WTF??! (Drunken Rant of a Mistress On The Edge)

[Mistress Aura]

Okay, yeah...

I've been to karaoke tonight and (thanks to double Absolut Citrons all night), I'm currently FUBB (f*cked up beyond belief)...but the first thing I usually do when I get home is check on what's up here...and you know, damn it, I can't hold my tongue (okay, fingers) anymore.

Here's the thing:

When the hell did TMF become such a f*cking shark pit???

I started coming here when I first "came out" because it was the only place I really felt safe. TMF was the only place I could just open up and just be myself. I felt comfortable here, like it was the one place that people LIKE ME could hear me, could understand what I felt, what I went through and could help me understand what was happening with me (thank you, Myriads! )...and the place where I could find the the things that actually turned me on, that appealed to the one part of me that no-one else could really get hold of (besides Redscript, but even he was a gift ONLY made possible by TMF)...

What's WRONG with (most of) you people???!!!!!!!!

Don't you remember what it's like to feel so alone? Don't you remember how alienated you felt--squirming when "that cartoon" came on or sometimes just even hearing the word "tickle" spoken aloud? Why the hell do you feel so righteous in making people feel stupid when they finally gain the courage to post/talk to others for the first time...? To share a picture or a story they've finally gained the courage to share, or even a fear or an offset fetish they're trying to work through and open up to tell us, to ask how to deal with? Good God, where would we all be if we'd been run through the same gauntlet the newest members of TMF are being put through???

We are 50k+ members now. Are we so bloody arrogant that we feel this is now a closed/restricted membership club, that the new people need to "pay their dues" before they're recognized as being one of us...that those who finally feel the courage to to say, "Oh, my God, I'm not alone!" should be shunted off to the side or made to feel awkward until they "prove" themselves "worthy" in our own fetish "mainstream"??

Look. The majority of this forum is like my extended family. I've shared more with you guys than I have my own mother, for God's sake. I've been blessed to find the best, closest, most intimate friend I've ever had in my entire life through TMF...but as I watch and read the recent bullsh*t (forgive my crudity), I find myself starting to actually avoid coming here unless I've been notified I have a PM or Redscript has posted more artwork. I just can't handle the fray.

Please, please, please...just take a moment and try to remember what it was like "back in the day". How it felt when you knew tickling and/or feet and/or whatever led you here was what really got to you, what took you "over the edge"...and the relief and joy you felt when you were embraced by those who shared that and understood you. Give it back now. You owe it, damn it--to MTP Jeff, to Myriads, to anybody who had the cajones to actually post a message here ever.

TMF is a haven. Remember?

Please--keep it that way.

Mistress Aura

P.S. One of the joys of being a dominant is that I don't need to feel affected by anybody who wants to tell me how wrong or "bleeding heart" I'm being. The ones who need to hear what I'm saying, will. I don't care if this subject matter is "old hat" and has been addressed in other threads...because I don't have to care. 😀 The ones who need to hear what I'm saying I know will do so.

P.S.S. Love you, Redscript...

 

[tkrexx]

Are we so bloody arrogant that we feel this is now a closed/restricted membership club

Sadly enough, it sure seems like it. The new "In" is how bad you can make other people feel. Drunk or not, you make alot of excellent points in this post, Mistress Aura. Points I'm sure the masses agree with, but the few noisy ones will either diagree or feign ignorance.

 

[PainTrain]

I couldn't agree more. Well said. Don't drink too much now, if thats even possible.

 

[Iluv2Btickled]

You type really well and make waaayyy too much sense for someone who's FUBBed. 😛 😉

 

[TMF Jeff]

I agree with what you said here. This is one of those things that's really hard to control as a moderator unfortunately, because we can't just go around cracking the whip at people because "we don't like your attitude."

That being said, if more people used the "report post" function, there would be a lot less of this. A lot of times, I think people assume that we see every post that gets made, and that is absolutely not the case.

 

[milagros317]

Mistress Aura, some of us here are still the accepting, nurturing community that forms a haven, as you first encountered here.

