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Family Drama

D

DimpleToes

2nd Level Indigo Feather
Joined
Mar 23, 2007
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Mom is dying/family drama

I know I have not been around or able to attend much of anything lately due to work or family issues. I am doing ok yet it has been one drama with family member after another.

My Mother is very ill. She has not been able to keep anything down not ever water for a week now. She is a brittle diabetic with COPD and many other issues as well. She has been in the hospital since the 19th. They have done an upper GI then did a scope yesterday and numerous heart test and have found nothing. Doing a colonoscopy today trying to find something. The other night her lungs filled with fluid and they had to call rapid responce team to get the fluids out of her lungs for she was drowing. Her INR was 8.6 which should be between 2-3 and had to have a blood transfussion to do the testings. She is in renal failiure AGAIN and refusses to go on dialysis. They are trying to get her stable and keep food/fluids down so she can be discharged to do a 24 hr video camera on the small intestines yet are unable to do that inpatient. She has to be discharged and come back in as out patient to do that due to her insurance.. WHAT THE FUCK. We have known she was going down hill off and on for few yrs now yet said she was too stubborn to die and not ready but is now telling us she is ready to go and won't be around much longer. It tears me apart to here her say that but I know in my spirit she will not be with us this christmas.

It so pisses me off big time that I reached out to one of my brothers here in town last christmas for them to join us for it may be Mom's last christmas and they contined to not even return my calls. I wanted last christmas to be precious for mom and they still wont let shit go that happened over 10 yrs ago go for the sake of mom.. I so want to go beat the shit out of him for that.

Thanks for letting me vent and cry on your shoulders. This is the first time I have allowed myself to even cry in the last year over Mom. I would appreciate any prayers, candle lighting or possitive energy for the family to deal with this and for healing if it is in God's plan.

Updated 8-22-10
Mom is dying.
I say this with tears. Mom was back in the hospital this weekend.. had to have 2 more units of blood and a unit of plasma for INR (blood clotting factor) was 9.6 it should be between 2-3. Having a hard time controlling her coumadin levels. Has COPD, Diabetes and her balance is horrable to where she falls alot. She is in congestive heart failure now and her kidneys are shutting down FAST. She has been in renal failure but now Dr's are telling her to get her things in order. She is letting all of us kids know her final wishes and signing all the legal paperwork for such. They sent her home to be comfortable with visitng nurses.

She has given up, her responce to not going on dialysis is "I have had a full life and tired of feeling like shit" She is back home and just waiting. Has to have an echo next few days and see her Renal Dr to find out how long.

I just found all this out tonight after work. sniff sniff

She has been in and out of the hospital the last month and almost died once already.

It is so hard to watch your parent die knowing she does not want to do what could help her.


8-23-10
Went and saw mom tonight.. they have gotten 12 pds of fluids off her and she looks good. She goes on wednesday to see the kidney doctor. Was there with an Aunt, Niece and her hubby. All were sitting at table while they finished dinner and... had some soup with them, Mom was trying to hide the shaking her body was doing but we all saw it and made her go sit in her recliner. She was in good spirits for it did her good to see family around her and us all inteacting. Good to see her smile once again, it has been awhile. Her right arm was full of bruises, it was unreal and all from having blood pressure taken at hospital.

9-9-10

Mom is out of the hospital again. Came home yesterday but now has hospice. Her lungs keep filling up with fluids and Don't knowhow long she has. Can be 6 months, less or more.

9-13-10 Update,
Mom is home with Hospice now. Has a hospital bed in living room. Has to have someone with her 24/7. Is on oral Moraphine for walking to the bathroom and back to bed maybe 10-15 feet in total gets her totally out of breath. At least she is able to keep food down now due to meds taken 30 min before she eats anything which is a very good thing. The Hospice Dr. comes tomorrow to give his opinion on things, what other care he can give us, to check on her and possibly get an estimate on how long she has left. Between work and Mom, all my time is taken up and everyone is totally exhausted.
 
