Out your favorite at-work freak!

[steph]

Not by real name of course but I'm pretty sure we ALL have these. You know who they are~the people you pass in the hall that just make you groan. Here's mine.

Freak number 1~She's pretty new. I don't know her name or who her dept manager is, but I'm pretty close to finding out so I can report her. Now, my building has some pretty stupid people and even more stupid rules. Our cell phones are not supposed to go off because it annoys the file clerk mutants in the dept around us but there are no rules against texting. I always cross paths with this particular freak in the ladies'~I know who she is because she wears the world's ugliest shoes EVERYDAY (yes I'm still a shoe snob) and she somehow always parks in the stall next to me (what, does she have RADAR????) I can hear her clicking away and the response beeping back. Worst of all, she NEVER washes her hands after she exits her stall (that's why I'm going to report her~I mean, how disgusting!)

Freak number 2~he's a mail courier. I unaffectionately refer to him as "Mail Tool." For some weird reason, my workplace only hires social misfits to transport the mail with the exception of one cute girl. When my friend, pretty newbie Melissa accidentally dropped her outer office mail into the "inter office" mail slot in front of him, he screamed at her: "Don't put that in there!" Melissa stepped back, startled, with wide blue eyes. "She's new, you frigging mail freak, don't you yell at her!" I growled at him thru bared teeth. To this day, he steers clear of me when he sees me. Hmmm, go figure.

Now your turn~who REALLY bugs you at work and why?
XOXO

 

[Intoxiphilia]

There's this girls who has a reeeeally annoying laugh. Normally I like laughter 😉 but hers bothers me alot for some reason. She also happens to be one of those people who laugh constantly, even at things that aren't funny. Example:

Person 1: I ate at that new Mediterranean place yesterday. It was pretty good!

Annoying girl: Really? I haven't been there yet! hahahaha!

Person 1: Have you sent out that order for the lab supplies yet?

Girl: No, I'll do it after lunch. hahahaha!

Ugh. >_<

 

[EyeDraw78]

I work at a customer service call center and we had this one guy try to call in to work one day. However, instead of calling his supervisor like everybody else, he called the customer service number, sat in queue, and pretty much wasted the time of the rep who had to pick up the call and deal with this nonsense.

How clueless can one be?

 

[JustPeechy]

I work in a small office but they still managed to find some dandies.

The cackler - is also newer and her laugh is an orgasmic cackle that can be heard reverberating through the entire building. Sometimes when she is on lunch I will close the door but I can still hear her everywhere. This is very annoying when I am trying to talk to someone at my counter. She also chooses to have off-color conversations in mixed company, yes, very professional.

The hag - (I did not give her this name, someone else did) - comes to work reeking of alcohol almost every day, I don't think its the Listerine, haha. She cuts her own hair with one of those buzzer things and years of practice have not made any improvement. She feels the office budget must be her personal account because she scoffs when anyone else wants training or a new office chair. Totally 2 faced also, she agrees with your every word to your face until you walk around the corner.

 

[Evil Dave]

There's this girls who has a reeeeally annoying laugh. Normally I like laughter 😉 but hers bothers me alot for some reason. She also happens to be one of those people who laugh constantly, even at things that aren't funny. Example:

Person 1: I ate at that new Mediterranean place yesterday. It was pretty good!

Annoying girl: Really? I haven't been there yet! hahahaha!

Person 1: Have you sent out that order for the lab supplies yet?

Girl: No, I'll do it after lunch. hahahaha!

Ugh. >_<

Just call her Dr Hibbert until she stops, or cries, or both.

 

[kis123]

Well the last time I worked, we were all just a bunch of freaks working as subcontractors for a govt agency. We learned to get along so we could survive the demands of the contract (that place was a nightmare). The trainers and management were the freaks at that place. There were times I'd go to lunch and the entire policies were changed. We had meetings 2-3 times a day that would change assignments, work projects, procedures. Then they'd wonder why our error rates were so high......well, I personally can't imagine how that could happen under such circumstances!

But the last perm job I worked I could best describe as the workplace environment equivalent of the island of misfit toys! None of them could ever survive in a real corporate environment. What was even worse is that many of them came from money or were rich people's children. Another example of money solves poverty and little else!

