Following on the previous long note on Sub-Space that some ticklees may experience, I did want to post some material on "scene" aftercare, as it is most important in these circumstances. Some tickle fans may never get to the levels that they even shift into altered focus or consciousness (sub-space) in or after a scene, but for those seeking those levels of play, it's really important to know about the whole scene, before during and after. Again, I have drawn much of this/these notes from an article Chris M. wrote a couple of years ago for the SM scene. I thus had to "adapt" it ever so slightly to apply to our tickle scene.
Spenser .... [Aftercare Part I]
Aftercare is the final act of the play scene or interaction that has taken place between partners. It is pulling together of all the loose ends, and placing a finishing touches to the final communion between sharers of a ritual of an intense tickling “scene” or other erotic play. Its purpose is to transition both players from the elevated states created in a scene back into normalcy, to allow their motor control and awareness to begin to return to normal.
But, it's much more than that. It is the time after the action when the participants come together in mutual affirmation that something special was created and shared. It is when affection and closeness is offered and sought. It is, at very least, the proper time to express thanks to the person who has shared this tiny segment of your life with you. It can be, and often is, the most beautiful part of a scene, and it is part of the scene. To skip it altogether is as rude as having dinner at a friend's house and then bolting once you've eaten your fill.
Aftercare is basic to planning of any intense tickling scene. Play that is physically strong, intensely emotional, can leave the ticklee shaken, vulnerable and exposed, making it all the more crucial to guide them safely back to earth. Some people, even after very intensely satisfying play, may experience "Crash": feelings of anxiety, exposure, embarrassment, or emotional overload. In short, the "Crash" is the equivalent in the fetish world to the post-coital blues. How well you take care of your partner will say a great deal about what the scene really meant, whether it was just a quickie or a deep beautiful bond bringing you closer together as people.
Aftercare can be especially important and allow for some recovery if things didn't go as well as they could have. In a "broken" scene, sensitive, compassionate and intelligent aftercare is all that stands between you and a bad reputation. Aftercare is especially important following:
• Scenes that involve new partners, or new techniques (fro example restraints)
• Scenes that have ended with a safe word
• Scenes that are demanding and intense
• Scenes that result in tears, screams, orgasm, or emotional release or that have been interrupted by any fainting
The emotional afterglow following the fireworks of intense erotic tickling play is not unlike the post-coital buzz following sex, and your actions and words will speak five times louder than usual. You can frame the scene beautifully with tenderness and respect, or blow it completely.
A wonderful scene can be wrecked by inexpert, thoughtless or cavalier behavior once the "play phase" of the scene has ended. Bad aftercare, or no aftercare, can do damage that is basically incalculable. It can leave your partner feeling queasy, unsatisfied, or used, ruin an otherwise great scene, or damage the trust and affection your partner has in you, if you are seen as arrogant, uncaring or clueless in that time of maximum tenderness and exposure.
But if aftercare is done well, it can double the impact of a good scene. Aftercare can confirm that the scene just ended had meaning, and that the gifts the players shared had real value. It can attach the scene to the rest of your life in a way that it makes sense, and is remembered as a good, validating experience, even if the ticklee thought she/he wouldn’t make it through when it was going on.
Why aftercare is often done poorly:
* As important as it is, precious little has been written about Aftercare in the adult erotic fetish handbooks currently in print, and at the time of this writing, it tends to be overlooked in educational forums. In (Washington DC’s) Black Rose (Society), we did not prepare our first aftercare presentation until we’d been around for 12 years! This is an extraordinary omission, when you think about it, because, unlike so many other erotic play staples, aftercare is - or should be - part of every scene we do.
* Unlike many other forms of adult fetish play, there are no standard methodologies for how to do aftercare. No single approach is ever guaranteed to work. This means that even well intended players, may do aftercare that doesn't work for any number of subtle reasons (we will deal with some of these later)
* Aftercare is often forgotten during negotiation setting the stage for aftercare that is rushed or inappropriate later on.
* In a party scenario, one, or both, players may be in a rush to move on to another scenes or may have a partner waiting for them.
* Because aftercare may be more intimate than the play phase of the scene, one or both players may not feel comfortable hugging and caressing a partner they more easily have tickled.
