Tickling.....Your Own Private Fetish?

[Deleted member 66627]

Crystal, noone should even be in a serious relationship without disclosing their fetish to their partner before hand. that will just lead to misery.

That's all a matter of opinion, and personal preference. It does not go for everyone.

We all approach life differently, thus showing we are going to approach exposing/expressing our fetish's differently as well.

 

[Dave2112]

Ummm....yeah. That's where things like this get squicky. We are all wired different. Then, when you throw two people together, you've got all kinds of wiring going on.

The best you can do when faced with challenges involving emotions, relationships and such....especially if they're involving kink...is to ask for some advice, take the advice you get and see how all of it as a whole fits in with how you're wired. Sometimes you get something you didn't think of that you can use, and sometimes you just need to hear things from others that validate your own point of view.

It's why we're all here and why this community is so important to so many of us. We're all different, even within the realm of our particular fetish. There's no cut-and-dried "right answer", only opinions. Some based on experience, some based on preference. In the end, even conflicting opinions can offer help and insight.

 

[Tamia78]

Wow!!!

Dayum, ya'll!

Awesome responses!!!

Some other thoughts.....

It seems as if most of you all are pretty open about your fetish, which is great. But I can't help but think that it's because most of you are LERS. Or even more dominant. I think with being a Ler, it's a bit different because quite a few vanilla women like to be dominated like that WITHOUT thinking that it's kinky or weird, so tickling is a fun, harmless (in their mind, at least you're not biting them) way for you to be a dominant person. In being a Lee, I have to first tell them that I like tickling, and explain my fetish to them, and THEN convince them to tie me up and tickle the living sh*t outa me, and furthermore, convince them that I actually LIKE doing this on a regular basis. So,in my opinion, it's not that easy on my end.

I do agree with Crystal; I think it has something to do with the fact that I was "outed" that I had such a weird reaction to him that he actually liked to tickle me, or at least he said he did. And also, as Amni said, I wasn't ever sure if he liked it because he was trying to please me, or if he actually LIKED it.

As for Maniac's comment, I am fully prepared to NEVER disclose that information to a SO. If I ever find a person I want to be in a serious relationship with, and they are not a part of our community, I would say goodbye to the TMF, even tho that depresses me alot. In my opinion, unless you are with someone from the community, vanillas will never know how passionate we are with tickling. I know that's not true for everyone, but in my experience, it's true for most.

--T

 

[dvnc]

It's a personal thing, alright.

For Tamia, it's like that.

For Ter, it ain't.

I'm in Ter's situation. Everybody knows, to one degree or other. Family. Friends. Boss. No, seriously. Got special dispensation for NEST, 'cause things almost got clowned at work. There ain't anyone I've dated in over a decade who DIDN'T know 'cause I told 'em.

Which means I can't know how ya feel, Tamia, or those in her headspace. If I held in somethin' this strong, and it was outted on me, I suspect I'd feel violated 'cause it's deep and personal.

Props, Mairead. Good on ya! Sounds like indication, too, that choosing to out it is easier than HAVING it outted.

Condolences on havin' yer man surprise ya like that, Tamia. Danimal's situation sucked rocks.

 

[luca002]

I think u feel in that way couse he was not into tickling already.

I mean that maybe in a subconscious way u feel he's doing that "only for u" like a favor.

For me is the same: if i tickle a person is not into tickling is not full gratificant.

Luca

 

[jj82277]

I too can relate to feeling like a freak because I have this oddball preference. Imagine coming of age sexually in the 1970s, with no Internet and knowing no one else in the world who shared this "perversion" (yes, that's what I considered myself back in the day). My husband is only turned on by tickling because he sees what it does to me. He's more turned on seeing me tied up than he is by tickling me. I was so scared of what his reaction would be the night I finally mustered the nerve to tell him about it, but I knew if we were to have a long-term relationship he HAD to know, consequences be damned.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend, all of you
Love, Jean

perfect.