Last edited:
sending my prayers to you and yours, praying that everything will work out for the best


wuvs ya bubby:redheart::wub:
 
I hope your family can come together to support your Mom. It's difficult watching a loved one struggle with an illness and she will need lots of support, as will you. Of course, you have ours.

You know, between this and what's been going on with Mitchell in the last day or so, maybe it'd be wise to consider creating a folder for threads dealing with personal issues, requests for support, asking for prayer and positive energy and such.
 
SO SORRY TO HEAR THIS.

The long lingering illnesses is very difficult for family members.:console:

I will be thinking about you.
 
:cuddle: I'm so sorry to hear this! I'll be praying for her and all of you.

As for the insurance issue... It's really an assinine way of doing things! I've had patients in the past who had to deal with this type of thing. One hospital actually started discharging people with unwritten orders to come to the ER in an hour to be checked back in. In one case, my brothers volunteer squad sat in the parking lot caring for her and brought her back through the ER an hour later. We'd arranged it in advance because she was too sick to be without care for even that short time. It made it official that they'd been discharged while limitting the risk and harm done by being away from proper care. If the hospital has a patient care advocate, you might suggest it to them that they do something similar. While not every hospital will do it, it couldn't hurt to ask. You know where I am if you need to talk.

I agree with Backstep that a spot for support might be a good idea. That way, those who need and/or are willing to lend support can have it and those who don't care to see that type of things don't have to worry about it.
 
I know how you feel, believe me.

When my mother was sick, one of my sisters hadn't seen her in 19 years......hear that? For 19 years she never came home to see my mother or visit the family; we saw her (now) ex husband more than we saw her.

When we knew mom wasn't going to last much longer, she just happened to call my house since mom was living there. I told her she didn't have long to see mom and she'd regret it for the rest of her life if she didn't. She wanted to bring up the past and I told her that I lived the same past she did and I still wouldn't abandon my mother in her dying days over it.

She did eventually come; she flew in, stayed about six hours, then got back on the plane. She did the exact same thing on the day of my mother's funeral. We haven't seen or heard from her since and it'll be 15years next month. Pretty pitiful huh??

So yes, family can be a real trip sometimes. If you think what you're going through is bad, wait until afterwards when it's time to split the estate. Only then will you truly know what family drama hell really is........:sowrong:

Until then, I wish only the best outcomes for you, your mom, and your family.
 
DimpleToes, I'm so very sorry to hear about your mom's health issues. I hope and pray that she stablizes, and can survive.

Insurance, can, unfortunately, be a terrible issue. I dont know if you've read my posts, but, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in March. The treatment in Lancaster is very inadequate. She cannot even have chemo in certain places due to not having secondary insurance. The treatment plan down here is not good, and we hope to be able to take my mom to a wonderful doctor we got a second opinion from in NJ, who has a treatment plan which supposedly extends life.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom, and your family. I hope God has a miracle for her, to keep her alive for a long time. Take care.

Mitch
 
I'm sorry Lisa. 🙁 I'll talk to you this weekend, eh? :twohugs:
 
Sorry to hear of your family problems, my dear. I`ll keep you in my prayers.🙂
 
thanks everyone.. means alot. just wanted to vent and let yal lknow I was still around.

Buggy looking forward to it.. should be home tomorrow evening.
 
I am keeping you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers hun. :twohugs: I hope she gets better real soon.
 
To toes hugs and here and real hugs while i'm visiting you in MI today. You are always in my prayers and thoughts. anything i can ever do to help let me know. I know you go out of your way for me so i will always go out of my way for you. hugssssssssssssss
 