* Sheer ignorance: many think the basic play has concluded the scene is over, and have no idea how important
aftercare is in making a good scene better. Also, (bottoms) ticklees are generally unaware that the top needs any support or gratitude when a scene has ended.
The good news is that aftercare can be easily achieved and improved upon through adherence to one simple principal -- active concern and care for your partner. Most people don't regard a tickle play scene as empty pageantry, but as a genuine connection between the –real-- you and the –real-- them. Your behavior after a scene will dictate to a great extent what the scene means to both of you. And the silver lining of aftercare is that caring action can salvage a weak, or broken scene, into an experience that was worthwhile anyway.
The physical mechanics of aftercare
As the pistons stop pumping, as the breathing returns to normal, as you and your partner prepare to return from wherever your play has transported you, there are a number of simple, mechanical activities that need to happen:
* Removing your partner from bondage.
* If the ticklee has been bound, stretching out or curling up might be good.
* Holding, talking, being together, allowing time for heart rate and breathing return to normal.
* Food & drink (water is always good, or fruit juice for a little post scene pick up, if the bottom can do sugar, something containing sugar can help boost sapped strenght).
* A transitioning out of scene roles into the roles of equal compassionate friends.
* Getting the ticklee fully dressed again.
* Responding to any physical or emotional needs the submissive may have (talking about the scene, tears, etc).
* Cleanup the play area.
* Verify that the bottom has returned to full motor functionality.
All of these steps can either be rushed through, or (as we recommend) performed mindfully, slowly, deliberately with focus and attention. Don't start jabbering about real world distractions while aftercare is still underway. The scene isn't finished until aftercare is over.
More important even than your partner's physical condition is their emotional state. And unlike the standard aftercare techniques listed above, this process is exploratory and changes every time you do it. Leave time after a scene to be with the person you've played with. And don't set a time limit if you don't have to.
In general, aftercare is a good time to move from the more polarized roles of play (top/bottom, tickler/ticklee) into more equal roles of mutual friendship, nurturing, and respect. Holding, cuddling and touching is nice, depending on your relationship to your partner. Some like their faces touched… but bear in mind that what works for some, will not work for all. What seems affectionate and sweet to some may be mushy and silly to others, or inappropriately intimate, if it involves more kissing and intimate touching than your partner is comfortable with. And tops, if cuddling is too touchy-feely for you, at least staying in your partner's presence is good form. There are always some ways of expressing affection and gratitude for the shared time, that aren't too forward. Consider you’ve already shared something that is of a rather intimate nature anyway.
Talk is important, and affirmation is your first and foremost duty. Express satisfaction, or at least gratitude, after a scene. Tell your partner how nice it was. Express warmth. If the scene turned you on, say so. "Your laughter is so beautiful ... I really love the sounds you make / the way you struggled... The fear in your eyes was incredible... I hope I didn't go too far. . .."
Express caring and concern. "How was it?… What –did-- you like?… What was the worst part?
Your partner may want to talk, too, about the scene, about you… there's no way to know in advance. Let them talk about what is important at this moment. Be supportive and listen. Although everyone is different I don't recommend attempting a critical analysis of the scene right then, unless something has gone wrong. You can follow up later to get a blow by blow, but while the buzz of the scene is still buzzing, let these feelings ride.
Aftercare is never standard and the preceding description, while a basic suggestion in dealing with new people, may bear no resemblance to the aftercare you need. Aftercare is a subtle and fluid art and what works fine in one instance may be inappropriate, even damaging, in another. Some do really need a lot of touch and talk to guide them back to their ‘normal’ selves, but others want no more than a short “very nice!"
Bottoms –may-- wish to be dismissed without a word, or curl into a solitary ball (but I have only very rarely found this to be the case… …Spenser). Even between two regular play partners, aftercare should never be reduced to a rote exercise. The bottom line is that no matter how you do it, thought and action must be applied to connecting the scene just ended to your life in a way that it is processed and remembered as a validating and good thing.
Third Party Aftercare: A ticklee who is the partner of someone else may instead desire receiving aftercare from their regular partner, other than the one she/he just played with in the scene. The top should be understanding if this is the case. But, if this is the case, the tickle should be sure to tell your play partner ahead of time that once the scene is over, you’ll probably be returning to your partner to “wind down”. And bottoms should remember, even if they have just played with someone other than their regular partner, an honest thank you and a hug at the very least is appropriate. A scene without aftercare is incomplete for tops just as well as for bottoms.
