When your spouse isn't into it

[unit5610]

I largely agree with Rhi and Omaha but it took me a while to resolve this. When we were dating, my wife would try to accomodate my interest though she actually wasn't very ticklish (and isn't at all now), but she was uncomfortable with it. I accepted that fact that tickling was not going to be a routine part of my life, and as Rhi says, there is much more to what we have after 23 years of marriage.
As such I keep my TMF participation seperate and on my own time.
That being said I do miss both 'lee and 'ler opportunities. I've met wonderful TMF members on a few occasions over the last 4 years or so and have greatly enjoyed being with like-minded people, and relish every rare chance to do so. I hope I have occasion to meet some of us again!

 

[the tickleshow]

Does she let you session with other people? Did you come to an agreement of some kind?

NO WAY! We actually discussed it before we got married. She was ready and willing, but never allowed it to happen. Now she claims to be repulsed by it.

Enjoy the Show!
The TickleShow
www.tickleshow.webs.com
www.clips4sale.com/28100
www.videos4sale.com/28100[/SIZE]

 

[rhiannon]

NO WAY! We actually discussed it before we got married. She was ready and willing, but never allowed it to happen. Now she claims to be repulsed by it.

I don't get this....she doesn't let you session with others, and you are producing tickling clips??

 

[Flatfoot]

Part of sustaining a healthy relationship is understanding the value of compromise.

Some of us have some REALLY tough negotiators, though! 😛 j/k, kind of.

NO WAY! We actually discussed it before we got married. She was ready and willing, but never allowed it to happen. Now she claims to be repulsed by it.

Damn, dude. That sucks. With me, my wife accommodated me before marriage, but I ended up burning that bridge with all the annoying "little" tickles that weren't even "play" related. You know, anytime a foot's sticking out, or a quick poke in the side while walking to the fridge in the kitchen, etc. Were you filming clips before or during the relationship? I wonder if she resents that aspect of your life. 😕

I haven't played in about two years, but in the spirit of "compromise", I played the tickling card to stop an annoying habit on her part. She absolutely LOVES to pop zits on my back, which I find incredibly painful, annoying, and aggravating. I'd just be in the bathroom brushing my teeth, or shaving, just minding my own business, when I see her walk up behind me in the mirror, and I hear that dreaded, "OHHHHHH, I NEEEEED to POP THAT!" I'd always be in a predicament where I could do nothing about it, and the fact that she disregarded the idea that "No means no!" (Remember this! Some people just find what we do to be unbearably annoying!) irritated the bejeezus outta me. That, combined with her always calling me a pansy when I growl in pain, made me want to break something. I eventually told her, "Everytime you do that, I'm going to tickle the shit out of you!" Now we don't physically do things to each other that we hate. Communication is key! 😉

 

[reflexology414]

...

Thanks for the many replies to this thread (and Em Es, you'll be getting a letter from me soon).

Speaking for myself, I know I couldn't be happy in a relationship without tickling. It's such a major part of who I am and what I enjoy that I'd always feel unfulfilled, even if many other things were really great. That's why I bring it up very early on when I'm getting to know someone.

 

[rhiannon]

With me, my wife accommodated me before marriage, but I ended up burning that bridge with all the annoying "little" tickles that weren't even "play" related.

Uhoh, not good! Even I hate it when someone thinks they have to constantly poke me! 🙂

 

[Flatfoot]

Uhoh, not good! Even I hate it when someone thinks they have to constantly poke me! 🙂

Tell me about it! It was too easy to do, like grabbing a potato chip.

 

[rhiannon]

Tell me about it! It was too easy to do, like grabbing a potato chip.

I know, it's hard to get rid of bad habits! 🙂

 

[Em Es]

No use letting her know

Reflexology414, you said, "I bring [my interest in tickling] up very early on when I'm getting to know someone."

I've put a few girlfriends through tickle hell (I may revise this post later to include links to the true stories I wrote about them). Looking back, it's just as well I didn't bring up the topic when getting to know them. Why talk about tickling a woman when you can get right into doing it to her?

Joyce and Maria (links to come), perhaps my two finest tickling conquests, of course would not have warmed to me had I said, "I really like to tickle girls." But as each liked me, they put up with having me tickle them. After several ticklings, each had to know continuing to see me meant having me tickle her more. Yet, each kept coming back.

Maria and I had met through my person ad. Had I advertised for a girl to tickle, I really doubt Maria would have answered. But she met me and liked me and let me get away with tickling her even though Maria never would have asked me to tickle her.

