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What not to say when you randomly IM a stranger from the TMF:

xionking said:
Umm...what?

The whole point of him asking those questions was so he could get to know her.

You guys can't criticise another person because their approach of getting to know another person (online might I add) is different to yours.

Man, this is my forth post tonight in a bunch of different threads...

What the hell is happening to this forum?

Geez, for fuck sake, he just wanted to know your age and sex. Conversation starter. What, do you expect him to study your profile to make sure they are equipped with the right knowledge so they can avoid having to earn their right to speak to you, Brighteyes? Are you that important?

Well, if you are that important, please excuse me if I'm speaking out of line here, Madam.

I saw two things out of that conversation, Brighteyes.

1) The guy was just trying to make conversation with you, regardless of his approach.

2) You were completely arrogant towards him, and I know why. Because you have 1,688 posts and he has probably how many? Hardly that amount.

You've been here longer therefore it's your right to demand that he approach a conversation with you differently? You're approach is better than his? Therefore you must embaress the guy by posting this rubbish on these forums, futher reinforcing how difficult it is for lurkers to find their place here on a tickling forum that is progressively becoming snobbier and snobbier.

And Capnmad, don't call the guy a "poor bastard". You reckon that helps the guy?

Wow, I never thought the day would come where I'd say that I'm ashamed to share a tickling fetish with some of the people on here.

-Xionking
Click to expand...

I'll agree with you that the OP's tone in dealing with this person, might have come off too harshly. But I don't get barraged by random dudes wanting to have a conversation with me like a lot of women on this forum do, so I don't want to judge on that issue.

But you're making a lot of assumptions about the OP based on the fact that she chose to educate or criticize this person, based on your interpretation. I don't see how the length of time she has been here or number of posts she made has anything to do with this issue. Lets not turn this into another rant about the hierarchy of the TMF or the dreaded "C" word, when there isn't any real evidence that this is what is going on here.

Should the OP expect a random person striking up a conversation with her on instant messenger to have some idea who she is? I don't think this is unreasonable. If he added her in the first place, he would have had to have read her profile to get the contact information. Given that, it doesn't seem too unreasonable to think if a person is going to open your profile to find your contact information, that they would at least take a few moments to learn a little about you. When I get im's every once in a while from lurkers or people I've never talked to before, I wouldn't expect them necessarily to go back and read a lot of my posts, but I'd expect they'd at least know something about me that gives them a reason to want to talk to me in the first.

Should the OP have made this conversation public? I can see both sides of the argument. Perhaps it comes off a little bit cold that a conversation in which the person was sharply criticized was then reposted publicly. I'll agree with that. But on the other hand, the user has no posts and is unlikely to be reading this post, and she did change his username. Do these protections for the sake of an instructional exercise merit the potential embarrassment? Its close, but imo, it was a worthwhile point to make.
 
PurrBast said:
Well, it's within his right to IM you and within your right to respond however you see fit. Posting a conversation though on the forum for all to see seems a bit "Scarlet Letter" Hester Prinn-ish to me.
Click to expand...

whats this? reason and decency?? how did this get to the forum?
 
You're all certainly entitled to your opinions as well.
I felt my response was perfectly within reason. Most
days I do ignore or block the people who IM me with
such immature approaches. But sometimes I just
can't help but respond. So no, I wasn't having a
bad day, nor was I in a bad mood. I didn't call him
a single name. I don't think I'm superior to him, and
I don't think he should study my history before he
contacts me, but I do think he should have glanced
at the profile he looked at when he managed to dig
up my contact info. Had he done that, he would've
known I was 25, female, and in NH. Really not that
hard, and I don't think it's unreasonable to expect
that! If you think that makes me mean or assigning
a scarlett letter, then that's your perogative.
 
xionking said:
Umm...what?

The whole point of him asking those questions was so he could get to know her.

You guys can't criticise another person because their approach of getting to know another person (online might I add) is different to yours.

Man, this is my forth post tonight in a bunch of different threads...

What the hell is happening to this forum?

Geez, for fuck sake, he just wanted to know your age and sex. Conversation starter. What, do you expect him to study your profile to make sure they are equipped with the right knowledge so they can avoid having to earn their right to speak to you, Brighteyes? Are you that important?

Well, if you are that important, please excuse me if I'm speaking out of line here, Madam.

I saw two things out of that conversation, Brighteyes.

1) The guy was just trying to make conversation with you, regardless of his approach.

2) You were completely arrogant towards him, and I know why. Because you have 1,688 posts and he has probably how many? Hardly that amount.

You've been here longer therefore it's your right to demand that he approach a conversation with you differently? You're approach is better than his? Therefore you must embaress the guy by posting this rubbish on these forums, futher reinforcing how difficult it is for lurkers to find their place here on a tickling forum that is progressively becoming snobbier and snobbier.