first, the female sexuality is the greatest of all god's enigmas in my personal oppinion. certain aspects of it will not function devoid of a certain level of emotional connection and security, period. females are the greater guardians of chastity and the power that the keys to their total sexuality will yield to their partners. that is a lot of control for women to give up because female sexuality is not as accepted in mainstream society even to this day as a boy masturbating at age 12. that's just the way it is. there are women who will be married for a decade to a man they really love and fit with but will remain almost completely nonclimactic because the bar on their emotional trust level with him to catch all of her sexuality and her orgasms just didn't hit the bar. then one day its like a flash flood. its a part of psychology that is dynmaic to every individual and creates an inherent need for men to understand, respect, appreciate, nurture, and learn to interact with the female emotional comfort level with their own sexuality to enable longterm sexual intimacy even in the presence of a compatable person.

In general. what is the purpose of a relationship if not to (in the long term) facilitate a mutual sexual covering for the participants?

my brother once thouhgt he was a chicken. when my mother found out about it she asked me why i didn't say something about it. i told her because i needed the eggs.

the ultimate goal of a relationship should be to facilitate the eggs of sexual emotionla psychological and intillectual stimulation that we need to function as healthy human beings. allowing the fear of rejection to allow us to maintain space in a relationship is actually a form of selfishness. we are denying out partner the ability to get truly close to us and we are keeping up appearances for our own personal comfort. i know, i have done it.

the greatest fear that i have is that of marrying someone that i am not compatable with and then spending the rest of my life in sexual hell when the efect of clips wears off and i am tired or writing stories. it may be hard to tell people and allow them access but you need the eggs.

 

[Cavum]

It seems to me thats it's much harder to be accepted in the US than for example here in Norway. Only been in the US once, but it seems it's so easy to get labled "freak" over there (like there is something wrong in being a freak 😕). Moust of the "American view" we get over here is of course just in the hollywood movies and such. You allways see the cheerleaders (wich is the real weirdoes in my opinion) and the ruff and wannabe tuff football guys who make fun of the other people who are "normal". How is this in real life? Is it acculy like that over there?

 

[whyguy2]

I keep it to myself. I would love to tell my family and fiends but that wouldn't be a very good idea. Tickling is split between both plain fun and erotic for me. So for them to find out would be nothing but a headache for me

 

[tickleshotel]

Everyone that is a part of my life knows about my love,passion for Tickling and that is just the way it is . Do I walk down the street with a Neon Sign broadcasting it to anyone,everyone,NO ... But I won;t shy away and feel the need to whisper in restaurants,etc
I told my first guy I dated within that first week that I had a love for tickling and what it meant to me yes it was scary,he accepted it and surprised me 4 months later proposing to me Married and was pretty happy but he did not know at that time just how deep,passionate it was and after 2 years the relationship was going downhil but we both made compromises trying to make it work .Consider this, I had been married to someone who I felt I knew ,and loved for what he did for me,the qualities in him that attracted me to him and you know what happened? 3 1/2 years being married,one night we sit down and he tells me he has something he has to share,confess to me and he is unsure how I am going to react to this news, he confesses his own kink which I don't care mentioning because it is in the past was Cross dressing (no offense implied to anyone but his kink he not only wanted to share it privately but also out in public arena) ..it was a shock to say the least and it tore me apart in alot of ways I can't mention here as we shared alot and I realized it was very hard for him to tell me but I had shared my dreams,passions,fantasies with him and why am i just now finding out about this after being married for so long,friends even before that?
Nowadays,I am adamant that I am not going to hide anything back even more so after that experience and my view is if someone really likes,loves me for who I am with my strengths,faults then they will accept the tickling as I do not come with one part of me or a few things, I am a package and must be fully,ALL or nothing. If that means that I will not find the right guy for me ,be single and I am having to live my life in a society that is made up out of couples I would rather do what I can on my own to fill the needs,wants I have rather than being with someone wrong or someone who won't have a passion to do what I love and do it together..

 

[Iishieboo]

Many people on the forum know that most everyone in my life knows about my tickle fetish. My parents know, my friends know, hell, I'l tell random people if the topic comes up. For me, telling people is very liberating. When I tell someone it's almost backs up who I really am. "Hey, this is me... I really love me. I really love my fetish and I think it's a beautiful thing and it makes me even more beautiful." Everyone I've told has been very supportive and caring even though I get a little friendly teasing now and then. Hehe!

