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Why do women (sometimes men...) change after marriage?

M

mabus

1st Level Green Feather
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This is a take off from another thread, where Tickleshow had a girlfriend who was cool with his tickling fetish, even let her tickle him...but then after they got married, BAM! wouldn't let him tickle her, and said it was a mental illness.

http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?t=195292

(I'm sure he was utterly perplexed that she LET herself be tickled, then decided it's a mental illness....)

WHY DO WOMEN DO THIS?

I know no ladies here can answer this in the tickling terms, because you all have tickle fetishes, but what about in other areas?

Men also have this issue on the pantyhose forums.
They meet a girl, she'll wear nylons/pantyhose for him....but after marriage, off they come, never to return. So....the guys spend all their time on the pantyhose forums!

It's really sad for these poor guys!
(I know the self rightious women will come here screaming at the thought of men having a good day, being turned on, etc, but after they're done, the rest of you ladies...what's the deal?)

This has, of course, happened with men, too.
Dave Ramsey got a call from a lady once, who was a landlord, her boyfriend knew she was a landlord. They get married, then the husband decides he doesn't want his wife to be a landlord!

She asked Dave how she should get rid of the property, but Dave, in his wisdon told her "Don't get rid of the property, it's yours, you're husband has mental problems!" He kept going on about how bizarre he was at saying that, knowing beforeand what she did for a living, and they needed serious marriage counseling...and I agreed!

So.....enlighten us poor saps, ladies, if you can.....
 
If something like that would happend to me, that girl would be choking on the devorce papers within the hour. But luckly my wife (I really don't like that word :p ) didn't change! But Im curious to see what the ladies will say here...
 
The only thing permanent in this world is change. And please, do not put this strain on women only ( I know you mention "sometimes men"). Imagine having to be the queen of the partnership and being responsible on broader scope -- balancing career and family life...
 
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By the way, I haven't mentioned that for some of us, intimacy gets better or improves as years pass by. Being more comfortable with someone makes it only better. But this is just my humble opinion.
 
Unless you marry a mannequin, people change dynamically over time; tastes, opinions, physically, etc. Expect the unexpected.
 
Marriage.. mmm lets see, thats, aisle, alter , hymn, till death us do part.
 
Bait and switch. If it really were all of a sudden, then I think the idea of the person just having evolving tastes doesn't really cut it. Humans can be crazy creatures.
 
What waytooticklish said. Once you're married, it's not as simple as saying "I think we should see other people," and thus there is less pressure to keep up appearances (literally and figuratively) because the fear of losing the other person isn't as strong. Kinda fucked up, but that's my theory.

This thread made me think of a joke:

Some guy said "Whats the difference between a girlfriend and a wife" and he answered " about 30 lbs", then the girl said "Whats the difference between a boyfriend and a husband" and she answered back "About 30 minutes"
 
A lot of people feel like they "sealed the deal" once the knot is tied. The work they put into making their partner happy before they were married seems unnecessary to some people so they stop trying as hard. Hence, husbands that sit in a lounge chair all weekend and stare at the television, or women that decide to take full control over all decisions that are made.
 
I think that basically once people are married, the pressure is off to keep the other person happy. People probably feel like they've put in their time, done their wooing, and now it's time to relax, unbutton their pants and enjoy the fruits of the effort they put into snagging their S.O. A pretty shitty frame of thinking, but I honestly believe that's how most minds work, unfortunately.

Not to mention that people's personalities continue to change dramatically as they grow up - particularly through their 20s, when a lot of people are getting married. Then they wonder why their spouse isn't the same at 35 as he/she was at 22.
 
I can't say this would happen if the girlfriend was directly interested in the fetish in the first place.

Let's say a guy and girl just get together and are in the beginning of a relationship. They are experimenting, learning and trying new things together etc. Now let's say the husband has a fetish for her wearing only rubber when having sex. At first she can totally see what it does for him. He finds it hot, he pursues her more...she feels desired. She doesn't necessarily understand the interest, but continues to dress in such a way when they have sex because it's what he enjoys most. Now a couple years down the road, she doesn't want to do it every time, so he tries to gently bring it up. She gives the "I don't feel like it" reply. He feels put off, but doesn't try to push. He continues to bring it up occasionally because, well...it's his interest! She begins finding it more annoying and a chore, so refuses in a more steadfast way.

