Interracial Relationships Your Thoughts

[TinyTickler]

you guys are exactly right i feel the same way

 

[jj82277]

I think we need to refocus the question. Given that race is an artificial construction to begin with, and that the word for persons who buy into such construction is "racists," to me, the question is not whether interracial relationships are good or bad, but rather, whether the people who would give others a hard time about intimacy between two people of different skin complexions are good or bad, and the answer is that they're bad. They're the most destructive element in society, and they deserve to be known as such.

Now, that doesn't in any negate the fact that when two people from differing cultures get together, they will face challenges, but culture is a very fluid concept. I'm an American white, and yet there's a huge cultural gap between me and the majority of other American whites. If I were to get together with a black woman, her blackness and my whiteness might pose an enormous gap or no gap at all, depending on the specifics of background and orientation. Where there are cultural differences, there's an extra layer of challenge to work through in a venture that's going to have challenges regardless, so people entering into relationships need to be realistic about just what compatibility they have, and if it's not there it's not there.

What's more, if you prefer to date persons of the same cultural and continental heritage as yourself, I won't put any nasty labels on you. I consider your tastes in intimate partner to be your business, not subject to approval or disapproval by anybody else. But if I were ever dating a black woman and had a white person say to me "Hey look, don't you think we should stick to our own kind," I'd reply, "Okay, I will stick to my own kind, so get away from me because you're not my own kind, and don't you ever refer to me with the word 'we' again."

genetics teaches us that race is a fluid concept. i have a first cousin who is caucasion and i am black. culture is even more fluid in of itself and all you have to do is walk into a highschool classroom to see how little it actually correlates to skin color. that is why i no longer use the terms white america and black america. there is no such fucking place. they are carry overs from a time that eveyone should be trying to forget and they don't hold true because there are white kids who listen to hip hop and black kids who listen to punk rock and even cheezy pop like lfo (i don't want to kiss you good night... if it means that... anyway). the disinctions are a testament to our imaturity as a society. racial and cultural exclusivity are symptomatic of prideful elitism. it is okay to derive self esteem from the things that you hold dear but when you exclude other people white or black that is a form of prejudical treatment that is detremental to society as a whole IMHO,

 

[Sleepy Jean]

I think some of what you said really hit the nail on the head. But the whole status symbol thing is not just with black men. how many times have you heard the word "trophy wife" in the media when whites talk of marriage. And many ethnic whites such as Jews and Italians will try to so call "marry up" and hook up with a Wasp female from a so called all american backround. I really think its a self worth issue in a country that every single day honors blond hair and blue eyes and if you not up to that standard well then your not really in the picture. But it seems you really did your homework and your post was most honest.

I agree with you, brian. Marrying up is still popular (look at Fred Thompson and his wife). But I didn't do any homework. This was the theory of my husband's black ex-girlfriend. She does sound like a smart cookie.

And DimpleToes, who could possibly hate you for any reason?

 

[maniactickler]

Its fine with me. i want to marry an asian girl.

 

[SlaverTickler]

It's destany...

I think it is man kinds destiny to become one people. I've put some thought into it, and without going into anything big here I feel every race and culture has it's srong and week point, and that when culture join together, depending on what aspects they use, they can make the next generation stronger. Hitler believed that keeping the white race "pure" was the way to go, while I feel it is the other way around. You can't have a Utopia with a million different types of people. People have to come together, learn from each other, and become tolerant of each other. What better way to do this then to get hitched and make babies.

 

[jj82277]

I think it is man kinds destiny to become one people. I've put some thought into it, and without going into anything big here I feel every race and culture has it's srong and week point, and that when culture join together, depending on what aspects they use, they can make the next generation stronger. Hitler believed that keeping the white race "pure" was the way to go, while I feel it is the other way around. You can't have a Utopia with a million different types of people. People have to come together, learn from each other, and become tolerant of each other. What better way to do this then to get hitched and make babies.

