Things you do not want to hear during surgery - Humor!

[JoBelle]

Just thought this was funny. 🙂


Things you do not want to hear during surgery.

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that....uh...that uh....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Darn, there go the lights again...

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of
'em.

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my
concentration off..

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here..

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change....!

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the
ape.

OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of
nature.

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

Don't worry. I think it's sharp enough.

What do you mean "You want a divorce"!

She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!

Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing

 

[qjakal]

Timing...

Okay, this is only funny because I already had my hand surgery a week+ ago...otherwise....

 

[venray]

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: Give me the good news first.
Doctor: We were able to save your testicles.
Patient: That's great news. What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're under your pillow.

Ven

 

[Traveler]

LOL@Ven!!!!Yes pillow not a good place for them.

 

[Sunriseticklee]

ANOTHER THING YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR!!!!!

During my very first.... Ah exam of my ah... yeah Ok... pap smear... Darn it. You are all grown!

The doctor whispered nervously to the nurse... "Am I doing this right?"

And she, much to my horror told him quite frankly," No!"

DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN I have since changed doctors!

True f**king story!

I hope he loses his license.... Stupid ass.

Live (safely), Laugh and TICKLE
Sunriseticklee

 

[Dave2112]

Funny you should bring this up. I had oral surgery today, or what started as a "simple" molar extraction. After part of it cracked off and had to be surgically removed, I discovered that the thing I least want to hear from a dentist is quite simple...consisting of the two most dreaded sylabbles that can be uttered by a surgeon, pilot, dentist or Bomb Defuser...

..."Uh-Oh"

 

[Sunriseticklee]

Funny you should bring this up. I had oral surgery today, or what started as a "simple" molar extraction. After part of it cracked off and had to be surgically removed, I discovered that the thing I least want to hear from a dentist is quite simple...consisting of the two most dreaded sylabbles that can be uttered by a surgeon, pilot, dentist or Bomb Defuser...

..."Uh-Oh"

Damn!

 

[venray]

Funny you should bring this up. I had oral surgery today, or what started as a "simple" molar extraction. After part of it cracked off and had to be surgically removed, I discovered that the thing I least want to hear from a dentist is quite simple...consisting of the two most dreaded sylabbles that can be uttered by a surgeon, pilot, dentist or Bomb Defuser...

..."Uh-Oh"

Or the equally disturbing one word utterance....."oops"




Ven

 

[Kraftie]

*LMAO* JoBelle, that's too funny! I'm fortunate to have only one surgery experience, (unless you're counting childbirth) about 7 yrs. ago. I don't remember too much about it - but I *do* remember my follow-up visit to the Doc quite vividly.

The Doc asked how I was doing, and how I found the surgery experience, etc. With a big smile, I told her that it was *much* easier than I had expected - and how I thought it was so cool to have slept through the entire procedure. She looked at me with one eyebrow raised then (trying not to laugh) said, "Ummm... K, you were awake, and talking, the *entire* time!" 😱
I'm quite sure there was an audible thud as my chin hit the floor! *giggle* I still don't know what on Earth I talked about but apparently I'm quite the medicated comedian. 😱 The Doc says I had the entire staff in "stitches"! 😀 (pardon the pun)

Kraftie

 

[JoBelle]

Things must come in phases I swear!

Q, Strel, Dave and I all under the knife in the same month! At least I'm in good company! 😉 That's why I found this to be hilarious! I've had three surgeries in 4 weeks..lol...and thankfully, the thing I heard that upset me most was the bililng office asking , "What is your correct mailing address?" Giggle~!

Dave, I hope you're feeling much better soon! I know that had to be truely a horrible moment. "Uh-oh"...forgive me but that cracked me up, hon!

Kraftie, gotta tell ya this! After my mother's hysterectomy for which she was NOT under general anesthesia, her doctor couldn't even LOOK at her when he came into her room. He had the giggles so badly that he just stared out the window laughing for about five minutes, excused himself and came backabout an hour later...still smirking. He said, "You know I'm a married man." To which my insane mother replied in her best effort to remove the red from her face and put it on his, "Yeah, I'm married too, but you're awful adorable!" Only my mom!!!