As for the others, that is why I now make use of the "Ignore" utility.

 

[Headsnap]

Okay, yeah...

I've been to karaoke tonight and (thanks to double Absolut Citrons all night), I'm currently FUBB (f*cked up beyond belief)...but the first thing I usually do when I get home is check on what's up here...and you know, damn it, I can't hold my tongue (okay, fingers) anymore.

Here's the thing:

When the hell did TMF become such a f*cking shark pit???

I started coming here when I first "came out" because it was the only place I really felt safe. TMF was the only place I could just open up and just be myself. I felt comfortable here, like it was the one place that people LIKE ME could hear me, could understand what I felt, what I went through and could help me understand what was happening with me (thank you, Myriads! )...and the place where I could find the the things that actually turned me on, that appealed to the one part of me that no-one else could really get hold of (besides Redscript, but even he was a gift ONLY made possible by TMF)...

What's WRONG with (most of) you people???!!!!!!!!

Don't you remember what it's like to feel so alone? Don't you remember how alienated you felt--squirming when "that cartoon" came on or sometimes just even hearing the word "tickle" spoken aloud? Why the hell do you feel so righteous in making people feel stupid when they finally gain the courage to post/talk to others for the first time...? To share a picture or a story they've finally gained the courage to share, or even a fear or an offset fetish they're trying to work through and open up to tell us, to ask how to deal with? Good God, where would we all be if we'd been run through the same gauntlet the newest members of TMF are being put through???

We are 50k+ members now. Are we so bloody arrogant that we feel this is now a closed/restricted membership club, that the new people need to "pay their dues" before they're recognized as being one of us...that those who finally feel the courage to to say, "Oh, my God, I'm not alone!" should be shunted off to the side or made to feel awkward until they "prove" themselves "worthy" in our own fetish "mainstream"??

Look. The majority of this forum is like my extended family. I've shared more with you guys than I have my own mother, for God's sake. I've been blessed to find the best, closest, most intimate friend I've ever had in my entire life through TMF...but as I watch and read the recent bullsh*t (forgive my crudity), I find myself starting to actually avoid coming here unless I've been notified I have a PM or Redscript has posted more artwork. I just can't handle the fray.

Please, please, please...just take a moment and try to remember what it was like "back in the day". How it felt when you knew tickling and/or feet and/or whatever led you here was what really got to you, what took you "over the edge"...and the relief and joy you felt when you were embraced by those who shared that and understood you. Give it back now. You owe it, damn it--to MTP Jeff, to Myriads, to anybody who had the cajones to actually post a message here ever.

TMF is a haven. Remember?

Please--keep it that way.

Mistress Aura

P.S. One of the joys of being a dominant is that I don't need to feel affected by anybody who wants to tell me how wrong or "bleeding heart" I'm being. The ones who need to hear what I'm saying, will. I don't care if this subject matter is "old hat" and has been addressed in other threads...because I don't have to care. 😀 The ones who need to hear what I'm saying I know will do so.

P.S.S. Love you, Redscript...

As someone who is largely seen as a 'bad egg' or 'forum troll' or whatever you kids are calling it these days I feel compelled to answer these lamentations.

1) The Shark Pit: People are not always nice to each other. I know that's a bit of a bubble-burster but it needs to be said. People sometimes say bad things about other people, or make nasty comments about other people's opinions, or send people Private Messages containing massed pictures of Benito Mussolini because they find something the other person said to be incredibly stupid. Unfortunately some people are jerks. That is the way of the world. I myself find the TMF to be far less filled with jerks than most other internet forums, and even those who ARE jerks are of a far milder variety than others who inhabit different fora.

