Really need some advice

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I met this guy through TMF (I won't say his name) but he sent me a pm here and we got to talking on AOL, he's on my Buddy List. Anyhow, he said he was moving to Philly from New York towards the end of July and he was staying in a hotel that somebody set up from his company until his apartment was ready. We chatted and I decided to meet at his hotel for some tickle play. It was fun but one thing really bothered me. While playing, he was naked and it's not like I was dating him or anything so it was weird for me.

He's now been set up in his new apartment for a while. He has my cell number and called me tonight because we had made tentative plans last week that we'd get together tomorrow. He called me tonight and wanted to tell me that he couldn't get together because he has a meeting. I told him I couldn't either because another guy called me before he did that I met through this forum who wants to get together tomorrow who I have been trying to get together with for a few months now and have just been very busy.
Anyway, I don't mean to be rambling but the point is that I don't feel comfortable having tickle play with a guy who wants to be nude during that time. Especially since I am not dating him. How do I tell him I don't want to have tickle play with him without hurting his feelings. I'd appreciate anyone's help or thoughts on this.

 

[isabeau]

sweetie i know how you feel. it is hard to tell someone what you feel. however i would if i were you. if you dont feel comfortable with him being nude, tell him now. otherwise you might find yourself in a rather awkward situation. but what do i know? i have yet to experience that in real life. but if i felt uncomfortable at all i would speak up i do believe.

isabeau

 

[unit5610]

Jen...I don't blame you for being uncomfortable. I think for this to be successful both people have to be comfortable with it, and if he is really interested in spending more time with you I think he would respect your wish on this one if you presented it to him. I don't believe that a true friend would drop you over this. If he took offense at such a request I would see that as a problem and would be wary of being further involved.

 

[BellaRisa]

Um,what?

Jen, why didn't you just tell him while he was undressing that you'd rather he remained clothed? If he started stripping and you didn't ask him to stop, and then you went on to let him tickle you, he's naturally going to assume that you enjoyed his naked 'Ler-ing. And *please* don't tell me he was nude when you arrived and you still entered his apartment 😱 . At this point, you just tell him the truth, a gentleman would have no problem keeping his clothes on and you don't want anything less than a gentleman for play .

I'll tell you what I tell every young lady who asks about such things: if you were bold and articulate enough to make plans for tickling in the first place, you're bold and articulate enough to make what you want and need completely clear before you even MEET a new person. Little unexpected things come up that may need to be explained or communicated later, but issues like sex and bondage and nudity are significant enough to be negotiated well in advance.

 

[NG02]

Jen...I don't blame you for being uncomfortable. I think for this to be successful both people have to be comfortable with it, and if he is really interested in spending more time with you I think he would respect your wish on this one if you presented it to him. I don't believe that a true friend would drop you over this. If he took offense at such a request I would see that as a problem and would be wary of being further involved.

I agree with unit. It has to be a comfort level going for both of you. Both sides have to make ajustments to fit each others likings. Good luck with your sessions and dont be afraid to tell him the way you feel.

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

I agree with bella. Every time she stops by with some advice/thoughts/comments, it's like a breath of sanity blew through. 🙂

 

[TickledToDeath]

I too have to agree with Bella! Yes I agree with Bella! 😉
You should have said something to him originally when he started to strip down to his b'day suit.
Just be blunt with the man. Tell him how you feel.

TTD

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

Well Bella and other people who agree with her, the reason I didn't say anything when he became nude is because well I thought if I did he might have become angry or thought I was a prude or something! By the way Bella, when I did enter his hotel room he was wearing clothes. I will tell him that I don't feel comfortable with him being nude while tickling play, ESPECIALLY SINCE WE ARE NOT DATING! I don't know why he feels this is acceptable, maybe because he's originally from Brazil. I am just guessing. Anway, I will be honest with him and hopefully he'll respect that.


I'd also like to add that he wanted me to be nude also and I said that I didn't want to do that and he at least respected. He seems to be more ticklish when he's nude anyway. Most people it doesn't matter if you have clothes on or not but that's how he is. By the way, I want to thank everyone for their responses so far.