Spenser .... [Aftercare Part I]
Aftercare is the final act of the play scene or interaction that has taken place between partners. It is pulling together of all the loose ends, and placing a finishing touches to the final communion between sharers of a ritual of an intense tickling “scene” or other erotic play. Its purpose is to transition both players from the elevated states created in a scene back into normalcy, to allow their motor control and awareness to begin to return to normal.
But, it's much more than that. It is the time after the action when the participants come together in mutual affirmation that something special was created and shared. It is when affection and closeness is offered and sought. It is, at very least, the proper time to express thanks to the person who has shared this tiny segment of your life with you. It can be, and often is, the most beautiful part of a scene, and it is part of the scene. To skip it altogether is as rude as having dinner at a friend's house and then bolting once you've eaten your fill.
Aftercare is basic to planning of any intense tickling scene. Play that is physically strong, intensely emotional, can leave the ticklee shaken, vulnerable and exposed, making it all the more crucial to guide them safely back to earth. Some people, even after very intensely satisfying play, may experience "Crash": feelings of anxiety, exposure, embarrassment, or emotional overload. In short, the "Crash" is the equivalent in the fetish world to the post-coital blues. How well you take care of your partner will say a great deal about what the scene really meant, whether it was just a quickie or a deep beautiful bond bringing you closer together as people.
Aftercare can be especially important and allow for some recovery if things didn't go as well as they could have. In a "broken" scene, sensitive, compassionate and intelligent aftercare is all that stands between you and a bad reputation. Aftercare is especially important following:
• Scenes that involve new partners, or new techniques (fro example restraints)
• Scenes that have ended with a safe word
• Scenes that are demanding and intense
• Scenes that result in tears, screams, orgasm, or emotional release or that have been interrupted by any fainting
The emotional afterglow following the fireworks of intense erotic tickling play is not unlike the post-coital buzz following sex, and your actions and words will speak five times louder than usual. You can frame the scene beautifully with tenderness and respect, or blow it completely.
A wonderful scene can be wrecked by inexpert, thoughtless or cavalier behavior once the "play phase" of the scene has ended. Bad aftercare, or no aftercare, can do damage that is basically incalculable. It can leave your partner feeling queasy, unsatisfied, or used, ruin an otherwise great scene, or damage the trust and affection your partner has in you, if you are seen as arrogant, uncaring or clueless in that time of maximum tenderness and exposure.
But if aftercare is done well, it can double the impact of a good scene. Aftercare can confirm that the scene just ended had meaning, and that the gifts the players shared had real value. It can attach the scene to the rest of your life in a way that it makes sense, and is remembered as a good, validating experience, even if the ticklee thought she/he wouldn’t make it through when it was going on.
Why aftercare is often done poorly:
* As important as it is, precious little has been written about Aftercare in the adult erotic fetish handbooks currently in print, and at the time of this writing, it tends to be overlooked in educational forums. In (Washington DC’s) Black Rose (Society), we did not prepare our first aftercare presentation until we’d been around for 12 years! This is an extraordinary omission, when you think about it, because, unlike so many other erotic play staples, aftercare is - or should be - part of every scene we do.
* Unlike many other forms of adult fetish play, there are no standard methodologies for how to do aftercare. No single approach is ever guaranteed to work. This means that even well intended players, may do aftercare that doesn't work for any number of subtle reasons (we will deal with some of these later)
* Aftercare is often forgotten during negotiation setting the stage for aftercare that is rushed or inappropriate later on.
* In a party scenario, one, or both, players may be in a rush to move on to another scenes or may have a partner waiting for them.
* Because aftercare may be more intimate than the play phase of the scene, one or both players may not feel comfortable hugging and caressing a partner they more easily have tickled.
* Sheer ignorance: many think the basic play has concluded the scene is over, and have no idea how important
aftercare is in making a good scene better. Also, (bottoms) ticklees are generally unaware that the top needs any support or gratitude when a scene has ended.