In a sense you are right. there is something called negative assortative behavior. that means that an organism (in this case human beings) will choose a mate that displays fundamentally diferent traits than itself. it can be for any number of traits but in the case of skin color it is very prevelant. i am black and i am morephysically attracted to lighter skin tones. my best friend is caucasion and loves nothing but females of the darker skin tones. theoretically spaking you want as much variation as possible and that means that everyone would mix with everyone to have as many different combinations to best adapt to the environment. it is best if we all coreproduced because genetic isolation in a world with entropy is synonymous with increased genetic disease.

conversely basic human nature is that of pride. i have to see myself as better than you. the easiest way to do that is by skin color. so unfortunatley while it makes the most logical sense, emotions get in the way far too often.

 

[meangry]

Race is a fallacy.

 

[Headsnap]

I have to go with the consensus here. The hoo-hah about inter-racial relationships is just that; a load of hoo-hah. If someone is nice looking and has money it really doesn't matter what colour their skin is; or their eyes or hair or where they were born or when or whatever. Love is love. It knows no boundaries, so something as piffling as your partner's race makes no difference.

Unless your partner is Azerbaijani, then you are a sick degenerate scumbag and the union is unholy and wrong. How could you do that to your parents? For shame, sir. For shame.

 

[kingconan31]

I am a black male and I have dated all races and colors I never care as long as she was a good person had pretty feet and was ticklsh HAHHAHAHHA.

 

[Lord Doctor]

Humans!

Love is Love. It takes many forms.
We all love whom we love.

It's no fucker else's business.

Not that I'm eligious or anything coz I aint...

But if anyone has a problem with a pink guy (And we ARE pink, not white. Just ask that Andorian😀) loving a brown woman...

ask them what colour Jesus was.

 

[Artoo]

No, damnit!
Jesus was white, and had blonde hair and blue eyes! All our pictures tell us so! He could not possibly have been an arab!

The horror!

 

[dalekfire]

Yep. I'd have to agree with everyone here. Difference in race shouldn't be at all a negative factor in a relationship. If anything, it should be positive...makes the relationship seem a lot more unique. But the love factor...nope, that has nothing to do with race, at all. Or it shouldn't, or else something is seriously wrong.

How do I know?

Because, I'm in one, right now.

 

[BlackestLily]

My two best friends are married and are an interracial couple (black and white). By technicallity, my parents, too, are considered being in an interracial marriage. I never really noticed when people were, nor did I think anything of it. So to say "you go girl" seems fake for me because it's been perfectly natural for me all along to see others in them. I guess what I'm aiming for is...you'd be marrying and loving the person you're with...not marrying your friends or family. Those who have your best interest at heart know it intertwines with your happiness and well-being. If those two things are right with the world, others who care will support you (even if they don't agree).

 

[kis123]

No, damnit!
Jesus was white, and had blonde hair and blue eyes! All our pictures tell us so! He could not possibly have been an arab!

The horror!

Actually, Jesus was/is Jewish and was described in the bible as having "hair of lamb's wool and skin of bronze." Those who have depicted any differently are doing so from their own perspective, not necessarily a correct one.

 

[kis123]

Been there, done that!!!!

I have never been in a mixed-race relationship. I dated a few black guys in college, but only once because they always seemed to be putting on some sort of "cool" persona, and seemed to assume that I was only dating them because I had come down with a case of jungle fever. You should've seen their jaws drop when I declined to sleep with them after one date.

But she had an interesting theory about interracial couples. Why are there so many more black men-white women than the other way around? Because it's a status symbol for so many black men to have white women on their arms. The taboo, the old "those boys can't keep their hands off our women" crap gives black men the attitude that they're spitting in the eye of white racism.

There is no status for a white man to have a black woman with him. She said if a white man wants to climb the ladder in a white-collar career he better be self-employed or he better not have a woman of color (maybe Oriental is OK) as his partner. There's nothing "in your face" about a white man-black woman partnership, making the pairing far less desirable for the career-oriented white man.

My feeling is that all relationships have to be examined strictly on their own. If a couple is in love, then it's all good no matter what race each one is. If a couple is together for any reasons other than love, I see nothing but trouble ahead. Love is all that matters. My future inlaws did not understand what he saw in a girl who never wore shoes. We've been married 25 years. I still hate wearing shoes.

Love,
Jean

Jean, another interesting and insightful post.