And Capnmad, don't call the guy a "poor bastard". You reckon that helps the guy?

Wow, I never thought the day would come where I'd say that I'm ashamed to share a tickling fetish with some of the people on here.

-Xionking
Click to expand...

Okay, well how's this sound. The day that you get bombarded with PM's and instant messages from guys who want to cyber, know where your ticklish, how big your boobs are, or if you'll tell them your most intense tickling experience while they jerk off, on their webcam so you can watch of course (yes, someone actually asked me that) then you can pass judgement on how we, as women, handle these situations.

I have 500 some odd posts, and amanda has over a thousand more than me, but when I took it upon myself to send her a PM and say hello and get to know her, she was polite and friendly to me. Why? Maybe because I approached her as a person I wanted to get to know regardless of her ASL, rather than a car that gets so many MPG or a baseball player who has a .321 batting average. When someone tries to "get to know" someone based on stats alone, particularly when you put up with the shit we put up with around here, yeah it does get to the point that you just can't help but let the person know they're out of line.

I agree that this guy did seem polite and felt bad about having offended her. I don't think he's a horrible person - just didn't understand the way he was coming across. And rather than belittle him and call him a dumbass, she firmly told him that it was inappropriate and women wouldn't respond kindly to that type of communication. Before you judge anybody to be arrogant or having reacted inappropriately, try putting yourself in our position.
 
I probably would have ignored the guy after a while.

No name calling or anything, but after reading the conversation, it's pretty clear that most of the time the guy who only adds females, asks asl, and doesn't have time to post on the TMF, is only looking to cyber and/or meet up for tickling/sex.
 
Skipadeedoodah said:
I agree that this guy did seem polite and felt bad about having offended her. I don't think he's a horrible person - just didn't understand the way he was coming across. And rather than belittle him and call him a dumbass, she firmly told him that it was inappropriate and women wouldn't respond kindly to that type of communication. Before you judge anybody to be arrogant or having reacted inappropriately, try putting yourself in our position.
Click to expand...

I don't know what your definition of belittling is but that's what she did, Skipper.

And did he ask for her boobs size? For her vagina size? For her elbow size? No?

Responding like that to somebody just because you have a "general idea" of what "internet guys" are like is no excuse. You should treat everybody individually.

And big fucking deal if he didn't want to read your profile, he started a conversation with you to get to know you. And you snobbed him off like your Queen Dick. It was arrogance. Nothing more. I bet if you didn't have the amount of posts you had, and the friends you have on here, you wouldn't reacted like this, and on top of that, you wouldn't have embarressed him by posting the conversation up on here.

You know what I ask girls when I'm in a social setting? They don't have profiles attached to their clothing for me to read before I approach them. I ask for their name, where they're from, how old they are...typical conversation making.

Just because this is the internet and we have blogs, don't mean that some people aren't gonna do things the old fashioned way. Even if it seems like a 13 year old way to you, Brighteyes.

If he read this, what would he say? He'd probably be thinking you're a bitch, Brighteyes, and as a result, he'll probably have more difficulty settling in to the tickling forums. So, I hope the lecture was worth it, you social butterfly, you.

God, where's some of that welcoming spirit I read so much about on these forums? 🙄

-Xionking
 
How does one figure out their "vagina size"?

Just in case someone IMs me with this question...
 
xionking said:
I don't know what your definition of belittling is but that's what she did, Skipper.

And did he ask for her boobs size? For her vagina size? For her elbow size? No?

Responding like that to somebody just because you have a "general idea" of what "internet guys" are like is no excuse. You should treat everybody individually.

And big fucking deal if he didn't want to read your profile, he started a conversation with you to get to know you. And you snobbed him off like your Queen Dick. It was arrogance. Nothing more. I bet if you didn't have the amount of posts you had, and the friends you have on here, you wouldn't reacted like this, and on top of that, you wouldn't have embarressed him by posting the conversation up on here.

You know what I ask girls when I'm in a social setting? They don't have profiles attached to their clothing for me to read before I approach them. I ask for their name, where they're from, how old they are...typical conversation making.

Just because this is the internet and we have blogs, don't mean that some people aren't gonna do things the old fashioned way. Even if it seems like a 13 year old way to you, Brighteyes.

If he read this, what would he say? He'd probably be thinking you're a bitch, Brighteyes, and as a result, he'll probably have more difficulty settling in to the tickling forums. So, I hope the lecture was worth it, you social butterfly, you.

God, where's some of that welcoming spirit I read so much about on these forums? 🙄

-Xionking
Click to expand...


I certainly don't need your approval. I'm sorry if
you're socially awkward and this hit a sore spot
with you. That's not my fault, or problem. Don't
take out your rage on me, dude.
 
