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THE FUNNY QUOTES THREAD.

P

paracarl44

Wielder of 100 Feathers
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In this thread please post some of the funny quotes that you have heard, or your own funny quotes.

I came upon this idea:idea: remembering the quote that Forest Gump made in the movie saying: "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get".
 
Come on people.....................

What is something that you say at least once a week?

When I went to school and I saw a kid doing something really stupid i would say: "Now that takes intelligence".
 
I put this one on my FB the other day.

I thought I was having a heart attack earlier....Then I realized it was a giant spider digging into my chest. Whew! I was scared for a minute.
 
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.~George Burns
 
"That woman runs the newsletter like a... like a... dominatrix!"

"Hmph. Talk about submissions."

- A conversation I had three weeks ago.

(I'm rarely, if ever, so good with the comebacks) 😀
 
"I've got this real moron thing I do, it's called THINKING!" -Carlin.
 
"Friends are like bras, close to the heart and always there for support".
 
My mom is epic when it comes to saying stupid stuff...like yesterday she said....

"Your father's out getting the tires on his truck RETARDED" :laughhard:

She meant to say "Rotated" 😀
 
There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva. ~ Josh Groban
 
"Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope". by George Burns.
 
"Ya know, riding a horse is a lot like being with a woman..." - Ernie Hudson as Nat Love in the movie, "The Cherokee Kid"
 
Never go to a Chinese or Japanese Restaurant that is next door or across the street from an Animal Shelter or Animal Hosptial 😀
 
"I knew I should have wiped you on the curtain!" ~ my dad, after discovering that I'd failed my GCSEs.
 
"It is colder than a Well diggers ass in January out here!" My dad every winter.
 
A conversation with my dad after I moved into my new flat.

"You should use coasters for your beverages."

"Nah, I don't believe in coasters."

"I do, I've seen them!"
 
"Too bad that the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair". George Burns.
 
:bump: "Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there". Will Rogers.:bump:
 
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