Submissives = insecure women?

[chicago]

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[Kalamos]

Sometimes people put up a tough exterior to hide one's insecurities.
Bondage-practitioners claim that it takes more self-control to release control than to withhold it.

...

Ultimately, I would tend to find the whole point less than relevant.

 

[Amnesiac]

Cosmo and mags like it recycle the same tired subjects and articles in new fonts with action-item banners to incite opinionated readers into buying magazines by manipulating their sense of outrage or curiosity long enough to last until the next issue. Science magazines aren't much better, either, though.

I figure that an insecure woman will probably seek out the unusual or the exotic when her failures with normal (i.e. "mundane") men lead her to conclude that "The One" is somebody on the opposite end of the spectrum. They don't have to be BDSM practitioners, they just have to be the kind of people who will take advantage of her neediness, and very few real BDSM practitioners will knowingly exploit that. The ones who do are predatory personalities and they aren't limited to the BDSM world.

And insecure women tend to pursue experimental and anonymous sex usually at the coercive insistence of these aforementioned personalities; those who exploit that willingness to please to derive pleasure from debasing them.

The vanilla world is accustomed to perceiving women as weaker and in need of defending, so it's easy for them to assume that a submissive woman lacks confidence or self-esteem, or has even been conditioned to submit to oppressive male authority. But, as Bella, Sadira, you, and countless others would attest, submissive DOES NOT equal WEAK. I think the historical tendency of women to accept their unhappy surroundings for the sake of normality lends credibility to this belief and if society was better at teaching people how to figure out what they want and how to get it, this problem would largely go away.

And people like us could play in peace and quiet. Well, peace anyway.

 

[Capnmad]

"Women who are insecure about relationships fantasize about anonymous sex and submission more, according to new research."

Study structure dictates much. I'd have to see what their operational definition of "submission" is. It may not be what we think.

Further, the research design -- how they measure their variables, like "insecurity" -- may be unusual or faulty.

Really, never judge by appearances, or anything with so thin a veneer as "new research". Findings are and should be given weight according to reliability -- that is, repeated studies coming to the same or similar conclusions.

The truth of matters has a way of being revealed in patterns over time, not by a single instance.

That said, it's entirely possible the findings may be valid. Everyone has a degree of insecurity, and psychological studies are better taken as making generalizations about people than absolutist statements. There may be exceptions -- anomalies, results that fall outside the standard deviation -- but it doesn't make the broader findings invalid.

Go and do the footwork of finding the actual research, read it, and figure out from that if you agree. Working from a vague, secondhand report with details glossed over and possibly biased to "pop" in a publication like "Cosmo" does no one any good.

 

[maniactickler]

Ive always thought any of those hard core submissive types, be it man or woman, have self esteem issues to some point or another.

 

[SlaverTickler]

I read this in Cosmo this week:

"Women who are insecure about relationships fantasize about anonymous sex and submission more, according to new research."

Now, I know Cosmo is about as scientific as it gets so it must be true. [/sarcasm]

Although, I can see how that might be the case sometimes, it obviously doesn't apply to everyone.

Thoughts?

I think insecure women would go the other way. Because they are insecure they try to hide it by acting like some sort of Queen Bitch, and imposing their beliefs on other ect... Wasn't Cosmo created by a feminist? And don't Feminist hate the idea of women being Submisive in anyway? So wouldn't a "Feminist Magazine" go out of it's way to try and make women who enjoy playing at submition or fantasies about a man taking charge feel bad about that? I think we know how much work went into researching in this article. One editor said to another editor, let make women feel bad for enjoying there sex life, because we don't like what they do and we don't think they should either.

 

[giggle-maker]

I think most 'F lees' just enjoy being tickled. I don't claim to know the psycology but it seems like it boils down to doing what feels good to that indidvidual.

 

[steph]

Hmmm..."new research" conducted by whom exactly? Inquiring minds want to know. More. 😀
XOXO

PS~Oh and if it matters I'm sub for play/sex only~pretty much a "take charge" girl in every other aspect...

I read this in Cosmo this week:

"Women who are insecure about relationships fantasize about anonymous sex and submission more, according to new research."

Now, I know Cosmo is about as scientific as it gets so it must be true. [/sarcasm]

Although, I can see how that might be the case sometimes, it obviously doesn't apply to everyone.

Thoughts?

 

[giggle-maker]

Hmmm..."new research" conducted by whom exactly? Inquiring minds want to know. More. 😀
XOXO

PS~Oh and if it matters I'm sub for play/sex only~pretty much a "take charge" girl in every other aspect...

Hmmm...sub for play, huh?

 

[Dussicar]

I read this in Cosmo this week:

"Women who are insecure about relationships fantasize about anonymous sex and submission more, according to new research."

