fulfilled.
May God bless Aunt Sylvia, and you, JoBelle, and the rest of your family in your time of need.
 
Sorry to hear, Joby.🙁

Glad to see, though, that every effort is being made to keep her comfortable and that you are staying by her side during her last days.

I s'pose everybody has to go at sometime; doesn't make it any easier though, does it?

My thoughts are with you and your aunt, Jobelle.

And, btw, there is never any shame sharing pain with family, even an online family.
For we get support, in this life, wherever we can.

Cheers.😀
 
kwil and I are sending good thoughts, JoBelle, to your aunt and to you.
 
So sorry to hear that JoBelle, I am going through the same thing at this moment with my mom....my thoughts and prays go out to you and your family
 
I'm so sorry to hear this, Jo. I know very well what you're going through...I've lost many, many family members to cancer, including two wonderful aunts that I really couldn't afford to lose. Saddest of all was my cousin. He had a rotten life, and spent a good three quarters of it behind bars. He was a good, warm person, but he became a career felon, what are you gonna do? When he got out after his last stretch, he rented a dingy room in a neighborhood no one would dream he'd live in, and after a week or two, he tried taking his own life, but bungled it, and his older sister had to give permission to pull the plug. Awful.
I miss him, too.
Good luck, Jo, you and your aunt are in my prayers...
 
My condolences.....

I lost my mother to cancer 14 years ago, so in a way, I know how it feels.

But you must stay strong and focused, don't let her parting get to you.
 
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very sad time. The world is a better place for the time she spent in it.
 
ok

Well Jo, I don't know you or your Aunt Silv but I do work in hospital with lots of patients in various stages of demise and even though they're not "real family" if I've gotten involved, it still hurts to lose one of them I often have to go out to their homes, (meet their families, play with their pets) if they're too ill to travel...)

A wise man once said "If there's any dignity in dying, it lies in having left the world a better place, simply because you lived in it..."

Sounds like she's accomplished what what she was sent here to do (make people happy) and now her job is done...May you and all your family find peace...
 
Dear, dear Joby,

Just from knowing you as much as I do, I know that you're torn apart by this and what it's doing to one you love so much. I do send my most earnest wishes and prayers for you, you aunt and your family and friends. I, too, have lost fantastic friends and family to cancers, and how difficult it is to see them going and then gone. But I do remember them and smile with a tear, which is the best memorial I know of, to be thought of lovingly by those you loved. Keep strong, but know when you're allowed to break a little, sweetie. :twohugs:

Smiley
 
Keep her in your heart and mind....

...and she will never leave you, Joby......



To the world, you may be just one person;
but to one person, you may be the world!

HUG.gif



My thoughts and prayers to you both, love.....



Ray
 
JPie and I are really sorry....

to hear the news about your aunt. I don't know how much more that can be added after so many kind words have passed through already, but I want you to know that you and your aunt are in our thoughts.

I'm sure your aunt is grateful to share such a special relationship with you, so, may that be a source of comfort when you go through your grieving process. I know when my father died, someone told me what I just said and it really helped me get through it alot easier.

Your aunt sounds like a wonderful woman who lived a very full life and was a pillar in the community. I'm sure alot of people will miss her tremendously. What she did and accomplished, many can only dream about.
 
JoBelle, my good thoughts are on the way to both of you. it sounds like everything you hold in your heart about her is what would matter the most to her. keep that.
 
Jo,
Dealing with death is never easy - they say life isn't fair, but neither is death. All those emotions you are feeling - it's better than feeling nothing at all. I know I have to make myself numb and detached most of the time when dealing with the animal world. But your aunt obviously touched your life and others in a major way - by sharing her time and her love, she set a great example. May her memory live on in you and may you find the comfort and solace you need in this time of heartache. I'm glad you're there to lend her your strength in her time of need and I'll keep good thoughts for you both.
 
Awww I am so sorry Joby. I will say prayers for you and your aunt. I know there are no easy answers, but spend all the time you can with her. Your aunt sounds like such a wonderful person and she has accomplished a lot. In life sometimes it is not how long you live but how many lives you touch and how many people you help. Your aunt did more with her life then whole groups of people do with theirs. So take comfort in that Joby. May God be with you and your family at this time. Know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care dear.
 
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i am so sorry to hear about your situation. i hope that you and your family find the strength to get through this. our prayers are definitely with you.
 
JoBelle said:
My hope is that when she does go, it will be as painlessly as possible, and that love will embrace her somehow when she arrives at her destination.

That is never in doubt. Someone who is so loving and giving of herself and her time, cannot fail but be surrounded by that when they pass on. There is no chance in this universe that anything but love and light will surround her when she goes.

JoBelle said:
It hurts. I'm angry. I'm sad. And I want her damaged body to get better though I know that's not going to happen.

Philosophy is probably not what you want to hear from me now, but I beg you read anyway. Feel free to pass it over if something like this is not what you want to digest right now.