2) Newcomers To The Fold: I agree with this comment. I dislike the unwarranted self-importance of 'senior' members who feel that they are more valuable and/ or deserving of respect than others simply because they have 5 million posts. I've run afoul of this particular brand of stupidity myself on occasion (I vaguely remember a certain sad-act of a member who shall remain nameless threatening to have me blacklisted within 'Teh Commun1ty' because he was a well-respected and long-standing member and could do such a thing) and it never fails to sadden me and damage my faith in humanity. Fair enough if a newer member says something stupid then criticise it for what it is, but flogging the rotten corpse of the "I R B MORE LONGEST MEMBER TAN U!" horse is idiotic and pathetic on so many levels that to list them would be a physical impossibility. Wow you have 500,000 posts. I have a 7 inch penis. Fuck off.

There are other points but I cannot find it within myself to tackle them upon an empty stomach. Also I'm bored now. My advice would be to continue using the TMF as you always have done, and if you see something you don't like going on then speak on it.

Cheers,

Headrich Von Snappel

 

[Mistress Aura]

Eek! (Day-After Disclaimer)

Wow.

You know, I vaguely remembered writing something here when I finally rolled out of bed this morning--but I also recognized that disquieting sense that something might be amiss, the way you feel when you think, "Oh, my God, did I drunk-dial somebody last night??"...and lo and behold...

I drunk-dialed TMF. Geeeez....

I don't know what I saw or read that set me off or if this was just an explosion from a cumulative effect. And I can't/won't deny that I spoke truthfully about what I was thinking, but those of you who know me also know I'm generally much more diplomatic in the way I express myself and my thoughts--or at least I honestly try to be.

I know that MTP Jeff and Myriads do everything they can to make TMF as enjoyable as possible. I didn't mean to imply that they were lacking in any way whatsoever, please, none of you are allowed to think that. Just keeping this place up and running is a big enough chore in itself without them having foot-stompers on their respective virtual doorsteps 24/7 or having to break up skirmishes between members here. After all, we're all adults and should be able to govern ourselves accordingly without the need of that type of supervision, right?

Milagros, I know you're right. It's just easy to forget sometimes...

I do apologize to everyone for my liquor-induced, open-the-floodgate waspishness, of course; it won't happen again. But in good conscience, I also can't deny the bottomline of the message I was "verbally vomiting":

Please just try and remember what it was like to be on the outside looking in. Try compassion before condemnation, even if maybe it looks like the recipient doesn't "deserve it" at first...that's all I was attempting to get across, truly.

Mistress Aura

 

[Azrael]

As soon as you figure out a way to get rid of the cliques, and help people figure out that flaming desperation is not attractive, let me know. I don't have a problem with new people; I have a problem with people who act blatantly fucking stupid without an excuse, who treat the TMF like their personal playground, or who don't make the slightest iota of an effort towards restraining their urges while they're here.

I don't have a problem with someone who posts a thread asking people about their favorite tickle-spots. I have a problem with someone who sits, staring, salivating at the screen after posting, and leaps on the first responder in a frenzy of cybering (I've seen it happen twice, and I'm not the most active forum user).

...then they act like they're cute!

I want to have more in common with people than an enjoyment of tickling. I want to see ticklephiles with some level of intelligence and/or common sense and/or a range of knowledge about something interesting (again, as it's worth echoing, besides tickling). The last time I tried randomly chatting with a guy about something I knew was a shared interest, he thought I was coming on to him. I had to hear about this through a third party

Maybe I'm starting to come across as desperate 😛 Oh well. Better desperate for substance than desperate for feet.

 

[Tamia78]

So far, I agree with every post here. Over a year ago, when I first joined, when I found this place I was like, "Wow, here's a place that I can actually be accepted for what I enjoy!" I've made/met many friends here, and have shared alot with some of them. I wouldn't trade those experiences for the world. It didn't seem to matter that I was black, female, or anything. You guys accepted me just like I was. What was better, was that you all are intelligent, witty people who just happen to share a fetish.

Nowadays, I don't post much anymore, because of the backstabbing, disrespectful, mean-spirited attitude of this place. It's like some people don't care who they hurt. You go in chat, TONS of people asking you to cyber, and you haven't even said "hello". You see threads of people bashing one another. I thought things like that used to be limited to the P&R forum-- at least there you sorta expect it. People are getting worked up over itty bitty insignificant things. I come on here to keep up with the wonderful people who are the exception to this recent nastiness, not to beef up my post count, not to blatantly bash another member, not to be "popular", not any of those things.