Ahhh, modern medicine! But for the grace of it go I...
Joby

 

[Kraftie]

<snip> Kraftie, gotta tell ya this! After my mother's hysterectomy for which she was NOT under general anesthesia, her doctor couldn't even LOOK at her when he came into her room. He had the giggles so badly that he just stared out the window laughing for about five minutes, excused himself and came backabout an hour later...still smirking. He said, "You know I'm a married man." To which my insane mother replied in her best effort to remove the red from her face and put it on his, "Yeah, I'm married too, but you're awful adorable!" Only my mom!!! <snip>

Wow! I thought for sure that general anesthesia would be warranted for a hysterectomy - that is some kind of *serious* (as in mine was a minor procedure by comparison) surgery! The fact that your Mom handled the situation like a trooper only proves beyond a shred of doubt that you come by your wit and charm honestly. What a great story! *Giggle* I can just imagine any gal, high as a kite, in a most compromising pre-surgical position, and shamelessly flirting with the Doctor... too cute! 😉

Kraftie

 

[Flatfoot]

Geez, don't even get me started on military hospitals!

 

[JoBelle]

Kraftie!! *hugs*

Honey, you are just so sweet!!
DVNC!!! You hold tight or *I'm* gonna steal her! 😉

Can't wait to meetcha~!
Joby

I just thought of another to add to the list....

You mean this isn't Mrs. Smith?? (Which would promptly be followed by the infamous uh-oh) 😛

 

[Biggles of 266]

"wow, I've never seen one *that* bent before..."

 

[JoBelle]

"wow, I've never seen one *that* bent before..."

BAHHHHHH!!!!!!!

That is good!!
Joby

 

[milagros317]

Funny you should bring this up. I had oral surgery today, or what started as a "simple" molar extraction. After part of it cracked off and had to be surgically removed, I discovered that the thing I least want to hear from a dentist is quite simple...consisting of the two most dreaded sylabbles that can be uttered by a surgeon, pilot, dentist or Bomb Defuser...

..."Uh-Oh"

The same thing happened to me many years ago (1972). The molar broke, and the five roots had to dug out of the jaw separately. This took an extra 90 minutes, and my bib was covered with my blood by the time it was finished. I did get a shot of sodium pentathol, as well as extra novocaine, before the oral surgeon began digging below the gum line to get to the roots.

Some years later, I read Thomas Mann's novel, "Buddenbrooks". It tells the story of several generations of a family of that name, in the 19th century in the city of Lubeck (before Germany was unified).

The exact same thing happens to one of the main characters, Thomas Buddenbrooks. He is in his 50's at the time. His molar breaks during extraction, leaving the roots in the jawbone. His dentist digs them out, one by one.

BUT ... this was in the era _before_ painkillers. No novocaine, no sodium pentathol. The pain is too much for his heart. Thomas dies of heart failure, collapsing in the street while trying to hail a horse-drawn cab to take him home after the incredibly painful oral surgery.

Happy to live in the era of modern painless dentistry,

 

[Knightshade]

More things you don't want to hear during surgery...

Heh heh, cool, do it again!
Geez this guy bleeds alot.
LUNCH BREAK!
Hey, watch what happens when I do this.
Are you supposed to end up with extra parts after surgery?
What does that flat line across the screen mean?

 

[JoBelle]

Re: More things you don't want to hear during surgery...

Geez this guy bleeds alot.

Joby

 

[TicklingDuo]

Funny you should bring this up. I had oral surgery today, or what started as a "simple" molar extraction. After part of it cracked off and had to be surgically removed, I discovered that the thing I least want to hear from a dentist is quite simple...consisting of the two most dreaded sylabbles that can be uttered by a surgeon, pilot, dentist or Bomb Defuser...

..."Uh-Oh"

In my case, they said "Damn! I hate it when that happens." on one and "Shit, broke another," on another. Imagine hearing that when you're half out of it (since blood loss and anemia work so well together) and having multiple extractions after getting your teeth litterally kicked in. What a fun time that was! NOT!

Ann

 

[jason19tk]

"I know what I'm doing, nurse, I've played a video game based on this lots of times...now hand me the joystick"

"They made it look so easy on t.v....."

"Get this guy off the table..then give me and the nurse some privacy, please. "

 

[jason19tk]

In my case, they said "Damn! I hate it when that happens." on one and "Shit, broke another," on another. Imagine hearing that when you're half out of it (since blood loss and anemia work so well together) and having multiple extractions after getting your teeth litterally kicked in. What a fun time that was! NOT!

Ann

If i had been aware enough to feel that, I woulda been tempted to kick the guy. "Sorry...just the way my reflexes react to morons who can't do their job right.."

Luckily the oral surgeon I had gone to in April was a guy who was so careful that takin my wisdom teeth out was painless before, during and after surgery ...and during recovery. Only pain was that my jaw felt slightly stiff..but that was more annoying..not actually painful. This guy took his time to make sure the operation went as smoothly as possible. Unlike the one who took my cousin's teeth out in just 15 mins.

 

[BigJim]

When I was recovering from the general anasthetic after my circumcission, (no I'm not Jewish) I apparently felt a nurse's bum and asked her to marry me! The funny thing? I was 8 years old at the time........

True story!