BrightEyes1082 said:
I certainly don't need your approval. I'm sorry if
you're socially awkward and this hit a sore spot
with you. That's not my fault, or problem. Don't
take out your rage on me, dude.
Click to expand...

There's no sore spot, Brighteyes. Just sticking up for the underdog like I always end up doing on these forums.

It's just a collaborative gang up on these forums, it's quite amusing really.

I don't know how to determine vagina size, Annie. You'd have a better guess then me, probably. Well, I hope, anyway.

-Xionking
 
I dont understand how you can say that she embarassed him by posting the conversation. His s/n isn't really "RandomGuyTMF" She changed the name specifically so as NOT to call him out and humiliate him.

And I don't know what you mean by "if she didn't have as many posts, and the friends she has here." What are you even talking about? The amount of posts someone has isn't going to change how they prefer to be approached. As I said before...I have over 1000 posts less than Amanda, and I have definitely done by share of telling guys off, not because I think I'm Queen anything, but because after awhile, your tolerance really diminishes.

As far as typical conversation making, if you pay attention, she specifically said that if he has said to her, "So, where are you from?" It would have been an entirely different scenario, but he didn't. He said ASL like he's trying to look up stats on a game.

You can say it's not fair to treat him this way because of how other men have treated us in the past, but everyone, including you, interacts with people based on past experiences. It's natural. If you don't like how Amanda interacts with people, don't message her. If you don't think ASL is an unacceptable way to start a conversation, keep on doing it until you find somebody with the same communication style, and hope that they're after the same thing you are, whatever it may be.
 
BrightEyes1082 said:
I certainly don't need your approval. I'm sorry if
you're socially awkward and this hit a sore spot
with you. That's not my fault, or problem. Don't
take out your rage on me, dude.
Click to expand...

So wait, its ok for you to make a thread ranting about something but when someone disagrees with your rant you just insult them and tell them not to post. Interesting.......
 
This is getting kind of nasty. Perhaps we should approach it with cool heads knowing the intent wasn't to hurt anyone on either side...I hope. I think we're pretty civilized people here and can diplomatically handle differences in opinion without becoming defensive towards one side or another.
 
Artoo said:
Pretty much.

How are you, anyway? ASL? 😉
Click to expand...


I'm good, Artoo. I'm a 22/m/Melbourne, which is downunder. You didn't read that on my profile? Well...if not, then now you know.

Now, as a prospective friend, it's my best advice to tell you that it may not be the best idea to ask where I'm from, or my age for that matter. Or my sex!

It's just in case if we become buddies, I still remain a mystery to you.

Ok?

-Xionking
 
storm7400 said:
So wait, its ok for you to make a thread ranting about something but when someone disagrees with your rant you just insult them and tell them not to post. Interesting.......
Click to expand...

Actually - more than disagreeing, he called her arrogant and said she thought she was too important, and Queen Dick. She didn't insult him, and she didn't tell him not to post. She said that if he's bothered by this thread because he's self-admittedly socially awkward, not to flip out at her. Seems simple enough to me...
 
Skipadeedoodah said:
Actually - more than disagreeing, he called her arrogant and said she thought she was too important, and Queen Dick. She didn't insult him, and she didn't tell him not to post. She said that if he's bothered by this thread because he's self-admittedly socially awkward, not to flip out at her. Seems simple enough to me...
Click to expand...

I guess that makes you King Dick?

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just socially awkward.

-Xionking
 
xionking said:
I guess that makes you King Dick?

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just socially awkward.

-Xionking
Click to expand...

LMFAO!

This whole thread has become a joke. This the punchline.

Seriously, that was hilarious. I choked on mango tea.
 
Let's not go too overboard either way. I don't think BrightEyes was being arrogant. Could she have reacted differently? Perhaps. But she also has her own experiences from which she draws, and she -- like her male counterpart -- was reacting to the situation at the time, and without the scrutiny and advice from a chorus of TMF onlookers. If we are to extend courtesy and understanding to one, it must be extended to both.

We needn't cast aspersions of childishness on one side or arrogance on the other.

What's important is that both parties learn something from this.

Hopefully, our anonymous male guest will learn that "asl" requests are long passé from netiquette, and will learn social skills well beyond that, online and off. It's far better he does that than react to this recent humiliation by withdrawing further into social isolation, or feeling even less welcome to participate openly here, and further stunt his progress.

Also, perhaps BrightEyes will give deeper consideration to her responses to such behaviors, and as well to the value of publishing private conversations for the purpose of teaching a lesson -- efforts which all too often devolve into unnecessary criticism and mockery, as they have here.

Now, what's done is done. Let's not take any more shots at folks. Let's all try to learn from what was said here, and move on.

Be well, all.
 
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