I would love to get rid of these troublemakers...........I will be using the "report post" function. Let's make the TMF a "haven" again.

--T

 

[Goatboy]

Unfortunately, that kind of atittude is around on every kind of message baord, not just this one. The people who were "there first" think they have the right to let people in who they feel are worthy, when truth is, it's a PUBLIC forum. (Well, it's Jeff's forum, but you know what i mean.....) The rpoblem with the internet is that it takes away things like civility and respect for people. There is a freedom to typing words on a screen that lets people do and say things they would never do if they were actually in front of the person face to face. It's why I'm largely a lurker. Whenever i try to go into the chat room, I get bombarded with non-sense. I'd like to have actual conversations with people who share my particular fetish, but that largely doesn't happen here.

 

[ChosenofMystra]

Completely agreed Mistress.

While I love the friends I ave made on the site, and possess a generally positive outlook for the site, I’m not the biggest fan of the whole clique mentality that occurs (you know who you are.) I put that kind of drama behind me in my school days and the last place I figured I would encounter it would be on a forum dedicated to tickling and laughter. It seems to be much worse these days, which is why I don’t post much anymore.

I miss my friends, but Aura is correct, so many members are just plain mean-spirited anymore.

 

[Strider]

Maybe I've missed something, but I haven't noticed much of an upsurge in clique-ish behavior towards new people.

 

[TMF Jeff]

Nothing personal was taken from it at all, you happened to touch on something that's been on my mind a lot lately. We always walk a line between being too authoritarian and too tolerant, and lately I've had the feeling that we're leaning toward being too tolerant, letting too many things pass that are going to make the forum a slightly more negative place.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

hear hear, dear Mistress!

whether you were drunk, pissed off, or just had that nagging notion to post a rant, you are so right to do so, and you spoke the truth.

too many people are pointing fingers at others, or people get upset when someone calls out a veteran member and decides to become vindictive.

the word of today is COMMUNITY. use it!

 

[Redscript]

Even though I rarely browse trough the discussions forum, and mostly stick to the artwork foum, and I didn't know that new members were treated with such hostility, I have a need to say this:

My Mistress, I'm behind you all the way, and you have my full support. You speak with much wisdom and courage. I remember what it was like when I was all alone, and it wasn't pretty. I thought I was a freak and an outcast - the only one of our kind. The TMF was one of the first places I ran across.

And even though I haven't been a member that long, I have been here a long time, since I was 13 I think - just didn't join because I wasn't 18. I feel in no way superior to anyone because of this. That's just stupid and wrong.

What I'm saying is this: You don't have to be friendly, but be polite. Also if you don't like something, don't bash it, but criticise it (because that's a good thing) and try to tell that person how to improve in something. I just hate it when somebody massacres a pic in the artwork forum. But I also hate it when a relatively bad drawing (and you have to admit there are some) recives praises worthy of a BAC, or Ozzy, or TomatoDragon. I guess you have to find a balance.

All in all, great work Mistress.
And see you soon.

 

[makemlaugh2003]

