Foot Fetish / Tickle Fetish Husband with Insecurity Issue?

[DontAskJusTckle]

Now where are the "tickling is not cheating"-people when you need them? They should have a talk to your husband. 🙂

We said tickling isn't cheating unless there's a mutual agreement that it's out of bounds. I'm pretty sure I emphasized that several times.

Consider the OP's statement: "We are very exclusive and committed to each other and would never even consider being with another person in any way. He adores me and my feet and is very proud and happy to consider my feet 'his.'"

I could be wrong, but to me this suggests a mutual agreement between them. I'm not passing any judgment on the the OP. As Sargent At Arms for the Morality Police, that's your job, Rhiannon. I'm inclined to offer only compassion and sympathy for her predicament.

My opinion is that the husband was far too possessive in the first place. Whenever you feel like you "own" somebody or even just part of their body, you're setting yourself up for a fall. Now that inevitable fall has occurred and he is over-reacting in a passive aggressive way.

My advice to the OP is to fight fire with fire. Match his disinterest with your own. This will be difficult as I know you're very much in love with him. But right now he needs tough love. When he asks what's up simply tell him, "Ever since you've been ignoring in my feet, I just feel like you don't have any interest in resolving this issue." And from that point on, you must insist that any intimacy between the two of you must start with foot worship. Then wait him out. He'll think long and hard about it and will be forced to come to the conclusion that he'll never find somebody who floats his boat like you do.

If you let him go on the way he is, he may put off dealing with it indefinitely. I'm sure you don't want that.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

DAJT

 

[Flatfoot]

This is tough to address. For a foot fetishist, even if we logically understand that foot massages don't mean the same thing to you as it does to us, there's some wires crossed somewhere upstairs that convince us it's sexual, and also an intimate, personal activity. He may logically understand that two, professional male massage therapists and his wife feel no sexual connection to the activity they just engaged in. I can't speak for him, but if I were in his shoes, it would be the emotional equivalent of watching your wife getting railed by two guys trying to make an Eiffel Tower (Google it if you really want the imagery.).

I'm not going to beat you up and tell you that you did something wrong--it's tough to communicate these things to significant others, as we don't always completely understand fetishes ourselves. I can merely echo some form of counseling (Where are all these therapists everyone always recommends???). This is his issue to come to terms with.

 

[closettickle]

We had a long talk. I do understand him alot better now. He is a great husband...he loves me tons and worships my body like a temple in every possible way. I've seen his light switch turn off for any other female ever since we got married. He gives me everything I could ever need. In return, he really just wanted me to acknowledge all of that and make my body exclusive to him in return which means no other men touching on me. In my haste, I failed to realize it would actually apply to some middle aged asian man at a foot rub station, but it did. Because he loves me so much, he really hasn't turned his fetish towards other girs or anything but the fetish itself has just gone away from his personality. He is basically like any other typical husband now, I just don't feel like a worshipped princess anymore. I don't blame him. I pushed it and learned the hard way. He did soooo much more for me than any other of my friends husbands ever do. He is just normal now and I want my special man back. 🙁 Even he can't explain how he just lost interest in my feet all together but I'm guessing it's because his temple has been breached.

 

[okdremur]

Its not that they're a threat, its that they were allowed to do something to you that to him was "sacred", or close to it. As he said, he looks at your feet the way other men look at breast, really think about that. I sort of get it as I too am very much a foot guy, but don't share very well. To a vanilla person, its only feet, what's the big deal!! But your husband isn't vanilla, he's a foot guy, so it is kind of a big deal.

 

[tcklft]

Kick him in the nuts till he comes around. Don't coddle. Your feet deserve better! 😀

 

[Jenna L.]

I can understand his feelings, but I think the problem is mostly his fault. You won't likely hear that from many other foot guys who can more easily sympathize with him, but in this case, I do think he made the bigger mistake. By him agreeing to go to a place like this in the first place, he seemingly gave his OK to have your feet rubbed by a professional, and it's logical to assume that you would feel like this was different than just placing your feet in some random strangers lap. Obviously, if you had had your feet massaged by some random man who wasn't a professional, things would be different and you would be to blame, but that's not what happened here.

The fact that he didn't want another man touching his own feet may have been a hint that you should have just gotten up and left, but I can understand why you may have missed the hint. If it was that big of a deal to him, he should have told you about it right then and there and asked you to leave.

Besides, he should have known better than to go to a place like this at all. If he did want to go, though, he should have requested only female masseurs from the beginning because there is always a chance that you won't get one when you go into a place like this. As it turned out, the joke was on him and other men got to rub your feet.

I think if you've apologized and promised to never let another man touch your feet again under any circumstances, he just needs to accept your apology and move on. If he can't, then take the advice of others and go to therapy.

 

[closettickle]

We are taking it day by day. The feather is on the nightstand!

 

[TJDoom]

You got the Step By Step theme song stuck in my head.

