brief rant
TKpervert said:
Nice words Ann, but I swear I don't know anybody with enough self-confidence, maturity or moxie to be that upfront in a relationship.
It does not work that way in real, everyday life.
You know me, or at least you know of me
🙂
LOTS of people in this world do just as Ann described, we're just usually quiet about it to avoid a million judgements/questions/weirdo looks
😉 Telling your partner that you want another relationship can be **HARD**, but it can be the best thing you ever did for both of you-trust me.
And it can work, and often does. There are all kinds of committed long-term unions, like my own marriage, where it's okay to have outside relationships as long as communication and respect are first and foremost. My hubby of 11 yrs (this Saturday, woo-hoo!) doesn't share my kinks or my need to be social, so I have other partners with whom I enjoy those parts of me. Everyone knows everyone and it's a very cool thing
😎 It takes work and dedication and lots of planning and communicating. My hubby and other loved ones are worth it.
It's wonderful if you're happy with one partner for your entire adult life, many people are! And it's just as great if you have more than one person, reflecting the different aspects of who you are and what you need. You don't have to stop loving one person to love another.
As far as the 'sneaking hurts' issue... while I will always promote honesty first and foremost, I know of many marriages and relationships where it's best for everyone if things are indeed kept quiet. I know, I know, how can I say that. But the reality is that it's just ridiculous to ruin a happy marriage over a kink or other need, if every other aspect of the marriage is fine. My husband is my best friend, father of my children, partner for *life*. No way would I leave that just because he doesn't like bondage, for instance. It's been lamented over on this forum for the longest time: finding that partner that has everything you need *and* wants to be tickled/spanked/wear a Bo Peep outfit/whatever is incredibly rare. Often we have to go outside our union to do such things, and since most people still believe that if their lifepartner has any use for someone besides them there must be something wrong...insecurity and unhappiness can ensue needlessly. I've said this before: finding someone you can love, and with whom you can share a house and bathroom (!) and raise babies for decade upon decade without killing them is truly amazing, every time it happens-it's like winning the lottery! If it's between spoiling that and being a little, well, sneaky, I say sneak away. Love and devotion and *total* honesty don't always mesh well, anyone who says different is either young and single or selling romance novels
End of rant, YMMV,
Bella