Art....and the Net....and this forum....imitates life

Sure it's not fair, and it's not right, and it's not cool, but it's human nature, and, as GoatBoy mentioned, you'll find it anywhere: people naturally, almost automatically form cliques, and almost all of those cliques reflexively shun new people, thinking that newbies actually have some sort of arrogance or gall merely by trying to join in on what they feel is a group that shares some of their interests. If it was just standoffishness, aloofness or a calm feeling of superiority that "established regulars" on this forum had, that would be semi-tolerable, but, as many have noticed, the attitudes of the "in crowd" have reached arrogance, mega-self-importance, and almost complete intolerance. Look, EVERYONE was new once and, as Aura so astutely pointed out, ALL of us felt edgy and self-conscious and embarrassed about "outing ourselves" about our fetishes...but now, it would appear that there has become a long-standing group, or a couple of groups, of several dozen or so each that feel it is "their forum" and that anyone new is simply not to be accepted.
What to do? Well, honestly, I have a few suggestions. For one, maybe the "established regulars" who have, in many cases, expanded their relationships with one another to include internet messaging, phone calls, gatherings or other public or otherwise face-to-face meetings, can simply have their own separate chat forum. They can share one common password and simply chat in a room "down the hall," where they can revel and bask in their own deemed self-importance and bar others from potentially intruding on their clique. It wouldn't require much technical computer effort, I wouldn't think. After all, when you're in the TMF chat room, you can create another separate room, and perhaps the "veterans," instead of coming off so annoyed and put-upon by anyone fairly new, could just chat by themselves privately in their own special room. Of course, at the very idea, I'm sure many of them would bristle and puff out their chests and say something to the tune of, "US find a new room?!?!? But...but....but we were here first! The newbies are the ones who can take their newbie mess elsewhere!"...which therein would illustrate the problem to begin with.
I think it can be done, though. There exists a great divide in the TMF here lately, and, though some of the newbies CAN be occasionally irritating, presumptuous or else just far too horny, the same can be said of some of the vets too, and in the end, all the newbies want, as Aura once more pointed out so adeptly, is a place where they can feel accepted and welcomed...just like all the in-crowd once sought. After all, and pardon the crudeness of this expression, in a gang of freaks, one shouldn't feel as though he or she is a freak, right? Since the two leagues of TMFers are never likely to come to terms, there should just be outright segregation. This would greatly eliminate dust-ups and personality clashes, and the old gang wouldn't have to be bothered by anyone new trying to venture in and merely experience what they themselves were so lucky to be able to when this forum was first established. I'm not a big fan of segregation by any means, but when no other viable solution exists, it must be begrudingly and dutifully enacted. But whatever answers are ultimately employed or ignored, hopefully SOMETHING will bridge the divide and make newer members, as well as disgruntled older members, feel that this forum has a far greater air of universal acceptance and tolerance than it has shown for quite some time now. I'd really like that.
Everyone be excellent to each other...please.

 

[tickledgirl]

Mistress Aura, if that's got to be the classiest "drunk dialing" I've ever seen or read. You've got nothing to apologize for.



But...I kinda agree with Strider. If there's been an upsurge in nastiness, I've missed it. Maybe because we both spend a fair amount of time on the P&R forum, where a higher level of contentiousness is expected?

 

[makemlaugh2003]

Your analogy is flawed

Comparing separating new from old members on this forum to what face-to-face, "real life" white and colored Americans experienced in the 1950's makes absolutely no sense. Whites couldn't accept blacks because of the color of their skin, deeming them second-class citizens or, just as often, not even humans at all. The racial segregation the United States experienced was NOT some clique...it was pure, outright hatred, leading to things like physical brutality, including but not limited to beatings and lynchings, and actual murder. Don't make Mount Everest out of an anthill.
But what's going on here is STILL an anthill, and I heartily disagree with your assessment. The forum can exist just fine with chat segregation, and it would be the better for it, with most of the petty personality differences being eliminated by separating established veterans from newbies. What's your solution, put them in the same room and watch the hilarity ensue? Pal, you've been watching too much "Big Brother" and "MTV Real World." In the fifties in real life U.S.A., whites and blacks HAD to constantly deal with each other, so segregation was not realistic. On an internet chat forum, however, it's not only realistic, but in this case necessary. You can NOT continue to sardine can a dozen or more people and force them to try to "work out their differences" like some cockamamie episode of The Brady Bunch. We either have to go with more than one chat room...or soon there won't be any. But thanks for your input and your slanted analogy...it only served to demonstrate why my solution to the TMF chat divide is far more rational.

 

[kilitiinko1]

Well said,Mistress Aura!

