Okay, fine with me. Let's start with a dictionary definition of "harm" from The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language.
harm
n
1. Physical or psychological injury or damage.
2. Wrong; evil.
Notice that by definition the concept of harm is linked with wrong and evil. Based on this definition it would not be a great leap to say that to inflict physical or psychological injury or damage is wrong and evil.
However, most of us don't need a dictionary to tell us this. As children we're taught at an early age that it's wrong to hurt people. Bullies in school are shamed rather than lauded. Many of us hated that "psycho" kid that would pull the wings off birds or chop the tails off cats.
As we grow up, this theme is consistantly reinforced in our minds, that hurting people is wrong. From TV shows to movies, cartoons, comic books and novels, we have "heroes" who stop the "bad guys" from harming people. In very few places outside the BDSM community will you find the concept of deliberately inflicting harm as a good thing. The societal norm agrees with the dictionary definition of harm being wrongful or evil inflictions of damage or injury.
Most humans have a psychological protective safety mechanism we refer to as a sense of self-preservation. It's a motivational drive that urges us to go out of our way to avoid harm at all cost. Since self preservation's sole purpose is to keep us alive, it's naturally considered a vital element of a healthy psyche. Conversely, a lack of self-preservation is considered to be a sign of an unhealthy emotional state. For example, when we see somebody on a motorcycle speeding, zipping in and out of traffic while not wearing a helmet we might understandably exclaim, "Look at that crazy mother-fucker!" Another example would be if I confide to a close friend that I'm considering bungee jumping off the Sears Tower, that friend might very well respond with, "Mother-fucker, are you CRAZY??!!" So we can see that it's not uncommon at all to associate a lapse in self preservation as evidence of a damaged psyche.
Now let's consider the players in BDSM pain play. We have the recipient, commonly referred to as the slave, bottom, sub(missive), masochist, etc. These are people who want pain in order to satisfy them sexually. Pain isn't simply a button that can be turned off and on. It is most often achieved in such sessions by having varying degrees of harm inflicted on them, not to exclude cigar burns, brandings, etc.
Since a sense of self preservation steers us away from knowingly harmful circumstances and situations, it's only reasonable to conclude that somebody who deliberately places oneself in harms path has a sense of self preservation that is at best damaged, at worst nonexistant. We've already demonstrated that such a condition speaks of a damaged psyche, or a questionable emotional state. They are psychologically vulnerable at the very least.
Now we come to the other half of the BDSM pain play scenario. The giver, commonly referred to as the Master (God help you if you forget that capital "M"), top, dom(inant), sadist, etc. These are people (mostly men from what I've seen, but certainly not strictly limited to the male gender) who derive satisfaction from inflicting harm on others. Based on what was discussed earlier in this response, a man who embraces sadism has rejected virtually every quality associated with what's traditionally considered to be gentlemanly, fair, compassionate, and considerate.
So here we have this sadist, this man who derives pleasure from harming women. By this very nature he's on shaky moral ground already, but he compounds this character flaw with an even greater one, preying on women who through their damaged sense of self-preservation are particularly vulnerable to such men.
Finally, the BDSM pain sadist completes his plunge through the bowels of human character by cleverly rationalizing his activities as "consensual BDSM pain play." We're just playing, that's all. It's consensual, so it isn't abuse. Furthermore, they denounce anybody who dares criticize as "ignorant" or "without a clue," with an air of pomposity that would make Thurston Howell III appear humble and trite. (Yes, I made up the word, "pomposity." I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that most get its intended meaning. )
This is why I believe it's wrong for the TMF to allow and even promote the portrayal of violent erotica as something we in any way, shape or form embrace.
The problem with the above, which is very well written and well thought out but woefully flawed and lacking, is that it 1) dismisses the true definitions of damage and injury, 2) makes WAY too broad a statement about humans and how we feel about 'danger', and 3) ignores the intelligence and rationality of those it attempts to define.
Damage, from The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language:
Harm or injury to property or a person, resulting in loss of value or the impairment of usefulness.
Even in the intense world of BDSM edgeplay, there simply is no loss of value in any way, and certainly no impairment of usefulness. BDSMmers play hard then go to work on Monday, end of story. Occasionally we wear long sleeves, just like a 'ler who struggled against her cuffs a little too long
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The awful, repellent 'harm and damage' that keeps being trotted out for this argument isn't a factor unless something goes horribly wrong, and that secnario is not what's being discussed here. The wrong and evil and bullying mentioned above concern people and non-sentient creatures that don't want to be bullied or have their wings removed. I'm not sure why the issue of adult consent is constantly ignored, given it's importance.