Has anyone ever noticed that it's never the absoloute shitbags of this world who get horrible diseases that waste them away to a shadow? Why is it always the saints in human form that this happens to? I think that emotional evolution comes only from trying circumstances and this is as trying a situation as I can conceive, on a personal level anyway. Life and the forces that drive it are always testing us and finding us wanting when it comes to emotions. Right now focusing on anger and sadness is just the sort of thing that'll get you a D- on this exam. For the love of everything Jo, don't even acknowledge these to exist. Don't feel bitter that it happened to her. Celebrate everything she ever stood for and those things that you saw her do you used as examples in shaping your own character. That's the A+, that's the pass, that's the grade you need to get into Emotions University. That doesn't mean you should'nt grieve for her. Grieving is important, necessary and respectful. But please don't let it spill into bitterness, regret, guilt, sadness and anger. None of those emotions are ever constructive and they never did any positive thing for anyone.

"Such things are sent to test us."

JoBelle said:
I just wanted to take a minute to share her with someone new before she leaves this world. She's a wonderful woman. If you have a moment, would you just send a good thought her way? We'd appreciate it very much.

It was a wonderful story to hear and a delight to hear about such a beautiful person. I sincerely doubt if this lady will need any more positive energy than she's already got; sounds like she's already got a penthouse reserved in heaven. But it'll be a pleasure to spare a thought for her and to say thanks for all the good she's done; including the example she set you in the things you mention. My thoughts are with you both, Jo. May you find peace in her memory and inspiration in her life and passing. I hope I can be a tenth the person you say she was. :twohugs: :grouphug: :twohugs: :grouphug: :happyfloa :smilelove
 
A good's night sleep was welcome. I came online and wrote that almost immediately after I found out, so if you noted panic, that was it's origin. Thanks to a much loved friend suggesting I take something to relax, I was able to settle in and try to sort some thoughts. Then I woke to find these responses and realized that a good night of sleep will only get you so far, and that the spirit needs renewal that can sometimes be found in the most common of places. This outpouring of positive energy is unexpected and very much welcome! I knew someone would comment, but just like everything else that involves my aunt, people came forward and shared something of themselves!

I've experienced deaths in my life, but never with someone I knew so well, or was so close to. It's a new reality to me that hurt can run so deep. I'm going to be fine. I know I will. She'd come back and haunt me if I think otherwise! 🙂 It's just that heavy ache in the heart that comes with bad news....it overwhelms and confuses.

I'm grateful that there is an outlet here of such lovely folks. Neighbors, family, etc, are all good, but sometimes I (at least) need to step out of the normal day to day to wrap my thoughts around something.

Now, it's time to face come what may. Here's hope that I handle in a way that would make her proud. They say to expect things to get pretty awful. I hope to prove them wrong, but stamping it out with love.

Thanks so much for you words, y'all. Contrary to what the cynical may think, they make a huge difference!

Huggin' you all!
Jo
 
what a beautifull person she is

her imprint is so obviously left in you too sweety.
i'll pray for a peacfull passing.
my opinion is to take her to hawaii, lay her on a lounge chair facing the sunset. what better place, and way to go.
with tears in my eyes, i send you my love, and admiration jobe.

steve
 
JoBelle said:
This outpouring of positive energy is unexpected and very much welcome! I knew someone would comment, but just like everything else that involves my aunt, people came forward and shared something of themselves!


Right now Jo, your aunt is far beyond any need of any of our thoughts. Your love is with her and she's beyond the pain if she's dosed.

But be assured that just about every single member here that's read this thread, has sent positive thoughts and love to you. And never be surprised as to where you can find help unlooked for. Your man in the Bible found potential saints amongst the deepest sinners in society after all. 😉

Any time you want to unburden yourself of any sorrow lass, you know where to IM me. I do have the ability to chat for great lengths of time, yanno? 🙂 (Damn, was that really two years ago?)
 
what can i say that hasn't already been said? i can tell you this - my mother had the same widespread cancer and passed away almost 3 years ago. all along while she was fading away, i kept wondering how on earth i will ever get trhu any more days without her. sometimes i only do get on simply because i can picture her yelling at me if i didn't. and not a day goes by when i don't think or talk of her in a present sort of sense - that keeps her around.

trust in God and His promises; draw close to Him for gracious strength.
 
I never know what to say in these instances...probably due to my own pain, sorrow, and sadness from loss...that I keep all bottled up inside me...except when I read things like this, the tears come.

I don't know you...you don't know me..!! Still, I hope everything works out for you, and wish you all the best.
 
Faramir said:
I never know what to say in these instances...probably due to my own pain, sorrow, and sadness from loss...that I keep all bottled up inside me...except when I read things like this, the tears come.

Letting them rip loose when you have a few hours on your own is one of the best therapies in the world mate. :grouphug:
 
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