Why is tickling so hard to 'fess up to in comparison to other 'kinks'?

[dvnc]

Never had a problem sharin' this. I figured out, really young, that s'long as you do for a lady what she wants done, she'll reciprocate if she's worth your time.

That's continued to prove true. 'S why I could date vanilla and not lose my mind. Still prefer involvin' in the community, but there's a reason for those folks who converted - it's us rascals who share this interest, and make sure our lover digs the results.

I *have* had people tweak. "Tickling? That's weird..." OTOH, I ain't ever single for long, for some reason, so I figure I'm doin' SOMETHIN' right. All the folks knockin' it have their OWN issues, far as I've seen.

Mind ya, if yer judgin' others, yer gonna get karma. If ya bug on the F/m folks, yer due for karma. If ya whine 'bout folks doin' stuff you ain't into, well, ya get what ya give.

Do try givin' clear indication of what it does for ya. Just remember to promise to solve for whatever does it for them, and DELIVER.

 

[AffectionateDan]

Dave, I've always simltaneously loved/envied/despised you for the ease with which you've shared this part of you all your life. All the years as a young man ashamed of my deep, dark secret, wasted. Not you, sir. You've always let it all hang out.

Good on ya, sirrah.

But, o'course for those of us still mired firmly in our personal hang-ups, it doesn't come so easily. Ya wiley rascal. Ya oughta bottle that confidence and market that stuff. Nevah work another day.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

But, o'course for those of us still mired firmly in our personal hang-ups, it doesn't come so easily. Ya wiley rascal. Ya oughta bottle that confidence and market that stuff. Nevah work another day.

Absolutley.

I respect those that are capable and comfortable to express what makes 'em go. But it's a whole different battle for those still strugglin' to connect the pieces.

 

[Aragon]

I personally think they have a problem with it because people want to appear tough and being into tickling doesn't stoke the tough crowd to well. Even females nowadays wish to appear strong and this kink doesn't help that appearance.

No, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with a woman appearing strong, I am stating a cultural fact.

I still am not certain about peoples attitudes, because I knew someone who openly admitted in vanilla crowds her love of bodily discharges ending up on her and her loving it, but laughed at me over liking tickling. So not sure the whole psychological points of people, at times.

 

[LD_Tickler]

I just don't understand how something as "hardcore" as Bondage or D/s is easier to admit to..but tickling isn't.

If someone were to ask me, I'd more then likely say D/s before I even consider telling them tickling.

Perhaps it's just because tickling for the most part is seen almost as "pure" along with innocent, and many people couldn't fathom it being something to use with intimacy.

I have an easier time admitting to the domination aspect too. I don't really think it's because of any pre-existing association with tickling, though.

I think it's because what we tend to be most afraid of in admitting our fetish is weirding the other person out. If you admit to something they've heard of before, they won't find it as weird. Practically nobody has heard of a tickling fetish, but who hasn't heard of bdsm?

 

[Coda]

I would have thought that tickling was the easiest, being something that the general population can relate to on some level if not necessarily a sexual one.

Huh.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

I think it's because what we tend to be most afraid of in admitting our fetish is weirding the other person out. If you admit to something they've heard of before, they won't find it as weird. Practically nobody has heard of a tickling fetish, but who hasn't heard of bdsm?

Ya know..This is gonna sound dumb, but I never really thought about it like that. It kinda makes sense, it'd take more of an explanation and 'reasoning' to define the fetish for tickling..But BDSM is so well known that almost anyone can pull information from it..

That sucks.

 

[Wolf]

And...

Ya know..This is gonna sound dumb, but I never really thought about it like that. It kinda makes sense, it'd take more of an explanation and 'reasoning' to define the fetish for tickling..But BDSM is so well known that almost anyone can pull information from it..

That sucks.

BDSM is much more widely portrayed in the media, even if it's just for titillation. So, more people have had an opportunity to see it and think, "Hmmmmmm..... 🙂 "

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

It's just the opposite for me. I have no problem at all with folks knowing I'm into tickling. Nearly everyone I know is aware that I like it. I just don't elaborate about the use of bondage and other stuff along with it. While I don't exactly hide things, it's nobody's business.