Dimpletoes, sorry to hear this tragic and sad news. It is true it really is never easy and nothing is simple but everything gets so chaotic and so frantic and overcomplicated when a family member becomes so ill. I am really sorry to hear about your mother being so ill and doing so badly. This truly is very sad and a terrible thing to happen to someone. I am sorry to hear that your brothers and so many family members are seeming to disappoint you and let you down-won't step up to the plate, swallow their pride, and be the bigger persons. That is unfortunate and terrible to hear, while I don't know your pain I can understand a little what you are going through. Sadly last yr I lost my grandfather-supposed to be a simple hip replacement surgery but it became complicated-sadly he got septess, not sure if I spelled it right-his vital organs shut down and kidneys stopped working-he passed away February 16th 09; anyways my point is now my family and I -helping take care of my grandmother who was left behind-she sadly has diabetes and has the starts of Alzeimer's -sadly to get to the point-there have been family members that have not wanted to pull their weight and help out, only a few of us that have helped my grandma. It is really sad that this has happened, I only mention this-illustrate I can understand a little where you are coming from-when you say there are family members some that won't help and let things go-I totally can get where you are coming from there. It is tragic.

I hope soon your mother will find peace and rest-God willing she will fight this and make it through and it will get easier-God will bring her comfort, love, and happy great memories but I hope if she truly is feeling discomfort and pain-that the Lord makes her last days special, full of love and laughter and many great memories for her to cherish-peace can be established and found in your family-family rifts repaired but that might not happen-rifts might still linger-but right now keep doing the great job you are doing helping your mother -know she must be proud of you and try to keep the faith. I wish you the best wishes and best with your mother -may soon your brothers and those family members giving you a hard time wake up and be a great help to you. I hope things are going good for you and that your back is not hurting you badly right now-you get the surgeries and all the help you need right now during this very difficult time. God bless and have a good day.
 
Geez! Bummer, DT!

Please know our thoughts are with you (as they always are, just more so now).

R & M
 
DimpleToes said:
I know I have not been around or able to attend much of anything lately due to work or family issues. I am doing ok yet it has been one drama with family member after another.

My Mother is very ill. She has not been able to keep anything down not ever water for a week now. She is a brittle diabetic with COPD and many other issues as well. She has been in the hospital since the 19th. They have done an upper GI then did a scope yesterday and numerous heart test and have found nothing. Doing a colonoscopy today trying to find something. The other night her lungs filled with fluid and they had to call rapid responce team to get the fluids out of her lungs for she was drowing. Her INR was 8.6 which should be between 2-3 and had to have a blood transfussion to do the testings. She is in renal failiure AGAIN and refusses to go on dialysis. They are trying to get her stable and keep food/fluids down so she can be discharged to do a 24 hr video camera on the small intestines yet are unable to do that inpatient. She has to be discharged and come back in as out patient to do that due to her insurance.. WHAT THE FUCK. We have known she was going down hill off and on for few yrs now yet said she was too stubborn to die and not ready but is now telling us she is ready to go and won't be around much longer. It tears me apart to here her say that but I know in my spirit she will not be with us this christmas.

It so pisses me off big time that I reached out to one of my brothers here in town last christmas for them to join us for it may be Mom's last christmas and they contined to not even return my calls. I wanted last christmas to be precious for mom and they still wont let shit go that happened over 10 yrs ago go for the sake of mom.. I so want to go beat the shit out of him for that.

Thanks for letting me vent and cry on your shoulders. This is the first time I have allowed myself to even cry in the last year over Mom. I would appreciate any prayers, candle lighting or possitive energy for the family to deal with this and for healing if it is in God's plan.
Click to expand...

Let it go. If your brother still clings to whatever happened 10 years ago, and won't learn to let that be put aside for the sake of seeing his dying mother, then that's his problem.
 
COOLCAT88 said:
Let it go. If your brother still clings to whatever happened 10 years ago, and won't learn to let that be put aside for the sake of seeing his dying mother, then that's his problem.
Click to expand...

This^

I couldn't agree more!
 
Loves and hugs to you. If you ever need to vent or need a shoulder just we'll be here for you.
 
Isn't it amazing how stupid sh*t comes out at the most difficult times? This is no consolation, but you are not alone when it comes to needless family drama when people are sick. You're also not alone here as I and many others are thinking about you. Care for yourself and your mom as best you can and you will be rewarded for your warmth and kindness in the knowledge that you did the right thing, and in other ways that aren't even evident now. Let these other weasels be bitter and uncaring on their own.
 
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