Is dating a dying trend?

[Rupert]

against what most of said, from my experience the realm of "dating" has been replaced be ur either single or in a serious committed relationship. No body wants to just go on a date and determine whether or not they will actually like someone. just want to jump right into everything.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I don't know why some girls have to be such *stiffs* about sex. Face it, you're going to be stimulating yourself somehow at home, why not share it with a guy. BS is what it is.

Because I can't give myself an STD.

Nemesis, I would have probably asked the guy what he had in mind, and see where he goes with it. I am of the opinion that if a guy is going to ask me out, he should at least have some kind of suggestion, even if it's as simple as, "I dunno - what do you think about having lunch?" It also will give me an idea of what he has in mind. A guy asked me out before, and when I asked him for a suggestion, he said, and I'm not joking, that we should meet at a laundrymat near his work at 5am (that's when he got done working at McDonald's), go to his house where he lives with his mom, and he could make us breakfast. After that we could go to my house for lunch and full body massages. So yeah...getting a suggestion from the guy can be very eye opening. I don't blame you for wanting him to say a little more than "Let's get together." That could mean alot of different things. Just next time, ask him right out what he'd like to do.

 

[badreligion]

With that winning attitude, it's no wonder you're having trouble.

Yes because you obviously know the types of girls that live in my area as well as the experiences I have had in the past right ? Such an arid statement .

 

[McNoodle]

Nemmy is a wee bit old fashioned it seems. Very cute 🙂

I won't post my opinions on the situation on here but I would advise after accessing what happened that you submit it to the Confess to Nemesis thread and decide whether you deserve to be rewarded or punished.

ps...You're probably right not to trust anyone in your evil and decrepit State.

 

[BlackestLily]

So I don't know if it was a just line or if going on dates doesn't seem to happen anymore. Maybe it's me, but it seems like more people want to jump into the boyfriend/girlfriend status without actually taking the time to get to know each other enough to decide to be in a relationship.

What do you think? Is going out on dates a dying trend?

I've wondered the same thing as you from time to time. 🙂 I give up, then 6 months to a year later try again. And I've steadily kept this trend up.

I don't think dating is dying, but I do think it depends on where you look. For example, for the type of person I'm looking for? I probably wouldn't find them if I went to a bar. So perhaps it's going to be more locationally contextual for you. Try places you think the type of person you could go for would be. Even if this gent doesn't work out, there are other fish in the sea. 🙂

 

[darkscar]

Nothing wrong with being old fashioned, I kind of have a lot of Old fashioned values built in me. I was never a Hump and dump kind of guy if you know what i mean.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Nemesis, I would have probably asked the guy what he had in mind, and see where he goes with it. I am of the opinion that if a guy is going to ask me out, he should at least have some kind of suggestion, even if it's as simple as, "I dunno - what do you think about having lunch?" It also will give me an idea of what he has in mind. A guy asked me out before, and when I asked him for a suggestion, he said, and I'm not joking, that we should meet at a laundrymat near his work at 5am (that's when he got done working at McDonald's), go to his house where he lives with his mom, and he could make us breakfast. After that we could go to my house for lunch and full body massages. So yeah...getting a suggestion from the guy can be very eye opening. I don't blame you for wanting him to say a little more than "Let's get together." That could mean alot of different things. Just next time, ask him right out what he'd like to do.

I've wondered the same thing as you from time to time. 🙂 I give up, then 6 months to a year later try again. And I've steadily kept this trend up.

I don't think dating is dying, but I do think it depends on where you look. For example, for the type of person I'm looking for? I probably wouldn't find them if I went to a bar. So perhaps it's going to be more locationally contextual for you. Try places you think the type of person you could go for would be. Even if this gent doesn't work out, there are other fish in the sea. 🙂

Thanks, Skip and Lily. 🙂

Nemmy is a wee bit old fashioned it seems. Very cute 🙂

I won't post my opinions on the situation on here but I would advise after accessing what happened that you submit it to the Confess to Nemesis thread and decide whether you deserve to be rewarded or punished.

ps...You're probably right not to trust anyone in your evil and decrepit State.

Shuddup.

 

[Coda]

That whole thing sounds ambiguous at best. People's definitions of "date," "see," "relationship," "boyfriend," and "girlfriend" vary as much as people do.

If you feel like you need a guy to propose the specific date and time, then it's probably fine that it ended that way.

Going on dates isn't dead by any means, but I don't think it's a necessary ritual for everybody. Also, things that aren't traditional dates can also be great ways of getting to know people.

 

[Leo tickles]

That whole thing sounds ambiguous at best. People's definitions of "date," "see," "relationship," "boyfriend," and "girlfriend" vary as much as people do.

If you feel like you need a guy to propose the specific date and time, then it's probably fine that it ended that way.