Sadly,I`ve seen this happening for some time now. I do wish that we could somehow return to our welcoming ways and be the inclusive group that we have been in the past. I DO recall what it was like before discovering this haven,and I hate the thought of new-comers being run off by anyone here.I wonder how many of these people who no longer come here could have become good friends with many of us and what contributions to the COMMUNITY have been lost because of the way they have been treated?

I`ve always tried to welcome new people,as well as get to know or chat with many of you who have been here much longer than I have.I`ve made many friends,and I hope to make many more.Yes,there are people whose points of view I disagree with,but I try not to bash people.I find that in most cases,just showing a bit of respect to others goes a long ways. I will continue to do so!

Inebriated or not,I think it needed to be said,Mistress. Perhaps some of the greatest offenders will take this observation to heart.If not,it will remain up to the good people here to try and show the new-comers what this place is all about.I, for one,hope that we can return to the kinder,gentler forum that treated people with kindness and respect. 😎

 

[Comfort Eagle]

But...I kinda agree with Strider. If there's been an upsurge in nastiness, I've missed it. Maybe because we both spend a fair amount of time on the P&R forum, where a higher level of contentiousness is expected?

Same here. Like, every now and then some people will act like schmucks (tho I don't remember screen names), and sometimes people will bitch over clips, but I haven't seen any overt nastiness, other than that one time somebody said "fags are Gods mistake", tho that was quickly deleted.

 

[Myriads]

This thread has left me for the most part confused.

Not a position that I find myself in regarding the forum often.

First, lets address this issue of older members driving new ones away, or saying they can't talk and such. Could someone provide me a link to an example of this behavior someplace on the forum that is outside of P&R?

I've long held that people who activly work to drive away other members will hear from me, and action will be taken. I get reports on rudeness, and discussions that get out of hand, but I've yet to get one where somebody told another member to leave outside fo sarcastic remarks in goodby threads. Please point me at one of these things in action. I want to see it.

The only person who can stop you coming here is us if we IP/account ban you, and you if you choose to not come. No one else has any say in the choice. If you leave because of other peoples actions you have chosen to. You have not been made to.

Second; Cliques. People keep talking about them as if they are some all powerful force that somehow grabs hold of new members and keeps them away from the good stuff.

Ok, I know that there are groups of friends that watch each others backs here. And casual groups that flirt and play. But I've yet to see a person fail to 'progress' in the community because some group targeted them.

I've seen members self destruct, I've seen members do dumb things and get on a lot of peoples bad sides, I've seen members THINK that there is someone out to get them, then the only person getting them is the ghost in thier own head. These are all ways that members fail to progress in the community. But all of them share the same issue. The person is the agent of their own failure.

But I've never seen the Tickling Illuminati point a bony finger at some noob member and say "They shall forever wander, never to find a lee or ler! SO BE IT!" *lightning crashes* Almost every member with any level of social skills who has spent time and energy working to MEET people in the community here has had some success, and seems to have found a place in the community here. It may not be the place they first envisioned, but it is a place where they are know and do interect.

I DO see many who feel there is some instant entrance into tickling nirvana that comes with clicking the accept button on the forums membership page, and when they don't see results in the first day, first week, or even month, they sour and seem to think that 'someone' is blocking them.

Here is a fact, on the TMF, like any community people are not going to warm up to strangers in seconds. It takes time to build a personality here like it does anyplace. Until people start to get a feel for the sort of person you are behind the contents of any given post, they are not going to connect with you strongly. It takes time and work. Like much in life of value, it's not free.

Third the chatroom.

Folks we've provided a room that is secure and open 24/7/365. There are regulars, and there are lots of users who are in and out often. It's become a dynamic interaction point here. There is almost always between 10 and 20 people in it during most hours of the day. That fact alone makes it unusual for a chatroom. Most do not show any level of the use ours gets each day.

If I EVER catch a person telling someone that they should not be there for no reason other then they are new I will ban the first person so fast it will make heads swim. That is not how I want any member to be welcomed.

But remember, walking in the chatroom is like walking into a neighborhood bar. There ARE relationships you are walking into. Connections, and shared experiences. You DO face established friendships. You are not going to suddenly be NORM! when you first show up. You are a stranger. A name and a possible gender. How warm and fuzzy do YOU feel to new people who suddenly pop up in places you've spent a lot of time?