Furthermore, tv and movies and comics are the very places where *many* of us first saw our fantasies played before us, from Ricky spanking Lucy to John Wayne bullying and thrashing naughty Maureen O' Hara. Let's not even mention Cary Grant or James Bond (sigh). The Tall Dark and Dominant male who takes no nonsense and will turn a woman over his knee or toss her over his shoulder in a heart beat has been making women swoon and lesser men jealous for centuries. They killed and harmed almost as many people as the bad guys, just for 'better' reasons, and yet they always got the girl in the end. And they still do
Society most definitely casts a harmful male-
one who does things that women don't want them to do-as evil. So do the BDSMmer's. But the man who grabs a girl by the hair to kiss her, throws her on the bed and does things His way because they both know that's how she wants it...heck you can't watch a 007 film without that aspect. Thank goodness
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And humans most certainly do
NOT go out of our way to avoid harm at all cost, a sense of self-preservation rarely steers us away from a darned thing; we're the most thrill seeking beings on this planet! Nearly everything we do for fun is dangerous as all heck, if you think about it. And you can take fun out of it; just getting into a car every day is asking to get dead, frankly. So is flying in a plane. We simply do our very best to do these things as safely as we can, from wearing a helmet while we hurl ourselves through traffic on motorcycles and seat belts in our cars to having a safety bar in front of us so when the big huge umpteen ton-weighing rollercoaster goes upside down we don't fall out. One of my favorite comedians calls that bar the "you're gonna DIE bar, 'cause if it was safe you wouldn't need it!" Humans are utter adrenaline junkies and we all know it, to deny that is to deny our very natures. That "psychological protective safety mechanism" inspires us to stay alive, but
only if we can stay alive while still doing what we want to do. We're a stubborn species
.
Now, lets do consider the players of BDSM pain play. Take the bottom/submissive. These are, for the most part though of course there are exceptions, rational and logical human beings who have discovered that they like and need more intense stimulation than other people to be satisfied sexually. Since they have the same sense of self preservation that other rational and logical people have, they find ways to nourish their desires as safely as possible while still having their fun. Safewords, first aid kits kept nearby, attendance of classes and hands-on demonstrations by more experienced players, submissives groups and meetings to discuss various issues and feelings...all of these work together to help these folks do what they want to do with as little harm-harm in its accurate sense-as possible. Far from having a damaged psyche or being psychologically vulnerrable, they're some of the most emotionally sound and 'together' folks you'll meet because they know what they want and how to get it.
Then there are the Tops/Masters/Mistresses. (While there are some pompous ones who who do prey upon women, really need the capital M and enjoy inflicting harm on people who don't want it, I can honestly say they fade out of the Lifestyle pretty quickly because that behavior isn't tolerated and words get around FAST.)
For the purpose of this discussion I'll refer to the men. These men love intense play and very often pain play, and they usually also enjoy the elegance and niceties that go along with the roles discussed here. They are some of the most gentlemanly, kind and considerate males you'll ever meet, considering the ladies with whom they play to be treasures to cherish and the chance to play with them and so trusted a true gift. Yes they enjoy inflicting pain, just as she wants to receive it, but that's a FAR different thing from inflicting 'harm and damage'. He wants to cane her, not ruin her credit. And usually he wants to kiss it and make it better later on, completing the night in a wonderful way.
Doing everything from holding your door and your coat to giving *amazing* aftercare, their 'moral ground' is far firmer than many of the vanilla and non-BDSM guys who wouldn't know how to treat a lady with a manual. They do their best to ensure that their play partner has the best time possible and feels like a Lady the entire time she's with him-what that means depends on them. There is a deep sense of honor here that is *very* important
To say that these men rationalize their activities by saying it's consensual conveniently dismisses the simple fact that it *IS* consensual. And strongly desired. By adult, mature, rational people like myself who are no more damaged than someone who loves to drive fast or ski down a mountain. Or have women tickle him until he's screaming with laughter and hardly knows his own name. Humans seek pleasure, and sometimes it comes from pain-witness the power lifter or the marathon runner. We get our rush in various ways, but to label some of us as having issues because we prefer a flogger to a Harley is wrong. Period.
This is why I believe it's fine for the TMF to allow and even promote the portrayal of intense erotica as something we openly embrace along with our own proclivities.
Bella
. I've left marks, wounds, some darn fine and colorful knots and bruises, and made several 200 + lb men weep and beg this 4'11 woman for mercy. I've loved every single minute of it. And so have they, I have the gifts and return engagements to prove it 