I understand why someone may not want to tell... but I guess I've been lucky because all of my friends and family are so open. ^____^

Different strokes for different folks, whatever turns you on! 😛

 

[LindyHopper]

Goodness... what else would still be substantive...

It seems as if most of you all are pretty open about your fetish, which is great. But I can't help but think that it's because most of you are LERS.... In being a Lee, I have to first tell them that I like tickling, and explain my fetish to them, and THEN convince them to tie me up and tickle the living sh*t outa me, and furthermore, convince them that I actually LIKE doing this on a regular basis. So,in my opinion, it's not that easy on my end.

I agree that as a 'lee, it's tougher to get the ball rolling, because 'leeing is passive/reactive (and especially if you're a submissive type, it sucks to have to say "This is what I want you to do: 😛 ). As a 'ler, you can simply initiate some tickling, and see how she responds. But then you'll probably have to explain why you're this horrible person who likes torturing people, and that's not so easy to do. And if you've found someone outside of this community, you're probably inflicting your fetish on someone who actively dislikes being tickled. At least as a 'lee, you're not "victimizing" anyone - you're just asking your lover to do something to you that you enjoy. So I think all told, we 'lees (at least the female ones) do have it easier than the 'lers.

I do agree with Crystal; I think it has something to do with the fact that I was "outed" that I had such a weird reaction to him that he actually liked to tickle me, or at least he said he did. And also, as Amni said, I wasn't ever sure if he liked it because he was trying to please me, or if he actually LIKED it.

It seems probable that when he says he "likes" it, he means something different than you do. I think most people enjoy tickling others. It's fun and entertaining, so what's not to like? It might take him a while to understand the true depths to which you "like" tickling - I know it was that way with my husband.

Otherwise... I think the average man tends to "like" whatever he sees turns his lady on. And while that's not the same as genuinely sharing the fetish himself, that's still worth something, isn't it? Minimally, I think it shows that he really enjoys making you happy.

am fully prepared to NEVER disclose that information to a SO. If I ever find a person I want to be in a serious relationship with, and they are not a part of our community, I would say goodbye to the TMF, even tho that depresses me alot. In my opinion, unless you are with someone from the community, vanillas will never know how passionate we are with tickling. I know that's not true for everyone, but in my experience, it's true for most.

I hope that when/if you meet the right person, you'll reconsider. My husband isn't a true ticklephile (at least he wasn't before! 😉 ), but he has always been open-minded and accommodating. It took a long time and a lot of exposure for him to understand what tickling means to me, but he did eventually get it. And I'll be the first to agree that 'leeing to him isn't the same as 'leeing to a "real" 'ler, but exploring this interest together has still been fulfilling. It certainly would have been a great loss to me, and to us, if I'd decided to keep my interest in tickling to myself.

Anyway, good luck. I hope things smooth over between you two - he seems like a good guy. 🙂

 

[RobAce]

Well I guess I will add to the mix, my own sorted details and feelings etc...

When I met my now ex-wife, the only thing I initially told her was that I liked her feet. I enjoyed massaging them and such and liked them for their looks. I did my whole spill explaining about a woman that takes care of her feet means to me they will spend time and take care of rest of their body. And that seemed to be fine for a few days. After a while, she noticed my enjoyment with tickling her and her feet especially. While she did not say anything about it she let me play a little and often teased me in very public places. Finally I figured that she knew and told her the whole kit and caboodle. To my surprise she did not care. She was more interested in the fact of what it did to me, because she knew she would benefit from it.
As time wore on and we got married, the way it was handled was normal. She had no issue with it being in my life. But she did have an issue with the forum. She was afraid of me cheating on her (when in reality she had been cheating on me from about 6 months after we were married onward) and did not like me posting or being a part. Which is why my original ID had very few posts. What was odd is that I had no problems telling my friends (male friends only) and she had no problem telling her girlfriends, which several times became awkward situations for both of us when her friends would arrive and "mess" with me. I found out later that sometimes these were arranged without my knowledge on purpose to "test" me.
Now here is where her knowing my fetish was actually a BAD thing. She would use it to gain favors from me. She wanted extra money to buy a tattoo..she would withhold "playtime" until I gave her money. She wanted to go out at night to party with her friends and leave the kids with me though I worked all day and she did not...again a promise of "playtime". Anything she wanted that I knew either we could not afford or should not do it was simple for her to promise "playtime" and get what she wanted. Even after a while she always withheld it unless there was something more in it for her"