In my mind, that's how this sort of thing works. I think, at least in my eyes, it's very difficult to make relationships work if you aren't compatible in the most basic ways that mean the most to you. I mean honestly, how many times has the the topic come up where someone asks, "Would you date a vanilla?" Sexuality MATTERS to people, and it's a base level for all of us. And no matter how amazing of a mate you find, if they do something only because it pleases you and not because they were interested in the first place, it doesn't guarantee they will always feel the same way in 5 or even 10 years.
 
Skipadeedoodah said:
I think that basically once people are married, the pressure is off to keep the other person happy. People probably feel like they've put in their time, done their wooing, and now it's time to relax, unbutton their pants and enjoy the fruits of the effort they put into snagging their S.O. A pretty shitty frame of thinking, but I honestly believe that's how most minds work, unfortunately.
Click to expand...

Indeed. And then people wonder why we have such a high divorce rate and so many problems in relationships. I have heard of people who ACTIVELY do this. They play the game until the ring is on their finger, they drop the act, then the marriage falls apart and they wonder "DRRRR whu happun?".

I see people put more thought into what kind of car they're planning on buying than they do into what married life will be like.
 
Excuse me, "sometimes" men??? :) Ahum, ALL men change after marriage! Maybe not when it comes to sex, but when it comes to all those nice things you did for us before we got married! And maybe that's the reason why women change! :)
 
I'm not married, but for the friends that I have that are. They make it seems as if marriage changes things for the worse and that everything that was once fun and exciting has suddenly come to a screeching halt. I don't get it....I'm a firm believer that becoming too complacent in any relationship will make things dull so its up to both people to keep the exciting elements that they both enjoy in mind as much as possible. I can't say if I would "change" after marriage or not, but I do know that tickling is a part of who I am and whoever my husband will be is going to have to understand that and accept it...I can't see that part of me changing at all. Now if he changes that a different story, I hope a story I'd never have to open.
 
TickVix said:
I'm a firm believer that becoming too complacent in any relationship will make things dull so its up to both people to keep the exciting elements that they both enjoy in mind as much as possible. I can't say if I would "change" after marriage or not, but I do know that tickling is a part of who I am and whoever my husband will be is going to have to understand that and accept it...I can't see that part of me changing at all. Now if he changes that a different story, I hope a story I'd never have to open.
Click to expand...

This.
 
I was with my wife for almost 5 years before we got married, everything was great. In under 18 months of being married we'd drifted apart. I'm not sure who changed, or if we both did. I wasn't even aware anything had gone wrong until it was too late, apparently she wasn't either.
Have to admit though, it did seem to be something to do with just 'being married' that gave us the kiss of death. Not sure what or why, but marriage does seem to be some sort of milestone that has a psychological impact on a relationship. Expectations maybe? Possibly it marks a logical conclusion to the courtship period where either, or both, assume the future relationship to a certain path so therefore things HAVE to be different?
Basically, I haven't got a clue - that's why I'm divorced lol!
 
miskiduk said:
I was with my wife for almost 5 years before we got married, everything was great. In under 18 months of being married we'd drifted apart. I'm not sure who changed, or if we both did. I wasn't even aware anything had gone wrong until it was too late, apparently she wasn't either.
Have to admit though, it did seem to be something to do with just 'being married' that gave us the kiss of death. Not sure what or why, but marriage does seem to be some sort of milestone that has a psychological impact on a relationship. Expectations maybe? Possibly it marks a logical conclusion to the courtship period where either, or both, assume the future relationship to a certain path so therefore things HAVE to be different?
Basically, I haven't got a clue - that's why I'm divorced lol!
Click to expand...