The good news is that aftercare can be easily achieved and improved upon through adherence to one simple principal -- active concern and care for your partner. Most people don't regard a tickle play scene as empty pageantry, but as a genuine connection between the –real-- you and the –real-- them. Your behavior after a scene will dictate to a great extent what the scene means to both of you. And the silver lining of aftercare is that caring action can salvage a weak, or broken scene, into an experience that was worthwhile anyway.
The physical mechanics of aftercare
As the pistons stop pumping, as the breathing returns to normal, as you and your partner prepare to return from wherever your play has transported you, there are a number of simple, mechanical activities that need to happen:
* Removing your partner from bondage.
* If the ticklee has been bound, stretching out or curling up might be good.
* Holding, talking, being together, allowing time for heart rate and breathing return to normal.
* Food & drink (water is always good, or fruit juice for a little post scene pick up, if the bottom can do sugar, something containing sugar can help boost sapped strenght).
* A transitioning out of scene roles into the roles of equal compassionate friends.
* Getting the ticklee fully dressed again.
* Responding to any physical or emotional needs the submissive may have (talking about the scene, tears, etc).
* Cleanup the play area.
* Verify that the bottom has returned to full motor functionality.
All of these steps can either be rushed through, or (as we recommend) performed mindfully, slowly, deliberately with focus and attention. Don't start jabbering about real world distractions while aftercare is still underway. The scene isn't finished until aftercare is over.
More important even than your partner's physical condition is their emotional state. And unlike the standard aftercare techniques listed above, this process is exploratory and changes every time you do it. Leave time after a scene to be with the person you've played with. And don't set a time limit if you don't have to.
In general, aftercare is a good time to move from the more polarized roles of play (top/bottom, tickler/ticklee) into more equal roles of mutual friendship, nurturing, and respect. Holding, cuddling and touching is nice, depending on your relationship to your partner. Some like their faces touched… but bear in mind that what works for some, will not work for all. What seems affectionate and sweet to some may be mushy and silly to others, or inappropriately intimate, if it involves more kissing and intimate touching than your partner is comfortable with. And tops, if cuddling is too touchy-feely for you, at least staying in your partner's presence is good form. There are always some ways of expressing affection and gratitude for the shared time, that aren't too forward. Consider you’ve already shared something that is of a rather intimate nature anyway.
Talk is important, and affirmation is your first and foremost duty. Express satisfaction, or at least gratitude, after a scene. Tell your partner how nice it was. Express warmth. If the scene turned you on, say so. "Your laughter is so beautiful ... I really love the sounds you make / the way you struggled... The fear in your eyes was incredible... I hope I didn't go too far. . .."
Express caring and concern. "How was it?… What –did-- you like?… What was the worst part?
Your partner may want to talk, too, about the scene, about you… there's no way to know in advance. Let them talk about what is important at this moment. Be supportive and listen. Although everyone is different I don't recommend attempting a critical analysis of the scene right then, unless something has gone wrong. You can follow up later to get a blow by blow, but while the buzz of the scene is still buzzing, let these feelings ride.
Aftercare is never standard and the preceding description, while a basic suggestion in dealing with new people, may bear no resemblance to the aftercare you need. Aftercare is a subtle and fluid art and what works fine in one instance may be inappropriate, even damaging, in another. Some do really need a lot of touch and talk to guide them back to their ‘normal’ selves, but others want no more than a short “very nice!"
Bottoms –may-- wish to be dismissed without a word, or curl into a solitary ball (but I have only very rarely found this to be the case… …Spenser). Even between two regular play partners, aftercare should never be reduced to a rote exercise. The bottom line is that no matter how you do it, thought and action must be applied to connecting the scene just ended to your life in a way that it is processed and remembered as a validating and good thing.
Third Party Aftercare: A ticklee who is the partner of someone else may instead desire receiving aftercare from their regular partner, other than the one she/he just played with in the scene. The top should be understanding if this is the case. But, if this is the case, the tickle should be sure to tell your play partner ahead of time that once the scene is over, you’ll probably be returning to your partner to “wind down”. And bottoms should remember, even if they have just played with someone other than their regular partner, an honest thank you and a hug at the very least is appropriate. A scene without aftercare is incomplete for tops just as well as for bottoms.