 

[dvnc]

You 'n' me, Ann, are rare exceptions. *shrug*

Danimal, brother, I allus hope I rub off of folks around me. Part of why we do these events is to give folks enough example of real life with this interest, after all.

Ya KNOW yer different for that. You, when I first met ya, versus now, well, that's a different animal, Danimal.

The mainstreaming of bondage makes it easier. The DSM of that BDSM set is still maligned largely, where 50 years ago the DS part was common, M/f-wise. Misused, though, hence it's regression. We're fightin' a mess of idjits who didn't treat their lovers or their opposin' gender correctly. Tiresome.

When you think WE got it bad, though, look for support as a Furry, or someone into waterplay. Mention painplay and watch folks go pale and back up.

It FEELS awkward, tellin' folks you dig tickling. HOW ya do it simplifies things.

It ain't a fetish, nor a more-accurate paraphilia. It's an "interest" in such conversations. Colloquially, that's somethin' ya dig. "I dig tickling. Lucky for me, my girl don't mind it. Seems to dig it now. Must be that she knows what's comin' afterward. <g>" People can EASILY dig that. They shrug, and look a bit confused, but no one argues with that.

Harder when yer single, I recall, but still...

"It ain't like I'm into peein' on someone, darlin'. 'Sides, I always learn that it's how I take care of a lover that matters most..."

Then you just gotta know how to get the lover where you're gonna be goin'. If they beats you there, they're more ticklish. You win. Get 'em again, afterward, and they're two for one, amazingly happy with you, and won't think twice 'bout playin' again.

'Sides, it's fun.

 

[Myriads]

Many people have touched upon the reason that I have come to feel that it's hard for many to discuss it.

Tickling, unlike many other fetishes and paraphilias holds a unique position as also being a non-sexual behavior that almost every other human has experience with.

If you say you are into B&D or Roleplaying, or such, most people will think "Ok.. I've not done that, I know about it, but I can accept that it gets my friend hot. Other folks clearly get off on it. So... cool."

If you say you like feet your friend things "Hmm I wonder if my (or my wifes/gf) feet turned them on? Meh, my (or my wifes/gf) breasts/ass/legs probably turn on lots of folks, so what's the big deal if it's feet? I get that. So... cool."

But with tickling, you get something that the person has done, or has had done to them and it Did not a damn thing to get them hot. Perhaps they have even tickled you in the past.

They think "What the hell? How does that turn anyone on? Oh sweet Hell! I poked his tummy last April! Did I turn him on? I don't get how this works..."

So you have an extra hurdle to get past. You need to also provide a context to the person about tickling as well as that its a turn on.

So you:

1) Have to get the person to realize that tickling can be a turn on. As in they never thought about it at all as a sexual thing period. "People get off on seeing Ballons get stepped on? I would have never imagined...."

2) Get them to see somethign that they have always seen as a non-sexual behavior that they have experience with as something that is Sexual to you.

3) Deal with the fact that you just made a very personal revilation about your core sexuality. And are now open to the rejections such acts hold. Opening such vulnerbility in a relationship creates a huge mis-balance in the interaction that has to be addressed. With the first two points needing to be done, that makes this one much harder.

4) Deal with your own insecurities regarding exposure of your like.

All in all it makes it hard to open up about.

I was lucky and was pretty much open about it from when it kicked in for me, based on my sexual education (which was massivly liberal, and probably much too comprehensive) and I also knew when and when not to bring it up. So I had few issues.

I respect people that have to struggle with it quite a bit. It's a hard road to get past fear, and worry, and the demons that say you will be mocked.

Myriads

 

[P[a]pi]

It's harder to throw out there cus a lot of people hate being tickled and there is real work involved even if you don't hate to be tickled.

As a ler if you throw it out there to somebody who hates to be tickled they could think you're evil just for wanting to do that to somebody, even if it's consentual.

And talking dirty/role-playing/spanking and/or throwing a little bondage in the bedroom isn't much work. Those are things that not many people would have a problem with trying at least once.