I think that the word "married" changes the whole perspective of a relationship. To people, when dating or even engaged, there is this certain self-induced pressure to make the other person happy. After a little bit of time being married people start to feel like no matter what they will be with their partner. This causes a lot of people to get lazier and not put as much effort into the things they had worked at before getting married. Also, I think a lot of it has to do with just getting used to a person over a long period of time, and suddenly the interest and excitement is gone.
 
Just a side note, since this thread was "inspired" by my former spouse going from a willing 'lee to a tickle hating stranger. The change too place in a matter of 24 hours. She was constantly talking about "when will we do your tickle thing? I am looking forard to your tickle thing" but always conveniently not having time for it (I should have known then). She even brought it up as a honeymoon activity the night before the wedding.
We were married on a Saturday and on Sunday night, as we were packing for our honeymoon, she saw me reach for a pair of fur-lined cuffs and the tirade that followed about how tickling is sick and an illness I needed treatment for lasted into the wee hours of the night.
This wasn't a change, this was a deliberate lie that was suddenly ended when she no longer needed to win me over.
 
the tickleshow said:
Just a side note, since this thread was "inspired" by my former spouse going from a willing 'lee to a tickle hating stranger. The change too place in a matter of 24 hours. She was constantly talking about "when will we do your tickle thing? I am looking forard to your tickle thing" but always conveniently not having time for it (I should have known then). She even brought it up as a honeymoon activity the night before the wedding.
We were married on a Saturday and on Sunday night, as we were packing for our honeymoon, she saw me reach for a pair of fur-lined cuffs and the tirade that followed about how tickling is sick and an illness I needed treatment for lasted into the wee hours of the night.
This wasn't a change, this was a deliberate lie that was suddenly ended when she no longer needed to win me over.
Click to expand...

That's Grade A psychotic.
 
Sounds to me like she's a bitch. Sort of like the old joke about the smiling bride, because she knows she'll never have to give him oral sex again. Not that we males are that much different, some time's we can fall off the map when it comes to "Candy and Flowers", it not really right but sometimes it happens.

It seems to me that in this case it the wife pulled the old Bait and Switch, convincing him that he's found his "dream girl", or at the very least most of what he was looking for, and then once she had him trapped in marrige she stopped doing something she knows he really enjoys. When I say Marriage is a trap I really mean it too. If he find things unsatifactory and tries to leave, chances are he will lose half of his shit, and if he goes else where for his tickle fix and she finds out, she will scream adultery and she will get even more.

The truth is 90% of the time it is just foolish for a guy to get hitched. It's better to have female friends, and fool around with escorts.
 
Bohemianne said:
To answer the thread:

The only thing permanent in this world is change. And please, do not put this strain on women only ( I know you mention "sometimes men"). Imagine having to be the queen of the partnership and being responsible on broader scope -- balancing career and family life...
Click to expand...

In answer to you answer... BOOO-FUCKIN'-WHOOO!

Imagine being the King of the partnership and waking up a popper because the Queen decided she isn't happy anymore. She can leave if, he can't, because he'll lose everything he's worked for. She gets the everything, plus half of whatever he will get in the future. That assuming of course that she doesn't pull some "He molested the kids" bull shit on the guy so she can get sole custody of the kids and fuck him up even more. Family law is so one sided in the west that a woman can make absolutly no contrabution to a relationship and still walk out with a jackpot. So you will have to forgive me if I don't shed to many tears for the "Queens of Partnership", who married losers that don't pull thier wait at home.
 
This is a common trait in the vast majority of all women and it is not limited to just fetish type of things. After a few years, you will enevitably hear a woman start to complain that she "grew" (aka changed) but her husband did not grow with her. He is then considered to be the problem as to why the relationship is no longer working. There is an old saying: "Women marry men expecting them to change and men marry women expecting them to stay the same, and neither happens." This is usually true.
 
lol With some of the comments in this thread, it's really no wonder marriage is successful less than half the time.
 
People change after marriage simply because they can. Maybe they feel that they don't have to work as hard, or that they can become complacent and a bit lazy without too many consequences, or that their elaborate lying ruse has gotten them what they wanted.

Changing the archaic laws regarding divorce, making it an easier and more equitable splitting procedure, would ironically go a long way to making marriage a more valued institution.
 
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