 

[tickles_me]

My gf is enormously ticklish but hates it. She knows how I feel about it and will tickle me, but generally gets irritated if I tickle her. So I get a quick shot her and there but I love her and am okay with fantasizing sometimes and knowing I will never get to really go to town. Occasionally i get a little bummed that we don't share my joy, but it would never be my deal breaker - unless she was not only un supportive but also criticised me for it. That's not love, in my mind, that's judgement. So as long as she loves me and I love her, I can't imagine placing my fetish before her.





Just me.

 

[Em Es]

The two links I promised

Joyce, college girlfriend


Maria, nurse fling

 

[phosetklr]

My experience is that when we were first dating and eary into our marriage my wife would willingly participate in role play, bondage tickling, and the like. I knew she didn't care for alot of tickling, so I kept the tickling pretty damned short and we compromised on that issue....and I was inheaven, having finally found someone who would indulge me from time to time. And then, about 4 years ago, I asked her to "play" and she ended it, rather abruptly. No compromises, not acting out anything, and NO TICKLING! Her explanation was that she had become TOO sensitive to it, and that she felt it was all demeaning to her (and that includes wearing pantyhose, for which I have a huge fetish, too). Obviously I love her very much, we're still together, but having had such great times early on and having them just called to a dead stop, well, I am BUMMED beyond words. What in the world can I do to make myself feel okay with her stance now? If anyone has some serious constructive ideas, I'm very willing to entertain them. Thanks.
s

 

[rhiannon]

My experience is that when we were first dating and eary into our marriage my wife would willingly participate in role play, bondage tickling, and the like. I knew she didn't care for alot of tickling, so I kept the tickling pretty damned short and we compromised on that issue....and I was inheaven, having finally found someone who would indulge me from time to time. And then, about 4 years ago, I asked her to "play" and she ended it, rather abruptly. No compromises, not acting out anything, and NO TICKLING! Her explanation was that she had become TOO sensitive to it, and that she felt it was all demeaning to her (and that includes wearing pantyhose, for which I have a huge fetish, too). Obviously I love her very much, we're still together, but having had such great times early on and having them just called to a dead stop, well, I am BUMMED beyond words. What in the world can I do to make myself feel okay with her stance now? If anyone has some serious constructive ideas, I'm very willing to entertain them. Thanks.
s

You want my serious opinion about this issue? You should have expected this.That's what happens in most of the cases when one partner does something for the other merely as a favor and is not into it.

 

[Em Es]

People change

phosetklr, without telling my story I can say we're in similar boats. My wife just doesn't value me like she once did, and that may be what happened with yours. When pleasing you mattered enough, she tolerated tickling. But now, making you happy is just not as significant to her.

 

[rhiannon]

Sorry to tell you, guys....we got you hooked when you gave us that ring! 😀

 

[reflexology414]

...

All of this just reaffirms my feeling that it's really important to put all of this out there very early on and make absolutely sure that the person you're with is comfortable with it.

I feel really badly for the guys who've shared their experiences here. It wouldn't work for me to remain in a relationship with a woman who wasn't comfortable with tickling. It's just far too important to me.

 

[rhiannon]

"Comfortable" is not enough in that case! As long as the other person is tolerating it more than being into it him/herself, there is a good chance the tolerance level will change in time! And in that case, not to the better!

 

[bart_the_bear]

My girlfriend isn't ticklish at all but to be honest I love her too much to care.

 

[SmarterthanU]

If you have a tickle fetish - a real tickle fetish - one of three things are going to happen.

1. She'll get into it when she realizes that you're going to be very disappointed with your sex life, or

2. You'll live the best part of your sex life in fantasy, or

3. You'll cheat.

If you can have a perfectly happy and fulfilling sex life without tickling, then you don't have a tickling fetish. If you don't have a tickling fetish, you don't really have a problem.

If, on the other hand, you are now realizing that you are fucked, essentially, if your wife isn't going to get with the program - well, take solace in the fact that many, many many of us have been in your situation.

I can't speak for others, but I can speak for myself. After *I* married someone who didn't know what I was about when she married me (because I was too young and naive to understand that that the person you are signing up to be monogamous with really has a right to know these things), I learned a valuable set of lessons.

Good luck!

 

[Gadilici]

Well, Phoset, I'd start looking at all the other areas of your relationship. That kind of a dead flat stop may well be indicative of things going wrong in other areas. You can't make relationship decisions at your stage in the game based off of one or two things, but from the way you told it, I wouldn't be surprised if other parts of the relationship were less than they used to be.

