Telling your girlfriend?

[ticklish in MI]

This is probably one of the most discussed topics on here but how would I go about coming out to my girl about my fetish? What would I even say? "I want to tie you to the bed and tickle the crap out of you"?

I wouldn't even mind letting her do it to me first just to make the initial suggestion less weird. But to all the girls here, imagine you didn't have a tickling fetish and your boyfriend said something like this to you. What would your reaction be?

 

[maniactickler]

First of all, you shouldnt have even gotten involved with a girl unless you found this out ahead of time. what if she doesnt want anything to do with it?

 

[Angel77]

I can certainly understand where you're coming from. I was in a relationship once with someone who did have a fetish (other than tickling) and was able to tell me about it. I was actually really honored that he felt comfortable enough to tell me but then again, maybe I felt this way because I know what it's like to have a fetish? I don't know.

It'll be interesting to read the replies right along with you lol.

 

[c7_assassin]

I went through this exact situation a few months ago: http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=176983

One thing I've realized since then is that if she really loves you, she'll be open to making you happy. And tickling isn't really that scary, provided your fantasies aren't all that scary.

But you can make it easier on her by being casual about how you bring it up and how you describe what you want. You don't have to emphasize the 'fetish' part; you can mention that this is just something that turns you on. There's nothing aberrant about getting turned on by peripheral sex-play. Just be sensitive when you're talking to her, and also maybe mention that this is an intimate matter. The girl I told liked knowing that she was the first woman I had ever told about my fetish. It was a big intimacy moment.

Oh, by the way...

First of all, you shouldnt have even gotten involved with a girl unless you found this out ahead of time. what if she doesnt want anything to do with it?

Ignore this cretin.

 

[maniactickler]

Ill never understand why anyone with a strong fetish gets involved with someone who very well could hate it. or even if they tolerate it. thats still not enough. i ALWAYS find out ahead of time if they are ok with it. if not, seeya! a tickling fetish is one of the tougher fetishes as well. what if the girl isnt ticklish? what if she is but absolutely hates it? which is pretty common. wake up people!

 

[taptoematt]

I told a girlfriend once that I wanted to tickle her and it ended our relationship
I say get to know her extremely well first, if shes a free spirit and find out if she has any fetishes herself.
good luck

 

[Simply_Tom]

I told a girlfriend once that I wanted to tickle her and it ended our relationship
I say get to know her extremely well first, if shes a free spirit and find out if she has any fetishes herself.
good luck

x2...

my last relationship ended actually because I tickled her too much and she hated it. she was actually the first human I ever told about it too :/.

unfortunately I have to say its a gamble. tell her, and if it doesn't work out, keep looking. eventually we'll all find someone who at least doesn't mind it

 

[ticklishfeet976]

@maniactickler ... you ever think that some people with a tickling fetish dont base their decision to date someone strictly on wheter or not they are into it?ive had this fetish for as long as i can remmeber and ive been dating my girlfriend since we were about 14 thats almost ten years. if she told me that she would never let me tickle her it wouldnt matter because i love her. this is the case for a lot of people. some people put their relationship above their fetish. i respect that you put your fetish first but we are all "awake"!

ticklish in mi.. i agree with c7 assasin. be casual about it. you dont have to make it this tremendous confession. down play the severity of it a little bit, be casual and be real she might enjoy that it is intimate

 

[Tiger.Lily]

While I disagree with maniac saying that you shouldn't have even become involved with someone unless they already knew, I do think the general idea is valid. I believe that an understanding of your interest in tickling should be one of the first discussions you have with a potential new partner. If she doesn't dig it, cool, move on. You haven't lost anything.

I wouldn't necessarily say that you just shouldn't become involved with someone up front, but I definitely agree that it needs to be a priority discussion so that you know if you can proceed or not. It was one of the first talks Zach and I had before we dated. I know what I want and need in a relationship and if I don't get it then it's just not going to work. Simple as that.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Tickling is relatively low key. taptoematt and Simply_Tom had unfortunate encounters with close-minded women but in the long run it's much better for them this way. It saved them a lot of frustration and upset along the way to finding their perfect match.

If you're in an established relationship and you're not sure how to communicate this kept secret, I think that assassin made a very good point:

You don't have to emphasize the 'fetish' part; you can mention that this is just something that turns you on.

Mentioning a simple turn on is much less intimidating than the word "fetish". For now, it might be a good idea to down play it and work into the more intense things. Playful tickle fights and more sensual tickling before sex might be the way to go until she's comfortable enough with the idea of using bondage. I definitely wouldn't start with the whole "I want to tie you to a bed" thing.

Really just use your common sense and you'll be fine. If she doesn't like it then she's not the right girl for you. But no matter what you did the right thing and were true to yourself. You have nothing to be but proud. 🙂

 

[ticklishfeet976]

whos to say that since you have a tickling fetish that you need to find someone who is ok with it or you need to move on? while i understand that some of us here might look at tickling as a deal breaker when they are looking for a bf/gf....but not everyone does.yes its definitely a good idea for some people on here to do that...i have a strong fetish. i love tickling and i love feet.. but personaly i would not feel the need to make sure the person is into it or ok with it in order to make a decision on someone

 

[Tiger.Lily]

whos to say that since you have a tickling fetish that you need to find someone who is ok with it or you need to move on? while i understand that some of us here might look at tickling as a deal breaker when they are looking for a bf/gf....but not everyone does.yes its definitely a good idea for some people on here to do that...i have a strong fetish. i love tickling and i love feet.. but personaly i would not feel the need to make sure the person is into it or ok with it in order to make a decision on someone

You're absolutely right. Not everyone requires their partner to be accepting of their kink. To each their own. My advice was aimed at someone who clearly does care. 🙂

 

[Mitchell]

I would try to make it an "easing into things" type of introduction.

