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Told my girlfriend I liked feet the other day...

I bet your girlfriend embodies some qualities that might seem to be deeper and more important than mutual enjoyment of some fetish. But that doesn't mean your fetish is unimportant. There's nothing shallow or dispensable about the joy found in embracing and exploring sexuality -- I think that's one thing religions can be really backward and confused about.

It sounds like your girlfriend probably didn't know where your comment came from. You should <I>at least</I> either break up with her <I>or</I> trust her enough to give her the whole story. It always weirds me out when people come to share intimate details about themselves with a forum full of strangers <I>before</I> someone they're considering a serious relationship with.

Bottom line -- don't not be honest.
 
This is why its an awful idea to take things "slow" especially in introducing a required kink into a relationship.

All the, lets wait years to have sex - and then find out that when we do finally start you aint gonna be gettin it but once a year, etc.

OR

I'll be super shy and hidden about my fetish, date a girl for months and finally break the ice only to find out she is disgusted by it. Now I have emotional attachment and am hurt... Better yet, wait till your married to let them know!
 
Coda said:
I bet your girlfriend embodies some qualities that might seem to be deeper and more important than mutual enjoyment of some fetish. But that doesn't mean your fetish is unimportant. There's nothing shallow or dispensable about the joy found in embracing and exploring sexuality -- I think that's one thing religions can be really backward and confused about.

It sounds like your girlfriend probably didn't know where your comment came from. You should <I>at least</I> either break up with her <I>or</I> trust her enough to give her the whole story. It always weirds me out when people come to share intimate details about themselves with a forum full of strangers <I>before</I> someone they're considering a serious relationship with.

Bottom line -- don't not be honest.
Click to expand...

The background is a bit more profound than religious prudism (i'm pretty sure that's not a word). Her mother is a nurse and clean freak extraordinaire. She has been raised in this sterile, medical background her entire life. Not only that, but she is in nursing school getting ready to become a trauma nurse. She isn't open to the idea of any of the things I have mentioned thus far based on the fact that it isn't cleanly (in the little box idea that she has of cleanliness). Also, I love her...I really do. She has the most giving, honest, and forthright personality I have ever encountered. It is hard for me to just let that go. Some of the friends I have talked with this about say that things change when you get into marriage (they cited examples about oral sex), and that your partner is more willing to do things of that graphic nature. I just don't know though...that is a huge commitment to make based on a "things will get better once you are in said commitment" statement....I don't know.
 
You think it would be easier to just tell her flat out that you have a foot fetish? I guess she could be one of those girls who thinks feet are gross. It's understandable but you should talk to her about it.
 
This is bassakwards. Women do LESS after marriage. Not more.

agfootballa99 said:
Some of the friends I have talked with this about say that things change when you get into marriage (they cited examples about oral sex), and that your partner is more willing to do things of that graphic nature.
Click to expand...
 
I wouldn't run for the hills quite yet. When my gf and I first started dating, she had the same reaction about feet until I came out and told her I had a foot fetish. She didn't even like it when she caught me looking at her feet. Granted, her issue was more insecurity than anything, but ever since I told her I had a foot fetish, her toes have been in my mouth more than in a pair of socks (literally....she never wears socks anymore). Just be honest with her, and if she isn't even willing to try...I'd say book it, because if she never gives in, you will resent her...guaranteed.
 
agfootballa99 said:
in a round-about way. We are a couple that has been taking things slow...7 months in, no sex (attributed to my religious/ethical beliefs). Last night we were on the couch, half watching a movie/half kissing, and she started to play with my beard. As she did that I playfully nipped at her hand (common, playful occurrence) and she let me bite it and then said, "You always nibble my hand! ::cutsie tone::". I looked up and said half jokingly/half testing the waters, "Would you rather it be your toe?::deep but coy tone::" It was like one of those movie moments when two people are driving and the passenger says something to which the driver immediately slams on the breaks. "I would never kiss you again...honestly babe, there isn't enough brushing you could do to make me forget about that." There was a brief back and forth about whether that was hyperbole or not...it wasn't. That's kind of a big deal for me. I mean, that is an ingrained fetish that I have. Anyone ever have anything similar happen? What was the outcome of that relationship (if its not to bold to ask)?
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What i did was instead of telling my girl i had a foot fetish, i rubbed her feet every single day and sucked her toes and she seemed to enjoy it so i did that every day.

I told my female friends about my foot fetish and it worked out well, they let me massage their feet anytime i want.
 
agfootballa99 --

Sure, that was a generalization about religion; I didn't mean to infer any particular details about you guys.

If you love her personality, then you don't have to let it go by ending a relationship. If you can still be friends, you can still enjoy that. If you can't, then again I'd question how someone who <I>isn't</I> friend material could possibly qualify as serious relationship material.

Acting based on friends' accounts of how the future will turn out seems pretty dubious too. If you're even thinking this far ahead, you should be able to know these answers because you've talked with <I>her</I> about them -- the particular human you're trying to make predictions about.

Imagine writing a play with someone as a team -- no ideas are going to make it into the play which one of you completely hates. The ideas that will survive are the ones that both of you totally love. If you want to preserve some idea you exclusively love, the right thing to do is to write a separate play on your own or with someone else.
 