I mean what's the difference between sex and sex while blindfolded or handcuffed, you're just adding stuff to what you already do.

But telling somebody, "Hey, I wanna tie you up and tickle... for 30 minutes to an hour." Most people are gonna be like, "Oh shit, that sounds tough." And it is tough, which is why lees are so special.

I think chicks have it easy, cus if a girl asks a guy, "Hey, you wanna tie me up and tickle me for 30 mins to an hour?" and the guy says "no" than he's a moron (half joking). I hear that female lees get turned down by guys, and I'll never understand why. If a girl offers herself to a guy like that, that is a privilege that should just be accepted thankfully.

 

[hotdog]

Going with the herd mentality, it's always easier to admit to liking something that's already a part of a large established group. Saying I love the curve of a woman's hips when she walks won't raise an eyebrow. However if you say, two girls one cup really humps my bump, you're putting yourself out there to be criticized/ridiculed. Tickling isn't as extreme as the poop cup in my opinion, but on the whole it seems to be a road less traveled. If you're more self-conscious, this can be a scary notion. The fear of what other people may think of your not-so-established fetish. Even if no one cares, you might start projecting your own insecurities onto other people and react accordingly when in reality they probably don't give a shit. Really though, who has the time or enough interest to invest into caring about someone else's sexual fetish? And if they do, it doesn't matter. 🙂

 

[Redmage]

Because you're all pansies, that's why.

I tell random people on the street that I am into tickle torture. I just stopped caring what they think.

I'm not quite up to that level, but everyone I consider a friend knows my kinks. I don't give them details about my bedroom play, but if I know someone well enough to know if he or she is gay or straight, then chances are they know my interests as well.

 

[Soda Bobinski]

And I have yet to come up with any definitive answers. But I think at least in part, it's because it's such a STRANGE thing to be aroused by. Somebody finds out it's your kink, and you're afraid that they're gonna be all, "Tickling? Really?!? TICKLING?!? You can't be serious! Embarrassment, maybe? I mean, come on... this IS weird, no matter which side of the equation you're on. 'Lees-- They enjoy being touched in a way that makes your body involuntarily go through all sorts of convulsions and spasms, they crave a touch that, once it begins, they're DESPARATE to get away from/stop from happening. Let's face it... that's just strange desire. 'Lers--we're just as odd, wanting to be the one causing all those things to happen. I can't even describe my desire to do this to MYSELF adequately, much less to someone who doesn't get it at all! So yeah, I think a part of it, at least, is being a little embarrassed/ashamed of our little kink being such a simple but strange thing. In the mainstream media, if someone mentions whips, chains, spanking, BDSM, etc... with regards to sex, they don't really even bat an eye anymore these days. You pair up sex and tickling, and they're like, "What?" It doesn't occur to most.

Their loss.

EDIT-- What RUNOFFSTAGE said made me think of something else, too. If people who know you KNOW that you're into tickling in the bedroom, that totally throws any innocent tickles that happen, the regular horseplay, out of context, and they might start thinking that you're getting your jollies from something that's really innocent.

Everything you said here , AffectionateDan , pretty much sums it up for me.

As much as I love tickling for as long as I have , I'm still not sure exactly why I love it so much/why it has that "turn-on effect" on me.

I've put plenty of thought into it over the years ... ok , yes , I'm into feet , so there's that ... & I'm obviously into the reaction of a LEE ... but when a woman laughs at joke or whatever , it has nowhere NEAR the effect on me as when she laughs from being tickled. Maybe there's the "control" aspect of it all , but I've never really totally bought that as THE reason why I like to tickle a woman like crazy ... though I can't deny the fact that a tickling-session is infinitely enhanced when my LEE is bound & can't get away.

I admit , too , that I think tickling is a "weird" thing to be attracted to. I mean , I'm ( obviously ) okay w/it , but I totally get it that someone else might consider it a bit too weird/strange ... & it's always that initial reaction from someone that kinda terrifies me.