But my personal favorite is this narcisstic sociopathic piece of work I'll just nickname "C." We were held hostage in a meeting that consisted of an hour of her telling us how great she was.; I literally thought I was going to hurl on her shoes if that meeting went another minute longer! Then we went to our corporate retreat in AZ and she all but stripped on the dance floor. Mind you she's married with a daughter; she never should've been allowed to reproduce, especially not a girl. I've just never seen anyone behave like her but since she brought the company money, they let her act like that. I'm so glad I'm not there anymore; can you imagine company of about 40 that acted like that everyday?? I'd rather be on unemployment than deal with that place again!

 

[Adam]

I worked with a guy that used to laugh in a really loud, nerdy way... after every damn sentence that came out of his mouth. It didn't seem to matter what he was saying. He could be telling you that he was making a sandwich and for some reason he'd still do it. Fortunately, he's actually a very nice person.

 

[steph]

OMG~you guys totally took my lead and ran with it~I can picture all of these people, just by the descriptions you're giving~hilarious~keep 'em coming!

I thought of another one. She's a supervisor. Apparently has allergies (and clearly an aversion to good manners.) At least once a day you can hear her sneeze. And I'm talking about the deafening kind. She's at THE OTHER END OF THE BUILDING AND WE CAN HEAR HER! It's almost like this half bark, half vomit sound that'd scare the pants off the Pope. It's like, you're on the phone with a patient or deep in thought studying someone's medical record and all of the sudden... "BAH!" It's obvious she doesn't cover her mouth. She has her own office with a door (can't you usually feel when a sneeze is coming?) Because my company subcontracts for the hospital, we have no clout over there and can't complain but I've been hearing her for YEARS. Why has no one ever had a word with this woman?
XOXO

 

[Dussicar]

Surprisinly enough, my place of employment has pretty much been work-freak free for the last few months.

Aside from the typical round of punk kids that don't want to work and play the "sick/absenteeism" game. They tend not to last, anyway.

 

[Sanhael]

Several people come to mind at my new place of employment.

One of them is an assistant manager who insists upon adopting a separate "management persona" while dealing with crew members. This in and of itself isn't all that unusual, except for two things: (a) her actual personality is quite nice, personable, funny, and tolerant, while her management personality is totally opposite in every respect, and (b) as a manager, she breaks every rule in the book. She yells at employees, in front of coworkers and customers, often without checking to see that they're doing/not doing what it is that she's yelling about. She yells, sometimes, for doing things she told somebody to do, and then forgot about. She has the obnoxious habit of repeating things like "I can't wait to do the personnel reviews, oh boy, I can't wait, I wish I was doing them right now" over and over and over again, and generally treats crew members like they're children (at worst) or kids at their first job who don't know what they're doing (at best) regardless of how we actually work and/or behave (then, she complains about "having to babysit").

Another person who comes to mind readily is a 19-year-old kid who is also very nice, and is actually very mellow, which... seeing as how he's a burned-out pothead... isn't all that surprising. The problem is that he's very, very, very slow at everything he does; he's also very, very short... like, under 5'... and he looks young, so he's hit on by (and hits on, in turn) the underage female employees, and he can't do a lot of things on account of he can't be practically expected to be able to reach the work-stations or storage areas. He has no attention span, and has frequently tried to do things in a grossly unsafe fashion (like make mashed potatoes in a large mixer without connecting the bowl; picture a 2' x 2' x 2' metal bowl flying across a room). He frequently tries to chat in a friendly fashion, but his subject matter tends to be either drugs or our respective paychecks, either of which (brought up in the workplace) are disciplinary subject matter; furthermore, his way of bringing up drugs in the first place is usually to invent a time that his potential conversation partner admitted to using/having used them in the past.

 

[Capnmad]

Haven't had an honest-to-goodness freak where I'm at in a good long time, thank Jeebus, but there've been some troubled folks. Took orientation with one when I started out...

Claimed he'd been a sniper for the Army, but was the most high-strung, impatient, shaky bastard I've ever seen in my life. His nicotine habit was so incredible that about every two hours (sometimes less) he'd have to ask someone to cover him while he slipped off campus to catch a smoke. I remember the words that marked his impending failure. It was our first day on campus, and having actually engaged some of the kids, he said to me, "Yeah, that shit we learned in training -- that's all out the window, man." The kids quickly learned it didn't take much to make him react, and he snapped pretty easily after that. He made it through training (9-10 days), but then, just two weeks with the kids did him in.