Now, I know Cosmo is about as scientific as it gets so it must be true. [/sarcasm]

Although, I can see how that might be the case sometimes, it obviously doesn't apply to everyone.

Thoughts?

Regardless of the depth of this research, I think that further investigation might be in order before I make an opinion. As you mentioned yourself, Cosmo isn't exactly inundated with a crack team of social researchers.

To be honest, I am very skeptical about ANYTHING Cosmo puts out as research, these days. I used to read random copies back in the early ninties. They were pretty informative. Not to mention that it had a lot more credibility. I had a woman from work a few years ago bring in some issues of cosmo for people to read while on their break. I decided to flip through them to see what's doing these days....

Could somebody please tell me exactly when Cosmo turned into a soft core porn rag???

 

[SlaverTickler]

Hmmm..."new research" conducted by whom exactly? Inquiring minds want to know. More. 😀
XOXO

PS~Oh and if it matters I'm sub for play/sex only~pretty much a "take charge" girl in every other aspect...

Thats cool Steph, cause a take charge girl's are easy to get into arguements with, and if you argue you have to make up later... and you know what that means .

ANGRY HOT DIRTY NASTY MAKE-UP SEX.... YAY!!!

I am a pig, but I am a lovable pig.

 

[tickleboynyc]

i just think that's bull. i can be quite submissive myself and i'm not weak ( am i?)

i think having the courage to explore your fantasies, submissive or not, is a sign of inner strentgh. moreover a lot of times submissives are ppl who are very much in control in everyday life. of course that doesn't mean they're not weak, but still.

also, why does the article single out women?

 

[dvnc]

"Women who are insecure about relationships fantasize about anonymous sex and submission more, according to new research."

Submissives do not necessarily equal insecure women. Logic flaw. Insecure women fantasize about submission MORE, in context of that article. Submissives may or may not be part of that group. Even excluding the men that qualify as submissives (and that's a large group), I know exceptions.

I know women and men who FIT that rule, though.

I just wonder about the specifics of such a research. Did they deal with the kinked, or only those proclaiming vanilla states? Which kinks? What are the socio-economic classes of the submissives, as that WILL change the responses.

In general, I believe it's a large group of HUMANITY that lacks security in relationships. I believe a large group fantasizes about sex in ways unknown to general public, 'cause there ain't a lotta disclosure in so repressed a society, and we're part of the more communicative set. It don't make everyone honest, either.

It's a great way to sell a mag, though. 😉

 

[SlaverTickler]

Bad girls are fun girls...

I think it takes a strong person to let themselves be submissive. People (M or F) who fantasize about submiting alot are probably people who are in controle alot. Like how exsecutive men tend to go to Doms. It's because they are always in charge at work, and maybe at home, so they need the release of letting somebody elts be in charge. So if it holds true for men then why can't this same rule aply to women.

 

[BellaRisa]

Hmm...

I took that line as I believe it was intended; women (and men) who are insecure regarding relationships probably do have more fantasies about submissive roles and anonymous sex. Makes sense; in both scenarios there's less intimacy and 'work' regarding decision making, arguing, etc. Less risk of doing the wrong thing basically. I don't feel it's insinuating that a lifestyle sub like myself is insecure or weak by any means.

 

[CurtWild]

i don`t know about the submissive thing,but i can agree with the other part.it makes sense that someone that is insecure about relationships would think more about sex with no strings attached.

unless i just don`t understand the statement. 😀

 

[Krokus]

More like "Natural Women".

 

[asutickler]

A woman who is insecure and submissive in most other facets of her life is more likely to be sexually submissive, sure. That doesn't necessarily imply that all or most sexually submissive women are insecure or submissive in the rest of their lives.


Then again, I've known some shy, quiet, insecure-seeming girls who turn into bona-fide tigresses once that bedroom door closes... 😀

 

[tcklft]

I read this in Cosmo this week:

"Women who are insecure about relationships fantasize about anonymous sex and submission more, according to new research."

Now, I know Cosmo is about as scientific as it gets so it must be true. [/sarcasm]

Although, I can see how that might be the case sometimes, it obviously doesn't apply to everyone.

Thoughts?

I say who knows and, really, who cares? And why are you reading Cosmo???

 

[huskys]

I read this in Cosmo this week:

"Women who are insecure about relationships fantasize about anonymous sex and submission more, according to new research."

Now, I know Cosmo is about as scientific as it gets so it must be true. [/sarcasm]

Although, I can see how that might be the case sometimes, it obviously doesn't apply to everyone.

Thoughts?

I can see the point they are trying to make, but as you correctly stated, it wouldn't apply to everyone.
I have had girlfriends in the past who prefer to be submissive in the bedroom, but kick ass in their jobs, etc.
And one who was the total opposite. She was so quiet, you wouldn't know she was in the room. But if it was the bedroom ............... say no more!!! 😉