You say you love her and I believe you do. In relationships sacrifice is common. Now you shouldn't flat out give up your love of feet/tickling. I think the best thing to do is be honest put all your cards on the table and tell her how much this means to you. If she still feels the way she does about getting her toes sucked, tickling, foot rubs ect. then you have to ask yourself is your love for this girl worth the sacrifce of giving up your own happiness to be with her? Think it over, talk it out with her and see where it goes from there. Good Luck
 
I can't tell you how literally refreshing it is for someone to not put "fetish first". That said, clearly it's a concern for you, or you wouldn't have brought it to us. Communication is key, as well as honesty. I think she has the right to know, and you have the right to decide what to do once you gauge her true reaction. Keep us updated and good luck.
 
Communication is key, I always say.

It's fine if you don't want to engage in sexual intercourse before marriage, but you need to talk about all this. And I mean a real conversation, like the 'set aside a chuck of time to talk and don't answer the phone if it rings' conversation.

You need to hash out what you want to do, what you're willing to do and what you won't do. Both of you, not just her. And if it's incompatable, you may need to let your relationship go.

If you don't want kids but marry a woman who does, you'll either become miserable with a kid or you'll divorce before it happens, right? Same thing here; some things are just non-negotiable.

As an aside, the fact that she doesn't even want to engage in oral sex may mean that she's going to have a difficult time with 'vanilla' sex as well. It can be a sweaty, messy process that involves body fluids, blood for her the first time or two, pain, and a few false starts until you get some practice. Don't romanticize sex in your conversation; how put off she is may tell you a lot.
 
Never take what a woman says about sex at face value . Untill youve actually done it she has no idea how she will respond . When i first mentioned toe sucking to a woman her reaction was Ugh thats disgusting . Ten seconds into actually doing it it was Dont you dare stop. She became my partner for 11 years . My advice is just do it and see what happens what have you got to lose?
 
stroker said:
Never take what a woman says about sex at face value . Untill youve actually done it she has no idea how she will respond . When i first mentioned toe sucking to a woman her reaction was Ugh thats disgusting . Ten seconds into actually doing it it was Dont you dare stop. She became my partner for 11 years . My advice is just do it and see what happens what have you got to lose?
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This right here. You can either take a direct approach at this point, or leave her. If she doesn't respond kindly to a direct approach, you're no worse than if you'd just left her. Settling for someone who doesn't please you sexually is just going to foster frustration and mutual resentment down the road.

There is no way she's going to reconsider her opinion on the matter just because of marriage. It's not like she's going to wake up after your honeymoon and think "Gee, I'm married now, I guess I should think of some kinky things to surprise my husband with in case he just so happens to have those kinks!" If anything, by the time you get married she's going to assume that she knows you and your sexuality completely, and bringing up a fetish potential sexual incompatability after you're married is kind of a douchey thing to do.
 
Some of the friends I have talked with this about say that things change when you get into marriage (they cited examples about oral sex), and that your partner is more willing to do things of that graphic nature.
Click to expand...

I don't know who told you that, but no...definitely no! 🙂 People who didn't do stuff before marriage are even less likely to do it afterwards...why bother, now they got you hooked! 🙂
 
I don't know-

I mean... there were a lot of things I SAID that I would NEVER do when I first started dating, and I mean, those things just changed. The amount of things that I am into that I do behind closed doors with the hubby?!!!!! LOL LOL

Talk to her and see how she really feels. If it is a deal breaker, let her know- But by no means should you stay in it only to leave dissatisfied and with both of you in need of counseling. There are women out there who are pretty hot who love to have their feet serviced (whether they realize it our not). Sometimes it depends on the guy.

I gotta tell you that it was TOTALLY off limits for me (had a really bad experience with a foot guy once. REALLY BAD!), until I met my ex-fiance who just .... I'm not even going to talk about that experience... LOL And my husband who topped the formerly mentioned guy by like 1 million percent!

So- I went from being a girl who was like NO WAY! To a girl who secretly wishes it would happen on a regular basis- Although I know I physically and mentally could NOT handle it. An it only happened with the 2 guys who I was in pretty intense relationships with.

As far as what women are willing or not willing to do, we all speak on our limited experiences of what we have experienced and what we have heard from someone else with limited experience. There is no way of knowing whether or not any girl or guy will be cool with something and then hate it after marriage, lie about what they like or don't like, or truly save themselves until marriage and just let LOOSE afterwards. We just don't know the future. Love is a gamble- it is. BUT you have to talk to her, weigh your options, and determine whether or not you think you will ultimately win by staying or by leaving.

With that being said, I have had to compromise and give up a thing or two that I absolutely thought I could not live without when I got married. Our marriage is still awesome, still strong, and I am not suffering for giving it up. It was totally worth it to have the man I have sleeping in the hotel bed behind me. (I wake up way too early lol)

Bottomline- Communication 🙂
 
phant0m said:
If anything, by the time you get married she's going to assume that she knows you and your sexuality completely, and bringing up a fetish potential sexual incompatability after you're married is kind of a douchey thing to do.
Click to expand...

you make an excellent point. you assume when you marry someone you know them and what makes them 'tick' and have made the decision the little things that you don't like are not important in the grand scheme of things. throwing something like that out AFTER you're married has a good chance of a major fight happening.... i forsee a 'WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THIS BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED?!' kinda argument..

again, either out and tell her and ask if shes open for just TRYING it at least once, or, make the choice if you can live without it and not be miserable.
 
Run far, far away! You aren't married, thank God! I was in relationship where he would never indulge my fetish and I was miserable.
 
You should be with someone more open minded. This girl sounds terrible.
 
Good luck!

Just remember to be honest and open and let the chips fall where they may.
 
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