The funny ones are the ones that offer me advice. I try to give everyone a listen, but the one fellow tried to offer me some advice after I'd had something of a rough day. He insisted I should be harsher with the clients. Apparently, he walked his own talk, 'cause something like 3 weeks after that, there was an abuse allegation put against him, and he was bounced after that...

Another guy worked nightshift with me. He was interesting. He'd been to prison for a bit in his youth, and cursed under his breath every time he saw Rudy Giuliani on the screen, since apparently, Giuliani had been a prosecutor or something, and was the guy who put him away. He cleaned up his life enough to make it passable for employment, but was always a bit shady. A couple of months before he was fired, I heard through the grapevine that he had committed insurance fraud. From what i understand now, it was the second time. Apparently, the transmission on a vehicle he had before bit it, and rather than pay to have it replaced, he arranged for a friend to "steal" it so he could get the insurance money. On the more recent vehicle, I knew he'd just gotten tired of making the payments and wanted something new, so he made the same arrangement with his buddy, and the vehicle was found, on fire in Maryland or Virginia, I think. The second time, the insurance company figured something was up, and it sounds like they'd started an investigation. It was the same company that insured my car, so really, in a roundabout way, it was partly my money that was paying for his fraud. But he never knew that I knew what he'd pulled, and so, he'd come in night after night, telling me how the insurance company was "up his ass about some bullshit" about his stolen/burned SUV. I would listen avidly, as I'm like to do, add the de rigueur words of empathy, and go about my night.

He eventually got canned because, burning the candle at both ends in order to have every material possession you could imagine, he just couldn't stay awake on 11-7 shift. I remember asking him how many hours of sleep he got in an average day, and he answered "none"... And I knew with his multiple jobs and taking classes, that was pretty close to accurate. Our quality manager is a quiet lady who could creep up on a ninja, and if you're busted for being asleep on the job, that's it.

Haven't had one recently, though... That last fellow left 3-4 years ago, I think.

 

[Aimee]

I don't have a job ... but I am a student and let me tell you there are some pretty freaky people at an art college.

When I first saw this thread the first person I thought of was this ANNOYING girl at my school named Jasmine or something like that. She is on the same floor as me and she is ALWAYS in the 4th floor lobby watching Cartoon Network or MTV or of course, Anime. UGH!

This one time I was out in the lobby doing an art collage and she was out there watching Star Wars. Well, this girl likes to talk about herself constantly and brag about all the awesome things she can do. Well, somehow the topic of Karate comes up. And someone is like "Hm. I don't think I could do karate. It looks hard." So Jasmine chimes in, "WHAT? Karate is EASY. I can't believe you can't do it. Let me show you." Nobody asked her to ... nobody wanted her to. But she gets up and starts trying to kick her leg up in the air, and this girl DOES NOT have the type of body to support that kind of movement. It was not a pretty site. I still puke a little in my mouth thinking about it.

She has done lots of more annoying things ... but this was the first thing I thought of.

 

[paracarl44]

STEPH YOU MADE MY DAY!

OMG~you guys totally took my lead and ran with it~I can picture all of these people, just by the descriptions you're giving~hilarious~keep 'em coming!

I thought of another one. She's a supervisor. Apparently has allergies It's almost like this half bark, half vomit sound that'd scare the pants off the Pope.
XOXO

^TEARS ARE WELLING UP IN MY EYES!^

 

[EyeDraw78]

I just remembered another co-worker of mine who qualifies. He's really a nice guy so I won't rag on him too hard, but he's pretty much your typical young airhead--the type who likes fast cars, fast women, and sucks down Red Bulls. He also has the tendency to say some of the stupidest things I have ever heard.

One time he was on a call with a customer discussing her finance charges and he was like, "Oh yes m'am, we've been charging finance charges since the dawn of time."

What? I try to picture what was going on in his head at that time. Probably an image of cavemen negotiating with dinosaurs for a fixed interest rate.

Another time, he just decided to start talking like a beatnik while processing a lost/stolen account transfer: "Ok m'am I've blocked the old card, so now those cats won't be able to use it!"

He's said tons of ridiculous things, but these were the only two I could think of off the top of my head. At least it keeps my cube mate and I entertained throughout the day.

 

[xionking]

Zoran! The 34 Italian stallion waiter at our work who seems to have learned his bad English from the Borat Movies and Scarface, because who is constantly quoting lines from them.