All that being said , for some reason I have an easier time telling strangers that tickling is a turn-on for me rather than people I am close with/deal with on a semi-regular basis ( family , friends , co-workers , etc. ). Maybe 'cause all those past "innocent" tickles ( which genuinely aren't the same as those "other" kinds of tickles ... ah , ya'll know what I'm talkin' about ) & possible future tickles will be called into question & make for awkward situations. *Ugh* ... no thanks.

 

[ParanoidChant]

The general arc of history suggests that eventually, some day, telling someone about your tickling fetish won't be as hard as it is now.

To clarify, I don't think it'll ever be completely accepted by society as it remains a fringe interest as a whole (as oppose to say, homosexuality, which is far more commonplace comparatively.) But I do think that the growing world consciousness will at least make fetishism and its varied aspects heard of.

Maybe some HBO show will feature a character who's into embarrassment. Perhaps some Senator will get caught in a hotel room in the middle of food play. Who knows, maybe one of us will get famous and decide to tell some publication about their interest. I mean, we had the exposure on Tyra's show, there was an episode of CSI that had a furry convention in it -- these things didn't happen before the internet. People still act confused and put off by the many unusual ways of getting off out there, but I guarantee you the attitude will eventually become: "Eh, whatever."

Now, I myself think that admitting it to someone is more or less an identity issue, that you have to completely accept yourself if you want it to be easier. My friends know that I'm a sexual minority coz I've let 'em know; I just haven't elaborated on it yet, mostly coz I still have days where I hate my sexuality. I've noticed that chatting with you guys makes it alot easier to accept, though.

 

[MEKA]

i don't know if i'd say that it's easier for people with other fetishes to come out about their fetish, im sure it's just as hard for them as it is for us.

however i do totally i agree with what LD_Tickler said.

 

[Deleted member 66627]

i don't know if i'd say that it's easier for people with other fetishes to come out about their fetish, im sure it's just as hard for them as it is for us.

I'm referrin' in strict to tickling VS others. Which for the most part is BDSM as goes here.

 

[measureofawoman]

Hey

Hey guys I'm fairly new to this but I must admit that I have a problem telling people about the fact that I love tickling. I guess for me it is an embarrassment thing. But I have never been hardcore tickled before but would love to know what it feels like. Any helpers?

 

[Deleted member 66627]

Hey guys I'm fairly new to this but I must admit that I have a problem telling people about the fact that I love tickling. I guess for me it is an embarrassment thing. But I have never been hardcore tickled before but would love to know what it feels like. Any helpers?

As far as tellin' goes.. In my opinion I wouldn't try and express to others until I have enough confidence in it myself. I've only told one vanilla. I'm gaining my confidence in my fetish, but I still have a ways to go before I can feel comfortable discussing it easily if someone asks.

Take your time and be comfortable with yourself before trying to tell others is my advice.

 

[Ivory Tickler]

Gesundheit!

I was about 5-6 years old when I realized there was something about tickling that affected me in a way that was not "normal". Even at such a young age, I knew it was something to just keep to myself. And like many of us here, the stuggle to understand what makes tickling so uniquely attractive was only further complicated by not being able to express it to anyone.

Over the years, I've had a lot of time to ponder this and, although I still don't think I've summed it up entirely, here's what I've realized:

Unlike other "kinks", tickling is a very common activity that occurs with anyone and everyone. At one point in your life, a human being will tickle someone or be tickled regardless of whether or not he or she is one of "us". The fact that we derive pleasure from it is what makes it difficult for the "others" to grasp.

As an example, I think about the act of "sneezing". We all sneeze and no one thinks twice about it happening except maybe to say, "bless you". But let's say someone were to confess that sneezing was pleasureable or arousing or just loved it and didn't know why (and I'm definitely sure there are people out there who do!) From my perspective, that's how I would identify the enigma of tickling appears to an average person.

It's a good analogy to model your approach in "confessing" to someone about tickling. Imagine someone telling you they love have feathers whisked past their noses or fantasize about being tied down and having pepper sprinkled over them until they sneeze uncontrollably! Or THEM wanting to do that to YOU!