So I have dealt with both ends of the spectrum.
Does this sour me on outing myself to the future Mrs. Robace whomever she may be. No. I have to be honest and be myself. Any of the ladies I have dated recently I told them what my deal was and all have been accepting. Not "into" it but accepting. But on other levels we never clicked, so again I continue searching.

I do not think I could ever be happy with a 100% vanilla person. This community means a lot to me. I could not give it up. Love in my life has come and gone....but my friends have always been there.

There are a few other "outing" stories I could share....but perhaps another time.

Rob

 

[Tickle Abuse]

Other than making videos, my other occupation is tickling therapist, lol. I am asked a similar question at least once each week by a woman in your situation. The problem is that he may really love you, he may be totally supportive and try to please you, but deep down you know he may never, never be into tickling and never enjoy it on the level that you do. In my relationship with Tasha, I told her immediately. Fortunately she was supportive and now it is as big a part of her life as mine. Give him some time, if he wants to make you happy let him try and he himself may start to love what we all do.

But there is a strong possibility that he may eagerly do it to make you happy yet never be truly into it, and this is a common issue that many women in the community have talked to me about. They say that they love seeing my older videos where I am having such a great time ticking women, that although their significant others indulge them, it just will never be the same than with someone who is part of what we identify with. Give him some time if you truly care about him, I mean, educate him, let him in and he may come to understand what is so important to you. But if he never "gets it," I am afraid you may feel unfulfilled in some respects. But a good man is hard to find, and if he is understanding that you need to explore possibly without him, do not let him go. I have been through many relationships where someone tried to make me feel like a freak, but the freaks are those who aren't willing to try to accept things they don't understand.

 

[Redmage]

It seems as if most of you all are pretty open about your fetish, which is great. But I can't help but think that it's because most of you are LERS. Or even more dominant. I think with being a Ler, it's a bit different because quite a few vanilla women like to be dominated like that WITHOUT thinking that it's kinky or weird, so tickling is a fun, harmless (in their mind, at least you're not biting them) way for you to be a dominant person. In being a Lee, I have to first tell them that I like tickling, and explain my fetish to them, and THEN convince them to tie me up and tickle the living sh*t outa me, and furthermore, convince them that I actually LIKE doing this on a regular basis. So,in my opinion, it's not that easy on my end.

I don't think that's a "lee thing" so much as a "kinky person dealing with probably non-kinky partners" thing. 'Lers who go looking for partners in the vanilla crowd have a very similar set of issues, except that if you think it's hard to get a guy to make you helpless and tickle you, imagine a man trying to get a non-kinky woman to let him make her helpless! It's at least as tough a sell.

Personally, I don't date anyone who doesn't know my kinks. It's just not worth the agita to me. In fact I might even say that unless I know a person is at least somewhat kink-compatible with me, I simply don't find him or her sexually attractive. So that means that any conversation with someone who is at least potentially interesting gets around to kink sooner or later. If someone isn't kinky then they might still make a wonderful friend, but a sexual relationship just isn't happening.

I would encourage you to think long and hard before committing yourself to a partner that you aren't sure is at least friendly to your kinks. I've seldom seen that work out well in the long run. It will mean that you will have to take some chances, but I believe it's ultimately better to part as friends and move on that it would be to try to suppress such an important part of yourself.

 

[baldadonis]

As far as disclosing my fetish to friends and family, my feeling at this point is that there is no need to disclose it to them. I feel no shame about it. I love and embrace this aspect of my life and all the pleasure it brings me. But I know they cannot understand that on the same level and it would only lead to unnecessary uncomfortableness. I view it as personal information that they just don't need to know.