When good looking women come in to eat or drink coffee, he often says to them, "Are you here for dinner?" They'll say, "Yes," and then he'll say, "Verry niccee!" and the girls will look at each other awkwardly and be like, "Did that guy just do Borat??"

He called one of the female employees a sexy tiger, grrrrrr lol. He also refused to wait a table of visually impaired people, and as if we needed to wrap this package up in a neat little bow, he also used to have very long hair and therefore is a dead ringer of Fabio.

At 34, he cracks onto 18 year old freshies, age is not a concern for Zoran. He will go where no mid-thirties men will go and that is home with a 19 year old scrag who looks like she had just licked the Hepatitis alphabet off of a bin. And when it comes to checking a girl out, Zoran simply glares at them from one end of the cafe like he's on tha panel for Next Top Model.

Zoran likes drinking chinotto and long walks in the park. He is a wine expert, and loves the Spanish guitar. If anybody's interested, I'll pass on their details.

-Xionking

 

[ParanoidChant]

He also refused to wait a table of visually impaired people, and as if we needed to wrap this package up in a neat little bow, he also used to have very long hair and therefore is a dead ringer of Fabio.

My last job was kickass BECAUSE everybody there was a goddamn freak - the first guy I met there intentionally coated his hand in mayonaise before shaking mine. We'd have sword fights using burnt baguettes, play a game involving throwing mayo-covered tomatoes at the window, speak in voice for a majority of the day - usually while everyone there was stoned.

Man I miss that job.

 

[steph]

Like that one honey? It is an original conceived by yours truly (that's me, by the bye!) I've always said my sense of humor is one of my most valued possessions.

Now keep 'em coming, you guys are doing GREAT!
XOXO

^TEARS ARE WELLING UP IN MY EYES!^

 

[Adam]

I once worked with a guy who would show up about 6 hours before his shift started on a daily basis. I'm dead serious. He worked from 6pm to about 2:30am. But for reasons known only to him, his mutton-chop sporting behind would be in at around noon every single day just to chat it up with everyone else or sit there and read his newspaper. I remember one day when he didn't show up until almost 4pm and I actually thought something may have happened to him.

 

[paracarl44]

Dangerous Worker.

There was a guy on a construction job that would pick up a 2x4 at least 6 feet long and was unaware of the people working around him. He would make a sharp turn with a piece of lumber and you had to watch out from being smacked in the head.

 

[Excess]

This one guy who has the sniff. Like he has a permanent cold or something, and it's really loud and obnoxious. And he acts like it's nothing. IT'S NOT JUST SOMETHING YOU NOTICE, EVERYONE CAN HEAR IT QUITE LOUDLY THANK YOU! SO PLEASE GET YOUR NOSE CHECKED OUT BECAUSE I'M AFRAID IF YOU EVER DO SNEEZE YOU'LL COVER ME IN YOUR NASTY FLEM!!!

Also he smells funny.

 

[Morpheus72]

So many come to mind...

The gold medal right now has to go to someone I will call Mr. K. You see, Mr. K. used to be normal and cool, and then he became an assistant manager -- by default, since no one else applied. Now he reminds all of us that he is a manager by saying things like, "oh, I have to make sure they do my name badge right, because, IN MANAGEMENT, they put our last initial on the badge." Douche.

Silver goes to Mr. S. He is a skeeve who let his hair, AND BEARD, grow for approximately one year, and would brag about the fact that he looked like shit and didn't care. Well, he got taken care of recently, as they required him to start wearing a beard net. Damn, I miss all the good stuff on vacation! He shaved pretty quickly after that. Still a giant d-bagg though -- shaving does NOT improve personality.

Bronze goes to Ms. R. You see, Ms. R. has the worst hygiene problem in the history of the world. Now, we all know when a woman has that not-so-fresh feeling downstairs, but when you can smell that at a distance of 25 feet, there is a serious issue. To make it worse, she carries a "few extra pounds" and thus can not climb the stairs to the break room. So, she sits by the time clock, in a closed area, allowing everyone to enjoy her scent of sexy attraction. She has been spoken to about this several times, and her current remedy of choice is dousing herself in that $3-a-gallon perfume that old ladies wear. Joy.

This is just the tip of iceberg at my job.

 

[chicago]

My assistant manager is a nutcase. He's tall, lanky, and paler than me. He looks like a worm and he told my coworkers that he didn't believe me when I called off because my mom was in the hospital. He is brainwashed by corporate and loves it. All his friends and his boyfriend work for the same company. He is just like the worst kind of human.