When it comes to love and relationships, I have a United Nations approach. I don't care a rat's about the color of skin more than I do how a man treats his lady. I've had interracial interests since I was a kid; one of my sisters even predicted I'd marry a white man (and she was right). But, this was the seventies where these things were taboo and those who did them were basically defying the "establishment" and their parents.

I've dated men from all walks of life; my weakness is well traveled men like folks from overseas or military men (a man in a uniform just makes me weak in the knees). Race in dating is not important and you can't simply help who you love.

Now did my mother and stepfather care about who I dated? Yes they did and did everything in their power to get in my business. But my son fell in love with this guy who fell in love with him. We're not together anymore because he's a friggin' froot loop, but he loves both of our kids, not just the one I gave him.

My biggest problem with interracial relationships is with intent (and specifically when it comes to our black men). I know more of my share of black men who still believe white women are "better" and therefore treat them better in relationships (which is why they're more successful than in black man/black woman ones). If they gave a black woman a thenth of that admiration and respect, they'd be surprised at the response they'd get.

Other than that, my ex is not American so we had a global conglomeration in my home for many years and my kids' preferences are all over the place and I'm glad about that.

Race should never be a prerequesite for who you love and marry. America (generally speaking) needs to wise up and open their minds. Maybe the love of your life comes in a different skin-toned package. So the hell what??

 

[TinyTickler]

from what ive read so far i think that i may have a made a huge mistake and the thing that makes me feel so bad is that i can never get her back

 

[kis123]

from what ive read so far i think that i may have a made a huge mistake and the thing that makes me feel so bad is that i can never get her back

Why can't you??

Do you still love her?

Is he/she still single?

If you really loved this person, you can get him/her back! That's if that's what you truly want, that is.

Never let anyone dictate who you should love no matter what the costs. In the end, you would've made the better decision for yourself and your future family.

 

[whyguy2]

Me personally, I like interracial relationships. So long as you care about the person you are dating or married to, race shouldn't matter

 

[Tomskee]

from what ive read so far i think that i may have a made a huge mistake and the thing that makes me feel so bad is that i can never get her back

Damnit boy!! You have got to quit talking and start acting. If you want her back you have to fight. And that means fighting through your own malaise. Nothing is ever over and done with. Unless you insulted her with racial epithets, which you wouldn't do; you can repair this tear. If love is true, the fire may dim but it will never die.

Sorry about the tone, but I have been where you are now. I just see you making the same mistake I did. I didn't fight for a woman and I truly lost her. If you don't at least try, it will haunt you for a long time. It's better to know where you stand in her eyes. At least alleviate some doubt and give yourself closure. Either way son, keep ya head up.

 

[the wiz]

I have never been in a mixed-race relationship. I dated a few black guys in college, but only once because they always seemed to be putting on some sort of "cool" persona, and seemed to assume that I was only dating them because I had come down with a case of jungle fever. You should've seen their jaws drop when I declined to sleep with them after one date.

My husband was in one before he met me. His GF was (according to him) beautiful, intelligent and funny, and a socialist with left-wing opinions that would make me look like Maniactickler. They broke up because she transfered from their American college to a university in Canada. No doubt, he says, she was taking the first step to becoming a Canadian citizen.

But she had an interesting theory about interracial couples. Why are there so many more black men-white women than the other way around? Because it's a status symbol for so many black men to have white women on their arms. The taboo, the old "those boys can't keep their hands off our women" crap gives black men the attitude that they're spitting in the eye of white racism.

There is no status for a white man to have a black woman with him. She said if a white man wants to climb the ladder in a white-collar career he better be self-employed or he better not have a woman of color (maybe Oriental is OK) as his partner. There's nothing "in your face" about a white man-black woman partnership, making the pairing far less desirable for the career-oriented white man.

My feeling is that all relationships have to be examined strictly on their own. If a couple is in love, then it's all good no matter what race each one is. If a couple is together for any reasons other than love, I see nothing but trouble ahead. Love is all that matters. My future inlaws did not understand what he saw in a girl who never wore shoes. We've been married 25 years. I still hate wearing shoes.

Love,
Jean

Jean I have to disagree with you.

Most black men do not date white women for that reason. That is what others want you to believe. Being a black man I thought about dating a white woman not because it would have made me cool. I thought about doing it because I wanted someone that would love me for myself and not what she wanted to make me.