 

[crap_game]

Wow...ok....well when he told me he wouldn't like other men touching my feet I truly thought he meant like other guys like him or whatever. I really didn't feel it applied to older chinese men at a foot massage spa. The spa was in a touristy area where you walk alot. I remember him telling me a while back that he looks at my feet the same way that other guys look at breasts. So basically I let other men rub my breasts, at least that's how he sees it. The thing I don't get is I get pedicures all the time and girls rub my feet then..I guess this only applies to guys.

Well, speaking as a man, with 23 years of marriage and with a pretty intense foot/tickling fetish, I couldn't disagree more with some of those that chose to judge you so harshly. I would not, for one second, allow another to man rub, tickle or caress her feet, or any other part of her for that matter. That being said, the old Vietnamese man that gives her her pedicures is not the same thing! If he is threatened by 2 elderly Asian men giving you reflexology, well he has the issue NOT YOU!

Where is the discernment people? Perhaps he should attend one of your Gyno Check-Ups and see if he's not affected, especially if your Doc is a guy! SMH

 

[closettickle]

He really wasn't threatened by it. And I get pedicures all the time with no issue. He kinda saw it as two men giving me pleasure on an area that we consider sexual, my feet. My gyno doesn't pleasure me so he doesn't see that as a problem obviously. So crap game, if the men at a foot massage place were normal attractive men, you would not let your wife get her feet rubbed, right? Just trying to make sure I understand what you mentioned.

 

[closettickle]

I really thought about all of this. I think if some normal, attractive men walked out and wanted to rub my feet, I would of declined. Somehow the middle aged asian men made it "ok" in my head. My husband also feels that made it not as damaging for him.

 

[Jenna L.]

Those pretty little feet he loved so dearly
They really weren't his, very clearly
Those feet have now been rubbed by another man
And now your husband may never feel the same again
Now he's crying like a little girl
He probably would like to hurl
He may be sad
But that's too bad
Another man got to touch those toes
And now your husband's got the woes
Everything could be fine
But your husband just wants to whine


I'm sorry... I know this isn't helping, but it gave me a good laugh. On a serious note, I'm glad it seems the two of you are starting to move past this.

 

[mabus]

Maybe we will need the counseling. I posted this dilema on another marital advise board and people said he needs to get over it and that he is an insecure wierdo. I post on here and it looks like I'm the one who messed it all up. Nothing against old asian men, but why would my husband consider them a threat or be insecure about them touching my feet? If a couple of normal aged, normal looking guys came out, I would've probably said no to the massage.

Let me go against what almost everyone said here, and say......he needs to get over himself and he's insecure...I wouldn't say weirdo, I love pantyhose, and tickling, so there you go!

Good Lord, please ignore all the people jumping all over you.....your husband needs to kind of, you know, grow up and realize he's on Earth.
If he's bugged by OLD ASIAN GUYS massaging you, yeah, I think he needs help.

I was married once, and if my wife had gone to a massage parlor, and it happened to be a dude rubbing her feet....okayyyy......

....I mean.....is he going to run off with her? (He'd run back after she started being mean to him...)
No, it's his job.

I'll give you another perspective to present to your husband: Did those guys have a foot fetish?
Where they interested in you?
Did you specifically go there, knowing that men would be massaging you, and go anyway?
Did you go in, and immediately ask for a male masseuse, knowing it'd completely wreck your husbands fragile world, but did it anyway to laugh as his mind is destroyed?

I mean...some of these responses, ....and this guy!

If some poor soul accidentally drops something by your woman's feet, and then picks it up, or if the doctor is examining your wife or girlfriend and does the key across
the bottom of the foot test, or is testing her feet for medical reasons.....do you go apeshit ballistic and start screaming at them "Don't touch my wife's feet, I'll kill you!!!!!!"

Just.......kind of......calm....down.......

Or better wear, wear some nylons, that'll totally convert him back to a foot lover.
Wear some nylons and put your feet in his lap, - two feet and suntan colored, sheer toe nylons, best prescription ever - he'll be cured instantly!

 

[closettickle]

Lol funny Jenna. I have a feeling it will just take time to move past it. We both understand each other alot better now. I will definitely let everyone know how things progress. Hopefully he looks at that feather and decides to pick it up soon, but I won't push this. It's wayyy to import to me to rush it along.

 

[closettickle]

Mabus...please read the topic chain again if ya can. Medical crap like performed by doctors is not an issue. Bottom line is he sees my feet as an sexual object so seeing other men rubbing all over them with the intent of causing me "pleasure" disturbed him. My people on here referenced the equivalent of two guys massaging the breast of somebodys wife, so I understand that. He didn't go ballistic...there was no altercation, I just the foot fetish light switch go off with him.

 

[closettickle]

Everyone on here has a wide range of opinions on this. Many of which I listened to and applied to my discussions with my husband. Thank you everyone for letting a newbie on here post my issue, and for all your advice!!

 

[Dre]

You said that you think its nice that your husband considers your feet to belong to him, in his mind when you let someone else rub your feet you gave them to someone else. He doesn't feel as special because you let another guy rub your feet. I think that your husband just needs to feel special again and knows that only he can rub your feet. It doesn't bother him when you get a pedicure because he knows that women are touching your feet and making them look nice for him.