The idea that all the regulars should be shunted off to another room makes me amused. I've sat in the room invisible late at night when the core group is not there, and the room is empty except for a few folks in private cybers. New person comes in: "Hi!" silence.... a minute passes and they leave. Repeat this a few times over the next hour. I can imagine your regular free room being like this all the time. Silent. People popping in and out, not being greeted, not seeing any action. Leaving because its boring.

The reason people STAY in the room is because the regulars make it a lively place, and offer new folks a way to connect. No, they do not always make people feel welcome, but neither do I see them chasing folks off with a stick. It takes time. Like merging with a freeway one gets up to speed in incraments and then joins the flow. I see new regulars pop up often. And they seem to me, to be just as fixture like the old timers after a month or two.

In my eyes I see a problem here that centers around expectations. And speed of getting them. So much of the world today is instant gratification. Download a song and have it now off your spiffy new iphone. Buy the porn and watch it in minutes. Microwave the meal and eat in 3 minutes. It seems that people expect to find connections and happiness just as fast.

But its not simple. And it takes work and time.

To older members who suddenly feel that the forum is somehow darker and colder please show me examples and tell me why you feel that this is the case there.

Open discussion with me and the staff. We do run the forum for you, and work hard to make it the sort of web home that you'll enjoy.

Myriads

 

[makemlaugh2003]

"Amused" by the idea, are you?

Well, if THAT doesn't reiterate my point, nothing does. So if someone doesn't feel welcomed when a clique completely fails to acknowledge his or her existence, it's the NEW person's fault? Wow! So how long do you have to be a member in order to achieve that complete lack of accountability for how you treat people? Does it come with a nifty badge?
I mean, seriously, that's the type of response I KNEW I'd hear. You come onto the forum for months, popping into the chatroom day after day, only to have NOBODY respond to your comments, and it's the new person's fault that he or she happened to wander into a stuck-up, self-important pack of exclusionists? Now THAT'S amusing. And I've seen and/or heard of that happening to countless new members, and to take the high-road approach of "Well, unless you can give me exact details, I won't believe it" is much like turning a deaf ear to an obvious problem.
I've managed to make a select group of close friends on this forum and couldn't care less what "the in-crowd" thinks or doesn't think of me. However, many others aren't so lucky, and it's a shame that these newbies are made to feel even MORE insecure and awkward about their fetishes because established regulars go out of their way to make them feel even more freakish....which, truthfully, is THEIR fault, not the new person's. Sure, Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," but that doesn't give other people free license to try to make others feel that way. So any group of elitists that thinks they're above the annoyances of new people who are very much like they once were should honestly congregate together somewhere where they won't be bothered. Pure and simple. Now let's go on with our lives.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

Where the hell is this "in-crowd" people keep talking about?

 

[Myriads]

makemlaugh2003 said: So if someone doesn't feel welcomed when a clique completely fails to acknowledge his or her existence, it's the NEW person's fault?

I did not say this. I DID say that over expectations can be an issue on the part of new members, but social interactions are never easy to call as black or white situations where fault lies on one side or another. Social grouping and dynamics are amazingly complex. Problems arise out of both sides perceptions, (established people are wary of new ones, new ones can over expect) and the social environment they interact in (In this case the limited form of typed words) It leads for situations like we are discussing, where there is no blame, but confusion and hurt feelings. My above words were incomplete, and for the mis-impression that made I apologise. See, my lack of clarity caused misunderstandings. And thats in just one post and one social dyad.

You also seem to feel that 'All' members who have been here over a certain amount of time don't seem to care about new ones, welcome them, or involve them in conversations. Yet in every 'Hello' post I always see may old timers saying hello. In threads that new folks start, I see people replying, and discussion happening when the topics catch folks attention. I'd hardly catagorize the entire older membership of the forum as "stuck-up, self-important pack of exclusionists". Who ARE these people? Point them out to me, here or in PM. There are a ton of older members who work to include people. Your generalization insults them.