Coworker number 1 is a crack head / heroin addict that snorts it in the bathroom and constantly calls in with stupid excuses because he's sick from the drugs. He tried to sell me some heroin at work a while ago.

Coworker number 2 is a pathological liar who is so insecure about herself she has to say she's dating some rapper, put a girl in the hospital because she pissed her off, and apparently she can get bricks of coke and ecstasy to sell at work. Worse more, she looks like a Mexican hobbit, is bisexual, and has a crush on me. She calls me her "boo". It's terrifying.

Coworker number 3: Short typical frat kid, monotone as hell, likes to scream when he comes into a room to scare people, and I recently overheard him telling his friend, who was on the phone with his girlfriend, that he was a "pussy" and needed to "control his woman."

Manager: Still not sure if he's gay or not and we're all pretty sure he's masturbating in the stock room. We found a pretty nasty towel in there the other day.

God I hate my life.

 

[subtle_feather]

The teachers' room at my school has a bank of computers set up in an enclosure at the far end of the room. Recently a new teacher has been in there a few times at the same time as me. I shall call him "crazy self-talker," or CST for short.

As CST sits there working on whatever it is that he could possibly be doing, he continuously talks to himself at normal conversational volume as though he were expecting an answer.

Naturally, he speaks Japanese, but the content of what he is saying could be roughly translated as "hmmm....what am I doing? Yes....yes...what's this? What's this? I wonder what I should do. hmmmm.....hmmmm....What am I doing?"

A couple of days ago I was in the computer area with CST and the vice principal. The stream of CST's ramblings was particularly long and loud on this particular occasion, and at one point, he practically yelled "What should I do?!" while staring at his computer screen as though it were about to attack him.

Normally I would try not to react, but it was so jarring that I just had to glance over at the vice principal to see if he shared my surprise. The vice principal looked at me as though I had said something that made him extremely nervous and then abruptly left the computer room.

CST finished up a moment later and then left the room. Then the vice principal returned. My vice principal doesn't speak much English but he tries sometimes, and is, in general, a lovely guy. He walked up to me and glanced around to be sure we were alone before handing me a slip of paper, which read, in English: "he often talks to himself. sorry."

I nearly died laughing.

 

[Ghris]

I don't have a job ... but I am a student and let me tell you there are some pretty freaky people at an art college.

It's not just art colleges...

Also a student. Go to a 6th form in England, in my last year of it (hopefully.)

We have one guy who... well. He's the kind of person who clearly thinks he is the centre of everything and is right pretty much all the time. He's a really "into-it" Christian, and brings this up at every possible opportunity... like once when we were doing Lord of the Flies back in secondary school, he managed to make out that every single character represented both Jesus and Satan. Every single presentation he ever does somehow involves Christianity at one point. I worked with him while doing my English Language course a lot, and he kept trying to sell his religion to me. I get it, you're religious. Give it a break!
He's also into the whole student government thing... to the extent that he has made the head of the place essentially a puppet. He can basically organise entire charity events through the school, going to his choice of charity. Which is always the same one. He even writes the letters himself - "we have decided that our charity to support will be..." Like hell there was any choice about it, other people on the same commitee are heard bitching about you.
The guy basically keeps trying to take complete control of everything that happens. It gets irritating. Hard to sum up through text, you have to see this guy to really understand...
Oh, he has an annoying as hell laugh as well. Even when something isn't funny.

Then there's the person who... well. Back when we started 6th form, it was a rare lunchtime that he did not end up lying on his back in the 6th form area waving his hands and feet in the air pathetically. Recently he's taken to chasing after a girl who was, in fact, taken until very recently. And I mean chasing after very literally. The fact that she basically thrives on attention might explain why this is ongoing. He's also another of those people who can't admit being wrong, ever... and will actually have a go at someone who starts wearing a camo-greenish coat or hoody because "the army stuff is my thing!"

Then there's entire groups of people who think they're amazing because their hair covers two cubic feet of space. I shit you not, in the event they sit in front of you it's best just to move to be able to see... Skinny jeans make these people vaguely resemble the physical shape of a carrot.

Then there's me, and I won't even begin to talk about how weird I can be...

 

[steph]

Some of your are starting to make me fear for your safety. Woof. You make Mail Tool look like Prince Charming. I almost feel bad for starting this. Not really though.
XOXO