In a relationship, however, I personally just can't wrap my head around the idea of keeping my kink a secret from my partner. I want whomever I am with to know all of me and I want her to be able to have that same level of trust in me. I try to be pretty clear from the start that this is something that I am interested in and if it is apparent to me that a woman is not interested, then I would have great difficulty seeing that relationship continuing. With my most recent ex, our very first date ended with a pretty extensive tickling session on my couch and it was pretty clear immediately that we were both into each other and this aspect of play in our relationship. Then as time went on, I more and more opened up as to the extent of my interest and she did likewise. As long as I can control the manner in which I choose to disclose this information to a significant other, this is not something I plan to change. Were my ex to have discovered this information out of the blue one day, such as seeing the TMF in my history log as you mentioned, Tamia, that would be a different situation entirely.

Of course the decision to share this was a significant other is a uniquely personal one. I can understand the choice you speak of Tamia and how difficult that position would be. Hopefully, you'll never have to make that choice and your SO will share your passion on the same level as you do. If not, then the choice is which path will lead to the most happiness. I'm sure you know that answer better than any of us can tell you.

 

[BlondeWitch]

I have so many "rules" when telling anyone about my fetish. I've only disclosed it (outside of this group) to two individuals. One was a partner I had for 8 years (I told this person after we'd been together for about 3), and my former fiance who I'd been with for 1 year. In the case of the first one, I was not sorry. However, they never became interested in tickling and I ended up not asking for it anymore because it hurt to have my partner sigh in exasperation when I requested something I happened to love in bed. What hurt even more was that they never asked me afterwards why I had stopped requesting it, or if I was enjoying intimacy without it. In the case of my ex-fiance, he just never got it through his thick head that I did NOT want tickling to happen or even be mentioned in front of family, or friends. He considered it playful and innocent, so it didn't make him feel the way I felt when it was announced in public.

Overall I don't think most people are sensitive to exactly how private it is for me. I would tell another ticklephile about it, but only if I knew they would not break my "rules" of mentioning it elsewhere. I never give my personal info in this forum, just in case someone from my real life happens to come here and see me. I am that private about it.

I would be mortified if a partner found my tickle materials before I had told them. Even if they liked it too. I would die, it would feel like such a violation.

 

[Namie]

I don't think I could bring myself to disclose my tickling fetish; I would be too scared of a negative reaction. It makes it frustrating to be sure, especially since I've never been tickled outside of my own fantasies. Sometimes I think it should remain in the fantasy realm as I have no idea how I would react if I was tickled for real.

Then again, I'm always hoping I will meet that right guy who will, on our third or fourth date, introduce me to this unique "interest" of his...

 

[EvenSteven]

deeply personal

For me, the tickling fetish is deeply personal. i would never want it mentioned in public, but if a woman i was dating discovered physical evidence of my fetish, i would not feel violated as long as she kept it private. In fact, it is super-exciting for me to experience the fear as i wonder what her response will be.

 

[JellyBelly]

Life is too short for games

This is experience talking ............
Trust me on this one, my first real relationship I held back not letting my partner know what my fetish was all about. Yes it came back to bite me in the ass much later on, we eventually parted ways for other reasons, but as I look back I was holding back from him all the while.

Now married, my hubby has known about my fetish way before I said "I do". He loves me for me and yes I think most 99.99999% of people have "their thing" my hubby is no exception. He is not into tickling anywhere near as I am, but he loves me and does what I consider to be a really great job at making me happy with it. And I do a great job with his fetish. When love is involved, it's infinitely better. But I told him only after I knew we were in a "serious relationship" I owe that to him, be honest ....... always.

Life is way too short people to hold back how you truly are. It's a fetish, a kink, "your thing" whatever.... two consenting people...... what's the problem ??

"There are many good and bad things in this world............ but all that truly matters is what is learned"
Experience it, deal with it, learn from it and move foward........... always foward.