 

[TicklesFemales]

TickleJen

When he calls you again tell him that it bothers you that he was nude and that your not that kind of lady. Tickling is fun and I myself love to tickle ticklish women but with my clothes on and her in a bikini or shorts and top that make it accessible to all her ticklish areas. I agree with you the nudity should be if you are actually dating or together. Although there are some people into tickling that like being nude when they are being tickled that is okay too, everyone has their individual choices but you should state your opinion to him about it when he calls again. I understand you did not want to say anything when you first met him because you did not know him at all and you were at his hotel room, he could have gotten violent and that is not good. Hopefully if you met him in here though he is not a violent persons but who knows for sure. Anyway I hope I have helped you with my comments. Have a nice day. We have chatted before on e-mail and I would still like to meet you myself someday and tickle you....LOL

TicklesFemales

 

[Soda83pop]

Completely off topic, but...

Well Bella and other people who agree with him

Bella is alot of things (beautiful, wonderful, adorable things 😉 ), but she isnt a "him."

 

[TickledToDeath]

Bella is alot of things (beautiful, wonderful, adorable things 😉 ), but she isnt a "him."

Very true indeed.

In addition.......I think the lovely Bella has lost her edge and forgot how to be a merciless tickler.
May be just a rumor?


Hmmmmmmmm.......

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I didn't realize that Bella was a she dajerx. I apologize for my mistake Bella and I am sure you're a great woman. Have made a correction on my previous post.

 

[BellaRisa]

I think the lovely Bella has lost her edge and forgot how to be a merciless tickler.
May be just a rumor?


Hmmmmmmmm.......

Um...not that it has a single thing to do with this thread, but what makes you say that? 😕

 

[TickledToDeath]

Um...not that it has a single thing to do with this thread, but what makes you say that? 😕

Instigation. Antagonism. Busting on ya since I haven't seen you in way too long.......... etc etc etc 🙄 😛 😛 😛

 

[the_Baron]

oh Jen......

U should have dialed room service with your nose (assuming U were tied), and let them discover his naked dinner attire.

U silly tickle chic.

 

[lk70]

Hey Jen- Did you not say that he's a member here? I'm thinking he'll see your post and that will solve the problem, one way or another. Don't feel too bad about not speaking up the first time- people do silly things like that sometimes. Just make it clear for ongoing play (assuming you want ongoing play) that everyone needs to be wearing something. My guess is it won't be a problem.

On another note- way to go on "getting out there"! Have fun.

 

[Red Jester]

Um...not that it has a single thing to do with this thread, but what makes you say that? 😕

He justs wants the chance for you to prove him wrong.

 

[RChello]

like LK said,,,

if the butt- naked guy you met here deosn't know how you feel, he does now,,,you should've stopped him in mid stripping,,,experience is the best teacher so be careful out there kids, tickling is no laughing matter,,. ok it is, but you get my meaning...🙂

 

[P50]

Hey kids, the discussion of clothing should be an imperative; this event being discussed here is a perfect example.

Things to discuss before you meet should include

Clothing; and one short conversation should not be enough

Bathing and grooming; how fresh do each of you want to be ?

Hair; plain ? adorned ? styled ? colored ? whatever

Makeup; women, please, this topic is not a trite incidental option. A very simple makeup decision in your mind can change the entire atmosphere in his mind.

Just my suggestions.

 

[lk70]

Hair; plain ? adorned ? styled ? colored ? whatever

Makeup; women, please, this topic is not a trite incidental option. A very simple makeup decision in your mind can change the entire atmosphere in his mind.

Hair? Make up? Ok- before I start a rant, let me get some clarification. Are you saying that you would like to determine what hair style is chosen by the lady for the day? And how much/if any make up?

I'm assuming that most people agreeing to meet have exchanged pictures, so I would think that the general appearance of hair and make up would be known already.

 

[kcantankerous]

tell him you don't wanna play because you arn't into his idea of play.

 

[toneus79]

Couple of alternative perspectives here (which are meant to be serious):

1) Maybe the whole tickling thing made him extremely hot (as in raised body temperature), and he needed to divest himself of his clothes.

2) As a lee who occasionally encounters various mistresses in a tickling situation, for a guy to be totally naked, while the lady is fully clothed, is usually taken to be an act of (non threatening) submission. I know this situation was different as you were the Lee, however that may have been what he was thinking, especially if did not bring the subject of sex up afterwards.