My advice then is to analyze the whole marriage stem to stern. Don't over analyze looking for excuses to say it's failing. Give it an honest analysis. If it's a strong marriage, the majority of areas, especially those most important, will be stable. If not, then prepare for bad weather.

And talk to her about it. If she won't talk about it at all, then it may be an indicator of less caring from her. That's when it started to become apparent my previous marriage was going to end. When she started to show less and less care for me on many many levels. And find out how the hell it's demeaning, and let her know how it demeans you that she doesn't care how it impacts you.

Try a counselor if the score adds up to looking like your relationship is shaky.

Christopher

 

[Sunriseticklee]

Live Your Life!

Life is too short to live unhappy and unfulfilled. I'm not saying that we should go "every which way"- "balls to the wind" and fulfill every single whim that crosses our minds. What I am saying is, if it comes to jobs, relationships, things along that line.... be honest with yourself (and others) from the start. Sometimes you have to set and complete your goals and sometimes meeting your goals means following your heart.

I was actually engaged to a guy before Alexwarfield. I was in college, and we were in a good relationship, at first. I finally found out that he lied about being ok/ enjoying the things that I did, like tickling and spanking, my music career, my creative writing career. Man, he started getting pissed off when I read books. He told me he was going to through my books out of the window. AND HE HATED BASKETBALL! I was playing ball on a scholarship in college at the time! He went to some of my games!

WHAT A JERK!

Lucky me, I had refused to get married until after I graduated college, so his charade was revealed with time. He got his ring back... I dated a couple more guys and then, one day, when I had completely given up on dating, I finally decided to give my number to a guy who ended up being the man of my dreams!

Honesty, disclosure about sexuality, love and chemistry. and compatibility are extremely important.

Alex and I made it a point to always be honest with each other. Sometimes it hurts, but it is always appreciated after things are sorted out.

Do your best to find out before hand. But once you are in the situation, it really is up to you. We can give advice to friends and forum, but ultimately, only that person can analyze everything and determine whether to stay or to go.

Alex and I have so much in common that if he stopped tickling me tomorrow, I wouldn't leave him. We would just have LOTS of Atlanta gatherings. LOL 😛

Sunny

 

[dr_random]

I was lucky. I confined my wife (girlfriend at the time) that I had a tickle fetish, and she smiled and was very pleased. not because she had a tickle fetish of her own (which would've been awesome) but because she thought it was kinda cool. She's not ticklish most places, but she is where it counts (especially the feet, yesssss)
She lets me indulge once in a while on here feet, but at this point I'm still a little shy to go too far.
Anyway, long story short, it's gotten to the point where she's let me tie her up while I tickle her at my leisure, and film it.
She's awesome.

It's been said before, but try to ask somewhat early on. Or you can even check the personals.

 

[rhiannon]

If you have a tickle fetish - a real tickle fetish - one of three things are going to happen.

1. She'll get into it when she realizes that you're going to be very disappointed with your sex life, or

2. You'll live the best part of your sex life in fantasy, or

3. You'll cheat.

Hm, I have my doubts that 1 is going to happen very often. She might tolerate it, but it often is hard to really get into something that you naturally just aren't into.

 

[SmarterthanU]

Hm, I have my doubts that 1 is going to happen very often. She might tolerate it, but it often is hard to really get into something that you naturally just aren't into.

I don't know - Again, I can't speak for others, but once I made up my mind that I would never again enter into a sexual relationship without telling all, I've found that it isn't a problem. My experience is that if a woman is attracted to you and wants to have sex with you, she's going to love doing things that really turn you on. 99% of the time, it works out just fine. There have been a couple who weren't into it for various reasons, but for the most part, people who are hot for each other generally want to know what the turn-ons are.

I suspect that it pretty much boils down to the type of person. Uptight people are more likely to be weirded out by it, but hey - uptight people are pretty much weirded out by everything that isn't completely boring.

 

[rhiannon]

My experience is that if a woman is attracted to you and wants to have sex with you, she's going to love doing things that really turn you on.

Yeah, maybe the first one, two, even three years! But once you are together for a while, married, have kids, and the first lovey-dovey feeling is over and she feels that she has you hooked safely - she doesn't really need to do things that turn you on if she doesn't enjoy them to some part. I hear this all the time. It's not a coincidence that so many married men try to find a play partner online!