You yourself say: I've managed to make a select group of close friends on this forum

It seems that this clique did nto stop you from getting some friends here whom I assume that you discuss and share your time with.

Thats great. And it seems to imply that this group didn't stop you from doing the things you say they do to new folks. Why not? From your post history it's clear that you are active in many different forums around the TMF, you go out of your way to comment, and start discussion. That has given you a profile people know (I know of you, and have an opinion based on what I've read) and you've benefited from it.

That was my earlier point. You spent time here, invested, and it paid off.

However, many others aren't so lucky, and it's a shame that these newbies are made to feel even MORE insecure and awkward about their fetishes because established regulars go out of their way to make them feel even more freakish....which, truthfully, is THEIR fault, not the new person's. Sure, Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," but that doesn't give other people free license to try to make others feel that way.

Where is this happening? How is it happening? That's what I'm asking to see. You are saying there is a problem on the forum. I want to fix it. But I need to SEE it. Please point me at some thread where a new person is being activly shunned and excluded and made to feel as you describe.

To which you may say again: And I've seen and/or heard of that happening to countless new members, and to take the high-road approach of "Well, unless you can give me exact details, I won't believe it" is much like turning a deaf ear to an obvious problem.

If it's happened to countless new members why can't I think of an instance I have seen in the last month? I wander the forums pretty wide and read a lot of things.

And it's not that I don't see it because I'm in said clique. If I'm a member of some clique its sure news to me. I'm probably one of the least socially connected people you'll meet here. Its one of the reasons that I was asked to be admin. You don't see me at gatherings, you rarely see me in debates here, and I seem to be equaly liked and disliked by the tickling community with no rhyme or reason I can see.

So I'm pretty aware of what's going on around the forum. And I don't see the issue you raise happening. I see talk of it, but not the thing. I'm not saying it's not there. But I can't begin to address the issue unless I can see it.

If I don't know who left and why how can I speak to fixing this?

Also once again, I ask, who is this Illuminati of tickling who are freezing people out? People keep saying clique clique clique. WHERE? WHO?

Folks, there are popular people here. They are all popular for various reasons. Producers carry weight because they make the material every one comes to see. This includes our writers and artists. Female Lee's tend to be popular as a rare commodity. They attract attention by just being here. Other members have gained position by being forceful in showing who they are. Kurch with his Thread and Post and teddie bears. Mitch with his love of baseball and ladders. Capnmad with his thoughtful responses to topics, Drew for always being a champion of his views, even in the face of a lot of disagreement. The list goes on. But I can pick people who just popped up on the forum also. Addie is rising in attention, she's not only a producer, but a funny friendly woman who is a joy to talk to, and adds positive feelings to any thread she posts in. Scared who always aproaches a topic from a new point of view, and makes me think of it in new ways. In this thread Aura who started it, a great writer and complicated mistress who has shared much in her own trip to understanding, redscript one of our rising artists who has shown great sensitivity in his work... and on and on.

Some of you may want to meet these people. And the forum LETS you. It's brought all of you here. Think about that fact. The TMF has gathered 50,000+ people who all like tickling! But there is no promise that any one or all of them will want to, or have time to talk to you. It's not a sure thing.

I live my life under many principles, and one is that each human being is a unique soverign being who I can learn things from, and who also deserves a basic level of respect. Yet I don't have the time, energy and Will to try and meet and discuss things with every person who approaches me. Many of the wonderful popular people above probably are in the same boat. We are not better then you, or feel superior. It's just that because we've been here longer, we've met more people already, and thus our time is often spent already.

If the 'clique' you speak of is based on people NOT acting. Then what is at play is another social dynamic factor. People at the table longer have eaten more, are set in their tastes, and tend to be less outgoing in trying new dishes that arrive.

I have, and could, keep going on. But I think I've gotten part of a view across, and onc eagain asked the questions that would help move this discussion forward in a solid way.

Myriads