Like everyone else though, if you are not happy with something better to say it there and then. If you want to continue playing with the guy, try a different scenario that takes things down a few notches, such as letting him tickle you feet in your car, parked at your local shopping mall (turn the radio up first though).

 

[BellaRisa]

Ok, Back Up A Sec...

It was too hot in the room . . . . wanted to feel submissive . . . . BULL! Lame reasons!

. . . DO NOT EVEN GET INTO A CAR WITH THIS GUY. As I mentioned earlier, naked in that situation usually means someone is ready for sex. Even if it happened to be more innocent than some of us think, why take any risk at all and jepordize yourself in any way shape or form? Trust your gut feelings and go your own way gracefully. I vote for that rather than seeing a future thread asking for advice because you were violated in some way. You should avoid this potential damaging incident and go with your gut and dump the "Naked Tickler". It's assures your safety.

With respect, I have issue with this.

Nothing that Jen has said would lead us to believe anything dangerous about the gentleman in question. And I stress *gentleman*, because from what she's said he's been good to her and respected her wishes when she made them known. She hasn't said that he touched her anyplace that was too intimate, or tried anything she didn't want. In fact, she said it was fun, indicating that he treated her well. Yes, he preferred nudity. So? So do a LOT of 'lers and 'lees, even on the first date, since you're meeting for something many equate with sexuality. To be frank, many people feel that if you've gotten comfortable enough with them to meet them privately for fetish play, being skin to skin is a given. This is WRONG for many of us, but pretty common; I've been asked by many a 'Ler or a spanker if nudity was ok. I declined, at least at the first meeting , and that was fine. If I'd said nothing, how would they know I wasn't comfortable? People aren't mind readers and shouldn't be expected to be such. Communication is of highest importance in a situation like this where there's no precedent, and each couple newly meeting has to make their own rules. Jen saw him undressing and did nothing to stop him, though she did tell him that *she* didn't want to be nude; hopefully next time she'll express all of her preferences and have a more relaxed time. But let's not vilify a person for doing something he had no idea was wrong or inappropriate.

Ah, and preferring nudity reflects more on his being a human male than being Brazilian

Bella

 

[steph]

Am I the only one who finds it bizarre that this person didn't even discuss this with you BEFORE the meeting or the disrobing?

Raised Italian, I do tend to find that Americans seem to be much more scared of naked than other cultures. 😛 That being said, his assumption seems disrespectful to me. I always ask a guy what he wants to see me in before we meet. And I always ask to have the air conditioning on high, because I do tend to run overly hot but I cannot imagine getting butt naked for a total stranger, call me crazy...
XOXO

 

[BellaRisa]

I'd also like to add that he wanted me to be nude also and I said that I didn't want to do that and he at least respected. He seems to be more ticklish when he's nude anyway. Most people it doesn't matter if you have clothes on or not but that's how he is.

Apparently the subject was indeed discussed before actual play took place, and the conclusion was that she didn't want to be nude but she didn't mind if he was, and he wasn't told otherwise. A lot of ticklephiles love the heightened sense of vulnerablity they get from being naked for tickling, it's quite common. Was it disrespectful? Personally I don't think so. Bold perhaps, but then so is meeting someone from the internet for tickling in the first place Different people have vastly different expectations for such an encounter. It would only be disrespectful had she told him she didn't want him nude and he insisted, which wasn't the case here. As the hostess of BDSM, spanking and tickling events and the leader of variuous submissives groups, I really can't stress the communicaton deal enough. I've had entirely too many conversations with young ladies after a private session where the gentleman did or said something that she didn't care for, and when I ask them why they didn't SAY anything they tell me they didn't want to be rude or interrupt the moment or make HIM uncomfortable (whut?) No...they want someone else to get the message to the gentleman so they don't have to assert themselves and risk feeling awkward, which is an unfortunate but often unavoidable part of adult life. Meanwhile he honestly thinks they had a lovely session until he has to hear the opposite second hand.

Ladies, if you don't have the maturity and self-assertion to make ALL your wants and desires clear to a play partner before during or after a session, then you're not ready for play dates. Period. A play-partner deserves direct honesty. And Jen, I am *not* picking on you . I mean this for every girl who meets people for play.

Bella