Going on dates isn't dead by any means, but I don't think it's a necessary ritual for everybody. Also, things that aren't traditional dates can also be great ways of getting to know people.

This is true.

I'd rather go and walk around a park than have dinner and a movie. I believe the first date is the time where you talk to the other person as much as you can without making it feel like an interview.

If there is still more to talk about when the date is over, and you haven't had enough of what they're saying, the date went well.

 

[Libertine]

People can be quite shallow sometimes. I exchanged glasses for contacts at 19, but up until my late 20s I had to use the 'scattergun effect' i.e. ask practically everyone out to have any chance of success whatsoever because I was extremely underweight (just under 100 lbs. at age 20, about 120 lbs. by almost 30) and couldn't gain an ounce though I ate voraciously. This, combined with the fact that I was partially bald from the age of 23 ensured that women tended not to want to be seen in public with me, or commit even when they found out how 'interesting' I could be in private.😀

Later my metabolism began to change so that fiddling around with exercise equipment finally started to give me a better exterior; all my efforts in that direction had no noticeable effect before my early mid-30s except to make me even more wiry. Then I shaved my head, actually started to get noticed by a few photographers and things started to get easier after that.

I don't know what you look like, but simply being relatively fit and having longish hair, for instance, makes a woman attractive to most men for starters. These things can be achieved in a year or so if necessary, which would certainly increase the number of guys who'd express interest, thus giving you a choice.

It certainly took me much longer than that, and a lot of hard work, to get any female attention...

Best of luck.

 

[Bohemianne]

All this stigma on dating... it is ironic that things get direct to the point and easy once you are already tied legally with someone. It means, it is just a threshold. If you really like someone, there is nothing wrong if you take a bit of chances not to let it slip away. It's a two way traffic.

[Now if he is ends up too proud about it in the future, remember that you got a skillet in the house. Oops.]

 

[Mephistopheles]

It sounded to me like he was asking you out...

Sometimes I'll get a girl's number, and then call her and arrange a time and place we can see each other...if that's not the same thing as dating, I must be terribly confused.

Yeah, I do that all the time. Flatmates described it as "the boyfriend package" and basically comes down to cooking her dinner, getting a bottle of wine and watching a movie during which things turn hot and steamy. Works like a charm.

 

[Coda]

My thoughts exactly, Leo.

 

[TropicThunder]

against what most of said, from my experience the realm of "dating" has been replaced be ur either single or in a serious committed relationship. No body wants to just go on a date and determine whether or not they will actually like someone. just want to jump right into everything.

I agree with this statement. In my own personal experience and viewing alot of people's relationships around me, it seemed like everyone either when from single or committed. No one really took the time to go out on a few dates - dinner, movies, bowling, whatever - but instead they just jump the gun, and later on they just find out that they weren't compatible. Then they'd have just wasted three months being miserable and arguing once they really did get to know eachother. I've seen friends who did nothing but fight all the time because it seemed like that's what they were supposed to be doing in a relationship. 😵

But like I said, that's just what I've seen from personal experience. I'm not making any generalizations here.

 

[ParanoidChant]

against what most of said, from my experience the realm of "dating" has been replaced be ur either single or in a serious committed relationship. No body wants to just go on a date and determine whether or not they will actually like someone. just want to jump right into everything.

Ya know I used to think this too, but then I just started asking out people on non-super-serious dates and had alotta fun. I think my deal was that I saw all these people I knew from high school gettin' married and was under this pressure to find "the one" NOW, but sheesh there's almost 7 billion of us what's the hurry?

Sista Nemie, I don't blame ya for hestitating. The dude kinda tripped by not asking for specifics in my opinion - even something as little as "let's get coffee" at least proves he has some personality.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but I think if a dude's interested in a lady he should at least make the effort to suggest an activity.

 

[Bohemianne]

To conclude, I'm done with dating stuff. But if I can turn back the hands of time, I'll do it again and go for the extra long deep friendship. It is the thing that works. But that's just me.

 

[Morpheus72]

I agree with this statement. In my own personal experience and viewing alot of people's relationships around me, it seemed like everyone either when from single or committed. No one really took the time to go out on a few dates - dinner, movies, bowling, whatever - but instead they just jump the gun, and later on they just find out that they weren't compatible. Then they'd have just wasted three months being miserable and arguing once they really did get to know eachother. I've seen friends who did nothing but fight all the time because it seemed like that's what they were supposed to be doing in a relationship. 😵

But like I said, that's just what I've seen from personal experience. I'm not making any generalizations here.

This is a good point as well. In my experience, it's been either "one date and done" or the "are we exclusive?" talk after a couple (closely-spaced) dates. It seems like just having fun and getting to know one another are the concepts tha are dying.

Dave

 

[Leo tickles]

I was all about jumping into shit a few years ago. One of my toughest break ups started as a thing we both jumped into.