I think our greatest quality as ticklephiles in this community is that, if any of us encountered someone with a sneeze-fetish or something like that, we can absolutely understand and relate to what they are feeling. After all the years of trying to come to terms with my love of tickling, I've realized that, even if I never fully understand it, I've gained a genuniely open mind that I feel is an invaluable trait to have.

Sorry for the excessive use of "quotes" in this post, by the way. I realize I'm preaching to the choir here and such attention to certain terms were probably not so necessary. Just in a "quotey" mood I guess.

Peace out!

-- Ivory Tickler

 

[ticklebunny 2]

(Quote hotdog) Going with the herd mentality, it's always easier to admit to liking something that's already a part of a large established group. Saying I love the curve of a woman's hips when she walks won't raise an eyebrow. However if you say, two girls one cup really humps my bump, you're putting yourself out there to be criticized/ridiculed. Tickling isn't as extreme as the poop cup in my opinion, but on the whole it seems to be a road less traveled. If you're more self-conscious, this can be a scary notion. The fear of what other people may think of your not-so-established fetish. Even if no one cares, you might start projecting your own insecurities onto other people and react accordingly when in reality they probably don't give a shit. Really though, who has the time or enough interest to invest into caring about someone else's sexual fetish? And if they do, it doesn't matter.

Yes, hotdog that is very true. It is a lot easier to admit and confess to liking that is already a part of a very large established group. That is a very honest to God truth that holds a lot of truth and holds very true. When confessing liking or loving something out of the general societal norm or social norm when it comes to bedroom on just in general-like you said road less untraveled, it does set you up for possible rejection to happen from others-especially the one or ones you confess the love of tickling or any other kinks to for first time.

I have to agree with what you are saying. I got to say that is why I think tickling is such a really tough and difficult kink/love and personal passion to confess to others-those close to you but especially to the "vanilla" world. You don't know how others are going to react, like hot dog said lots of times we get so scared others will judge and ridicule us-we tend to project it and kind of get them before they get us mentality-meaning tell and confess before it would be found out the love of tickling or any other sexual kink or personal kinks or passions for certain things or personal preferences, that many times there would be times we had nothing really to worry on-cause others could be too busy and occupied w their own troubles and sexual kinks, not care how eccentric or different our tickling or others sexual kinks might appear.

Just like lots have said, bondage is pretty common, so is the topic of BDSM, spankings have been known to be common to some people be a major kink for some people-just depends on what a person's kinks and passions and personal preferences and desires and fantasies are. It is always scary revealing one's desires and fantasies and kinks-yet however I have found also that when it is tickling-sexual kink-really tough to admit that tickling can be very much a sensual/erotic and sexually arousing if right person or persons involved in the parties or one on one-2 people and right setting, emotional trust and comfort level established and ect. I think that is why
tickling is so difficult to confess as a great love and passion.

Because we never know how others are going to view things and not sure if others are going to wish to judge or not-always a question if one will be accepted and loved unconditionally for who and what a person is-kinks included and good and bad or not. That is always a gamble and always a risk, especially when confessing tickling as a turn on, just my thoughts.

 

[huskys]

Ya know..This is gonna sound dumb, but I never really thought about it like that. It kinda makes sense, it'd take more of an explanation and 'reasoning' to define the fetish for tickling..But BDSM is so well known that almost anyone can pull information from it..

That sucks.

Got to agree with your statement here.
I have a friend who is into BDSM and everyone just shrugs their shoulders nowdays and says "so what", because even if you arn't into it yourself you can at least understand where they are coming from.
But I get the feeling that if I mention tickling, that people are going to laugh because they will have quite possibly never heard of it, or think it childish etc.
Also any playful poke in the ribs that may have happened previously, may then be missunderstood as something that it wasn't at the time!!!

 

[Adam]

You know, it occurs to me that the only real reason I have trouble admitting it is that it seems so... obscure. You won't see someone being tied up and tickled in a movie, but you'll see someone taking a paddle to the behind. Ah well, as already mentioned, better tickling than being peed or pooped on. 😛