But, it could also be reverse; white guys dated black girls because they heard how they love to have sex and can go all night. also, it could be said that black guys dated white guys because they were easier to control and there was a better opportunity that they would have a house and blah, blah. blah.

Stereotypical raciest bull on both sides of the fence which was would goes around even today.

Why would you stay with someone if you didn't love them? After 6 months that so call status symbol would have died. So, you must truly feel for that person.

If you wish to be in an interracial relationship do it because you want to; if you end you relationship don't do it because what others thinks of you. You can never please everyone anyway. So, don't try to.

 

[The Sean Man]

Race...Gender...Sexual Orientation...How much money you make....nationality....it still staggers me that in this day and age society insists on finding ways to divide itself.

 

[the wiz]

Race...Gender...Sexual Orientation...How much money you make....nationality....it still staggers me that in this day and age society insists on finding ways to divide itself.

I agree with you; it's so sad

 

[kis123]

Jean I have to disagree with you.

Most black men do not date white women for that reason. That is what others want you to believe. Being a black man I thought about dating a white woman not because it would have made me cool. I thought about doing it because I wanted someone that would love me for myself and not what she wanted to make me.

But, it could also be reverse; white guys dated black girls because they heard how they love to have sex and can go all night. also, it could be said that black guys dated white guys because they were easier to control and there was a better opportunity that they would have a house and blah, blah. blah.

Stereotypical raciest bull on both sides of the fence which was would goes around even today.

Why would you stay with someone if you didn't love them? After 6 months that so call status symbol would have died. So, you must truly feel for that person.

If you wish to be in an interracial relationship do it because you want to; if you end you relationship don't do it because what others thinks of you. You can never please everyone anyway. So, don't try to.

Wiz, I have to respectfully disagree with you.

As a black man, you know that there's a lot of truth to what Jean said. As a black woman who has dated and married white men, I get the same crap from people telling me I'm not black enough, or I act like I want to be white or something equally stupid. They have no idea who I am, but make the accusations anyway. Anyone around this forum knows that I'm black and I'm proud; we have issues within our race that definitely need resolution, but I'm a black woman who loves being exactly who and what she is. No shame in my game folks!!

I've heard it out of the mouths of too many black men that white women are better because they know how to treat a man, that they're great in bed and are more submissive than black women. Care to elaborate what that statement actually means or would you like me to do it? Do I believe it's true? Well, let's just say everyone has their issues with stereotypes in the world today. I think women have issues period, regardless of color and we'd need another forum to even begin to address them!

I will say that generally speaking, black women have a different experience and thay can make us appear tough at times. But with patience and the correct approach, we just want to be loved like anyone else. It's just a rockier journey to get there.

I personally feel if every man brought his "A" game to the table in relationships, we wouldn't have this crap going on! And the same goes for women too; there was a time I only blamed relationship issues on the men--I no longer do that because women can be just as big of a trip to live with these days.

It goes back to the old "house and field" mentality, and you know exactly what I mean. We were trained generations ago to make differences within our own race. My Grandmother was half Chockta indian and half Irish and they were treated substantially better than darker complected blacks. Unfortunately these stereotypes still exist today and, generally speaking, it causes us to hate each other and ourselves over something some bigoted idiot whispered in our ancestors' years centuries ago. Other races do have similar problems, but ours is the worst with it IMO.

We are the only race of people that run just about every end of the complexion spectrum; we should celebrate and not hate over it.

 

[Oddball]

Race...Gender...Sexual Orientation...How much money you make....nationality....it still staggers me that in this day and age society insists on finding ways to divide itself.

So true... in the end it's really about who you are happy with and if they are willing to put up with all your baggage. Do remember it's a two way street too.

Now, being of hispanic decent, with the super large hispanic family, I technically do a lot of interracial dating and such, and honestly, people need to point that out for me to notice it.

Those people who point it out are lame, but that's just my opinion ^_^

 

[Tamia78]

Hey Tiny,

Perhaps you didn't give your family a chance to accept this woman until it was too late. 2 years is a pretty long time, why do you think you can never get her back? Is it because of your family? You also said you weren't ready to get married. Even if you were to get this woman back, do you think you would be ready now?

--T