I have a foot fetish and I wouldn't want another guy touching my gf or wife feet because that is only I am suppose to do. Put yourself in his position, how would you feel if you saw your husband looking at another woman's feet? You wouldn't like it. I think you just have to tell him that your feet is only for him to play with and make him feel special gain.

 

[closettickle]

Dre....he treats my feet sooooo good. I think you nailed it on the head. I think he looks at it as another man invaded his foot fetish temple!! Lol. It's ok...in time I'm certain he will get his foot mojo back!

 

[Bohemianne]

Those pretty little feet he loved so dearly
They really weren't his, very clearly
Those feet have now been rubbed by another man
And now your husband may never feel the same again
Now he's crying like a little girl
He probably would like to hurl
He may be sad
But that's too bad
Another man got to touch those toes
And now your husband's got the woes
Everything could be fine
But your husband just wants to whine


I'm sorry... I know this isn't helping, but it gave me a good laugh.

I wasn't expecting a poetry for this kind of thread. So LOL! Made me laugh too and I need it. XD

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

Those pretty little feet he loved so dearly
They really weren't his, very clearly
Those feet have now been rubbed by another man
And now your husband may never feel the same again
Now he's crying like a little girl
He probably would like to hurl
He may be sad
But that's too bad
Another man got to touch those toes
And now your husband's got the woes
Everything could be fine
But your husband just wants to whine


I'm sorry... I know this isn't helping, but it gave me a good laugh. On a serious note, I'm glad it seems the two of you are starting to move past this.

I love it!

My turn now! How about a limerick?

He claimed her sweet feet when she flaunted 'em.
But the threat to his ownership haunted 'im.
When the man at the spa
Made her say, "ooh" and "ahh"
He decided he no longer wanted 'em!


Okay, more serious now.

I've been thinking about this situation a lot. To me, hubby's reaction is like a guy who refuses to make love to his wife because the male gynecologist has now seen and touched her vagina. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that the guy is putting on an act. Guys don't just suddenly lose interest like that. He's just trying to guilt trip her. And it's evidently working.

My revised advice is to simply wait him out. After all, HE's the one with the foot fetish, not you. I would even advise you to flaunt your feet in his presence, wiggle your toes, that kind of thing. He'll cave sooner or later.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

He sounds like a right bitch, OP. I'm a jealous bastard but the guys were doing a job, they weren't getting the same thrill out of it he does. Tell him to grow the fuck up already.

 

[Bator]

Well, I'm glad that's been cleared up and we got to hear the full one side of the story. 😀

 

[mabus]

I've been thinking about this situation a lot. To me, hubby's reaction is like a guy who refuses to make love to his wife because the male gynecologist has now seen and touched her vagina. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that the guy is putting on an act. Guys don't just suddenly lose interest like that. He's just trying to guilt trip her. And it's evidently working.

My revised advice is to simply wait him out. After all, HE'S the one with the foot fetish, not you. I would even advise you to flaunt your feet in his presence, wiggle your toes, that kind of thing. He'll cave sooner or later.

He sounds like a right bitch, OP. I'm a jealous bastard but the guys were doing a job, they weren't getting the same thrill out of it he does. Tell him to grow the fuck up already.

Totally agree, plus some.

From her response to me, and my fun over-exaggeration (I never said HE went ballistic on the doctor...yet! Ha ha!) maybe she wants to feel bad about it...go right ahead if you want.

For the rest of us here....I've lost count of the number of threads started over the years with guys, and even girls, LAMENTING finding someone to accommodate their fetish, much
less REALLY get into it with them, going so far as to visit a tickling forum website to research how to get them back into it. Many people here have thrown in the towel on relationships altogether
because they can't find anyone who will let them even touch their feet much less tickle them for one second.......

If I had a girl this accommodating, I wouldn't be complaining about anything in the sex/fetish side of the relationship, and I sure as hell wouldn't care if an old guy
who most probably doesn't have a foot fetish, much less may not even know what a fetish is, rubs my wife's feet.

But as Bator said, this is only one side of the story - if this guy is here, what does he have to say, is there anything more?

It seems he must have many other problems if he reacts to something so mundane as this....or maybe I have the will of steel, but again, if I had a wonderful girl who
fully accommodated my fetishes......I would be appreciative every day of my life that we were together.

 

[closettickle]

Some of you have some pretty strong opinions about this. To each his own I guess. I don't like many of the responses I must admit. Some are pretty bad against me...some against him..all I can say is he treats me better than I can ever imagine and takes amazing care of me. In return, I think he just wants to be the only man who gets to "pleasure" me in any way. For all the things he does for me...I think I can handle that deal!

 

[TJDoom]

That's the nature of the beast. Large population with a wide variety of quirks and opinions. I think it's easy to read your original post and make some assumptions off of previous experience, but I think by and large people are seeing that you mean well and are trying to understand.

I'd be a lot more worried if you had been overly crass or apathetic about your husband and you really haven't. Coming here to get some perspective instead of just lashing out cause it was confusing is proof enough for me. It seems like it'll work out for ya.