It was only after I took the time to get to know somebody did I realize what the fuck I was doing, and now, it's so much better.

 

[GQguy]

Men are afraid of rejection. Dating isn't easy. As he asked you out he was simply being careful an empowering you in the interaction.

I always marvel at how a short interaction between myself and a stranger usually reaching out of my comfort zone can result in love.....either platonic or passionate. Life isn't a movie and she/he might not say the right thing....but if their intention are good then who cares? If you got the vibe that all he wanted was a simple lay and that's not what you're about then you did the right thing. I'm not sure what was said in your convo...but from what you wrote I didn't get that vibe.

If one wants a better dating life they must take accountability for it. Sometimes one must adapt to the world for the world to fully embrace them instead of wishing the world adapted to them while being lonely.

GQ

 

[texastickler]

Dating is a lot of fun. I have not done so in a long time. It is my own fault though. I have been busy with so many things. The world is changing and I am not naming anyone here but a date to most men is dinner and sex. I simply like a nice date to break the ice and then Several more to get to know a person well. To answer your question, I think is some aspects dating is a dying trend, but not dead. As great as sex is it has become a staple in todays dating scene. Couples get married and then they realize they do not even know the person they married. Then divorce comes. Again I am not saying everyone but it happens more times than not. I think dating is making a comeback though. I love dating. Enjoying the evenig with a nice gal and having a good time. It will happen Nemmy! There are good people out there looking for a sweet person like you.

 

[goddess_nemesis]

As I've said, dating is bit of a novel experience for me so I'm still learning. This has been definitely a learning experience. On my part, I believe I froze and that I could have taken the ball into my court by suggesting something but I didn't. It didn't help that he had called me while I was at work and I wish he had taken the initiative to suggest something, even if it was something simple as hanging out. Because he had offered to pick me up after work (which would have been after 10p) is what made me think he was after sex than getting to know me. Since he hasn't called since this happened and I don't have his number to call him if I wanted to, I'm leaning towards my original thought that he wanted only sex. But I honestly don't know.

As for dating in general, I still think people rush things. I know with my previous relationship, too many things were rushed, happened to fast. I don't regret it, but I know that for me slow is better. To date, to have fun, without worrying about "are we exclusive", "does he love me", etc.

I know so many people right now who are settling down, getting married, having kids, that for some people, they start feeling the pressure to do the same, to find THE ONE and forget that their options are "single" or "taken".

 

[GQguy]

From your responses to his question to pick you up and to see you later I would have assumed you weren't interested in me...and would move on. Why would he call again? There are many women out there to be rejected by.....why get rejected by the same one twice. LOL. I know you liked him...but sadly...he hasn't a clue. When I date and a girl I ask out turns me down I look for one thing....does she give me a counter option. ME:"hey, lets go to dinner sat" HER" sorry I have plans with family" ME😱k. I won't ask her out again. But if she says HER:"Sorry, I have plans Saturday, but i'm free Sunday" Bingo!! Women can be very subtle in their rejection....saying she's busy Sat could mean she isn't interested or she is legitimately busy. I can't know the difference unless she offers up another night.

But at least you learned something. When I first started dating there were soooo many times that I kicked myself for doing the wrong thing. Dating isn't easy. Just chalk this up to experience and be more open if you get a good feeling from a guy. 10pm is late...sure but people are busy. I'm sure you don't get up at 5am to go to work. Late night food..late night movie exist. Reverse happy hour is one of my favorites seeing as my work day bleeds into the evening...And I still have to get up at 5am! If you're concerned about sex on the first date.....DON"T INVITE HIM IN AFTER THE DATE IS OVER. simple. If you do let him know your boundaries. But give him a great kiss if the date went well to make him want more. Sex IS important...just doesn't have to happen on the first date.

GQ

p.s. Ladies....I suggest offering to pay on the first date. Offer once only though! If he's a gentleman he'll say no and pay. This sub communicates many things. Your willingness to pull your own weight/take care of yourself....but by finally allowing him to pay shows your femininity and ability to go with the flow. If the date gets expensive with drinks after dinner..ask him what he wants to drink and and order for him. This shows your willingness to invest in the good times to be had in the relationship.
Just my take ;o)

 

[texastickler]

As I've said, dating is bit of a novel experience for me so I'm still learning. This has been definitely a learning experience. On my part, I believe I froze and that I could have taken the ball into my court by suggesting something but I didn't. It didn't help that he had called me while I was at work and I wish he had taken the initiative to suggest something, even if it was something simple as hanging out. Because he had offered to pick me up after work (which would have been after 10p) is what made me think he was after sex than getting to know me.

Yes. This guy may have been a perfect gentlmen, although I always suggest meeting someone the first few times. Never have someone pick you up on the first few dates.