 

[ticklebunny 2]

Stay encouraged, stay brave, be strong-stay true to your happiness

I agree with you, kinks and passions and one's interests and hobbies totally and truly make up a person and a person's personality and makes up a person's characteristic traits and personal qualities. I am also new to beginning to open up about having the passion of loving tickling and loving to be tickled. It definitely is really a brand new discovery for me really, I mean I know I loved tickling and knew i loved to tickle-loved being the dominant one and loved being the submissive one-however just lately recently I have found how deep my love and great passion for tickling has developed to be honest.

Tickling is a great big time passion and great kink for me.
For me tickling is very much a very huge and a very dynamic and great natural part of who and what I am and what I have and what I will become. It is part of my heart and it is part of my soul, definitely a huge part of my warm, friendly outgoing personality. Tickling is a part of me and now can't imagine myself without being able to enjoy my passion for tickling to be honest. No, my family doesn't really know too much really about my passion for tickling. I mean my mother does know I am ticklish and loves to tease me and poke fun at times, in a kidding fashion and my cousin who I am close to, she likes to tease a bit and smile and laugh and kid with me-knowing how much I love to be tickled and love to tickle. However she is vanilla she is not into tickling kink really to be honest. She doesn't like it and can't see why I love tickling.
Yet she is open-minded and very loving and understanding and doesn't bad mouth my kinks and passions that bring me joy and bring me pleasure.

No, my family does not know and that is fine with me. That is really something I would rather keep private and quiet and hush, hush. Not that I am ashamed of my tickle kink because I am not ashamed and I am not embarassed really-just I know the rest of my family and some of my friends might not understand, probably wouldn't understand why I feel so passionate and so intense about tickling. It is personal and needs to stay private for most part and between only me and my hubby. also need to only stay private btw those I choose to tickle and who choose to tickle me and so on.

I find tickling very sweet, very relaxing and exciting. I find tickling to be very tender, very rewarding, very sensual, very romantic and very playfully affectionate and very erotic and very sexual it can be-if right setting and right person or persons as lee or ler or lees and lers. Love tickling no way I could give it up, sooo much of who and what I am and love tickling too much to ever wish to give it up. I am passionately addicted and bring on the tickles because I love them!!

Most definitely you have to gently yet slowly need to let your partner know about your kinks and passions. It is only fair and needs to be done in a gentle loving kind way.
For if you don't truly share who and what you really are-how can you truly know if he or her truly really loves you unconditionally and accepts you unconditionally for who you are...you can't. It is important to be accepted, liked, admired, cherished, and loved for who you are-not trying to be what you think he or she may wish to see or may wish you to be or someday be or become. Got to remember
when it all boils down to it: you got to be yourself, got to be true to yourself and true to your own true happiness and seize what is best for you-and never settle for less than your true ultimate happiness. For the end if you suppress your true kinks and passions-you are losing yourself you are giving up a vital wonderful part of yourself -of your heart and soul-all that makes you special and unique and exciting and that makes you one of a kind.

That is not being true to yourself, to others, but most importantly not being true to your partner. That is wearing a social mask and living a secret life, living a secret lie. all that will do is totally emotionally drain you and wear you completely out and wear you completely down. It is rough and it is hard-but deep down within yourself-within your heart and soul-u must find the strength and courage to be brave-and you need to be yourself and true to yourself-true to your kinks and passions-true to your fantasies and desires and true to what makes you smile and laugh, what gives you ultimate joy and true to what gives you your most ultimate pleasure -inner emotional peace.

It is a rough road, a rough emotional journey to finding and learning about what it takes to seize true happiness; but in the end-soooooooo worth it-cause of instead of living with regrets and great pain and hurts-you can feel happy and proud that you stood for what you felt and believed and did not give up on yourself and did not throw in the towel when searching to find and seize on to your true ultimate pleasure and happiness in life. That is an accomplishment when made and seized-that no one can take away from you-something that you can't put a price on and something thats personal true beauty and worth can never be expressed or truly measured. It is beautiful and priceless and wonderful and precious beyond description and beyond words.

TickleBunny 2