For myself: I have both a foot and tickle fetish. I would probably say something like "Honey, I've liked female feet for as long as I can remember, and I enjoy the idea of tickling a partner". Would you mind, if, we started off slowly, and I kissed your feet briefly, and then, if we tried a little tickling, even for brief spells, for seconds, or a minute at a time, to get you used to it".

Basically, I see it as having to ease a partner into tickling/foot fetish, as it would be with any new partner sexually. For some people, the idea of having a partner that likes to erotically tickle them, or kiss their feet, is like having sex for the first time. Start slowly, try to ease them into it, and hope that they gradually, will come to accomodate you, and then, hopefully, at least find some enjoyment from it.

Mitch

 

[BlackestLily]

For me, I guess I'd pretend someone asked me about a fetish I had no clue about, and then think how I'd want to be approached on it. I remember reading a Dear Abby column and the guy had a rubber fetish. He tried hinting to his wife about it by leaving around magazines of tires. Now to me it seems silly just because I would think he's into cars and looking at car parts, but it seemed more logical to him.

For us, it's who we are so we know we just like it, so it's a matter of letting her know you like it too and hoping she will either enjoy it because she likes it, or enjoy it because it brings you satisfaction. You can ask her if she'd like to try something new and fun in the bedroom and start off with a pair of handcuffs to test the waters and see what she thinks. Maybe she'll even ask to put them on you. *winkety wink* Then start incorporating SMALL bits of tickling, telling her how sexy you think it is, or how sexy she looks when you do it. It's showing you enjoy it while also complimenting her. I think trust will be a major factor. Listen to her completely and don't try to convince her to do something she is firm about not trying yet. Small adjustments are key. After these, I imagine you can start working up a conversation like, "You know how we've been experimenting and doing _____? I'd really like to explore it more. What are your thoughts?"

And by the way. Euphoricy gives EXCELLENT advice.

 

[maniactickler]

Its fine if you want to put the relationship over the fetish. just dont complain and wonder how your going to make a relationship work out after the fact. some peoples level of the fetish isnt that strong i guess. me personally, my fetish is top of the list. i could never be into a woman who wasnt into tickling. she could be pam anderson hot, and the sweetest girl on the planet. no tickling, then pound the pavement. tough love.

 

[rhiannon]

Might that possibly the reason why you are not in a relationship? 😀

 

[maniactickler]

Might that possibly the reason why you are not in a relationship? 😀

Exactly! im not settling. no sense in not being happy in a relationship. id rather be single and free to do what i want. more people should be like me. then there would be less break ups and divorces. make me your role model people!

 

[No_Style]

This is probably one of the most discussed topics on here but how would I go about coming out to my girl about my fetish? What would I even say? "I want to tie you to the bed and tickle the crap out of you"?

I wouldn't even mind letting her do it to me first just to make the initial suggestion less weird. But to all the girls here, imagine you didn't have a tickling fetish and your boyfriend said something like this to you. What would your reaction be?

I just went through this with my girlfriend, and I was nervous....but then after talking to a few people here, I got the courage and realized she wouldn't see me any different...and it's been great ever since 🙂

I'm not saying this is how she'll react, because of course I don't know her, or your relationship.

as for your other question, yes, i'd be totally okay with a significant other having a fetish that I didn't have...my gf definatly has a few 'kinks' of her own that I tend to, and she in return tends to mine..

good luck!

 

[No_Style]

Exactly! im not settling. no sense in not being happy in a relationship. id rather be single and free to do what i want. more people should be like me. then there would be less break ups and divorces. make me your role model people!

as always, totally honest 😛 as you should be of course haha

 

[Maestro1874]

I've just hinted at being into something kinky until my gf have asked me what it is. It's worked very well for two reasons. One is that it piques there interest, and the longer you delay in telling the more interested they've become in finding out. Secondly, on the list of unknown fetishes, tickling is WAY better than some of the things someone COULD be into. It's typically a relief to find out yor significant other is into tickling and light or heavy bondage and NOT poo or something...

 

[SlaverTickler]

Ill never understand why anyone with a strong fetish gets involved with someone who very well could hate it. or even if they tolerate it. thats still not enough. i ALWAYS find out ahead of time if they are ok with it. if not, seeya! a tickling fetish is one of the tougher fetishes as well. what if the girl isnt ticklish? what if she is but absolutely hates it? which is pretty common. wake up people!

How do you bring up the topic of a sexual fetish with somebody you aren't already involved with? Other then the people from the forum I really don't talk about it with anybody.

 

[Tiger.Lily]

Exactly! im not settling. no sense in not being happy in a relationship. id rather be single and free to do what i want. more people should be like me. then there would be less break ups and divorces. make me your role model people!

LOL. This is sadly true.

 

[Naughty Summer]

My husband and I always talk about our fetishes and fantasies openly. If you feel close enough to your girlfriend you should be able to tell her anything and everything without being judged. We don't always do what we talk about but most of the time we do. It's fun, we have better communication and a much better relationship. We can talk about anything without feeling like we will be laughed at or judged. So I say go for it and just tell her.

Hugs,
Summer

 

[maniactickler]

How do you bring up the topic of a sexual fetish with somebody you aren't already involved with? Other then the people from the forum I really don't talk about it with anybody.

Well i personally only meet women from the internet, so its much easier to ask questions like this. in real life i couldnt do it. so if your into meeting people in real life and not the internet, then its better to just go for it and be honest and open about your fetish. do it in a tactful way and pray for the best!

 

[Chicago1105]

I'd say if the trust is there, go for it. I told mine after waiting a year, and her response was that I should have told her sooner!

 

[dskodj]

maniac and eurphoricy have the best advice. and i would have said something mixing a combo of both of their advice/opinions.